Rita,

Thank you for sharing. This resource may come in handy for others.

I applaude you for doing this publicly and I also feel for you. When our need to be authentic meets others comfort levels (regardless of the name of it) it is always difficult and can go a couple ways, good or bad.

I am usually a "heads up" type. Yet, I understand why others are not and do not judge because I understand.

As an example others can relate to.... Some people do not say, "BTW I wear dentures", hoping the person will like them for them and then find out. Some people just say it, hoping to get it over with if they are rejected before they are invested more. Some folks just are not going to be ok with it, no matter how it is done.

People have their own way. An elderly lady once told me, "if it is your boo boo and your band-aid and your hair on your arm, you get to decide if slow is better or if ripping it off quick is better".

It has stuck with me.

Again, thank you, I needed to read this. As someclose to me are being kind, concerned and also ignorant.... in wanting me to not ID as TG publicly ("butch lesbian is easier for people to accept")

I trust you weighed everything, and discerned this was the right way at this time....

I hope and pray the repercussions are not as big as we imagine they may be and that they were possible in all that you weighed.

Again, thank you.

RitaTG, I listened to the segment you helped with on public washrooms - I will go back and listen to some of the others later when I have more time.

You are one of my lights into the lives of transgendered persons . . . and I am thankful for the thoughtfulness, gentleness, and caring in which you share and educate us here at Wondercafe.

You are a brave, courageous woman . . . and I pray that those in your family will allow themselves to open up to who you are and who you can be in their lives as who you are.

You are a treasure, a blessing, and a gift.

I think everytime I go into a public washroom, and hear a flushing toilet, I will be reminded of you, and perhaps I will remember to say a little prayer :)  I certainly will remember to smile, say hello, and be courteous to all the woman who inhabit the space.

May an abundance of hope, peace, joy, and love fill your world this day, and always . . .

I regret that I cannot listen to the program where I am today.

At a recent lunch with PilgrimsProgress and LBmuskoka, after about a hundred cups of coffee while chatting, each of us needed to use the restroom. They went and then I got up and went. It is not usually the case. I was in a place I knew the bathroom was unisex (by planning where we would meet and eat)

I will hold it until I find a place, sometimes beyond what is comfortable or even healthy.

Before anyone thinks it is about what others think of me, it is not, It is not about others comfort, to heck with you if I need to go,  though I have been confronted and made others uncomfortable.

You see, walking in the 'ladies room' feels wrong.Think about you walking in the opposite sex washroom.

Now, ladies, I have seen you really have to go and use the men's room.Yes, I have.

If I really have to go or if it is a one unit deal, I have my wife or someone stand guard, as I head in a ladies room like you would using the opposite room.   (Socially, I was raised female and think, "when you gotta go, you gotta go")

Men, would you use the ladies room? Ladies, would your husband? Would you expect him to?

See, I ID male and being in the ladies room feels degrading and like people will think I am a creep.

It also feels like I do not belong. It feels like I am a fraud. It hurts in that place that never "fits". It denies I exist. So, after I empty my bladder I have to fill my head. I have to tell myself I belong, I am welcome, I am not the mesed up one...

So, why not use the men's restroom, you might wonder... I do in one unit places.

Ladies, would you walk into a men's washroom without a look-out or someone on the door? Would you head into a multi-use men's washroom full of men?

For me, walking in the men's room may be dangerous. Those who have met me will tell you that I do not "pass". The reality is that I may encounter someone who sees a lady in the men's room, or a lesbian, and decides to harm me. I have a past that includes violence and sexual assault rooted in my presentation.

So, I will compromise my feelings in an emergency. I figure the worst I will get in the ladies room is a dressing down... If it was to escalate I am an even match for women as far as build goes (I usually outweigh them and out experience them as it comes to physical confrontation.)  I cannot say the same in a men's room where I may give a foot in height, pounds, reach, and likely even experience.... I cannot keep myself safe and I cannot compromise my safety.

I can tell you where the places I can use the washroom locally, including churches and stores and eateries. Who else knows all the washrooms in Huntsville and most of Bracebridge? (I am about to lose a few of those places as they were in Zeller's stores and were family washrooms.)

