Something small and intimate, maybe outdoors or at least in a setting that feels like it (I think there are some indoor gardens around here that allow weddings). Family and close friends only, plus a UU chaplain or clergy to officiate. Depending on the feasibility of thes setting, might hire my church's one pianist and his wife (an opera-trained soprano) to provide music. Reception catered by one of our favorite restaurants (one is Chinese, the other Viet-Thai). Maybe see if I can get some of the local musicians that I know through church to perform at the reception, but that would be splurging.

Big, overdone theme weddings just seem to rob the occasion of real meaning IMHO.

Mendalla

My wife and I had a perfect wedding: the two of us, a dozen yellow roses, two dear, close friends as witnesses, a brief ceremony in the Registry Office and a meal together.

I've also see community weddings in South America: several couples sharing a ceremony followed by a community turnout in the square: musicians coming to have fun and enjoy the food and wine brought along by the people who want to dance and enjoy the fun and share the couples' joy, and everyone there pins money to the brides' dresses — so, instead of ending the day with a mountain of debt, the couples go home with gifts of cash to help them start a home together and a resounding affirmation of the friendship of the whole community.

Commercialising weddings, funerals and other "rites de passage" makes me sick. Even love and death are turned into mere commodities by legions of parasites.

the wedding wouln't matter nearly as much as the GROOM!

and I am quite sure I haven't met him yet but am open to suggestions!

Me too!

That said, I would want to get married in my home church, by a minister who knows me, surrounded by those who know and love us. I'd love to have my reception on the beach, catered by a favourite restaurant (like Mendalla, one of my faves could be described as Asian fusion). I'd love to have the food be locally sourced, if possible.

For the honeymoon, I'd like to go somewhere that I've never been before - somewhere really romantic. I'm thinking a cruise or a resort somewhere tropical would be fun.

I don't think the wedding matters very much. It's the marriage that counts. And that commitment should be in place before the wedding… WHY do you want a wedding?

That said the chapel at Naramata followed by a Barbeque on the beach, OR  a weekend at a camp so we have time with family and friends not just a ceremony OR something else fun

Married by a minister whether that be outdoors or in a church....

I already had my dream wedding - the whole congregation was invited to the service, music was provided by a band of amateur musicians and their children, a wedding dress my wife made herself, a potluck supper for the reception, and a square dance to top it off. Tabitha was there too (not as the bride)!

Definitely not a destination wedding where the wedding isn't as important as the destination and the price tag is the indicator of its value. Our wedding lived out our values - treat the earth gently, value your commitment, and save your treasure for things that really matter. But that would be counter-cultural now. Of course, it was counter-cultural then too.

This is lovely. Thanks Mike, your wedding makes me feel fuzzy about mine, and better too. It sounds very similar. Thank you. I agree about comercialized weddings, the partnership is the important part. I would have liked my parents to be there though, and my best friend, to witness it and share in it. And we should have told our boss and had the day off work. Plus a couple other details that weren't what I had dreamed. But that's only in hindsight. It was really fun : )

That south American one sounds fun too.

And Mendalla, You're right too about overdone weddings. It is a terrible, huge, manipulative industry.

But if I could, I would have it in Sherwood, and my dress would be something like my current avatar, and I would deck hubby out in 18th c gentleman's wear, a black frock coat, knee breeches and lacey shirt!! Otherwise an unbleached hippy tunic would be nice, with a tied handwoven belt and loose trousers, and we'd both wear wreathes on our heads, mine with pink flowers, his of leaves. A UU minister would probly be a good one to preside, as he could say what we wanted as it pertains to our views. The standard justice of the peace seems too dissinterested and legal minded.

Our registrar was cute though. He was more nervous than we were! I don't think he'd ever served as the minister before.

Yes spiritbear your wedding was fun! (I stood up for the bride-I was a best person). That was the season of weddings wasn't it? Many of our friends got married that summer-all different weddings-but in Hindsight they were all fairly low key comapred to what seems to be happening now. And in those days there were no Bridezillas.

Not married. 

If we had a wedding it would likely be something to do for the kids.  A show that they could shine at. I wonder if it would have anything at all to do with our relationship. 

