Hey Gordo,
Here's another one for you. Why get ordained? Basically the same issue, isn't it? Kind of a covenant relationship? Why not just live together with the church? I do. I guess you might say that, at least in my relationship to church, I'm living in sin. I like a good lay. Laity? Lay-person? Whatever.

Seriously though, why can't church be lay driven? Put all you guys out of business? How is the minister's role not a dramatization of power in relationship?

Why get married in a church? Don't get married in a church! Because marriage is one more enactment of an unholy way of relating - God over church, minister over flock, man over woman. That, at least, is my theory. Of course, by the time I had the background & maturity to come up with such a theory, well ... I'd had my church wedding. That was 18 years ago. Seems to have stuck.

Still, maybe it's time for a renewal of vows. But without the vows, just the renewal. And without church. Say, in a forest somewhere.

I think a lot of people choose a church wedding because of tradition and because they want to make a big deal of getting married. They've probably already done every other "special" thing a couple can do, have sex, live together, have children, and they're searching for some importance. A church wedding may symbolize the big step they're taking. I'm not saying I agree with it, I actually find it somewhat blasphemous and disrespectful. When I got married, I was unsure about how I felt about God or church but I did feel that getting married in a church would be making a mockery of my union and of the church. Instead I was married by a JP in a lovely secular setting. I never questioned the validity of my marriage even now, when I've settled my religion issues. My marriage is real and true, no matter where it occured and I'm pretty sure God thinks so too.

You have a church wedding as you include God in your wedding. There are 3 people involved in marriage, the husband, the wife, and God. God is the cornerstone in which all marriages should be based and if so, would be a lifelong marriage.

Yes, a marriage performed in a faith community adds in a different aspect to the relationship "here they acknowledge that the vows they make today are more than just a legal bond" as I say in the service.

BUt what is it that pulls people to seek that "more than jst a legal bond". FOr some it might be tradition, or to keep grandma happy. For others it might be the nudge to something deeper. THat is why I ask ti of couples, that is why I asked it here.

Personally, I think the church should get out of the marriage business! People should be married by the civil authority of they Province and then ask the church for a blessing if they so desire.

Weddings are big business for the church and many couples go into debt before they are married just to pay the cost. What a way to start out married life.

Blessings
Bro. John-Anthony

Wow that was very insightful:

"Personally, I think the church should get out of the marriage business! People should be married by the civil authority of they Province and then ask the church for a blessing if they so desire."

What a great idea!

My brother-in-law to be recently got married in a hotel. My partner's family is quite catholic. So none of them attended. He was extremely hurt and it made him disrespect them and their faith. I am just a christian, not of any denomination really, though i follow most of the beliefs of the united church. My partner is the same. We attended his brother's wedding and were happy too. Personally we didn't care if they got married in a church or a hotel because they were not religious, we went to support them (no matter how boring the whole thing was - 4 hrs of photoes????!!)

To me, it should be the same for all. If you are not religious then you should feel no obligation to get married in any church, and if you do get married in a church for whatever reason then that doesn't mean that your relationship is any more special than if you got married outside of a church. If you are religious then you should have the choice. When I read bible passages about marriage I find God telling us that marriage should be between the two people and god. The entire marriage. Not just the ceremony. If for whatever reason the two people were unable to get married in a church then that shouldn't alter the spiritual validity of their marriage. It is their entire married life together that should show how valid their marriage is under God.

In respect to the original question asked, because I kind of went off on a tangent there, I have no freakin' idea! My sister-in-law got married in church and neither of them were religious. My best guess is that it's to please relatives that may have strict opinions about such a thing, or maybe just to make them come to the ceremony. I know that if my brother-in-law got married in a church then his relatives would have all come.

Hi Gordo, here's my two cents worth.

I don't think it matters if your wedding is performed in a Church, I think it matters whether or not God is part of the ceremony. As embarassed as I am to say it now, prior to my first marriage I sat in the minister's office at the Church we were to be married in and said, "we don't care which order of service you use, we just want to have everyone out of here in 15 minutes". We got married in a Church because you were supposed to, it had nothing to do with God and everything to do with tradition and the 150+ guests.

You'll notice I said "first" marriage...no surprise, something was missing.

Now being part of a Christian partnership, and having grown considerably over the years since my first marriage, both in age and faith, I would say the exact opposite will apply next time around - it won't matter if it's in a Church or not, but it will have everything to do with God.

Funny how things change, eh?

I really don't have time to be present at every ceremony. Besides I only have one suit.

Hey God,

I respect someone who acknowledges their limits. Since you've condescended to spend some time here with us, there's something I've been meaning to ask you. If I lift up those flowing robes of yours, what'll I see?

I have Scottish ancestry :) and I'm also a gentleperson too polite to graphically describe what you will see.

I will say it's windy up here though and chaffing is definitely a problem.

god, you give me the best laughs!!!

For me, the reason to be married in a church was two-fold. One, the Church we were married in was the place I grew up in, first met God in & had wonderful faith filled memories of. This would be the "tradition" part, you know, the kind that pleases your grandmother.

