Someone you have fun with. Someone you talk to. Someone who's there to support you in a crisis. Someone who respects you and loves you for who you are, even if they don't always agree with your choices. Someone you know won't betray you, in words or in actions. A friend is someone you choose to trust, spend time with, value and respect. A friend is your chosen family. What is family to you, and that will also be your friend.
YouthWorker
Posted on: 04/23/2011 15:17
I think it's hard to define what a friend is... a friend is someone you chose to have a relationship with -- and there typically should be shared interests, values, or activities that give the friendship some substance. However, this isn't always required, though it makes friendships a bit trickier -- but there still needs to be something that drives the friendship... in cases where I really don't share anything in common with a friend, we've got mutual interest in each other's lives that is sort of the driving factor of the friendship -- we enjoy talking to each other.
I happened to watch an episode of Flight of the Chonchords on DVD last night -- and it was the one about friendships.
Dang it -- still can't get the videos to work -- follow the links if interested.
That's not an easy question to answer, because I find I have friends at many different levels, from Facebook friends to people I've known all my life. I have a few friends who know everything there is to know about me, and other friends to whom I wouldn't reveal my middle name or birthdate, let alone anything really important. I like Footprint's phrase, 'chosen family'. It's a voluntary, intentional mutual interrelationship, supportive always, argumentative sometimes, durable and life enhancing.
Now, how close did we come to answeing the question?
somegalfromcan
Posted on: 04/23/2011 16:11
For me, a friend is someone that you enjoy spending time with and who makes you feel good about yourself.
gecko46
Posted on: 04/23/2011 16:36
Most things I would state have already been posted:
- a good listener, someone you can call whenever and know it's OK, but also someone who respects your desire to be silent too - if you don't want to talk it's OK
- non-judgemental, respects you even with your warts. Comfortable to be around
- fun to be with - shared values and interests and prepared to be a little crazy sometimes and do things on the spur of the moment.
- trust is very important. Someone who won't stab you in the back or betray you
- a relationship by choice - you are friends because you choose to be and you plan to make it last - durable is a good word
- someone who will understand and comfort you when you are sad, but will laugh with you at the most bizarre things
- someone who is honest with you, even though sometimes it may hurt
- someone who respects and allows you to explore other relationships
- I like what what RB said above - that we have friends on many levels
I have a long-time friend I don't see much but when we get together we can be comfortable immediately, as though we saw each other yesterday - I expect pretty much everyone has a friend like that.
Elanorgold
Posted on: 04/24/2011 16:17
All wonderful answers folks : ) Thanks.
Pilgrims Progress
Posted on: 04/24/2011 17:03
gecko46 wrote:
- non-judgemental, respects you even with your warts.
Geck, re warts.
Have you noticed as you age you get more of the little buggers?
I consider you a cyber friend - and if you lived nearby you'd likely be a "real" friend.
Elanorgold
Posted on: 04/24/2011 17:09
YW, chuckle chuckle. Sure liked the friend chart clip. Reminds me of how hubby and I once drew up a chart each of "principal friends" making a bar for each friend, with x=time, and a little cartoon of the friend above, charting how they overlapped. ; )
Loading the musical number now.
naman
Posted on: 04/26/2011 04:49
What is a friend? I think that I should start by choosing to be my own best friend. How can I identify with others if I do not have a satisfactory identification with myself?
Elanor, I am wondering why some of my friends are actually toxic friends. Any ideas how to be a friend to toxic friends?
Elanorgold
Posted on: 04/26/2011 11:24
I don't know. I think we'd need more info as to what's toxic in the friendship.
naman
Posted on: 04/27/2011 05:56
Short answer.- Toxic friends are people who leave you dragged down by their problems.
Elanorgold
Posted on: 04/27/2011 11:32
I think, a friendship has to be reciprocal. If a friend is not a friend to you after a period of time, which differs from person to person, then the friendship may be over. One has to look after one's self. I think people have limits. Sometimes a once friend's problems become too great for their friend to manage or help with.
Elanorgold
Posted on: 04/27/2011 11:36
YouthWOrker, I loved the friends musical number! Sent it on a bunch of folks. : D
naman
Posted on: 04/28/2011 05:04
Elanorgold wrote:
I think, a friendship has to be reciprocal.........
Agreed, However, in this discussion, I probably should have used the word codependency rather than toxic friends. This refers to dysfunctional aspects in some of my friendships. Not necessarily disaster, but room for improvement.
The_Omnissiah
Posted on: 05/08/2011 23:35
There are different levels of friends, but to be overly simplistic; a friend is someone who fulfills an emotional need, to be recognized and appreciated, and to recognize and appreciate.
