We've done wills and PoAs, but that's one of those things you need to do when you're a parent (to ensure the estate is properly managed for your kids and to name your preferred choice of a guardian). I've thought about things like leaving suggestions for the service and so on but at 46, I'm not that motivated to spend much time on it yet, and I'm kind of in the camp that says that the funeral/memorial is for the living and should be done from the standpoint of the survivors' needs and wishes as much as those of the deceased. My wife knows I want a UU memorial service and I'm kind of leaving the rest up to her and whoever is our minister at the time it happens.

Mendalla

umm, I thought it was to save your loved ones decisions and work during this time.

CH,

there are 2 diametrically opposed schools of thought on that one (when it comes to funeral/memorial/nothing).  One says that it saves the survivors from making decisions.  the other that it robs survivors of the chance to make decisions

I agree with putting affairs in order to the best of our ability to do so at the moment.

I have a list of who gets what upon my death so that there can be no fighting no arguing. I have also stated how I would like to be cremated simply because I know we could never afford a fancy coffin or burial site and head stone. I would like my ashes to be returned to the Nature from which I came into this world.

So these kinds of plans are helpful to be in place. So that your wishes are known to those who must deal with them. As for what kind of service if any, that I would leave to my spouse. I am from my own perspective, doing what I can to help my spouse get through what is going to be a very trying time. They are overwhelmed enough as it is with my passing. I do not wish to add to their burden.

Tao

I never really thought about any of this until several years ago when I was having a major surgery.  I made some preparations beforehand.

For me getting my affairs in order meant seeing a lawyer and having some documents drawn up:  A Power of Attorney for Personal Care, a Power of Attorney for Property and a Will.  All things that I should have done many years before that.

I've also written out some info that I think would be helpful to the executor (bank info, the names for a good lawyer and accountant that I have used etc.).  General info.

And I've given copies of those documents to those who would need them.  A Power of Attorney for Personal Care isn't really much good unless that person has a copy when needed.  The Power of Attorney for Property allows someone to enter my apartment or gain access to my........can't find word.......box at the bank to get my papers.  

And I agree Crazyheart.  I did all of that to make sure that it would be easier for people in my family to settle things.  I watched my parents settle the estates of my grandparents and it was a nightmare of paperwork for them.  I didn't want to do that to anyone.

I didn't say anything about funeral wishes except to say that I wanted to be cremated.

TL

At what age/life stage do you start to make these plans?  I'm not really making any plans yet.  I have no kids, and all 4 of my grandparents are still alive, plus one grandparent in-law.  If something were to happen to me I would be fine with all my "wealth" going to my husband.  If something happened to both of us I can't imagine our parents arguing over anything.

Chemgal, I use to think the same way. But after watching that very thing happen to a friends family. You would be surprised. It's best to make one now, change it as your needs and situation changes.

This way if its needed, it's there, and if not needed, it's still there. You lose nothing in planning ahead as best you can.

 Tao/Wolfie

There is something called the box.

Many single men who did not want to have their family see stuff, (usually sex related, but sometimes things like bongs would be included) prepare a box where they put everything. That way if they do die, a friend can come by a get the box, before their parents, or children go through their other stuff. Some were shameful, but some were just private people who say no need for their relatives to see their favourite sex toys.

 Plus many would make sure their apartments were spotless so no one would have to clean up a mess.

Do you have anything like that?

A box? A box? u must be joking.... I have a TRUNK!!! LMAO

Tao

There are some upsides to pre-paying your funeral - namely, you pay at today's prices for future services.  That always saves money.  But in addition, the law required the FH to invest your payment in a protected account.  If at the time of your death the saved money has not grown as fast as the costs have inflated, the FH has to pony up the difference.  If your fund has come out ahead, those profits go to your estate, not the FH.

However, one thing that you should know - pre-arranged funerals are NOT legally binding on descendents.  They have the right to change whatever you have arranged, even if you have pre-paid.  Which is part of why I don't buy the "robs the descendents of the right to make decisions" argument.

Personally, my funeral is not for me.  I do not care a bit what happens once I am gone.  I hope my family will choose whatever they feel is fitting for me.

So far I've made a will and appointed two executors. (Both from the next generation - they're more likely to outlive me!)

John wanted my ashes to be with his - so I've pre-paid for my cremation and memorial.

The cost of the funeral can come from my estate.

In the "to do" list I'll have to leave a list for my executors to know where my assets/finance are all located.

Being curious by nature, I regret I won't be able to "listen in" on my funeral service.

