Does it matter their age? How long they have been going out?

21 year olds are visitng this spring. 4 year realtionship. I'm fine if they share a room. No issues from their parents.

Now my daughter wants to know if her friends-age 17 and 18 can share a room if/when they visit. My first answer is no-the girl's parents (in this case) would not be pleased.

So what happens in your house?

If they are under 18 I'd say no.  Over 18 - one room if that's what the couple wants.

I'd be with you on this one Tabitha & Rowan  Those who are older & in a long term relationship & quite possibly living together, and it sounds like visiting from out of town ... well, sharing is fine with me.   

If friends of my own kid, still living at home and under 18 - I think not.   Some years ago, our son wanted gf to stay over in shared room - she was under 16 so it was definite no from us, for a variety of (unpopular) reasons.

I agree that 18 is the line, especially since one of the people involved is obviously another person's child.  Once they are legally adults I don't see a problem with it.

The rules have changed over the years.   If I were in a position where teenagers were visiting - perhaps my granddaughter and some friends, I wouldn't put two together in a room as a couple.   On the other hand if there was a group who all brought sleeping bags and wanted to camp-out on the rec-room (if I had a rec-room) floor after watching a movie, I would have no trouble with that.

Young adults who are already in a relationship?   If they think of themselves as a couple, I would probably treat them as a couple.    If I was in doubt about where they were in their relationship, I would probably offer an alternative.

When I rented rooms to university students, I had a rule against over-night guests.  One young man from another province was expecting his girlfriend from back home to visit over March break.  I knew they were in a fairly serious relationship (they married the next fall).    He asked and I agreed that she could stay here.   It so happened that my other room was vacant - a student having dropped out at mid-term.   When the girl arrived I let them know that the other room was available if she 'needed room for her things'.   She took me up on it - her suitcase and travel bag went in this room.   I don't think she ever slept there.  

My own son and his girlfriend, while living together, sometimes traveled with me, and sometimes stayed overnight with relatives in another province.  By their own choice they didn't share a room.     When my sister asked me, and I ask him, he said "Certainly not.  Not in Aunt Sussie's home."  

I would provide 1 room to a couple who were over 18 . . . younger than that I wouldn't - with the exception being the scenario that seeler used - re: bunch of teenagers with sleeping bags on the floor.  At our cottage we have a large bedroom with bunkbeds and single beds.  When my son was a teenager and his girlfriend (they were not living together as both were living in their parent's homes) came out my daughter, son, and his girlfriend stayed in the same room.  My son and girlfriend each had their own bed as did my daughter.  She was 6 years younger than them and I knew both of them would respect her presence

Actually as it happens all the young adults/teens are still living with parents.

but thanks for your thoughts. I feel better that others also see a difference in age-and campout style vs 2 in a bed!

It's funny that everyone is using 18 as the standard when, in fact, you can be legally married with your parent's permission at 16, you can move out of your parent's home at 16, and 16 is now also the age of consent for sex. What's your basis for choosing 18?

That said, I'm largely in agreement that teens are a different kettle of fish from college-age. If they are living at home under the legal control of their parents, then I'd want the parents' consent before letting them share a room with a partner. If they are out of their parent's home and living on their own (and, realistically, 18 is usually the breakpoint for this even if it is legally possible at 16), then they have as much right to share a room with a romantic/sexual partner as anyone else.

Mendalla

My basis is that after the person is 18 he or she is legally an adult and can make his or her own choice regardless of what a parent may or may not want. 

Under 18 and parent(s) still technicaly get a say, so I wouldn't go allowing something under my roof that Mom or Dad might flip over because the parent(s) would have some room to argue I was permitting the deliquency of a technically minor child.