Different levels of friends may manifest different traits, such as putting effort into communication beyond what an acquaintance might make (even when replies are not forthcoming), and being willing to stand by someone even in their darkest hour.
My main criterion for being a true friend is appreciating someone's lot in life as a human being. I have many friends from delinquents, to academics, to politicians, to drop outs, to nerds, to teachers. And I appreciate each on a level of their own, and try not a weigh them against each other.
As-salaamu alaikum
-Omni
somegirl
Posted on: 05/10/2011 20:02
I think that there are different levels of friendship. When I found out that my mom was dying I realized that I didn't really have any social contact outside of workplace chit chat. I decided to cultivate friendships and as a result I now have two very excellent friends who I can really depend on to help me out and they can depend on me. I have other people in my life that I could depend on for different things but my best friends are there for me no matter what. They know just about everything about me and I love them.
Wesoly
Posted on: 05/10/2011 21:07
A friend does not abandon you, even when you should have followed their advice. Friends dont say "I told you so", instead they pick you up and help you move forward.
The most comforting thing a friend has told me when I have encountered a struggle is "We'll get through this together"....they remind you that you are not alone :)
I think the greatest gift you can give another person is your time and your love. To be a good friend, you should give both.
Tiger Lily
Posted on: 05/10/2011 22:10
Somegirl!!!! Maybe we have been on different threads but I haven't bumped into you in a while. So happy to see your post
TL
Elanorgold
Posted on: 06/03/2011 23:05
A late reply here, That's great to hear Somegirl, about those friends. Way to go.
Omni, good thought there too. I often have to remind myself that though they don't reply doesn't mean they don't care. When they do write, they put care into their response.
Wesoly, True.
Thank you for your thoughts everybody, I appreciate them and can tell they were carefully thought out..
cjlmarsch
Posted on: 06/08/2011 20:28
True friendships are ones that are meant to be by God. I often wish that I got to see my best friend out in Nova Scotia more often but our adult work lives have lead us in different directions.
I do pray that I could find a good female friend here in Winnipeg that has a pre-teen son just like we do.
Comments
footprints165
Posted on: 04/23/2011 15:02
Someone you have fun with. Someone you talk to. Someone who's there to support you in a crisis. Someone who respects you and loves you for who you are, even if they don't always agree with your choices. Someone you know won't betray you, in words or in actions. A friend is someone you choose to trust, spend time with, value and respect. A friend is your chosen family. What is family to you, and that will also be your friend.
YouthWorker
Posted on: 04/23/2011 15:17
I think it's hard to define what a friend is... a friend is someone you chose to have a relationship with -- and there typically should be shared interests, values, or activities that give the friendship some substance. However, this isn't always required, though it makes friendships a bit trickier -- but there still needs to be something that drives the friendship... in cases where I really don't share anything in common with a friend, we've got mutual interest in each other's lives that is sort of the driving factor of the friendship -- we enjoy talking to each other.
I happened to watch an episode of Flight of the Chonchords on DVD last night -- and it was the one about friendships.
Dang it -- still can't get the videos to work -- follow the links if interested.
Murray has some interesting ideas of how a friend is defined (and this video consists of two clips, so there's a bit of a jump in the middle)...
And, if you're familiar with the show, there's always the musical numbers...
redbaron338
Posted on: 04/23/2011 15:54
That's not an easy question to answer, because I find I have friends at many different levels, from Facebook friends to people I've known all my life. I have a few friends who know everything there is to know about me, and other friends to whom I wouldn't reveal my middle name or birthdate, let alone anything really important. I like Footprint's phrase, 'chosen family'. It's a voluntary, intentional mutual interrelationship, supportive always, argumentative sometimes, durable and life enhancing.
Now, how close did we come to answeing the question?
somegalfromcan
Posted on: 04/23/2011 16:11
For me, a friend is someone that you enjoy spending time with and who makes you feel good about yourself.
gecko46
Posted on: 04/23/2011 16:36
Most things I would state have already been posted:
- a good listener, someone you can call whenever and know it's OK, but also someone who respects your desire to be silent too - if you don't want to talk it's OK
- non-judgemental, respects you even with your warts. Comfortable to be around
- fun to be with - shared values and interests and prepared to be a little crazy sometimes and do things on the spur of the moment.