Wedding?    I'm more interested in building a marriage, but a wedding would be part of it.  

Ideal:    In my home church; I would like my husband and I to stand in the presence of God, family and friends and declare our love and commitment to each other.  I would like my minister to pronounce guide us through and pronounce the words, and sign the register - but he wouldn't marry me, my husband would.  

I'd like our family, children and grandchildren to come forward and bless us  (I guess this is a renewal of vows since we've been married almost 50 years).   Then I would like my sisters and their families and his brothers and theirs, and anyone else from the congregation to come forward with their blessings.  

Afterwards we would adjourn to the church lawn (hey, this is make believe; we can have a church lawn).    There we would partake in a 'planned' pot luck dinner  (someone would provide a big roast of beef, someone else a barbequed salmon; with baked potatoes, and potato salad, other salads and vegie dishes,  deserts, punch (both sunshine and moonshine).    

And we would have a big sign, welcoming any passerbys to join us - especially those 'downtown' folk who escape from their dreary rooming houses and conjugate on the church steps.   

We would make a short speach, thanking the people, and then people would be free to propose toasts.  There would be music.  People would circulate.   The children would run around.  

For the honeymoon - perhaps instead of gifts those who wanted to give something could approach our daughter and she might suggest contributing to out dream trip.    We would take a train across Canada, with frequent stops where we might take a few hours or a few days to meet with WonderCafe friends and/or get to know the people and that part of the country.  

Wedding dress - something attractive that I will wear again and again, or pass on to my granddaughter.

My wedding came pretty close :)

I would change a few things, I wish that some of the people who couldn't make it were there, that some of the people who did make it but weren't feeling so great felt much better, that it could have lasted longer without anyone being tired, that the sun would have stayed out of our eyes for all the pictures, the church that I went to was somehow one of those gorgeous, elaborate old catholic churches (without being catholic!) and that the person marrying us was someone we were close to.  For things that money could buy I wish the venue itself was more beautiful, but it was pretty good once the linens were added, that the cake looked more like I wanted it too (but hey, it tasted great!), that the bridesmaid dresses had just shown up fitting them perfectly, that the guys vests were as we had ordered them (with my husband wearing something slightly different), food for a cocktail hour, maybe more elaborate food for late night, our names in lighting (I saw this at a featured wedding for someone I actually knew and thought it was gorgeous, but expensive!), bows for the chairs, limos for at least everyone who came for the pictures (I know some relatives would really enjoy that), maybe even for everyone, maybe more elaborate favours like crystal candy dishes with our names and date engraved on the bottom to hold the chocolates, and a pro videographer to capture the entire day rather than a friend who could only get the ceremony.

My nephew's wedding had a pro photographer, and she was really gettng in the way alot, and she didn't hae any syumpathy or particular concern for the wedding party, even getting frustrated with us at one point. I guess the photos turned out well, but someone who cared would have been nicer.

Anyway, Seeler and Chemgal, they both sound really nice.

For food at mine, I'd have it served on long tables out in the woods, a medieval themed feast with roast venison, and all English produced foods that were available back then. That would be fun and educational! With dandelion or elderflower wine, and non alc versions as well.  And dainties for dessert, with a two tier mild fuit cake. Guests would probly ammount to about 20, people who love us, not the people who just tag along because it's family. With medieval minstrels playing under a colourful themed tent. That would be fun.

I remember a wedding in Germany when I was a kid. The bride was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen, and I wished I could be her one day. It was dreamlike. ANd the children all danced in a ring with her. That felt like part of the custom, maybe to symbolize the children to come.

We hired the boyfriend of one of my co-workers (and, IIRC, the son of another co-worker). He was just starting out as a pro, so his fee was very reasonable and included the negatives with full rights. Did a bang up job.

I wouldn't say that our wedding was my dream wedding. Ended up bigger that I really wanted (though we had enough no-shows that the number wasn't too bad in the end) and family pressure ended our initial thought of using a UU chaplain (we weren't really UU yet in those days, just investigating it) but the minister of my family's United Church was the one I helped find during my stint on a search committee so can't really complain about having him do it. It came close, I guess, and the important piece, as others have alluded to, is that I had my dream bride and the marriage has held up over close to twenty years.