It could be very entertaining!

Having worked in the Trust / Estate business for many years, I sure wished that people put their affairs in order or, since nobody knows the date nor the hour, that they kept their affairs in order.  The stories I could tell -- the messes we've worked our way through ---. 

So, as soon as you are done reading this put your affairs in order and keep them that way.  Buy a file box or cabinet.  Organize files with your bank statements, your bills, information about your automobile, your real estate, your tax returns.  Go through it at least once a year, discard old bills a year after they've been paid.  Keep tax information seven years.  

If you have a safety deposit box, keep things like property deeds, and stock certificates in the box - and keep a list of its contents somewhere in your file box, with the key accessible.   Don't keep your Will in this box.  Access might be frozen at the time of your death - your executor might need the Will to gain access.

Review your Will now.  Does it need to be rewritten?   Who is your executor?   Do they know and have they agreed?   Don't name me!!!  It isn't an honor - its a job.   When you have your newly revised Will, give a copy to your executor and let him know where the Will is  (you may want to put it in a fire-proof box in your home, or leave it with the lawyer who drew it, or a trust company or bank that provides that service.   Revise your Will every five years or when major changes take place in your life  (Marriage invalidates a Will!)

If you wish to donate organs or your entire body, don't put those instructions with your Will.  By the time it is opened it will be far to late to donate organs.  Carry a card in your wallet and let your next-of-kin and other family members know your wishes.  

Give gifts in kind before your death.  If you intend for your nephew to have the cottage, make the transfer or at least add his name as a 'joint tenant' when you stop using the cottage yourself.  The same with your automobile - if you know your time is limited, and you are no longer able to drive - transfer ownership to the person you want to have it.   This saves the Executor going through the transfer process and may save on probate fees.    You might also want to give away your jewelry, nicknacks, collectibles.    Rather than keeping them in storage, or having to dust and care for them, give them to whomever you want to have them.   And make a note of it.   (Don't leave your executor looking everywhere for your silver tea set, only to discover that you gave it to the intended recipient for a wedding gift last year - been there as the executor).

If you have pre-arranged your funeral, and/or pre-paid for it, let your executor and your next-of-kin know who is looking after it  (again put this information in your file box in a prominent place).  

And surprise yourself and everybody by living to 100 and enjoying every day.

Legaly you are right Matt.  But that is not where people feel that it is binding. 

ANd where it gets more complicated is where dear old dad only told one family member what his wishes were.  Or worse, told different people different things.

Oh dear - I read the title as TATTOO subject ... wondering with great curiosity what that tattoo was going to look like! 

But now I see I've been mistaken , and some weighty reading & thought will be required of me ... shall comment later ...

Not only that, in Ontario it is not the survivors who make decisions, but the estate executor named in a will. And yes, I have seen them completely disregard the deceased person's wishes, do things as cheaply as possible and maximize their executor fees.

Good Grief DKS.... Do people really do that? Make one think very carefully before choosing an executor.

Tao

Yup, I've seen that too, DKS.  I've also seen all the children band together to change to service to the minimum possible so as to maximize their inheritance.

Gord - Yes, I know what you mean.  It's the same thing that happens at weddings - so often, couples don't really do what they want to, they do what is necessary to make Grandma happy.  That's their choice, though, and very often, even when the funeral isn't pre-arranged on paper, families will say they feel they need to do "what Dad would have wanted".

And yes, the biggest nightmare of all is when Dad has told only one child something, or told children contradictory things. 

Good grief, I didn't realize that laws were so different in different provinces.   In NB executor's fees are a percentage of the value of the estate at the time of death - not after the funeral expenses.   The percentage is agreed upon by the residuary beneficiaries, or, if they don't agree it is set by the Probate Court - 5% is the maximum.  It can be lower - especially if the beneficiaries can make a good case that: the estate was a simple one; that the executor permitted or requested that they do much of the work; or that the estate was poorly administrated.  

Other limits are placed on executors.  For instance, if they receive are a beneficiary, that benefit will be considered their payment unless it is explicitly stated in the Will that they should also receive executor's fees.    So if you leave your executor your automobile, or $10,000, or your shares in a hunting camp, or 1/5 of the residue, the Probate court will consider that this was in lieu of fees.  