I am 22 years old in my final year of university, my boyfriend of almost 4 years is 25. We don't live together, but when we stay at my parents place we always sleep in separate rooms. My parents prefer that because it shows that my boyfriend respects my parents home and it's much less awkward for us as a couple. They are totally aware that we sleep in the same bedroom when we are staying at his apartnment or at my apartment and that doesnt bother them. When we're married, we'll sleep together at my parents place. To be honest, I'm totally okay with that arrangement

Age of consent varies from province to province-I think age of consent is 14 in AB provided partner is within  so many years of you (2 I think).

So does adult hood. Drinking at 18 in AB 19 here in BC.

Many of my kids friends are not moving out of home until they are finishing their first degree.

I'm leaning towards what makes me comfortable-and what their parents are ok with.

But not in my home.   In my home I decide who sleeps where. 

   That is the way my son and his girlfriend felt as well.  

When not-yet-hubby and I first stayed at his parents' house, (me 22, him 25) separate rooms were set up for us. I thought this was rather cute and innocent and old fashioned, but it was certainly my wish to respect the wishes of his parents. I felt young and single again, quite proper, if a bit lonely.

Yeah, that's strange that ages of consent vary by province. We're one country why do they rules vary? As far as I always knew you were not an adult til 19. 20 was the biggie for me though, I didn't feel like a real adult til then.

It's a strange prospect to considder though. I think I would decide by how established the couple was and the wishes of their parents if they seemed young, as well as what sleeping arrangements I had to offer in the first place, and how I felt about it. Young people can totaly accept to be parted for the night.

In my world they could both sleep on the floor in Mountain Coop mummy sleeping bags

Coould they zip them together jlin?

great conversation.....

I think this type of situation has to decided on an individual basis.  My basic criteria would include things like age, whether the young couple are living togather, whether they are living at home, whether they are financially dependant on the parents and so on.

This would mean two 16year olds, living with parents and going to High School would not sleep in the same bed in my house.  Two twenty somethings who have been openly sharing accomodation for a while could choose their sleeping arrangements.

If married -- 1 room. If not married -- 2.

No, those things are not the deciding factor.

What kind of relationship?

Morning Calm - when you meet a couple how do you ascertain if they are married?    Do you ask?   You no longer can go by whether they share a name - many women are retaining their maiden names.   

My husband and I have chatted about this, primarily with regard to our sons.  My husband is more conservative than I am and would need the kids to be mid-20s at least, or married..

I would probably be okay with co-sleeping arrangements if the kids were older (i.e. in univ, or working) and in a committed relationship. I would not be okay with it if it were more along the line of a fly-by-night girlfriend.

All that being said, my fifteen year old son indicated that co-sleeping at his parents house would be JUST WRONG and not okay with him.  If he is gonna have sex (protected of course!) he indicated that it would be in the privacy of his own place and he would leave sleepovers at his parents until he was either a) a lot older or b) married.

We will see how that evolves.

Tabitha,

The beauty of a Mountain Co-op mummy bag is that you can't zip it to another bag becuase the shape forbids it but the bags are uber cool, soft, fluffy and silky to the touch and so much fun to sleep in all by themselves. You can snuggle -  Mennonite style. 

Yes, I sound uptight.  No, I am not too much, floors are good places for young people to sleep on for a sleep-over. 

If they're a couple I know well enough to invite to come sleep in my home I would know them well enough to know if they're married or not. That seems like kind of a silly question seeler. And what do you think -- I'm half-dead? Of course I know many women keep their original family name. My own wife has. It's the tradition in her culture.

MorningCalm - I'm sorry if my question seemed off base.   I was thinking of my own situation and some of the people I know.   One friend I have known since childhood.   I didn't attend her first wedding when she was a teenager but I am quite certain it took place - and a very unhappy situation it was.   He died suddenly in his forties.   I was living in another province when I first heard she was in another relationship.  For the next fifteen years or so they shared a happy family life -- his children (he was a widower), her children, their grandchildren.   For the last two years of his life she nursed him through cancer - when he died the obituary listed her as his wife.   A year or so later I introduced her to a friend of mine and had the privilege of later attending their wedding and actually hearing the minister pronounce them married.  I have pictures of them signing the legal documents.  My friend would have been welcome in my home at any time, and if staying overnight would have been welcome to share a room with her partner - without me knowing whether they were married.  

