About 40% cremation after traditional service in the funeral home or church. The rest are traditional committal after the service. There is always a funeral home involved (there has to be in Ontario), although from time to time the family call requesting committal of ashes; I just have to ensure they have the burial permit (Huh? What's that? Contact the funeral director!).

One of the more meaningful funeral services that is traditional for family on my mothers side is that the pallbearers lower the casket directly into the grave, then family and friends fill the grave while others sing. I participated and there was more of a sense of closure and bonding

dks? do you happen to know why there is always a funeral home involved in Ontario?

Wrong.  I often have no contact with a funeral home.  THe Nor-WEst Alternative involvement is limited to contact with the family to arrange cremation.  Cemetery stuff is handled by the family in contact with the town (we only have a municipal cemetery). 

You CAN do it yourself, BUT you must comply with all provisions of the law.

http://www.funeralboard.com/public.asp?WCE=C=47|K=223373|RefreshT=223392|RefreshS=Container|RefreshD=2233923

Given the complexity of the law, 99.9% of people use the services of a funeral director. Even Memorial Societies use a funeral director with which they have a contract. Same with the direct disposal (transfer) services. They are usually (if not all) run by funeral directors (whether they say it or not). One of the most delicious ironies (according to those in the industry) is that some of these places are simply a rebranding. The exact same services can be obtained from any funeral director or funeral home in Ontario for a similar cost or, as one funeral director told me, less. The funeral industry in Ontario is highly regulated.

They are running a transfer service, Gord. Interesting read of their web page

http://www.nwfainc.com/faq.html

. You may not know it, but there is someone who is a funeral director (and a funeral home) involved. You may not see them, but they are involved. A memorial society also has to provide the paperwork to the family. It's a reasonable suggestion that there a funeral diretor in the mix there. They may have a contract with a funeral home or a director who runs the transfer service.

BTW, in your area such a service makes a lot of sense. I suspect a traditional funeral home would have a difficult time of making a go of it in your sparsely populated part of Canada.

I have only been to funerals that have burials and bodies in caskets.  I have only been to one funeral that did not have a viewing of the body and that is because the person was torn going through the window in a car accident.

I have also never been to a funeral where the funeral home does not do everything.  I have been to countless funerals as a musician.

Its been quite a few years since my brother drowned in Montreal.  If I remember correctly we contacted a funeral home to pick up the body from the police morgue and arrange for cremation.  We picked out the urn (a small polished wood casket).  After cremation we picked it up at the crematorium.  Since one sister lived just outside Montreal she arranged for a local minister to conduct a memorial service for family and friends.  Then Mr. Seeler and I put the small casket in our car and brought it home to NB.

I contacted the local funeral director with a few questions.  He was an acquaintance.  He invited me up to the funeral home, loaned me some green grave clothes to put around the grave for the commital service, and told me that he didn't need to be involved. 

I contacted the committee for the little rural cemetary where our parents are buried and arranged for a small grave on our plot.  We pay for perpetual care.  Two old friends of the family dug the hole.

I contacted my minister about a commital service - he suggested a courtesy call to the rural minister.  Between them they arranged a full service, with the piano and small church choir.   Family, relatives on my mother's side of the family who lived in the area, old neighbours and school friends from years past attended the service, offered their respects.  and prepared a reception in the community hall. 

I returned the grave clothes with thanks to the undertaker.  My sisters and I sent cash gifts to the cemetery committee, the rural church, and the ministers involved.

That's how we did things in rural NB.

When we lost the twins, we were advised we would have to contact a funeral home for either a burial or cremation.  (well, my husband was...i was in no shape to deal with it).

My brother-in-law went with him...and i think it was the hardest thing he ever did.

I remember walking out empty handed out of the hospital, and somehow feel it would have felt better had I been able to deliver them ...or somehow be a part, rather than leaving them in the hospital "morgue".

The funeral home was kind, and didn't charge us a ton, and our minister had a funeral service in our church for family & very close friends.   It still was not an inexpensive item, between transportation from Hamilton and cremation, and paperwork,etc.

so..though i do get why we want standards...ie you wouldn't want someone in grief refusing to dispose of remains appropriately...at the same time..sometimes our distance / rules seem cold

ACtually one of the quirks of local culture is that there used to be a Funeral Director in town.  When he retired (and has since died, I did his service) he sold his business to a home in Fort Frqances, 1.75 hrs away. My reading is that since that time the numbers of services using that home have steadily declined.  Interestingly, when Bob died it was a FH in Thunder Bay with whom he had worked near the end of his career that handled his service, not the one he had sold out to.