So, I avoid. Yes, there are times I have thought I could make it to ___ and had an accident and there are many days when I have to go shopping or spend the day out and I am in pain.

My doctor reminds me of my health. Cystitis, UTI, concentrated urine, stretched bladder.... I know all about. I am warned of losing the ability to know you have to go and kidney failure.

Next time you need to use a public washroom, think about them.

And I will think of you too, SG.  You also have been such a teacher in my life.  I cannot even begin to explain what a difference you, RitaTG, and others have made in my thoughts and understanding.

i saw something sweet last night as we were walking home by a narc halfway house -- a couple, the man whom was REALLY short and the woman (who was presenting as a crossdresser/preop) all glammed up, VERY tall and with a deep and rich voice.

I love the world :3

(and the fact that I now know that human beings actually are able to live in inhospitable Northern Ontario makes me love it even more ;3)

you GO RitaTG!  more power to you

Hi Rita

Thanks for taking the time to post so much valuable  information for us. I listened to your washroom segment so far. You did very well and you look marvellous.

I'm worried about what you said about your family  (Please dear God......no repercussions ) . I ask God to send guardian angels to watch over you  and protect you always.

   .

Thanks so much for participating in this educational programming and sharing it with us.  I have learned a lot from you and your warm heart and that is continuing.  I do so hope that it is distributed by other CBC centers across the country.

Stay safe

After having listened to the whole series, thank you by the bushel loads.

It is a great resource and I already passed it along.

I also heard a familiar voice and spotted a familiar face amongst the pictures at the bottom of the page.

Thank you so very much everyone!

You are all such an encouragement.....

Beloved ..... LOL ... I never ever imagined that a flushing toilet would become my remembrance and I am actually quite honoured by that.

SG ...... I am so very glad that you are finding the series useful and that you have even seen someone you know.  My goodness .... the washroom struggle is so hard .... especially so from the F to M point of view.

Inna, Stardust, Kay ....... thank you for your support and kind words.....

This I ask of all of you .... please please be ambassadors for us......    When you hear the topic raised here and there please tell them about your friend Rita and your friend SG.

There is another segment of the series playing today (Friday) and that should complete the set.   This weekend I expect the family reaction to begin.   It has been eerily quiet so far....    The next few weeks will be stressful as people outside the family ask questions of various family members.   Our family has a rather unique last name and it is easily recognized as such by those who know us.

Next week as well ... Tuesday .... I will be participating in an all day transgender awareness training workshop for the various women's shelters here in Northern Ontario.   Once again my name will be out there and there will be those in the social work field that know my family.

Ah well ..... claiming one's identity is not easy but friends like I have here sure helps.

Again ... a big thank you and HUGS to all of you....

Rita

Hello everyone......

The final segments of the TransNorth series have been posted on the CBC website.

http://www.cbc.ca/sudbury/features/transnorth/

I feel that the final segment really sums it up well and with heart.

By the way ..... all these replies to the final questions are completely unscripted and none of us had discussed what to say about anything.    To me it is rather remarkable and encouraging on how we all seem to share such a similar dream.

I do hope you find this useful and that you will share it with family and friends.

............

On the home front ..... one gentle probe by one of my brothers ...... he asked what was new ....... he never does that....      I didnt reply and just went on to another topic as I feel it is time for him to ask directly....and that given his personality he is quite capable of.   That is what I am hoping for .... direct questions and direct conversation from them ..... I really feel it is time......     I will keep my friends here posted and thank you all for your support.....

Hugs

Rita

Lots of support from me RitaTG. I admire your courage, your strength, your willingness to put yourself out there to inform, to educate.

I have friends who have horrible experiences using public washrooms (as SG has shared) - my heart hurts for anyone who has to experience this.

Rita - I finally got a chance to listen to this series (I wanted to be able to listen to it all at one time). All I can say is, thank you for having the courage to do this - and thank you for sharing it here. I will pray for you and your family.

I was recently in a United Church that is over a hundred years old which was renovated this summer. I asked a congregation member to point me in the direction of the washroom and she showed me where the two washrooms were and proudly said, "they're both unisex!" I immediately thought of how welcoming that would be for all of the transgendered people I know - both online and in real life.