The other reason, was that I felt our union should be witnessed by God in the place I felt closest to Him. Obviously, there are plenty of other places, but the altar on which we were married is the same one on which I was baptised & confirmed. There is something very powerful about that connection & I know I felt the presence of God throughout the sacred vows my husband & I made. There was no question in my mind that when we prayed for God to bless our union & be with us through our lives, that the answer was a resounding "I am with you always".

I think that your choice of place for the wedding is very personal, and as far as the expense of a wedding goes, we were married in a small town church 6 years ago, I think we paid the church, in total $300. That included the minister & the organist. I could have been married in a potato sack, but chose a $600 dress instead, and the reception was well over both those amounts, so I don't think it is the church who got rich. (It was the caterer!)

Blessings.

Gordo I think I got married in the church, because I wanted the minister as he is a servant of the Most High, to bless my marriage in His name, and also have the blessing of the congregation.

My question is; Why get married in the first place? Now I'm not all against marrage or anything, I just think it's a lot of money, time and headaches all for a piece of paper and a shared surname. Do you really need to get married to spend the rest of your life with your best friend??

PErfectly good question Devin.

But I would point out that getting married doesn't HAVE to mean a lot of money. THe big party is purely optional--you could get married in a purely private meting with a JP (2 witnesses are all that is needed). OR you could get married as a part of Sunday morning worship. Culture has sold people on the big show but it is optional.

Even if you don't believe in God that doesn't mean you might not believe later. When undertaking something as serious as a marriage it is good to have all the bases covered. Its like superstition. Yeah sure, maybe it isn't unlucky to spill salt and maybe it isn't necessary to throw a little over your left shoulder so that it gets in the devil's eyes, but it's kind of fun and there is really no downside. In any case, if the devil might really be coming up over your left shoulder to take you, any extra protection is welcome...

... Same thing with getting married in a church.

For my more serious answer you can't do better than refer to sylviac's post above.

My boyfriend and I are planning on getting engaged this year, and the question of where we want the ceremony to be has been a hot topic. He is athiest, and I am a member of the United Church.

I want to get married in the Church because the Church is the Lord's house, and I want him to witness my vows and the vows my husband will make to me. I want God to see my dedication to my husband, and I want him to see how important it is to me to have such a life altering, life-long event occur in His home.

If ever I am in doubt during my marriage, I can look back to my wedding day and remember the vows that I took in the presence of God and perhaps that will make me want to "tough it out" just a little bit more.

I agree with those who say that the important issue is God's presence, not the building. One can find God in a church, and one can miss God there. One can also find God at a wedding in a field, or reception hall, or anywhere elese.

So if the question is about the building specifically, than my answer would be:
a) for the aesthetics
b) for the sake of family tradition
c) because YOU want to

c) is the only answer I would really consider relevant.

RevMatt, I totally agree. The place is not important. 28 years ago we were married in a small hall with family & friends present. God was also there. My son resently got married in a small banquet room - God was present there as well. A friend's daughter will be married at a campsite this summer - I am certain God will attend this ceremony as well. I find God is present where those of faith are present - one or more of us.

Jennitilly I think a compromise on this choice will go a long way to setting the foundation for the future. May God guide you in this decision.

You do not have to married in a church in order to have a "church" wedding. In my grandmother's day it was common for many Protestants to married in the bride's family home or the back garden with a cleregyman (as it would have been then) presiding. God just loves the fresh air of an out-of-church wedding.
As a JP I am not allowed to do or say anything remotely religious but I have co-presided with clergy. Those situations arose because the clergy persons were not licenced in & by this province to do weddings.

Why the church?

There is something very powerful about connecting a very important time in your life to your values and beliefs. I supposed this is because as a couple you need to understand your values and beliefs and agree how to share your lives. Also, when you struggle in your relationship and in life it is nice to be able to fall back on your values and beliefs to help guide you and give you strength.

For me it is important to publicly declare my commitment to my spouse as well as the values we share. This way others can support us and we can support each other.

During our first visit with our minister we said that we were not sure if we wanted a church wedding but we were interested in having a spiritual wedding --- nothing too "religious and churchy" -- He laughed kindly and asked if we knew he was UC Minister that we were in a church!

He recognised that we were uncomfortable with the Bible says kind of thing but were more interested in what values the bible teaches. He also told us we were welcome anytime at the chruch and that invitiation is always there and open. I know that might seem obvious to some but it was still a really nice thing to hear.

I knew then that we were going to be married by the church. You can never have enough support in one's life. He also reffered me to this website and said -- church services aren't for everyone. He accepted us and our beliefs. He did not judge our commitment to the religion or God.

My fiance and I will be getting married at the United Church near our home this summer. I attended services there until I was 7 or so -- my fiance has never attended church although his background is Christian. I did go check out a service recently but I doubt we will attend chruch after our marriage. Perhapse I will become a holiday worshipper -- maybe. Just to keep in touch .... support is a two-way street, right?

The way I look at it if God loves us and we respect God then how often we pray or go to chruch is irrelevant to our marriage being blessed.

Don't you think God would think it was great that us non-church going believers feel brave enough to venture into a church and declare our faith in Christianity and each other?