Who to choose as executor?    If there is a sole beneficiary, and that person is competent to look after things, that would be the logical choice.   So if you leave everything to your spouse, name him or her executor.   If you are a widow, and giving the bulk of your estate to your only son, name him executor.   But if your estate is complicated, or if you have many children, you have to think more closely.   A professional executor (a trust company) might be the best choice.   Not your lawyer, unless your lawyer is a specialist in estate administration (if the bulk of her business if in real estate transactions or criminal law, she might not be a good choice).    Remember, a professional or company cannot charge more than the Probate court allows - up to 5% - the same as your brother or best friend who might not have any expertise in the matter and who has to hire out most of the services (this expenses will be in addition to the executors fees - a trust company will do the work themselves.)

Just a bit of advice.  And oh yes, I've been out of the business for some time now, but I doubt if the major factors have changed much.  check with the probate court in your province.

Exactly. If you don't want anyone to make changes, name your lawyer as executor. Saves a lot of hassle.

Not all estates in Ontario require probate. There is a value floor (below which probate is not required). I was executor for a family member's estate and I determined that probate was unnecessary.

They don't in NB either if all the beneficiaries agree with the executor.   If the beneficiaries do not agree with the executor in his (or her) administration of the estate, then they can request it go to Probate.   Unfortunately in cases of mismanagement the money might have been frittered away before the beneficiaries realize that they have an option.   In a case of fraud they might be able to sue - but in incompetence they are usually out.   (For instance, in a case I am aware of a stepson was appointed executor.  He failed to make timely distributions, and kept the assets invested in the same funds as the deceased had invested in.  But the deceased had kept a careful eye on the market and moved his money around.  The executor failed to do so, and by the time he got around to cashing in and distributing three years later the estate was only worth half its value.  The probate court ruled that he acted in good faith.   Then the only avenue open was to protest him receiving 5% as executors fees.)  

Naming your lawyer as executor is a good idea if he regularly practices estate law.  If 90% of his business is corporate law, or real estate, or criminal law - then he might not have much time, interest or expertise in acting as executor.

How many of you have a lawyer?

If you have ever bought or sold property, had a will drawn up, sought advice on a severance or work-related matter or been through a divorce you have had contact or a relationship with a lawyer. It could be said, then, that "you have a lawyer." And yes, I do.

I wasn't thinking about a lawyer for buying & selling property.  I just always find it a little odd when someone's lawyer is referred to for the average person.  Thanks!

I think 'have a lawyer' would refer to someone who is on a retainer to look after your legal affairs.  Or a short term arrangement. "I'm mad as hell about this traffic ticket.  I'm going to hire a lawyer to fight this thing."  

Also, unless your 'lawyer' is connected with a large firm, with different lawyers specializing in different type of law, you may need to have several 'lawyers' during your lifetime.   When I worked in the estate business I knew many lawyers.  When I wanted to sue the company for wrongful dismissal I didn't hire one that I had worked with on company business, but one recommended to me by someone who had recently gone through a divorce/child custody settlement.  Fortunately, that lawyer was ethical and referred me to her husband, a expert in labour relations who had experience in wrongful dismissal cases.  Now I get a young man who I taught in Sunday School to witness my signature as a power of attorney.  When I needed somebody to go to probate court with me, he recommended a friend.  

The point being - no lawyer does everything well.  Choose your lawyer as you would your doctor.  You don't go to the same specialist for your eyes and your digestive system. 

Actually I think some lawyers do most things.  Sole practitioners in small offices.  The type of lawyer you would more likely find in small cities and towns. 

For the average stuff it would be fine.  A multimillion dollar estate, or a serious legal charge then yes you definately need to hire the best you can afford.

I don't know all the details but mom did make preperations before she died. She and dad talked about some things and made some decisions for the future. I think she intended to do more but believed that she had more time.

lawyers-

I had a divorce lawyer-who later helped with custody stuff

I had a lawyer to buy this house-he's no longer practicing so I have a new lawyer to sell it. She is a generalist and was also going to redo my will but seeing as I'll be in a difference province-I may do it there.

I have a lawyer in the province to assist with purchasing my new house.

So as an a verage person I have "my lawyer".

Haven't given thought in years to putting my affairs in order. I alternate beneficiaries on bank accounts, rsps etc. and told my 3 teens/young adults that my intention is to be equal.

Wondercafe has a thread for Everything!

I was posting info re: wills, death and Common-Law relationships (and how they are DIFFERENT!!!! then regular marriage with regard to default beneficiary assumptions)

But, you guys are already on the topic!!  http://www.financialpost.com/opinion/columnists/wait+till+death+part/5214925/story.html

"Wills lawyer Les Kotzer says common-law couples are often shocked to learn that if their partner dies, the survivor is not an automatic beneficiary."

