For me it depends on the nature of the meal. For something formal, like Thanksgiving, my friends and I all set the table nicely and sit and eat hot food while enjoying each other's company. For something less formal, we act less formally. For example, last weekend I was invited over to a friend's house to have dinner and watch some TV together. On this occasion, I picked her up from work, we went grocery shopping together - each paying for half the bill - and created the meal together. Usually the meals fall somewhere in between - and offers of help are greatfully accepted. I like having ice cream for dessert - after a big meal, like Thanksgiving Supper, it's about all I can fit into my already stuffed belly!

In the end, it's not really about the quality of the food or the place where you ate it - what's far more important is how much you enjoyed the company.

I love setting a wonderful table!  Even if we're entertaining on the deck instead of in the dining room, there will still be flowers, candles, cloth napkins ... I do it as much for myself as for my guests I think. It marks an occasion - and having guests, or even just a family dinner is such an occasion to me.   It was something I learned from my mother long ago, and strive to pass on to my own kids.  We dine, linger, talk, argue, contemplate - it's social, not just about getting food into mouths, at least for us.   

I don't know if it's a new norm kay - but I too would probably feel a little surprised encountering what you did as a guest.   Certainly it takes more time for prep, for figuring out timelines for all the dishes etc.  My husband does most of our cooking now, and I've passed on to him the art of figuring out cooking timelines so everything gets to the table hot & fresh.  He was pretty surprised to find out what a task that was!   That's not to say we haven't had those times when things haven't cooked as quickly as expected - needed longer in the oven etc. which threw things off for sure.  

My mom kept up with setting the table for special meals for a while, but it's easier to just do it buffet style and the gravy can stay on the stove that way.  The table is still set with the flatware and glasses, we just bring our plates.  There's a centrepiece as well.

Chemguy's family does the nicer disposable plates for the bigger family gatherings.  There are firecrackers on the table at Christmas, and table clothes (which may be plastic) that aren't always used.  I got his mom some Christmas tealight candleholders and she does put those out too.

People have become less concerned about having enough plates, glasses, etc. that matches.  While I like the look of a matching set, I am glad that the pressure to have to have that to entertain doesn't exist anymore.  There's also the mix & match look with 2 sets that has become popular, and the shabby chic look of little matching.

I do see that people are less concerned about getting a full hot dinner together.  My mom used to stress with all the side dishes and having it all ready to eat at about the same time.  I'm not a great cook, but I find myself trying to do the same for special occassions.  For everyday sometimes we're eating the veggies while the meat is still on the grill.

I agree chemgal - sometimes casual table settings are great.  I do recall a few years ago - I had 14 family for a sit-down dinner - so off I went to Dollarama & bought 18 great white matching plates - with 'gold' rims no less!  Huge stack of them - use them fairly often now & lend them out to friends too!  No fine china for sure - but they do the trick :-) 

somegal - that's a great casual option :-)  and I'd do that too. 

One thing that bothers me, probably because it was so drilled in, is when people don't wait for everyone!  If it's casual or there's a really large group I get it, but I see this for special occassions when there's 6 people.

I think this is becoming the norm, Kay. Mostly the reason , I think, is lack of room because our houses have no place to put out the leaves in the table because we all have so much stuff.       BTW,I think it was RevMatt or Rev Gord who posted on FB where all the plates and cuttlery go in a full place setting. Two of those and no table left. I notice that no one has mentioned charger plates.

Ah yes - chargers!  I do hae some - occasionally use them - but you're right crazyheart - they do take up a lot of real estate on the table!  They spend most of their time in a box in the basement. 

http://freshome.com/2013/09/30/are-dining-rooms-becoming-obsolete/

There's no dining room at our place.  From what I saw in newer homes, you had to be getting into the estate range homes to have a dining room, or else go with a custom build.

I can't recall ever being at someone's house where someone used charger plates.

This has turned into an interesting thread - enlightening even.

I just Googled charger plate because I had never heard that term.  I discovered I haven't even seen them used.

Both the homes I visited had dining rooms.  Neither family actually thought ahead about setting the table.  One had too many guests to seat (fair enough, that often happened when I had kids at home). When I invite people to eat at my home I set the table even though it is in the kitchen. (Not saying the younger folks were doing it wrong - just different from me.)  My children were taught how to set a table properly, but I don't think any of them use that knowledge! 

