Darn, the spacing got screwd up.  It is cros posted from:

http://followingfrodo.blogspot.com/2011/03/old-column.html

Wasn't sure where to put this one: Relathionships, R&F, H&A ????  All seemed possible

If the only way that people can have sex without guilt is through church writ, then the church controls... everything.

I would agree with that Witch.

But how do we, as people of faith, develop a healthier way of dealing with sexuality.  Maybe more of an issue in some tradiotions than others I admit.

We are steeped in this is wrong and this is right and this is ok unless they do it and don't put that there, and don't put it there then, and don't do that to that,  and don't touch that.... don't even touch your own... don't look, looking is the same as touching.... blah blah blah

After all that, then we say we don't like to or don't want to talk about it   LOL

By starting with decoding and understanding how you work, which will involve taking a look at your religion as to how it does what it does, which will lead to you understanding how you give words meaning and value (and how culture sustains these) and how some of your words are more meaningful and value-laden than others (the really powerful ones you label 'pornography', 'blasphemy', 'sacred').

(then you'll discover how you can 'self program' and/or 'debug' your ideas, beliefs, etc)

Also, I think travel and exposure helps :3

Au contraire - it's my favourite subject.

(They do say "absence makes the  er,heart, grow fonder".)  

Witch, LOL.

I cringe at the idea of the little talk, both giving it and receiving it. I think it's good to set a good example to kids rather than giving "the talk", that's kinda icky and uncomfortable. It is after all a private thing. By setting a good example, I mean displays of affection between mom and dad at home and in public, cuddles and kisses, and a healthy attitude toward the topic of the deed, not showing disgust for it, not slighting the kid if they show interest. It's a long term thing, and I don't know all that's ahead in terms of parenting, but I expect much if it comes unconciously. Best plan then: to have a positive, healthy attitude yourself, and that will be passed on. I think it comes naturally anyway, so I'm not worried.

Here's a great "little talk" scene:

I think the biggest shift that needs to take place is that we need to stop sending the message that sex is something that men/boys GET and something that women/girls GIVE.  The message SHOULD be that sexuality is healthy, normal and beautiful and that it's to be shared, not presented like some kind of prize in hopes that love will be given back in return (which is how a lot of teenaged girls seem to see it).  Both sexes should be taught that it's essential to have caring and respect for the other person and that it's imperative that both people be on the same page emotionally.  Honesty is a must.  Responsibility is a must.  In addition to that, kids need to be raised to have a high enough level of self-esteem that they know how to make decisions for themselves that are healthy and positive, rather than doing things out of fear.

Part of a WM I just received:

It strikes me that going further needs to happen as part of a larger discussion about the nature of humanity (which is in fact the context I first preached on it--a Lenten series on humanity).  I also strongly suspect that there is only so far you can go in a worship setting, since to go further means actual discussion and interaction.

This needs a space that is safe for people to share their fears/hopes/doubts/questions/opinions.  It also needs people who are willing to both be honest and let others be honest.

So a discussion about who we are as humans is the starting point.  Part of who we are is sexual beings.  And at some point it seems that it would be most helpful if that discussion about who we are as humans is cross-generational.

Sexuality education has been around in UU'ism for a long time. The primary mechanism is a curriculum called Our Whole Lives (OWL for short). It is taught in our RE programs for the kids and as adult program as well (though my church hasn't offered it in a while due, I suspect, to a shortage of trained volunteers). The program was co-developed with the United Church of Christ so I suspect it would be compatible with the outlook of many UCCan churches.

Info: http://www.uua.org/religiouseducation/curricula/ourwhole/

Mendalla

My parents never had "the talk" with me.  When I was 18 in Church I pledged to be drug free and morally pure forever.   Ya I broke that vow A LONG time ago. 

My aunt had "the talk" with me.  She said that I should wander into my bf's bedroom wearing only a bra and panties and he should be able to take it from there"  That was the entirety of "the talk".  We had that talk last summer because she believed I was sleeping in my bf's spare bedroom and that was not normal.  I am 37.  Come to think of it I think my older sister still believes I was sleeping in his spare bedroom.....

 I have a sign in my bedroom it says:

A Woman's Guide to Love and Lasting Relationships.

1.  Find a man who makes you laugh

2.  Find a man who has a good job and can cook

3.  Find a man who is honest

4,  Find a man who will pamper you and give you gifts

5.  Find a man who is awesome in the bedroom

Above all make sure these five men NEVER meet!

There is a French piece of wisdom that tells the young man..

"When choosing a mistress, above all make sure she is the sort who will get along well with your wife."

Let's Talk About Sex

Salt_N_Pepa