I think being real is a colloquial term for being authentic.

It depends. Some people for good reason are going to be very guarded about what they disclose. They are being real, just careful. Others might disclose more than they should and not feel taken seriously or appreciated. Maybe some question whether someone is telling the truth about what they discuss, or whether they are a sock puppet because those do tend to pop up out of the blue. Usually on R&F. And I gather that because there has been deception that hurt people a lot, that's been questioned.

Why wouldn't one want to be real or authentic. If you deceive on WC, you will deceive in real life,imo.

And some just lie and/or make sock puppets.

Should you meet me in person and get to know me ... you would find I am the same as here ... warts and all....

Regards

Rita

Same, RitaTG, I think I am the same in real life as I am here . . . although I don't disclose as much personal information as others, what I present here is real, authentic, and true.

Hi paradox3,

Yes.

Grace and peace to you.

John

You took the words out of my mouth, Beloved! 

Ditto for me.

RevJohn and others, 

Here's a question for you. Was EZed real?? 

He was obviously not a squirrel with typing abilites. But his posts were always intelligent and authentic. 

Gut feeling. Not that I can prove the squirrel spoke authentically. 

I would say I"m "guarded" on the Web in general and that includes WC. Is that being "real"? Define "real". Spill my guts, tell all and reveal all? Then no I"m not.

I am also cautious. 

No, I would not define real that way. But I am curious about what others think. 

I don't think I've ever lied on WC.  Sometimes my personality shines through posts.  I think there are times that what I post on here wouldn't match me in real life.  It's not that I'm not being real, I think even with real life friends interactions in writing are different than face to face.  Add in only certain things being disclosed and the types of topics on the site and things start to become limited.  Sorta similar to knowing someone at work vs. knowing them as a roommate - you're going to see different aspects of them.

I think that's true of most if not all of the posters who are honest, but to varying degrees.

Hi paradox3,

This will be interesting.

I know who is behind EZed.  I have known almost from opening day.  I didn't catch something is a post and have a light-bulb go off.  We engaged each other and afterward the creative genius behind EZed phoned me and revealed himself.

EZed has never posted anything that I would be surprised to hear my friend say.

Would I have ever guessed if my friend never revealed?  Maybe not right away.  There were a couple of posts made by EZed that I thought would pull the curtains down.  If anybody had an "a-ha" moment because of it they kept it to themselves.

On the face of it EZed is more real to me than some of the others who post here because I have looked into his eyes and I have seen the person who hides behind the avatar.  We have a history.

Of all the people I have ever known EZed is the only one I have written original poetry for.  My wife doesn't even know that.

I could go on, at great length, for the respect I hold for EZed's truest self.  It would be hazardous for me to do so because EZed's creator is not above feeding you your own words.  Not malicously mind you, mirth can be merciless.  A person can only laugh so hard and so long before passing out or hurling.

Long after WonderCafe.ca closes and EZed is a memory I'll still have access to the real thing.

I will not give any spoilers.  I will not divulge any secrets.  If the person behind the mask decides to give the cafe a grand reveal before all is said and done that will be up to EZed.

Grace and peace to you.

John

Hi waterfall,

Real is defined as true.

Being cautious or guarded is not being deceitful.  It is being truthful.

Grace and peace to you.

John

RevJohn, 

I get that EZed is completely real to you because you know his identity and have connected with him outside of wondercafe. 

But how real is he to anyone who doesn't know the back story? Do we take him to be authentic because of the quality of his posts? 

I am exceptionally talented at hiding my true feelings about people and situations.

ezEd is real, his posts were consistent.  He had a personality and style that was true. There was a human behind the posts. if ezEd said they lost someone, i  would feel pain for them as I would any of the people who i have come to know.

In many ways, MusicalMcKenzie was 'real'.  her losses and subsequent death were felt to be real by many indidivudals  Yet, I named MM as someone who was not real partially through her posting.  I quit engaging, there was a sense something was wrong, and that sense grew very strong..and eventually was disclosed as a fake person.

so...real, authentic...is really for me about posts and how the pattern of your posts show if you are being authentic to the community.