If you, or someone you know, is in a Common-Law relationship, please pass this along!

And for the record (although I *am* biased in this regard) it's NEVER too soon to start thinking about these kinds of things!!

You just. Never. Know.

Good article - except for one sentence that states something like 'your partner can change your will without letting you know'.   Absolutely untrue.   No one by you can change your will.  What the writer probably meant is that 'your partner can change his (or her) will in which you are named beneficiary without letting you know.'  

Perhaps the two of you went to a lawyer together and each had a will prepared, signed and witnessed, naming the other as sole beneficiary.  There is nothing to stop your partner from going in the next day and changing his (her) will and leaving you out completely and not letting you know.  Your will still names him - his new will doesn't name you.  

Question:   can a person have rights as a common-law spouse if there is a living legal spouse?   (ie the couple separated but never divorced - perhaps they didn't even bother with a legal separation, they just stopped living together).

My brother-in-law married young and brought his bride home from four provinces away.   Six months later she went home to visit mother, and never returned.  As far as I know there was never any further contact between them - they never saw each other - they didn't write or telephone.   He never formed any permanent relationships although over the years he occasionally had a live in girl friend for a few months.   60 years later, he died.   I would presume that his wife is still his wife (now his widow).  That is, unless she died in the meantime.   If he had been living common-law and if he had left anything, who would be entitled.   Presume he died intestate.

 Not being a lawyer, seeler, I can't possibly speculate!

It would also possibly depend on the province you were living in... Quebec follows Civil Code so under that (with my limited, business focussed knowledge of that law) I think that estranged 'wife' would be entitled to the estate as a beneficiary... but again: not a lawyer.

My point is that if you are married under Common Law , then please ensure your beneficiary information is up to date!

Not always having legal protection on auto-pilot by being "legaly married", means we were active - with wills, POAs (financial/property- CPOA  &  medical/personal care- POAPC). We also have living wills, advance directives... as we needed those things because our partner was not "next of kin".

I was told to "put my affairs in order" in my 30's. I did. Now, as RevMatt says, my funeral service is not for me, so I did not do details. I also do not think I will be looking down saying "shit, she picked the satin lining". For me, it was about choosing burial or cremation and putting down that I did not want anyone putting me in a dress (as my next of kin was my mom) 

I had a folder that was all the material anyone might need upon death. My wife now also has one. It is a place for life insurance policies, bank account info, deeds, car title, investments....who is the doctor, specialists, insurance person???? A place for all legal documents

"Putting your affiars in order" means so much more. It is thinking about, "Do I add their name to my checking account/safety deposit box?" Have I given permission/consent for the insurance folks, bankers, doctors to even talk to___?" and the "is there anything I would like to say now?"

We tend to not think about it, but we should.

Ask yourself if they know or if you know the other person's social insurance number, mother's maiden name, where they were born, where their birth certificate is, where their divorce papers are, where is the marriage certificate, where were they employed and from when to when (to ensure accuracy in pension from a company or governmental), military record, phone numbers of close family and friends, doctors numbers, medications taken and dosages.... what are the car and life insurance policy numbers, who is the agent, where are the property tax statements and when are they due, where is the deed and the car title. most recent tax return, credit card numbers and debit card numbers, banks info with types and numbers of accounts....

Now, ask does anyone know whether I prefer burial or cremation, how I feel about artificial respiration, feeding tube, hydration, what community care or nursing home you like or hate,

What is in joint.co-ownership that will not be in the will?Example: If one child is in co-ownership with a parent of the house, the house will not go to the estate to be divided by the will...

Now think about that in Ontario

• If you die with no surviving spouse, no heirs (children or grandchildren,) and no next of kin (parents, brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, nephews, nieces or cousins), the provincial government in Ontario will get everything.

• If you are living in a common law relationship, your surviving common law spouse will not receive a property interest in your estate. If you had children, they would equally share your estate. If you had no children, your estate will go to your next of kin.

• If you are married with children, your surviving spouse will get a preferential share of $200,000. If your estate is greater than $200,000, the balance of your estate over $200,000 will be divided equally between your spouse and the children.

• If you die with children under 18 years of age, the Court will appoint an Administrator to administer your estate and determine the share of each child, sell sufficient assets to satisfy such share(s) and pay the share(s) into Court to the credit of the child. This could create financial difficulties for a surviving spouse, as well as administrative delays and added court expenses.

I was blessed with needing to make arrangements.

If you have no put things in order, do so.