im sorry thats a tad egocentric to think that you are needed so badly that you have to spread youself so thin but to answer your question as to how to decide i suggest you pick the person who has the most to offer you in return ..... yes selfish i know

Proably doesn't seem egotistical to the people doing the bean-spilling.

As-salaamu alaikum

-Omni

Alex is not being egocentric - he is dealing with the reality that we have only so much time and energy.  His question is how to use that or choose to use that. 

One answer is need of the other and never to ask what is it for me - yes enlightened self interest is a beginning but it does not deal with those times when there is a cost to me. 

I agree that this question is not egocentric.  I hear a caring person wanting to be there for others and having limited energy to give as much as he'd like and still take good care of himself.

I think the reality is that people do (for many different reasons) have limited energy to share.  For some people those limits are smaller and others they are quite huge.  So choices do have to be made because we can't be there for everybody.

Alex, I know that one way I've chosen - a little differently than you're speaking about - is to care for others at times in ways than I'm not as accumstomed to.  Instead of a long supportive in person conversation sending a short e-mail.  Or a phone call at a time when I'm up to talking for a little while.  I think that even brief moments of caring and connection can make a difference.  But also accepting that there might be times when there isn't anything leftover to give.  Well trying to accept lol!

TL

Would this be an example of the need for congregations - the Body of Christ?  Sometimes you personally can offer support, other times someone else provides what is needed.

Yes kay - we need community to support us and as TL shows some stuff helps.

If we begin with a relational vision, that causality is relational then every good act follows through to all it touches and beyond.  This is how things become - we add to the mix of what will be - good matters no matter how small the act. It changes the world.

Alex,

I struggle with days I have little or no energy. There are days when moving seems a chore and I ache all over. A friend who recently had H1N1 commented that she did not know how I do "flu-like" too many days to keep count of.

Those days, I must remember A and B are not all there are and I am not all there is.  I have to know the lesson of also loving myself and letting myself be loved by E, F or G.... and letting others take care of A and B.

It is a struggle.

You see, for myself, giving always came natural and easy. It was expected and demanded of me. Offering an ear, a helping hand, a meal... I am all over that. It was the known and it was safe.

That said, taking comes hard to me. I was not expected to have needs. My baggage said it meant I was weak, stupid, incompetent... it would get me in trouble.  Needing to talk, needing help, not being able to make dinner... I would help anyone, but me needing it.... that is another story. It felt scary being vulnerable. I did without rather than ask or accept help.

I struggle to not dismiss compliments, minimize gestures of affection, and I struggle to not create obstacles to intimacy. I resist appreciation and praise and help from others. It has hurt me in relationships. People want to be loved and to love. It cripples relationships and I have undermined my relationships.

My wife's love... a love that demanded I be vulnerable and open and learn to accept being loved.... along with therapy  taught me that loving neighbour as yourself, does not only apply or extend to me. I have to also let myself be loved by my neighbours, Person A or Person B. I have to, when it is best for A or B,  step aside and let Person D or F step in. (It cannot be about me not wanting to admit defeat or incompetence or weakness that makes them suffer, that is not really loving A or B). I also have to let A and B and X or Y love and help me... 

For me, I had to realize that I can help A or B, but I am also an A or a B, that I am someone else's A or B...  

That said, taking comes hard to me. I was not expected to have needs. My baggage said it meant I was weak, stupid, incompetent... it would get me in trouble.  Needing to talk, needing help, not being able to make dinner... I would help anyone, but me needing it.... that is another story. It felt scary being vulnerable. I did without rather than ask or accept help.

On some levels its a good thing to push oneself to the limit whether you pass or fail people can be way to needy in life and even the most giving person will get fed

up on the other hand asking for help and taking is not the same thing

you can take because taking is opportunistic and well at least for me sometimes i simply feel entitled = its there its mine so im gonna get it .....but im fairly egocentric and not bothered by it at all

someone's gotta meet my darn needs darnit  you can take or be taken it's not much more complicated than that

If it's occuring to you that you don't enough time in the day to do all the good things you want to, you're probably a really kind & selfless person. Don't beat yourself up over missing someone, because we're all just one person. I know in my own life I've been struggling to balance school and make time for when friends need me. But like I know you guys are really compassionate so don't worry so much!!

I tend to give my heart out to the first person who asks, or like just let it come natural. If I don't make it to person B, I don't feel too bad. I'm just one me!

Hi Alex:

Doing our best for others means doing our best for ourselves first. If we don't take good care of ourselves, then we are no good to person A or B.

As others already mentioned, in a community, everyone gives according to their ability and receives according to their need. Abilities and needs of individuals are constantly changing. The same person may be giving one day and in need of receiving the next.