I feel I have been very authentic to the community. I am sorry if some don't like it. Bad days, emotional overload, don't equal lack of authenticity.

My problem was not being guarded enough, I think.

Kimmio, I really think you could solve a lot of your own problems if you didn't treat the "Save" button like the clicker on Jeopardy. Slow down, there's no reward for posting faster.

Words like "pattern of posts" are now push button words for me as of recently. I will now be feeling more guarded about what I express for fear of the dreaded "patterns". In that sense I will more more guarded, perhaps, then, less authentic.

Pinga, 

Good point about consistency of style and personality. 

I am still flabbergasted that MM didn't ring true for you. I had no inkling at all. 

I'd settle for calmer. Don't post angry or emotional. That's not "real" - that's gut reaction. Write a post, then get a drink. Do something else. Don't save it until your brain has a chance to digest it and mull it over. I do this all the time.

Guarded doesn't necessarily mean less authentic, Kimmio. I would echo RevJohn upthread. Being cautious or guarded can mean having boundaries in place. 

Being emotional is certainly authentic. But it can also make us more vulnerable than we want to be. 

And, you still sometimes can't help it, right? Because it needs to be said.

That was for chansen, not you P3.

I guess vulnerable, to me, is real, in the context of community and relationships in that community. To express your hurts, your fears, your annoyances. It's not appropriate for all circumstances.

Absolutely. I agree Kimmio. 

Hi paradox3,

So not my problem.

I can't force anyone to trust him and they only way I could convince anyone to trust him is to demonstrate my supreme trust in him.  

Which, fortunately for me is a difficult test in a text based format.

Though I don't dare issue a challenge.  The squirrel has one wickedly sharp mind.

Of course if they don't trust me my trust in EZed has no value for them.

Grace and peace to you.

John

Hi Kimmio,

If it helps you at all I have never felt that you were not being authentic.

If there is anything that I haven't liked it has not been a lack of authenticity.

Speaking personally what I have not liked has been being on the wrong end of your emotion.  I'm okay with you feeling what you feel.  I'm not okay getting beat with it.

That would be my only critique.  Your emotion is easily weaponized.  That isn't unique to you.  It is a common boundary issue.

No they don't.  Provided they are handled fairly.  When they are handled unfailry the problem isn't about what is real.  The problem is identifying who is responsible for handling that burden.

From where I sit that might be a part of the problem it is not the whole of the problem.

If we feel that we want to keep things from others as a way of shielding ourselves we need to keep an eye on whether or not we should be shielding others from ourselves.

When I left the threads I left it wasn't for my safety.  My well being takes into consideration whether or not I am safe for others.

Grace and peace to you.

John

The way the posts came in, the content of the posts reflected someone attempting to get focus, rather than dealign with grief.  The details related to it as well.  They were from the miscarriage stuff.  

spidey-senses, and then they escalated.  When the death was posted, it became an important item to prove and name...due to the manipulation of people on the board, and became even more important when it was identified how vast and how bad the manipulation was.

Hi P3

Unless it is a close friend or family I am much more quiet in RL than I am here. I've no explanation for it but I actually enjoy  listening . I've a tendency to attract chatterboxes in my immediate neighborhood .Sometimes they are  troubled people with a need to talk.

 I think perhaps  I need to go to the school of "Know Thyself" even in my old age. I do write sincerely to the best of my ability. I recall when I first started posting on a forum in 2004 I used to be quite shocked to see how often I contradicted myself. It was  cheap therapy, a learning experience, I hope I've improved somewhat. Forums are wonderful teaching tools to learn about ourselves.

Now there is tea spit all over the computer screen LOL!

