Rev. Steven Davis
A Tribute To My Father In Law
Posted on: 02/28/2011 00:21
My father in law died earlier this evening. He was 87. I rarely post personal things here, but somehow this is an online community that really works. We may disagree over things (sometimes heatedly) but when push comes to shove there seems to be a real caring as well, and posting this seems appropriate if only as a chance for me process some of my feelings.
From even before I married my wife, her dad accepted me into the family with open arms and not a moment's hesitation. That meant a lot to me. I never knew my own father and even though I was in my mid-20's when I met him he still became in many ways the father figure I never had growing up. He was a man with a fascinating history. He had been an OPP officer, was head of security for the Toronto Blue Jays at Exhibition Stadium for the first few years they were around, then became a supervisor for the Workers Compensation Board before retiring.
He never seemed his age. He was an amazingly healthy man. Aside from a knee replacement a few years ago I'm not sure he had ever been in the hospital until recently. That's why it was such a shock last summer when he discovered a lump. He wasn't a smoker, wasn't a drinker, but yes - it was cancer. At first it seemed hopeful. Doctors thought it could be treated and controlled, but it was already a Stage 4 melanoma and they never were able to locate the source of it. It just kept spreading and it was sad to watch this strong and vibrant man fade away. The last couple of months were especially hard as he grew weaker and finally had to go into the hospital. In church this morning I and my congregation prayed that he would go quickly and peacefully. Our prayers were answered, and I'm glad that his suffering is over. He was a great dad to my wife and her two brothers, a wonderful father in law to me and my sister in law, and a fantastic poppa to my daughter and her two cousins.
Rest in peace. You'll be missed. Til we meet again.
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revjohn
Posted on: 02/28/2011 00:29
Hi Rev. Steven Davis,
My condolences to you and to your family on the death of your father-in-law.
Grace and peace to you in abundant measure in this time of grief.
John
somegalfromcan
Posted on: 02/28/2011 01:26
Rev. Steven - I am so sorry to hear of this loss. It sounds like your father-in-law was a wonderful man. I hope that in the coming days and weeks you and your family will be able to share lots of wonderful memories of him - and that you will feel God's loving arms surround your family as you grieve for him.
qwerty
Posted on: 02/28/2011 01:36
My own father died of pancreatic cancer at the young age of 56. I had a similar experience to yours watching him first lose weight and become thin and weak then the last trip into the hospital for the final few ... who knows ... it felt like months but I think it was a week but probably not two.
It is a hard thing to watch because the physical dissolution is so great ... but the saving grace is the inner courage and fortitude that remains right to the end. There is a certain majesty. It is a kind of last gift ... one last thing they have to show you how to do ...
My sincerest condolences Steven.
Pilgrims Progress
Posted on: 02/28/2011 01:44
Steven,
I'm sorry to hear of your loss, my condolences.
You say you never knew your father - so I get the feeling that it must be like losing a Dad, rather than a father-in-law.
He would have been pleased with your tribute, as you make it clear that he meant a lot to you.
Beloved
Posted on: 02/28/2011 08:52
Extending sincere sympathy in your loss of your father-in-law Rev. Steven Davis. Sounds like a great man - sounds like you were very blessed in your relationship with him. May many bring you comfort and peace in the days ahead through their love, presence, and actions at this time of loss and grieving for your wife, your daughter, yourself, and all those that knew and loved this man.
Pinga
Posted on: 02/28/2011 09:10
Rev. Davis
Sorry to hear the loss of one that you loved so much. The next week will be filled with the preparations, the notifications, the visitation and family and funeral. May you find time to take care of yourself and your family.
I am thinking that sometimes when someone is a minister, that others look to you, forgetting that you are also grieving.
May your friends take care of you over this time.
gecko46
Posted on: 02/28/2011 17:39
Expressing sympathy for your loss, Rev. Steven Davis. Your father-in-law sounds like a wonderful person, very loving and accepting. May your memories of good times shared sustain and comfort you and your family in the coming days and weeks. Take care.
I'm sure you are familiar with the following hymn. We have been using this verse as our sung Benediction for the past fews weeks. I find the words comforting...I hope they help you at this difficult time.
"This day God sends me strength to sustain me,
might to uphold me, wisdom as guide.
Your eyes are watchful, your ears are listening,
your lips are speaking, Friend at my side."
RitaTG
Posted on: 02/28/2011 09:34
Big gentle hug.....
