It depends on the relationship with the person, and for how long.  In general, just be curteous.  Be as quiet as you can if the other person is sleeping.  Don't borrow their things without asking.  I'm fairly comfortable changing in front of other females, but I find many others aren't.  I usually take my cues from them.  If they walk around getting ready in their underwear, then I'm more open about getting changed.  If they run off to the bathroom, or do it as quickly as possible when semi-hidden, I don't look and use more discretion myself.  Even I'm not a fan of someone walking around completely naked, and I think it's best to avoid doing so unless you know the other person doesn't mind.

Did you have an experience , seeler?

I've done it before when away at Conference or at a week long seminar, so when my friend who was going for the first time this year suggested that we each could save quite a bit by sharing a room, I was willing - even though I knew she was a bit more fussy than I am and somewhat of an introvert.  I knew from experience that I would seldom be in the room between 7:15 in the morning and 10:00 or so in the evening. 

We agreed to keep our stuff on our own sides of the room, and I was fine with her opening the window.  She asked what time we would be getting up and I told her I always woke up in good time for breakfast in the cafateria next door at 7:30 - she set her alarm for 5:45.   I asked if she meant 6:45 - no, she was afraid there would be congestion in the bathroom.

First night - scheduled activities were over by 9:00 pm or so.  She went up immediately, while I talked with friends for another 15 minutes.  Tried to unlock the door - she has the deadbolt on.  I appologized for having to knock and get her out of bed to let me in and suggested that we really didn't need the deadbolt.  

Next night again she goes back early, and I socialize in the lounge for another hour or so.  I'm embarassed when I tiptoe into the room to find that she is fast asleep but the light above my bed is on.  Next morning I appologize for forgetting it and she explains that she put it on for me and she doesn't mind sleeping with a light on.  I told her that I do, and that I am quite comfortable slipping into the room and getting to bed in the dark.

Next day she skips some discussions to go back to the room for a rest.  When I get back to the room at 10:30 or so, she is awake reading but turns off her light shortly after I climb into bed and switch off mine.

By the last full day, many of us are walking zombies we are so tired, but most of us  don't want to miss anything.  She skips the afternoon to take a nap.  Last evening for the whole group to be together - we veg-out in the main lounge discussing the week's events, sharing wine and chips, until gradually the group disburses. 

I quietly let myself into the room.  She has the light on reading.  We exchange a few words, I climb into bed, wish her 'good-night', and wait for her to put off the light.  She reads until midnight while I toss and turn with the light keeping me awake.  I hardly seem to be asleep when the jarring alarm clock startles me awake at 5:45.  She turns it off and goes back to sleep and I lie there awake until 7:00. 

Isn't there some type of unwritten rule about when lights should be out - and how early you can set your alarm - especially since she never got up for a hour or so afterward. 

She also tidied my side of the room - took my juice cans down to recycling - etc.  I didn't mind - but also would have rather done it myself.

She told me on the way home that I was a great roommate - and that this was a new experience for her - she had never shared a room before.   And I felt bad for feeling resentment.

Hi seeler,

Unless everybody is eating beans you should avoid them.  Especially in small rooms.

Don't wipe your feet on the bottom bunk before climbing into the top one.

Try not to step on the occupant of the bottom bunk while climbing down from the top one.

If you are on the bottom bunk don't kick the top bunk.

If you have an alarm to help you get up, ask if that will disturb your room-mates.  Also do not set your clock to some annoying music station.  It is hard to engage in a spiritual retreat if you have Madonna's "Material Girl" eating through your thoughts like some voracious ear worm (My apologies to Drew, Stephen and Dennis--it was 28 years ago).

If one of your roomates breaks wind fail to notice it as best as you can.  Asking, "What crawled up your butt and died?" completely fails to fit with a restful and contemplative mood.  Also, giggling while more polite, is not helpful.  Complimenting your roomate on their proficiency with flatus is also not helpful.

Smile a lot.

Greet room-mates by name.

If your room-mate snores do not bean them in the head with a roll of socks.  At least not as a first line of defence (No apologies to Nick and his nasal freight train).

Grace and peace to you.

John

Seeler, I would say it's normal to have one light on when one person is still awake.  Most people will try to use a lamp furthest from the person sleeping.  If you really need a dark room, it's best to discuss that before agreeing to share a room.

As for the alarm, I'm someone where I will let it ring a few times before getting up.  Sometimes it's to get a little bit extra sleep, but I do plan it as there are days where it really is best to get some more sleep, and gradually get up.  When sharing a room, I'll use a cell phone as it's a little quieter, and try to not get it to ring more than once.  What works best is if we both agree what time to get up at, but that doesn't always work!

