P.S. Feel free to email me with your response if you prefer (via wondermail). Thanks

Personally, I would advise... unless the church that you're now in is as a desert, a wasteland, for you, keep going there. If you are not growing as a Christian at all, if you are not gaining anything of spiritual value, if there is no fellowship with the others there, it may be time for you to move on.

The Bible warns of Christians "having a form of godliness, but denying its power.  Have nothing to do with them (2 Timothy 3:5)."   You need to find a church that feeds your spirit, a church where you can just feast on God's loving presence and bask in the supportive unconditional love of the other members.  Don't rely on "the right denomination" to find such a church, but do create a planned program of church hopping.  Ask God to reveal the right church for you, and then trust your instincts as you visit churches.  Call each church first and feel free to ask the pastor or contact person the questions that might lead to a good fit.  If you attend a mega church, find out how active their small group ministry is, so you can be nurtured in an intimate atmosphere where you can be challenged and flourish.  Think out of the box and try new worship styles such as Christian Quakers and charismatic Catholic and Anglican (Episcopal) churches.  Please send me a PM or post on your thread if your quest is finally satisfied.   Your report of a successful quest would deeply satisfy me.

Analyse what it is that you need differently.

My Ex needed more structure and rules and was against gay marriage- he found his perfect place with the Catholics.

you might also try out retreats. UCC places or monasteries, or maybe there is summer camps for adults somewhere.

Denominations and churches are like a buffet.  You can pick and choose something more to your liking and gravitate to that group.  If a church isn't doing it for you, go down the buffet table and find something that suits you.  Look at it as an adventure and enjoy.

Only problem is, when I go to a buffet I can only eat 1 or 2 plates before being sick of the food! lol

Hah!  This is the question, isn't it!  Finding a perfectly fitting church denomination is not easy if your beliefs and your views are not so cut and dry... and most people's aren't. 

Personally, after years and years and years (okay, only about 10 but still) of searching, after having joined and left two other denominations, and having church-hopped for a long long time, I finally settled down on the UCC because there just isn't a church our there that can meet all my needs.  I have to go elsewhere at times, I have to find literature on the side, I have joined a Bible study that most folks at my church would not touch with ten foot pole...  None of those things fit %100.  I don't think it works like that.  At least not for me.  Different needs are met in different settings.  

I totally relate to the desire you express for a deeper spiritual relationship with God...  but at the same time, I personally, can't sit through a lesson (at an evangelical church) about the abominations of Islam or whatever...  It's not easy.  

I wish you luck in finding your way!

I would say, visit a few different denominations and see what that feels like.  And maybe chat up the minister at your United Church before you leave - you never know!

I understand what you saying, and I can appreciate the fact that no church denomination is going to meet all my needs.... but I also think part of it is finding people in my age range that I can relate to, and the United Church doesn't seem to have those young adults in large numbers.... that's because (I would argue) people my age are looking for a specific style of worship and are looking for a deeper relationship with God, and I just don't find that style at the United Church.

I remember a number of years ago, the United Church was trying organize conferences to figure out how to attract the younger generation to church. I remember going to a Morph conference in Winnipeg and being struck by the presence of the Holy Spirit because of the musical worship style, the contemporary music that is lacking in the United Church. Problem is, when we try to incorporate that into services, we hit a brick wall with congregants who will have none of it.

I need to move on, need to find somewhere that I belong.... it may take me a while, but God willing I will find a church for me.

 --

Alivetoday,

In fairness, many evangelical churches would never dream of preaching hellfire sermons or sermons against Islam.   So also explore the liberal fringe of evangelicalism.  Still, I have a better idea.  Google Church of the Resurrection and Kansas City and read some of Adam Hamilton's sermons.  He pastors the largest United Methodist church in the USA.  His theology is very middle-of-the-road and his church grew from a handful to over 9,000 in about 20 years.  His sermons are a little long, but listening to them might establish the norm you seek.  And among his excellent books is "Seeing Gray in a World of Black and White."  His discussion of issues like the gay controversy is the most moving I have seen anywhere.  He lost over 800 members in a a few months for an inclusive sermon on this issue, but gained many more back in the next year.  Preaching on the gay issue is often unfortunately associated with a significant exodus from many mainline churches, but not his. 

I'm in my mid-30's.  I started looking for a church community in my 20's.  I agree with you.  I have tried several times to take a more active part in one of the church's whose worship style I enjoyed, and whose preaching I found spiritually enriching.  But, I couldn't spend time with the pastor, and I couldn't find others in that church who thought like him or were as eloquent and thoughtful.. So, it came down to the beliefs of the membership.  And there were plenty that were so far away from my own (about the non-believers, about gays and lesbians, and so on) that I couldn't make the connection.  By that point, the worship style just wasn't going to be sufficient to keep me going there.  I can play awesome worship music at home, too.

Someone (I swear, this is not me talking, this really is someone else) once said, don't worry, they'll die soon.  

My UCC actually has a praise band.  Ya, I know.  And the congregants seem okay with it because the kids playing in the band are the church kids they've seen grow up in the church.  It's not brought it from the outside, it's the kids that belong there.  There are still all the hymns and old stuff, so no one is having a hissy fit.  Sometimes it's a matter of time.  Maybe you can start a praise band in your church??  If the kids in ours weren't so young, I'd join myself (love to sing and am told my voice is nice)!  And maybe when I have more time (and my kids are older), I'll put something together with the few folks my age that attend there.