I feel so privilaged and grateful for you sharing this with us and with me in particular.
My sincere condolences and my love goes out to you and all the rest of his family and friends
Rita
crazyheart
Posted on: 02/28/2011 10:45
I am sorry for the loss of such a steady person in your life. I hope that your RL community offers love and support to you and your family. Thank you for posting here,We will hold you in community.
myst
Posted on: 02/28/2011 13:13
I am sorry to hear of the loss of this very special person in your life Steven. I am holding you in my thoughts.
seeler
Posted on: 02/28/2011 16:55
No matter how old they are, no matter how long we've had the privilege of knowing them, we still grieve their loss. Rev.Steven, I add my condolences to those above.
waterfall
Posted on: 02/28/2011 18:33
Amazing how some people are placed so strategically in our lives to have such a profound influence upon us.
It's clear that this lovely man will be very missed by all of you as I read your touching tribute. Thankyou for sharing that. You were truly blessed.
Please accept my deepest sympathy.
MikePaterson
Posted on: 02/28/2011 21:19
Blessings... you are in our thoughts and prayers.
Tabitha
Posted on: 02/28/2011 23:35
Steven.
i am sorry that you experienced such a loss. it will also be hard on your wife and children.
I am also glad that you had the joy of knowing this man and that he welcomed you warmly into his family.
As busy as you will be caring for others (and as an echo to Pinga) ooour prebytery has chaplains for occasions such as this-to minister to the ministers. Consider this if they are available to you.
Know that you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.
Elanorgold
Posted on: 03/01/2011 12:42
Yes, it's time for us to minister to you RevSteven. I understand that he was a father to you, and so your grieving is great. How lucky that you had such a relationship with your father in law. I also think that you may not know the good your posting this may do for others. Sometimes we can't know the impact we have, and it's good what you have said here. I don't know what it's like to loose someone so near, and I dread the day I loose my own Dad. So, my humble and heartfelt condolence is for you to allow yourself to be weak at this time. I am so sorry and send my sympathy and warm thoughts.
Pinga
Posted on: 03/01/2011 12:55
Rev Davis, just letting you know, still here, still thinking of you.
offering my hope that wonderful memories are mixed with tears and laughter over the next hours, days, weeks and months.
peace
Rev. Steven Davis
Posted on: 03/01/2011 13:07
Many thanks to all of you for the expressions of concern. This is, indeed, an online commnity that works. We're busy in the midst of funeral arrangements and I have the added responsibilty of being Executor of the will and dealing with some legal things, so it's a busy week ahead, Your thoughts and prayers are all appreciated by me and by our family.
busymom
Posted on: 03/02/2011 08:31
Prayers, gentle thoughts and a hug coming your way Rev. Steven Davis. In the midst of your grieving you have many other things to thinks about. It will be busy, but please take the time to pause, reflect and grieve in the way that you need to.
Thank you for sharing a glimpse of this wonderful man. He sounds like he had a fascinating life and a life well-lived. He embraced you not only as a son-in-law but as a son.
As you drift through this difficult week, may you find joy in shared stories, comfort in expressions of sympathy and support and peace in the knowledge that you are not walking this journey alone.
Peace, blessings and a hug to you and your family
Elanorgold
Posted on: 03/02/2011 21:41
My mom lost her mother when she was 19. My Dad's mother became a mother to her in her early 20's, and my mom grieved deeply when my Dad's mom died in '87, when mom was 42. They were very close, despite the language barrier (Omi was German).
Maybe the legal duties you have will help you work through thoughts.
busymom
Posted on: 03/07/2011 20:51
Thought of you today Rev Steven Davis. Just wanted you to know that. Hope you are doing OK.
stardust
Posted on: 03/08/2011 00:24
Rev. Steven Davis
Your tribute is wonderful. I extend my sincere sympathy to you and your family. I'm posting a poem written by our Rev. LGK.
Stay not beneath this sky to weep for me, or
cry; I am not here, I did not die.
Only the earthy part of me lies here beneath
this stone and tree.
The real me in higher places dwells beyond
the limits of this flesh, this clay.
From this time forward, I am free to be at
one with GOD and thee...
I'm one with calm, with wind and rain, one
with light on golden grain;
I'm one with earth, and sky, and sea, and one
with time-eternity.
So, weep awhile! But do not mourn! I am not
here; I am reborn.
Only my form lies 'neath this earthy sod;
The real me, at last, is one with GOD.
==============================
Lindsay G. King
September 20, 1983