I'm not part of a couple and certianly on the "share everything" end of the spectrum.

No I don't tell all on WC. Somethings are just too private for me to discuss them here.

In fact, as  Ithink about it, I am somewhat suspicious of people who tell everything from their sex life to what they think about eveything.

I share most with a few.  When it comes to chemguy and I, if we don't want something said to someone, we let the other know.  There's not too much where it's our news, so it's up to the person who it is about.

Not Wondercafe, crazyheart - I was thinking more real life . . . as in sharing things with friends, family, neighbours, strangers, etc.

I'm definitely more of the "tell all" type most of the time.  If I'm not sharing, it's more likely because I feel the need to be alone than any need for privacy regarding the information.

Good question.

I find myself in a sort of in-between spot.  Living in a small community means that I need to keep my mouth shut about some things.  Having said that there are some people I can trust to share something with and know they won't pass it on to all and sundry.  So - the answer for me is 'It depends'. 

I don't tell 'everyone' about my health problems - and many people haven't realised I have some (which can be a whole other problem).  I told people when a family member in another part of the world died.  Some people saw that as something to treat as a non event, others came over as they would for a local death.  I shared when one of the family's young ladies was pregnant - but don't pull out the photos every time I meet someone on the street or at a store.

I don't deliberately keep 'secrets' from my partner - but 'secrets' from a friend aren't mentioned..

I don't view the WC as a place to share really personal things, especially if that will identify someone else.  So - general comments about churches and ministers is ok but comments identifying the particular congregation or minister are out of line.

Someone told me recently that 'living in a small town means no one has to worry about forgetting what they were doing.  There are plenty of neighbors talking about it already'. 

Yes, unfortunately in a small town everyone knows what everyone else is doing :)

I'm more of a private person - but generally share important things that are happening with me with my close family members and friends.

My hubby is even more private than I am, and he wouldn't tell anyone anything if he didn't have to . . . sometimes that presents a problem for us as there are times I would like to share something with someone else and he doesn't want to.  Sometimes I want to ask others for prayers about certain things, but can't if it is something that he doesn't want me to talk to others about.

Interesting question to be asked on this or any other social site.  I guess I'm more of a private person.  That's why I'm not  - and never will be - on Facebook.  Although my kids have tried to talk me into it!  lol  I think all that I choose to tell about myself in the WonderCafe is either in my profile or through a private WonderMail.  I'm kind of an e-mail junkie anyway.  Oops!  Did I just tell something about myself??!!!  hahaha

I prefer to share with those people that I know and trust when it comes to personal matters.

Otherwise I'm pretty easygoing and love to talk and have fun with others.

As far as Wondercafe is concerned, my main reason for coming here was to learn more about God, the Bible and such, not so much to spill my guts about me. I share some but it's somewhat limited.

Hey, Crazy - just as well I haven't told you about my sex life in intimate detail - otherwise you'd be suspicious of me  -coz I've told you about everything else in detail over the years........ (I wanted to - but I had th respect the roofer's shy, sensitive nature.)

I'm a "tell-all" type - it seems to be just part of who I am.

It's rare for folks to abuse my trust - and, over the years, I've learnt how to deal with it, if they do.

I may be justifying myself, but I believe that we are given this precious thing called life - and that we are meant to live it abundantly.

This to me, involves opening myself to others , as life is about connection.

I have had the most wonderful intimate exchanges with strangers on a plane - and of course with friends and family.

By risking trust and vulnerability, you demonstrate to others that they have nothing to lose by confiding in you.

Those, like my own brother, who find my openness confronting, tend to avoid me. That's the price I pay.

Still, I'm glad I'm the way I am. I suspect my openness and willingness to share myself with others has played  a part in me being blessed with some truly wonderful friendships.

Beloved, your question has me studying myself, as presented by my surface profile and also about core values. Now I am wondering how does a bigot share his core values? But, that may not be something to focus on in this thread.

In answer to your question, let me just say that I seem to be living in a somewhat biggoted community and I know which side my bread is buttered on.

I tend to share - perhaps too much, too often.  Worries about my daughter.  Worries about my Parkinsons.  What's going on in my life.  And perhaps more in real life than virtually - the things that bring me joy - something my grandson said, my plans for a trip, a compliment I received, time I've spent with friends.   

But I realize that I am also a very private person.  Sometimes the thing that is eating my guts out is what I am most apt to keep to myself and try to ignor.  And it I put it into words it makes it real. 

What you don't tell me, PP, the roofer does. He has a big mouth.

a big WHAT crazy heart?

hahahahah your birthday has gone to your head.

Hi Beloved,

As an introvert I tend to be very guarded in what information I disclose and with whom I will share it.  That said, when I am comfortable with the company I am keeping I will share personal information that I feel is relevant to the conversation at hand and even then it tends to be my personal stuff and not, say how my wife or children felt about the same situation.

I don't tend to tell anyone everything.  I am a need to know person.  If I don't need to know it I am barely interested in hearing it and if you don't need to know it you won't be hearing about it from me.

My wife, being an extrovert does not have the same social breaking mechanisms that I do.  Or, perhaps she does and she drives through social gatherings with a leadfoot.  It is probably not an outrageous statement to say that the people at the local farmer's market know way more about me than I would ever voluntarily share simply because they have talked to my wife.

Unsurprisingly, we are the same way when it comes to sharing information with each other.  I am about as forthcoming as a clam and she is about as reserved as a tsunami.  I routinely fail to give her enough info and she routinely fails to limit the info she doles out to me.