Sometimes you've gotta be the change you want.

Yes, and I do wish you all the best on your path.  Give it time and pray for guidance.  It will come!

Agnieszka

Hi alivetoday:

If, as I believe, every one of us is a unique image of the same Creator God, the each of us has to discover their own unique connection with God. No-one can tell someone else exactly what their uniqueness consists of or which path to tread and how to tread it. We have to find own path and our own goal by ourselves, by our own means, with our own tools and in our own good time.

Although every one of us is a unique being, we also are united as one in the body of God. There is unity as well as diversity to our being, uniqueness as well as oneness. A congregation or denomination that balances the two might be right for you. Or you can balance them yourself and attend any congregation or denomination as a balanced individual, and be shining example to others.

This little light of mine,

I'm gonna let it shine... 

in the last year ive been to baptist, catholic, anglican, a "street" church, and a mega church (thing)....

ive had best experience with the baptist, i would think you would have a good experience with them, but i would say most importantly,. i am neither of these , i am a disciple of Christ, i dont belong to any of  them, i belong to all of them.

i would suggest, regardless of denominations, a church that teaches Christs way, truth and life. really i have not  found one in the sense of what i would like to see...

does that help?

yes, that does help  my perspective a lot! Thank you.....

If you're looking for middle of the road Alivetoday, I would suggest Methodist, Evangelical Lutheran, Christian Reformed, Convention Baptist, and Presbyterian. There are also some more conservative Untied Churches that might fit the bill (we attended one in Alberta). And try out a local nondenominational or transdenominational church if there is one near you. It might be the right choice. My own denomination is Fellowship Baptist. We're on the right of the spectrum.

I think that if you find your current church not what you are looking for you look around.

But I would start with a conversation with your minister.

Talk to them about what you are missing.  Perhaps they can direct you or assist you.  It may be that you need to find some in depth bible study. 

I would then start visiting churches to listen and hear what they say.

In my experience, a church no mattter what denomination will be a reflection of it's membership and it's minister.  ANd a church will ebb and flow over time.

Certainly my UCC is much more traditional than the ones people speak of here.  And my theology is much more traditional that what most people here speak of.  As is my minister  and we are a large UCC in Toronot

Hi- alivetoday---I think those who have spoken on this thread have given you exlent advise. I liked what Arminius said. You need not leave the church your in, to find more of God. You can go to other churchs to see what they have and bring it back to the church you now belong.Churchs were never ment to be a part  we are one under God.I believe that when we except Jesus as Lord.We are in Gods Plan, and should always question is this were God wants me?Are life is not ares but His.We may not be where we want, but could be were He wants. Your church is what you make it ,If you want to say Praise The Lord ,You will probably  wake up a brother or two,Go ahead.---airclean33 

I have a theory. That most churches are run by a very few. The leaders take precedent and the sheep follow. There's a reason for both.

I think when most people first join a church they are secretly longing for fellowship and something to do. Something to do gives them fellowship.

I'm wondering if alot of churches are neglecting to give worshippers purpose as well as God?

Finding the perfect church has kept me away from churches for about 9 years! There is no right fit. Like with all relationships maybe you need to take the good with the bad?

I wanted a church that was very liberal and open. I have found the United Churches in my area to be very old fashioned and conservative.

There is no perfect church.

kwind

Waterfall - I know that I hoped to find friends and relationship when I joined a church.  Observation and listening to conversations led me to think that the churches were where activities were looking for warm bodies to bring them to fruition.

I found basically friendly people who already had there circle of friends and weren't looking for another one.  I found people who had there role in the church and weren't wanting anyone to help.

Hi kwind. There is no perfect local church. That's something I can easily agree with. However, I do believe that God wants Christians to keep meeting in churches anyway. I see it as important that we receive communion, baptism, and forgiveness for our sins from God's called religious leaders. These are, I believe, key ways through which God builds our faith in Christ.

Hi kwind:

Have you heard the one about the perfect individual and the perfect church?

The perfect individual was looking for a perfect church, and the perfect church for a perfect individual. Alas, the two never found each other.

Im not looking for a perfect church, just one that focus's on the teachings of Christ and encourages those to live their lives accordingly. is that so  wrong?

There is nothing wrong with that, Stephen. On the contrary, it is very commendable.

Mind you the problem lies in that there are a multitude of understandings as to how the church should do/does that.

Therein lies the rub, eh, Gord?

its not confusing about how thats done, in fact it seems avoided.....

What would it look like, to you, stephenbooth? 

What is it that you see avoided?

sharing in Jesus's teachings of the way, the truth and the life......like this one........²³Therefore if thou bring thy gift to the altar, and there rememberest that thy brother hath ought against thee;

 ²⁴Leave there thy gift before the altar, and go thy way; first be reconciled to thy brother, and then come and offer thy gift.

matthew 5:23-24(KJV)...

I agree, Waterfall.  I like the sense of fellowship in my church.  Mind you, this does involve extra work for the parishioners--we serve a full lunch/dinner after every service and we must take on this (plus washing dishes, etc).   But it really gives people an excellent chance to talk and get to know each other.  I am not sure if it is an Eastern Orthodox custom or not (one person from Belarus told me that if you attend a service at a large cathedral in a big city, they don't have anything like this).

The people from the former communist countries (like Belarus) have forgotten what it was like before 1917.