Kimmio, I would also agree that you have been very authentic.  I have seen posts where you wondered if people thought you were real.  If they did, any community member can drop a line to Admin and say, "i have a suspicion about"...and admin will say thank-you and then, if appropriate say "false presumption".  

I honestly do not remember if you were one of the posters in those early days after the namaste blowup that was questioned. I know there were people questioned. It was suspicious times...it was like the ground shifted under peoples feet.

I can tell you that if anyone asked me, I would say that you are you and I am confident you are authentic. You aren't going to like this one, but, ...it is because of the pattern of your posts:  content, style of dialogue, posting style, etc.  If it helps, I am also "me".  I don't think that I could do a sock puppet if I tried. I would be caught in about 5 posts.

Lol! Okay...but I'm not authentically manic. ;)

Ok i am real but do have a confession to make

About 4 or 5 years ago- I organized an edmonton get together. Chemgal and I met for tea. Serena was going to come but didn't.

I posted later that after tea Chemgal and I went to a country bar and rode the mechanical bull. That was untrue.   As I recall photos were requested.

Well the next day I took my car in for work and had an hour to kill. It was right behind the resurant /bar. I popped over for lunch and asked if I could ride the bull. The manager set it up-inflating the crah mats. I did ride and then the waitress rode.

So i posted my photo and a dark blurry phot of the waitress-and said it was chemgal.

And so now you know- I can ride mechaical bulls-but we did did not do it that night at the bar. and I take full blames for pretending someone else was chemgal.

Pinga, consider the prostitution thread like a family fued over politics at a family dinner- don't know if you've experienced those in your life, I certainly have. Noone is manic. In some cases wine has been consumed and inhibitions are low, but they would be anyway. And the next day if feelings are hurt, apologies are made. That's how it goes in my life. I have one family member, whom, is impossible to tear away from a political opinion. Probably learned it from him. We hold opposite political opinions a lot- you can imagine what that occassion looks like by 10 p.m. I trust him not to use it against me later in a different conversation though. We have an unspoken trust. Does that make sense?

lol I completely forgot about that!  It looked kinda like me :)  The wedding photo I posted is of me, so people can dig through threads and compare them if they are that interested.

This is one of the places in my life where I can work on being real. The hard questions and strong challenges press me beyond who I have been and along the way of who I am called to be.
.
With great appreciation for you, each and all.
.
George
.

One can be honest, authentic and "real", but still remain guarded and aloof, because that better suits one's personality, whether here in a cyber community or in the everyday world.   Sometimes it is just common sense not to share "all".

Personally, I am honest here (for the most part - sometimes I'm cheeky), but prefer face-to-face encounters where I can see people's eyes and facial expressions before I trust enough to expose my vulnerabilities....

I'm not sure we should judge people either way.

Tabitha, I am SHOCKED.  Chemgal also was behind the deceipt?  sigh....and I had such trust in you.

EDIT:  just in case it wasn't clear...I was laughing as I read this post. still am 

Hi Kimmio:

I am authentically manic.

Only authentically manic people have authentic mystical experiences. Normal people do not have the manic highs that are necessary to have a mystical experience.

Who wants to be "normal," anyway. I don't!

Arminius, manic, and proud of it.

I fear I led chemgal astray and she went along with it!

Tabitha

So..that's what you do for a living.....?.....ride the bull....its ever so funny!  When you get to the pearly gates how will you explain that one  to St. Peter? I forgive you but I do recommend that you change careers................

LOL!  Wouldn't it just have been easier to say you and chemgal didn't ride the bull .

Tabitha and Chemgal,

That is a wonderful story! Thank you for sharing it. 

Arminius, and I appreciate your authenticity.  You are who you are and that is a gift to this community.  I don't communicate with you much much as the threads that appeal to you either don't appeal to me, or I do not feel that I have something to contribute.  I do though read many of those threads and learn and gain insight.

Oh, no, Stardust - - Tabitha is one of my fellow occupational therapists here on WC. 

Thanks, Pinga!

So true, Stardust!