I think the keys are communication, courteousness and flexibility - and it sounds like you did you best at both of those things Seeler. Of course, it helps to remember that your time together is going to be over shortly. Remember back to when you and Seelerman got together - you probably had differences around how things needed to get done, but you managed to work them out somehow. 

If it were me and I knew that my timing around getting up or going to bed would be significantly different from my roommates, I would find ways to adjust - tiptoeing in or out of the room, trying not to make too much noise, changing in the bathroom, not using loud appliances, using a flashlight instead of other lights, etc. 

The good news is that your friendship has remained intact!

Hey Seeler. What hasd more influence on your mindset? The workshop or the roommate?

RevJohn - it sounds as if you had quite the personal experience! LOL!

The workshop was far above the negative experience with the roommate.  And yes, we are still friends.  I think that was important for both of us.  I don't really think that she was aware of any tension.

I've shared rooms before.  I once shared with a woman who got up at 5:30 or so and went for a 15 klm bike ride before breakfast.  I never heard her get up - either a wrist alarm or she was a natural early waker.  Needlesss to say she was sound asleep when I tiptoed into the room after a social time, and prepared for bed in the dark. 

Another roommate was even messier than I - but kept to her side of the room. 

Generally, I've found roommates considerate and had no problem.  And it was only for a few days.  I pity students who end up with an incompatible roommate for an entire year.

Maybe I'm being overly critical this year.

If I am arranging with someone to be a roommate, I am quite open

a) I am an extrovert, I like to stay up late & visit.  I will be cautious coming in.

b) I do not expect people to hang out with me, we can both go our own ways

c) I snore...actually, this is often the first thing I share, as ..sometimes I don't, sometimes I do

d) I advise them of my waking time, and patterns.

As we are discussing, I also ask them about their patterns.

I might ask what kind of snacks, if any we want ot have. I have been known to need to be away from the group and just enjoy wine.

When travelling with a friend to a conference, I brought flowers for the room. It really helped.

Let me think.....re light on..normally, we would say, do you mind if it is on.  My pattern is just to pull the covers up over my head if it matters.

ps...Seeler, I didnt read you saying she complained.  My sense is it was your sense of intruding on her space or sleep, rather than her own feelings of being intruded upon.  She may not realize that people often don't bother with deadbolts in such situations, etc and been thankful for you to coach.  She may have health issues that require her to nap, and she was thankful that you were there.  Try not to read to much into the difference in your behaviour, unless she was complaining about it.

if you snore, bring 'Breathe Right" strips with you. Actually, bring them anyway in case your roomie snores.

I remember one time I shared a room with a varying # of people at a convention (those who go to conventions know aboot room surfing) where one of our poor occupants had so much trouble getting to sleep because three of us would snore in shifts she said, one at a time.  We would stop snoring if she said our name or beaned us with a sock, but then another us 3 stooges would start up

Seeler,

I think it's an age thingie........

When I was in my twenties I backpacked my way through Britain and Europe.

I shared rooms,  floors, tents, and a farmer's barn in Holland...

In Norway I  shared a bathroom with twenty other women. (I'll never forget the communal shower - ten showerheads in a row - with no partition separating us. Dropping the soap was cause for  embarrassment.)

Then it became just sharing a room with my significant other - and, at times, my sisters and closest friends.

But oh, how this leopard has changed her spots.

These days it's "a room of one's own" (Virgina Woolf was ahead of her time).

Since the menopause, I'm a poor sleeper. I like to get up during the night, watch t.v. - play Freecell, do a sudoku - and always listen to the radio. (I find the sound of the human voice gets me to sleep better than anything else).

But that's not the only reason.

More than most, I enjoy solitude. I love my time by myself - when I can reflect on the days' activities, folks I've met, etc.......

Besides,  both John and my sister told me I snore.

By sleeping in a room of my own - I figure I'm doing us all a favour.......

The only downside is the cost. This means my holidays are now shorter than they once were.

I can cope with that.  I just love my own bed in my own home.

Seeler, if I am going somewhere, rather than room with a stranger, I also ask for a private room. It isn't that I don't want to share with someone it is that I don't want to impose my sleep patterns on a stranger....kinda like you.

Yes, I can see now, perhaps the time has come for me to request my own room - and if I can't afford it, I can't afford to go.

Maybe at my age I am fussier than I once was.  Maybe we should have worked out things like 'lights out by 10:30 if either one is ready for sleep' and 'no loud alarms before 6:30 unless you have a reason to get up earlier'.  And 'no locking your roommate out of the room if she stays out later than you do'. 