Mendalla

I'm surprised at how many of you want to have a minister marry you.   I always thought that you married each other.   The minister usually simply presides at the wedding.   Unless of course it is his own wedding - then I think he would have another minister preside.

Yeah, that would be neat to see a minister marry himself and his bride. SOrt of like the star of a film also being the director... Lol, imagine... he's moving from beside the bride to infront, to say both parts... chckle chuckle... But I know what you mean Seeler.

I like the idea of someone of spiritual importance presiding. I used to imagine my Uncle dressed up as Herne the Hunter, a forest deity, presiding, in the guise of Herne. Herne who is just a man wearing a dear head and skin cape, but who sais, "All of us can be gods! All of us!" My uncle was a spiritual guide for me in my teens.

It is interesting though, yes. I like the "by the power invested in me" bit. Funny for an atheist eh!

Mine wasn't a wedding really. It was a register signing. We wore regular clothes. I wore a slightly discoloured thrift store skirt, at least not pants. I didn't have my wedding dress, but at least my skirt was long and flowing. The vows took all of 4 minuits, but the giggling was fun. We were all in such high spirits. I have one dark photo of that. I had my second best friend there, for which I was so glad. A little piece of home she was. And my in laws bless them, brought a small fruit cake with icing, and stayed the night before heading home. Hubby's gran was there too. SHe was an old dear. She thought I was quite the catch for her grandson, and I've got this sweet photo of her and me arm around each other. Then we went back to work for the evening shift, and I told my mom what I'd done the following day. Big regret there. She was heartbroken.

I would like to have the traditional Church wedding.  Walk down the aisle in a big white dress and then supper and a dance at the Rec Centre.

I would also like to have my Dad give me away at the altar.  Its the symbolism.  Since that won't happen I'm sure my brother in law would stand in.

Mrs. M.'s parents couldn't come over for the wedding but there were some relatives by marriage (her aunt's in-laws) living in the US who came up and one of them stood in. I didn't actually meet my father-in-law and mother-in-law until we'd been married two years.

Mendalla

Item: 

That is the point.  We are all ministers and all have the ability to marry ourselves.  No one need tell us we are married.  Only we can tell ourselves whether we are married or not.  Expecting the minsiter to carry the "truth" of the action of marriage is ridiculous, really.

As for me, if it is fantasy and magic, "God" would witness our marriage to each other ( Quakers do this and just tell the collective that they are married, and as I have a lot of Quaker in my background, it was not difficult for me to tell when this happened  -  finally) and drop a house at our feet with a healthy down payment. 

Oh but jlin, we need that little piece of paper to make it legal.  (How come there is no icon for 'tongue in cheek').     

I think this is true for a lot of us who do still go through with the formalities. Certainly, for us, the wedding was about celebrating, announcing, and legalizing something we clearly already had. Yes, we saw it as a "breakpoint" in the relationship on some levels but I think the Quaker idea fits us to to a tea. I've never actually been or known a Quaker, but there's much about that tradition that appeals to me as I've read about it over the years.

Mendalla

A Quaker friend of mine (years ago) told me that for his wedding, he and his bride went to the meeting place at a time of gathering.  Everybody sat in silence until somebody felt moved to speak.  At one point, he got up, walked over to where his intended was sitting, declared his love, made some vows - she replied in turn - and they were married.   I think afterwards they and some of the witnesses signed the legal documents.  

That's good to know Mendalla, about your inlaws. Hubby didn't meet my parents til after either.

I didn't klnow about the Quaker way. That's neat. I could say the same too. We were married by the Fates and by Nature, in our first month of meeting, as we walked under the Hawthorn flowers. Yet I still had to call him my "boyfriend" or partner, til we were married and I could finally say "husband". I comforted myself, that my best friend had been there when Nature wed us. Sadly, she couldn't join in the joy then, she was too jealous. : (  Then when we got our first rental home together, boy! That was a big step and felt soooo good. I wrote to my friend that my homemaking instincts were salivating at bay to get into that house! Happy times.

My dream wedding would be to marry the love of my life :)