Does anyone else think that this casualness about meals is connected to the loss of a quiet moment before the food is eaten?  My childhood family always said/sung some sort of Grace before eating.  When I had kids at home one person gave thanks for the food and friendship/family before we started.  I personally continue to silently acknowledge gratitude, I noticed that I did this even when I was about to bite into a weiner at a cook-out!.

No, as some people do it for a very casual meal and others don't do it for a formal meal.  I think it did help with signalling to everyone when it was acceptable to start eating though.

I'm a dining room table kinda person, but in general meals, i don't set.

If my dad is over I do as he cares. My family doesn't. some days I say "ok, we're sitting at the table but often we just move around, more casual, and often we have different eschedules."

For special meals though, where people are coming over, thanksgiving or other events, well, i love to have crystal and china, and special serving, and napkins and so on.

recently moved my dining room furniture into living room and turned dining room into a library / seating.  worked reasonably well at thanksgiving

note: the boys help set

Note2: it is an art to get everything out at the same time, i am getting better at it...but it takes good planning and attention.

note 3:  shit, i would be happy to be invited.  It is nice to be invited and I take it as I get it, ie wouldn't comment on table or specifics, ie "woudl you like me to put a tablecloth on" or some such...rather just say "can i help in any way"

I'm happy to be invited for dinner at someone's home. I try to make the best of wherever and whatever the atmosphere is and enjoy the company. I hope my friends do the same. I don't prefer too formal- but that's only once in awhile- because we don't really do fancy at our place and we don't know many really formal people. Well, bohemian fancy at most, which would not please some. It makes me feel uptight not relaxed to be too formal, but I do like when things look nice. Candlelight makes every dinner look nice no matter what the table settings look like, even if you're sitting in the living room, eating appetizers from around the coffee table. Our dining room/ kitchen table only has three matching chairs (nice wood, got it off Craigslist but it's missing a chair), and there's only room for one more mismatched folding chair we have. So, we do buffet style, and sit in the living room, if we have more than 1 guest. Even if we only have one guest, usually, actually. That's how casual we are. Not how I was raised, I was taught proper table settings and all that stuff I remember, but that's what we do now and I prefer it, at our home. At other's homes I go along with what they do.

Pinga.refresh my memory. Did you cut your hand badly getting a big meal ready. If it was you how did it finally heal?

I really enjoy using the dining room and good china on special occasions and I love candles, but I try to do as much as I can the day before so I have more time to spend with my guests. Now that we have an island I often leave the larger items such as meat platters there so everyone can serve themselves and the table is not as crowded.

I married Martha Stewart, so friends often get the fancy treatment. (small groups)

Family gatherings are usually over 20 heads now, so to relieve stress for the hosting family, we always do pot luck now often on disposable plates and you can sit and talk or roam around and visit with everybody.

My hobby is BBQ and it usually goes better casual. I guess if you cook a huge piece of meat, it is possible to all sit down together at once but I like to have several cookers going at once and you eat bbq when it is ready. So it can be over an hour between when the first food and the last comes off. Half the people are full before I start eating. But guys like to stand around and smell food cooking with a beer in their hand.

Slow cooked prime rib tonight. Only $11/kg.

re the opening post - unless you were invited over to watch the Stanley Cup playoffs, or some really big show, it was inexcusible for the host (or anyone) to watch TV during the meal. 

Matching place-settings.  I grew up poor - so getting some good (although not china) dishes meant a lot to me.  But I had a friend, much better off, whose table looked elegant with mismatched dishes.  She had some beautiful old pieces herself - and she visited flea-markets and rummage sales, and picked up crystal salt dishes with tiny silver spoons, and pepper mills.  A pretty footed cup and saucer might be at one place setting, and a delicately flowered one at another.  Her table clothes were often dark, her cloth napkins of various colours and patterns, her silverware heavy and mismatched.  Her chairs weren't all the same either - but it worked.  She was Scotish and had never lost her accent or her social skills.

My son-in-law becomes very agitated and fidgity if someone turns the tv off.  I, on the other hand, never think to turn it on.  When visiting I tend to quietly choose to be in a room that doesn't have a tv on.

Manners aren't what they used to be.  Some of those changes are an improvement, I think. 