- trust is very important. Someone who won't stab you in the back or betray you
- a relationship by choice - you are friends because you choose to be and you plan to make it last - durable is a good word
- someone who will understand and comfort you when you are sad, but will laugh with you at the most bizarre things
- someone who is honest with you, even though sometimes it may hurt
- someone who respects and allows you to explore other relationships
- I like what what RB said above - that we have friends on many levels
I have a long-time friend I don't see much but when we get together we can be comfortable immediately, as though we saw each other yesterday - I expect pretty much everyone has a friend like that.
Elanorgold
Posted on: 04/24/2011 16:17
All wonderful answers folks : ) Thanks.
Pilgrims Progress
Posted on: 04/24/2011 17:03
- non-judgemental, respects you even with your warts.
Geck, re warts.
Have you noticed as you age you get more of the little buggers?
I consider you a cyber friend - and if you lived nearby you'd likely be a "real" friend.
Elanorgold
Posted on: 04/24/2011 17:09
YW, chuckle chuckle. Sure liked the friend chart clip. Reminds me of how hubby and I once drew up a chart each of "principal friends" making a bar for each friend, with x=time, and a little cartoon of the friend above, charting how they overlapped. ; )
Loading the musical number now.
naman
Posted on: 04/26/2011 04:49
What is a friend? I think that I should start by choosing to be my own best friend. How can I identify with others if I do not have a satisfactory identification with myself?
Elanor, I am wondering why some of my friends are actually toxic friends. Any ideas how to be a friend to toxic friends?
Elanorgold
Posted on: 04/26/2011 11:24
I don't know. I think we'd need more info as to what's toxic in the friendship.
naman
Posted on: 04/27/2011 05:56
Short answer.- Toxic friends are people who leave you dragged down by their problems.
Elanorgold
Posted on: 04/27/2011 11:32
I think, a friendship has to be reciprocal. If a friend is not a friend to you after a period of time, which differs from person to person, then the friendship may be over. One has to look after one's self. I think people have limits. Sometimes a once friend's problems become too great for their friend to manage or help with.
Elanorgold
Posted on: 04/27/2011 11:36
YouthWOrker, I loved the friends musical number! Sent it on a bunch of folks. : D
naman
Posted on: 04/28/2011 05:04
I think, a friendship has to be reciprocal.........
Agreed, However, in this discussion, I probably should have used the word codependency rather than toxic friends. This refers to dysfunctional aspects in some of my friendships. Not necessarily disaster, but room for improvement.
The_Omnissiah
Posted on: 05/08/2011 23:35
There are different levels of friends, but to be overly simplistic; a friend is someone who fulfills an emotional need, to be recognized and appreciated, and to recognize and appreciate.
Different levels of friends may manifest different traits, such as putting effort into communication beyond what an acquaintance might make (even when replies are not forthcoming), and being willing to stand by someone even in their darkest hour.
My main criterion for being a true friend is appreciating someone's lot in life as a human being. I have many friends from delinquents, to academics, to politicians, to drop outs, to nerds, to teachers. And I appreciate each on a level of their own, and try not a weigh them against each other.
As-salaamu alaikum
-Omni
somegirl
Posted on: 05/10/2011 20:02
I think that there are different levels of friendship. When I found out that my mom was dying I realized that I didn't really have any social contact outside of workplace chit chat. I decided to cultivate friendships and as a result I now have two very excellent friends who I can really depend on to help me out and they can depend on me. I have other people in my life that I could depend on for different things but my best friends are there for me no matter what. They know just about everything about me and I love them.
Wesoly
Posted on: 05/10/2011 21:07
A friend does not abandon you, even when you should have followed their advice. Friends dont say "I told you so", instead they pick you up and help you move forward.
The most comforting thing a friend has told me when I have encountered a struggle is "We'll get through this together"....they remind you that you are not alone :)
I think the greatest gift you can give another person is your time and your love. To be a good friend, you should give both.
Tiger Lily
Posted on: 05/10/2011 22:10
Somegirl!!!! Maybe we have been on different threads but I haven't bumped into you in a while. So happy to see your post
TL
Elanorgold
Posted on: 06/03/2011 23:05
A late reply here, That's great to hear Somegirl, about those friends. Way to go.
Omni, good thought there too. I often have to remind myself that though they don't reply doesn't mean they don't care. When they do write, they put care into their response.
Wesoly, True.
Thank you for your thoughts everybody, I appreciate them and can tell they were carefully thought out..
cjlmarsch
Posted on: 06/08/2011 20:28
True friendships are ones that are meant to be by God. I often wish that I got to see my best friend out in Nova Scotia more often but our adult work lives have lead us in different directions.
I do pray that I could find a good female friend here in Winnipeg that has a pre-teen son just like we do.