As for NorWest, I suspect most of their clients would also be unaware of any FH involvement (many of them are pre-paid services and at the time of death does the family really worry about who does it as long as it get done properly?).  BUt as far as the service planning there is no assistance--which brings its own little complications until one gets used to it (ushering, reserved signs, flower stands, memorial cards....a bunch of detail stuff)

Anyone:

I'm curious about cremation.  Do the family have any part in observing the actual cremation, accompanying the body, or anything like that ? Once on a TV documentary I saw the family gathered around the furnace or oven.  They could push or set the temperature. I thought it was rather crude and distasteful.

I belong to the Memorial Society in Toronto.  I paid membership  fees of $25. and $35.  for my husband and myself a few years ago.  They give you a list of affliated funeral homes and you choose your own. You go to it and make your own arrangements paying them and paying  for extras if you wish. That's all the involvement of  the  Memorial Society  unless there are problems. I think they may have changed since then but they uphold the present contracts.

I think it would depend on the family, the crematory, and any relevant regulations stardust.

ANother query.  In your experience does family remain while the remains (casket or urn) are lowered or do they allow that to happen after they leave?  I always ask what they want and it tends to run 50/50 in my experience.

ANd to return to my other query from the OP:  why do we do  these services?  or what do you want from a "good" funeral?  I suspect the answer to that line of questioning has changed over the years

GordW: "Why do we have funerals or memorial services?"

It is for the benefit of the family re support  but also to pay homage or respect to the deceased. A brief history of the deceased person's life is given and his/her  accomplishments and impact on others and the world is given by the minister. The message is : You were loved. You were important. Your life mattered. 

Also, its traditional in my family. Sorry to say but back in the 40's in N.S. there was a stigma attached if one couldn't afford a proper funeral or burial. Burial would be in a potter's field so to speak and it meant one's life hadn't been very successful. I don't think  N.S. has changed very much since then. The people I know there today still hold funerals in the $10,000. range  and up whether they can afford it or not. I don't know about cremation. From reading N.S. obituaries I believe it has become a lot more popular than it used to be and particularly since its acceptable in  the Catholic church now.

After my Dad died, we had such a fun time at his funeral.

We stayed at the Crystal Palace in Moncton, New Brunswick. It is a hotel with an amusement park right inside the building. We went on all the rides, played mini-golf, and ate many good meals at the restaurants.

The "visitation" was at a local funeral home. One thing I recall from that event was a very funny slideshow which my oldest sister and Mom had put together of scenes from my Dad's life. The one that got the biggest laugh was a picture of him cooking in his kitchen wearing only an apron.

The actual "funeral" was at the Moncton Dart Club, my Dad's favourite watering hole. One thing my Dad had wanted is that everyone who came would dress as they pleased. We had people there in everything from suits and dresses to biker outfits. Everyone who wanted to was allowed to get up and speak, including one of my nephews who was just 5 at the time. My brother and I performed a "broken wand ceremony" since my Dad had been a professional magician.

This is quite unlike what many people would want, of course, but I believe it just right for my Dad.

GordW: In your experience does family remain while the remains (casket or urn) are lowered or do they allow that to happen after they leave? 

It happens after they leave. I attended a Jewish funeral where the sons of the deceased  filled in the grave as part of the ceremony. The family  stood in a reception line at the end (like they do at weddings) and the people shook hands and offered their sympathy. I thought that was rather nice.

I'm not churched. Last year my husband passed away and I had a retired ( I think)   UC minister perform the service at the funeral home (and burial in the cemetery). Viewing was private for the family only. The minister  ( I believe) had placed a 6 in. gold crucifix  beside my husband's head on the pillow. We had discussed over the phone that he had suffered.  My spiritual beliefs are a mish mash of everything but I can't tell you how beautiful this gesture  or deed was on my  behalf.  I was very moved. I was given it to take home.

Greetings!

I think today there is a greater variety or ways of burying or saying good-bye to our loved ones.  Most of the funerals in the last while I have attended/participated in have been church services with cremation with urns - sometimes the urns/ashes have been interned in a cemetery plot or crypt, and other times they have just been taken by the family after the service (either home or to be scattered somewhere).  Some of the services have entailed a church funeral, with casket, and then internment in a cemetery, but I notice that fewer and fewer casket burials are happening in our community - most people are cremated and we now have a crematorium here in my community.  Some of the services have been grave-side services (with cremation) and a few words spoken at the internment.  More and  more people are having private family services at the graveside.  Some services are not held in a church, but are held at halls where family/friends conduct the services.  A lot of the announcements for the funeral homes list "no service will be held as per the wishes of the deceased".

Very few have 'visitations" or "viewings" and generally the ones that do are for family only.

Hope, peace, joy, love ...