We have an eat-in kitchen (no diningroom, although I would love to have one).  All meals were eaten at the table, but Sunday dinner was special.  Table cloth, salad forks, good dishes.  We waited until everybody was ready and said grace together.  Then I removed the covers from the serving dishes and started them around, passing from right to left - meat, potatoes, vegies.  Hot gravy, horseradish, pickles, cranberries, would be on the table.  We cleared away before dessert. 

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We did the same when we had company. If we had guests staying for a few days, we had our formal meal the day they arrived, and were less formal on other days.
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I've slipped up some. I find it easier to gather people for grace and then let them go to the stove and counters to serve themselves before returning to the table.
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Only for large gatherings do we do buffet and people sit where they choose. Even then, no TV or other distractions. I once had my sister and her family (husband, two adult sons and their families) in town for her mil's funeral). I had them all for a meal. Turkey and ham, mashed potatoes and gravy, potato salad, hot vegies, cold vegies, pies and icecream. Wine and non-alcoholic drinks. All in my small kitchen and livingroom.
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We spread the food out on the cupboards and stove - the drinks on the buffet. Granddaughter in her highchair in the corner of the kitchen - the other three kids at the back of the table. We prepared their plates first. Then everybody served themselves - making sure the older folks got a spot on the coffee table or a side table. Seelergirl and Seelerboy sat on the floor. It worked. My sister said afterwards that she didn't know how I managed it.
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The main thing is - family, friends, food, fellowship, fun.
A bit of advance planning. Everybody cooperating.

Sounds good. Potlucks are great. More food and no one has to spend a fortune. I like meals where the food keeps on coming one dish at a time (kind of like dim sum or something). It's harder on the host though if they're stuck in the kitchen. Okay if there are munchies like cheese and crackers out, it's an open space and everyone's pitching in. That's kind of fun. I know a couple of people who get really uptight with others in their kitchen space while they're cooking and will chase you out if you interrupt their zone though! Lol. One friend will plunk you in front of the TV with cheese and crackers, veggies, a glass of wine- but don't even go in there for water until she's done cooking the main course or she'll lose it! She's one of a kind and a good cook though.

I love the preparing of the meal as I know what will be there....it's about control and desiring a certain presentation.  On the other hand, I love when my sister-in-law is coming and offers to bring whatever i ask for, such as pie or salad or both...it works, or when my other family would come with peeled potatoes reading for cooking (ok, that is the best gift ever! -- lot of work, low cost -- soo appreciated)

Crazy, yes, I carved my thumb and spent most of Christmas Day critical prep time at ER.  My thumb is "tingly " from damaged nerves and has a pretty silvery scar.

Women (and men who cook) practiced multi-tasking long before the word was invented.  It takes skill and practice to get a meal ready on time - hot things - hot; and cold things cold. 

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Plan! Prepare ahead! I check on ingredients the day before and do anything I can then (cook the potatoes, and make bread crumbs for the turkey stuffing; cook the cranberries; make the pies)
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Prepare the squash in the morning. Mash it up and put it in a greased casserole to pop in the oven when the turkey comes out. Do the same with any other dish you can.
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Gather all the dirty dishes after lunch and turn the dishwasher on - so you can have it empty when the guests offer to help clean up after the meal.
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Set the table right after lunch. Make sure the matches are handy for the candles. Get out your serving bowls.
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Make the salad.
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Have a rest.
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Meat in the oven. Plan to have it cooked at least half hour before serving time - give it time to rest before carving (enlist your husband or someone else to carve). Drain off the drippings for gravy.
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Start the vegetables (carrots and potatoes were pealed earlier).
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Warm the plates; and the serving bowls.
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Have an older child or teen fill the water glasses; and your husband or son serve the wine or non-alcoholic drinks (always have something non-alcoholic on hand for children and those who choose not to drink - someone in my extended family belonged to AA).
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Did I forget anything? Oh dear - did I remember to invite the guests??

Thank you seeler for this list. I can see how it might help to plan things out before beginning. Being a family of perceivers we generally decide what to do next as we go along. Sometimes this works out well, other times not.

There are, of course, differences to the way any traditional meal is prepared and served by different cooks.

You do a lot more work than we do. We buy boxed stuffing, frozen mixed vegetables, canned cranberry sauced, prebaked pie, and a can of sprayable whipped cream. We also don't do carrots, squash, or salad. We do enjoy broccoli with cheese sauce.

Salad seems like an odd thing to be serving at Thanksgiving. I've never known, read, or heard of anyone serving it before.

Salad is on our menu as well Seeler, healthy vegies and stuff.