If I didn't know my roommate well, I would have interpreted her putting on the deadbolt as rude or insulting (perhaps intended to show disapproval of my checking out the lounge to see if anyone was sitting sharing a bottle of wine and a bowl of chips).  But I am quite sure it was simply thoughtlessness, combined with worry about security.

I had no objection to her keeping her own schedule - I actually preferred it to always thinking we had to check with one another.  If she wanted to skip a session and take a nap, I didn't consider it any of my business. 

I did let her know what was going on - particularly during the 'free time' and invited her to join us - but did not expect her to feel obliged to do so. 

If she wanted to tidy my desk and take my stuff to the recycling - that was her perogative, although I found it a bit invasive of my space and perhaps insulting that I wasn't being neater.  I consider myself casual, but not a slob.

My one big objection was that final night when she kept the light on (maybe I should have spoken up and asked her how long she intended to read).  That coupled with the early morning alarm - that she then ignored.

But I haven't heard from her.  Maybe she found me just as inconsiderate a roommate as she found me. 

We are still friends.  I'll be going to her retirement party this week, and probably will have her over for coffee sometime soon.  (When I'm rested up from the week).

I like to strut around naked, watch TV, order room service, spend entirely too much time in the shower, and eat potato chips in bed.

Rich blessings.

---

MC jae

(Note to self.... oh, never mind....)

I tend to prefer private rooms too, when I'm at a conference meeting or worshop or such.  I do remember many years ago sharing a dorm room at a conference with an individual... 'nasal freight train?'  This was like a chain saw cutting through a bass drum with an amplifier.  I thought I snored, but I felt like an amateur in that room. 

Come to think of it, that's about the same time frame I started to think a private room was a really good idea....

My roommate didn't snore.  And she didn't mention if I did.   (Seelerman complains that I snore - but I notice that is when I have a head cold.)

MC - I think you would be an entirely unsuitable roommate. 

Even with clothes on.

Well... I suppose I could give on the showering.

Rich blessings.

---

MC jae

MC,

Crazyheart and I have respectfully  reclined   (oops -declined) your application as roofer in our lives.......

Seeler,

There is a time for everything in our lives - and that includes sharing a room.

Reading between the lines it was a blot on the landscape of enjoying the seminar.

As one ages we lose a lot in the way of health as it is - all the more reason to please ourselves when it's important to us.

The only real stumbling block is money.

That's the bad news - the good news is that over the years we've all learnt ways of being thrifty with our household income - and know how to save a few cents here and there...........

Wise move.

Rich blessings.

---

MC jae

At the same time, I have had great time sharing a room with people.   Someoen to laugh with, someone to say "good night" to.  Someone to walk to breakfast with.  Someone to help...and to be helped by

Yeah well, Pinga - you did say you were an extrovert.

As a social introvert I'll be happy to share conversation and a bottle of red with you - and then it's "nighty night - I'm away to my bed."

On the other hand, when it comes to the roofer..........

I find sometimes it's best to have separate bedrooms, but a shared common area - for example, a cabin.

I'm an Extrovert, but I'm an ENTP, probably the most Introverted of the Extroverted types.

While I enjoy spending time with others, and gain energy from doing so, at the end of the day I need time to process my visions, creative insights, and innovations.

I always need a certain amount of time alone each day. My wife is an INFP, so she also needs some daily time alone. This seems to work out fairly well.

Rich blessings.

---

MC jae

One night at a Learning centre, I was in a room with two single beds. The centre was full. In the morning a blonde head poked up. It was a young girl I knew from other events. She arrived in the night, checked the roster, got a key, came in got into bed. I heard nothing. I guess she knew I was a good roomie to be w

lol,

I don't mind sharing for very short term. I've shared a room with another woman when we've gone to Presbytery meetings. That means two nights in a hotel together, which is not bad. We respect each other and it seems to work out well. And it makes it cheaper. I would not want to spend a lot of time sharing these days though.

You might have to to lessen your carbon footprint and save the environment :3

Every summer I room with someone sometimes 2 others. I guess I am lucky because I don't have a problem falling asleep with lights off or on. I try to be quiet when I get up to use the facilities lthough that is sometimes hard because the doors are old and creak a lot.

sometimes the roomie talks a lot but so far they have been very respectful when I say that I need to get some sleep.

I have a tendancy to adapt to whoever I am rooming with especially since I seen to be placed with people who have more issues in their lives I have been told I have a very calming attitude.

I would imagine that a person named music sooths would have a calming presence around her.

good one, seeler.