Grace and peace to you.

John

Like RevJohn, I am an introvert - I tend to be a pretty private person when it comes to the details of my life. And like RevJohn, if I am comfortable with you, I will be more forthcoming than if I am not. 

hmm, I share information if relevant.

I share information if I am seeking guidance in processing.

I don't share if I think by sharing in the space (cafe, family, etc) will result in sharing information which is partially held by others.  In other words, I don't normally share information which is not mine to share.   I say normally, as if I need guidance/support I may share something with a close friend, or change the story so that people can't figure it out.

I have found that by being open my relationships with others are deepened.

It's really interesting to read others' views of privacy, sharing and relationships.  Your opener in your last post PP totally cracked me up!

I was thinking back to the REALLY old days when we used CBs to communicate with our neighbours up at the lake.  Then in the winter, we'd bring them home and network with fellow CBers.  You could be as serious as you wanted (like for emergencies at the lake) or as frivolous as you chose, with fun user names - like on this site - and anonymity behind the mike.  You could really be whoever you wanted to be.

I think this is a great place to share opinions, thoughts and feelings about many different things.  But for me personally, it's highly unlikely I'll develop any up close and personal relationships in these forums.  I truly hope that doesn't offend anyone because I would not intentionally be so disrespectful.

Good topic Beloved. I am a fairly private person, although compared to some, I might be seen as quite open.  I share completely and openly with my partner and likewise she shares openly with me. We are both private though – and mostly share just with each other. I am open with close friends about some things, but I think there is always a sense of reserve about me. I like asking questions and learning about others (which fit me well when I was working as a counselor).

everinjeans, I went on facebook quite reluctantly 2.5 years ago. I had no interest in sharing things publically with people from various walks of my life. When our child was 12 he really wanted to go on fb and we had a deal that I would go on with him and be his ‘friend’. Now he teases me that I’m on much more than he is.  I don’t share openly the way some do, but I post little bits of things going on occasionally and post photos regularly.

My post from earlier in this thread has left me feeling a bit guilty for admitting that sometimes I keep my mouth shut because the system has provided fairly  well for Namana and me. 

Then yesterday, I was talking to a retired school teacher who had just returned home from his eye examination. He reported that his eyesight is failing, and he needs new glasses which will cost $400.00. Problem is that he is already living hand to mouth on his pension.

So, Beloved,  in further response to your question about sharing information and my answer comes from Saskatchewan where things are supposedly booming, I must admit that I am not a very good samaratin.

Nor am I very good at protesting when some of my peers say that it is the natives own fault that they are not getting a very significant share in our booming economy.

It is too late for me to edit spelling mistake to bigoted rather than biggoted.

I would like to share more than I do. I am a sharing person, but some people aren't so I try to judge very carefully who to share with.

Like Pilgrim, I think life is about connection, and we shouldn't be afraid to open ourselves to others, but some people aren't ready for or comfortable with that, and will cut me off if I go too far, leaving me isolated, which was NOT the intention. People in our society are also often very concerned with success, and can find such openness frightening or uncool. So I favour people who aren't afraid, and who have a lot of compassion and emotional wisdom, who have gotten beyond the trappings.

Hubby doesn't feel the same need to share. He is happy to keep things to himself, and doesn't seem to require friends beyond me. He would prefer I don't tell anyone anything, so I have to keep it secret when I do, and that makes me tense and anxious because I absolutely need to share.

Elanor,

If you think that life is about connection you have to be prepared to take risks...

All my closest friends are similar to me in that they are open about their lives, loves, hurts, and joys.

I think perhaps that they are my closest friends because they are willing to share a sense of vulnerability. If vulnerability isn't shared it does leave you feeling a bit wary....

Then there are close friends who are more reserved by nature. They accept me as I am -listen to my innermost feelings, but don't necessarily choose to reveal theirs. I respect this -and when they are say, non-committal, about a subject, I just let it pass. The bottom line is that, although we are different by nature, there is respect and liking for each other.

There are those  I don't particularly wish to have a close relationship with - and those that feel the same about me - I guess you could say we're friendly acquaintances...

Then there are those that wish to deepen the relationship, and we don't - or vise versa....

These are the "problem" relationships that life has taught me need firm boundaries. If these aren't maintained, then it's best for all concerned to part.

Of course there are times when all the typesof  relationships go through changes.

Sometimes these are not to our liking - but ultimately it's best if we can come to see "c'est le vivre"......

Thanks Pilgrim.  And Que Sera Sera is a good one to be able to say too. I've been remembering that one lately. I've also been taking some risks again. Actually I just took one over in the poetry thread! Hope you like it! ; )

Hi all.  Pilgrim, I'm right with you about life and connections.  Re:  my previous entry, just want to be clear that I was talking about on line relationships.  In my profile I mention my most favorite quote of all time:  "Only relationships change people."  And I truly believe that.  Like the quote about people coming in and out of our lives at different times for different reasons, some staying a while and others leaving.  But they all live an imprint. 

In "real life" I'm a pretty up front, healthy assertive person.  Respect and honesty go a long way to building those strong connections you talk about, and I'm lucky to have many in my life.  Elanorgold, I hope you find what you're looking for.  cheers all!

As an ENTP I tend to share more information than my iNFP wife would like me to.

There are some things I don't discuss with anyone. There are certainly some things that I hold back.

For the most part, though, I don't mind sharing, but I do try to keep my wife's requests not to share certain things in mind as well.

Rich blessings.

---

MC jae