That was awesome.

Great article!

Not trying to de-rail the thread, but I always thought the expression "tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all" referred not to death. I always thought it referred to relationship break-ups, where the love is truly lost.

Some people would say to lose their partner through death is a tragic loss of the partner, but not a loss of the love. The person would still be in love with them and still be with them if that person were still living.

But if one person breaks up with the other and the break up is not mutual, then the love is truly lost to the person left devastated.

Don't we tend to say "Tis better to have loved and lost" to people who've been dumped or divorced, rather than to people who've been widowed?

Love this concept -  Lightly & Tightly -

And so, I live holding all that I love lightly and tightly.
Lightly enough that it may take its own path, tightly enough that it never doubts my love.

thanks as always LB.  C.

Another one to print off and put on the fridge. Thanks!

Grace is good :).

How lucky I was to find this to read tonight.  We were not in a hospital.  We were not kept company by a chaplain.  We were in our home when my husband of over 36 years died suddenly and unexpectedly.  I was very lucky to have had his love in my life and I grieve the loss.  Some 15 months later I'm still struggling to make sense of my life.  New Year's holds less meaning for me yet hoping that 2013 is better than the last.  I WILL remember those last lines and read them again and again.  Thanks for the post LB!

I think that the saying "its better to have loved and lost..."
Refers to both break ups and death.

Thank you for sharing this LB. It is true.

everinjeans - sorry to hear of the death of your husband - 15 months is really a very short time, although I imagine some days feel endless.  Eventually that sense of making sense of life will return ... it usually takes much longer than any of us imagine.  I'm glad you found your way here - there are many companions for your journey.

Everinjeans... I am sorry to hear of your loss and so glad you were able to find some comfort in what you read here.

Everinjeans, my sympathy and empathy.  I lost my partner this September and the article spoke to me as well.

Each of us grieves differently and do not let anyone tell you different.  You will find your way, in your time.

I came across a poem today that spoke to me as well, and maybe you too ...

BY DENNIS O'DRISCOLL

Thanks again LB.  Glad that the words That suggest time (today and tomorrow) aren't carved out of the 24 hour clock!

Just wanted to write that I'm doing "okay" but 38 years ago tomorrow I was at dinner with my late husband (to be), my mom and dear ol' dad (who's hanging out with my husband somewhere) to celebrate our engagement.  A big grief for a big love lost, but I'm having dinner tomorrow with a very dear girlfriend.  I will celebrate still :)

Our traditional flower.  Love always...

The sweet possession brings about its bitter loss, but the bitter loss also necessitates the sweet posession.

We can't have one without the other. Loving another person is always bittersweet because eventually we lose the one we love, or are lost to the one we love. One is as hard as the other, but the survivor grieves longer. The belief in some sort of afterlife, where we are re-united with our loved ones, can be a great solace.

 I agree with everyone that it is better to have loved and lost than never having loved at all.

Sometimes I feel this way.  At other times I think the price is too steep.  Being in the midst of grief makes it harder to appreciate that they are two sides of the same coin. I don't like living with the ache of loss.  I don't regret the 10 years I had with Jim, but I'm still very angry that he's gone.  I'm angry about all the years that have been lost.  I'm angry that he was dead at 41, that I was a widow at 38, that our child was fatherless at 5.  Should the ages matter?  I don't know, but I feel cheated.  We're not guaranteed 80 years, but that IS the life expectancy.  As far as I'm concerned, he lived half a life, and now I have half a life without him.  

That's not to say that I'm not doing better than I was, because I am.  The first few months were the hardest by far, and then shortly before the holidays I was a mess again for a few weeks, but I'm slowly feeling "normal" more often and functioning better.  This loss is so devastating.  I never would have believed just how all encompassing the loss of a husband can be without experiencing it for myself.  

So...I read that article, and I think it makes a lot of sense.  There's a lot of deep thinking here, a lot of questioning, a lot of perspective.  What's missing is that it's very different to reflect on love and grief when you see it in others than it is to feel it yourself.  When you feel that tear at your skin, rip out your hair, wailing in the fetal position grief, it doesn't feel like the other side of the coin.  When you want to hide in sleep forever and wonder why you were even born, wishing you could stop existing so the pain would go away, it doesn't feel like the other side of the coin.  That doesn't mean that love isn't worth it, even though I've questioned whether or not it is a lot.  But these words...they are just words.  There is some truth and knowledge behind them, but it's all just ideas in someone's head.  

Do you know who the bravest people in the world are?  They are the people who love, then lose love, then keep going...step after step...getting up every day...and then love again.  I don't know how they do it.  When you haven't lost anyone that close to you, loss is an abstract idea.  You've seen people grieving and you know intellectually that it will hurt, but you think it won't happen for a long time or that you'll just be strong through it.  After loss, you really know what the risk is and you know that it really can happen to you, too.  It's not an easy risk to take.

MistsOfSpring . . . I think of you often.