Another situation - a girl grew up in my neighbourhood.  Nice girl - good Baptist family.   First husband was a jerk - I didn't attend the wedding but her mother told me about the elaborate arrangements.   A few years later he left her - and they were divorced.     For years I only occasionally saw her when she visited her parents - busy girl, successful career.   Then occasionally her mother would mention a new man in her daughter's life -  cauciously at first (they had never had a divorce in their family before), then more frequently I would hear his name mentioned.   I saw his car at her parents, I met them on the street and was introduced.   We are different generations, and although we life in the same city we seldom meet.   But I do know that they share a home, and that they have a child.   And I wouldn't be a bit surprised if at one point they had gone quietly to her pastor, or to city hall, and been married.  She's learned that a big elaborate wedding doesn't make a marriage.    That is another case where, if they visited hom home, or my summer cottage, I would almost take it for granted that they would share a room.

Third example - my nephew.   He and his wife, who live across the country from most of the family, were married in a civil ceremony.   A year later they invited family and friends to a big church wedding, married in 'the eyes of God',  in front of friends and family.    If at any time they had come East we would have been glad to welcome them and have them share a room in our home.    (We stayed with them when we went out West and share a room.  They just take it for granted that we are married.  (We are - small wedding - minister, two witnesses, four other guests).

You may know whether your friends are married.   I don't.   If they live like a married couple, I just take it for granted that they are a married couple.

Jlin, Some MEC mummy bags DO zip together-I've had a set that does

Seeler=yes you don't always know. Neighbour had lived with partner 15 years-2 kids-I just assumed married but she told me one day that they weren't.

Tabitha - my daughter told me that she was invited to her friend's small wedding.  I was surprised.  For as long as we'd known them, they had been a couple.  He was step-father to her teenage daughter and they had a son in middleschool.  

I was actually thinking of the ones that you actually have to crawl inside.

You speak well, seeler, and thank you for sharing your personal stories.

I guess that in the end I do not actually know whether they are all married or not. That is to say that I did not personally attend all of their weddings. The thing is that I trust my friends (as I'm sure you do yours) and if they profess to be married I trust they are telling me the truth.

Suffice it to say that I would provide seperate bedrooms for people who I honestly believe to not be married.

Separate til married was the way with my inlaws and that was fine with us.

I was surprised recently to find out a couple in my family are not married. I took it for granted that they were.

Strangely, this hasn't been an issue in our house regarding our children's friends and most of our houses haven't been big enough for guest rooms. 

The age of consent for sexual activity is legislated by the federal government and, in situations that don't involve a power imbalance, is 16, although it's younger when the partner is close in age. More specifics can be found by going to the Department of Justice link on age of consent. So, those who have decided that their line is drawn at 18 for issues of legality, you might wish to have a look at the information there and give it another look. You may decide to stick with that decision when all is said and done but, for me, it's important to have as much relevant information as possible.

Families sometimes hold the most amazing secrets Elanorgold.  I know someone who discovered after his dad died  that  his parents weren't married - and his mom had a child by a previous non married relationship  - and his dad was not actually his dad.  It was all quite a shock.

I tend to assume that couples who have been together for quite a while are married.

One of my best girlfriends discovered after high school graduation that her sister was actually a half sister, and that's why she herself was closer to her dad than her sister ever was. Then her mother had an affair and they divorced. It all threw my friend for quite a loop, and her sister too.

This couple in my family, I had called her after the family surname all this time and no one told me she had a different surname and wasn't a Mrs at all. To be honest, it made me think they must not be as serious about each other as I had thought.

For what it's worth in the U.S. the age of consent is either 16 or 17 depending on the state. My sister and her now husband got engaged just before they moved in together. I think the timing of the engagement was to put parents at ease although my parents were still uncomfortable about that being so old fashinoned. They would never let an unmarried couple share a room for anything.