Seeler, yup, that is what I have come to do.  

I also write everythng on a paper and, figure out what time things need to go in the oven, such as the ham, or others...basically I have a timeline that I put up.

I don't think salad is unusual.  Sometimes my mom made it and sometimes she didn't, depending on the other vegetables.  Broccoli, carrots, peas, and sweet potatoes if you count those as a veggie would be plenty without the salad.  I always say my mom, but my dad helped too.  My mom is someone who likes her space in the kitchen though and she would direct him when and where lol

FIL makes ceaser salad every year.  I think he even started making his own croutons when gluten became an issue.

I found even just having everything done for two required planning.  Thanksgiving this year:

We got up, cut up apples.  I started laying them in the slow cooker Chemguy finished the other type.  He took out the turkey breasts, I got the seasonings together, and seasoned the turkey while he handled it - no need to wash hands between spice jars that way.  He washed up, I laid down the other apples, added more spices and added jarred cranberry sauce overtop (we considered making it ahead of time, but went with jarred stuff).  That afternoon Chemguy grated 2 types of cheese and washed and chopped up broccoli.  Closer to dinner, I preheated the oven, seasoned the (frozen) brussel sprouts.  Had I bought fresh, it wouldn't have been difficult timing-wise, but I didn't know if I liked them and prepping them didn't seem worth the effort.  Got those in the oven, started heating apple juice.  I then looked at our pots, realized there could be an issue, looked at the boxed stuffing and was happy to see the microwave would work.  I mixed up the cheese with cornstarch and seasoning, started adding that to the apple juice.  Watching the time left on the brussel sprouts I started cooking the broccoli while chemguy took care of the boxed stuffing and packaged gravy.  I realized that he either didn't cut up enough cheese or I used too much apple juice.  The recipe I have is in oz, I estimated from what chemguy told me he did and the weight in g.  I pull out some more cheese, it looks like more than half is left to me, chemguy feels differently.  Next time I'll use a food scale.  Get a bit more cheese quickly, drain the broccoli and get the sauce a bit thicker.  I turn down the stove to keep the gravy & cheese warm for seconds.  Pull out the brussel sprouts then we get the plates filled.    A cheers and we enjoy.

Much simplier than my mom's stuffing, but that's way more effort and we would need a roasted turkey.  She also fries up bacon for it.  Less work than making gravy with roast drippings too.

I oftten use boxed stuffing (sometimes adding sauted celery and or cooked potato) when it is just the two of us.

We've been talking about invited guests.  I also occasionally get drop in guests (daughter and/or grandchildren, a friend who is passing through, a different friend who came to help with the computer and is still working at meal time).  These guests get to share what we are having, off the everyday dishes, with placemats on the table.  I might open a jar of pickles, bring up a pie from the freezer and thaw in the microwave, or add a plate of carrot and celery sticks or sliced tomatoes and cucumbers to round it out.  I've never had complaints.  (Of course I don't hear what they say on their way home; but i've noticed that they come back.)

I would miss salad if it was not part of meal. seeler, your two days sound like mine. As much done as I can the day before.

Project management skills applied in the kitchen 

I first saw my aunt do this many years ago and thought - oh my, how peculiar!!  Naturally that was before I myself was undertaking to prepare such meals!  Now we do it every time we entertain - turn the oven on at x:00; put roast in at x:20; turn carrots on at y:00 - etc. etc. It  Works!   And my own kids now share similar thoughts of our peculiarity 

Hm... I'm really getting the idea now that next Thanksgiving I should try serving salad...

I do the same Seeler for large meals. Small ones come easily but many dishes require timing.

I work a list from bottom to top starting with when I want to eat.

Dinner at 6:30
Turkey out of oven at 6:
Water boiled by six
Potatoes on at 5.........

Then when I get it all figured out, and it can take quite and while to know what to do when and figuring out timing, the rest is easy.

I simply follow my instructions and everyone else who is helping can too.

Lastpointe, yes, that is the best part.

With the menu posted, the timeline, and the serving dishes out in advance it is easy for people who arrive to do something to help.  It also means that I can chat without being a concern.  I know that I have 20min before next task, or 15 min to spare once I get x, y & z done.

Carolla, as Crazy remembered, one Christmas I cut my thumb at around noon, and had about 25 people showing up for Christmas dinner for 4.  I phoned my Mom & sister, my sil helped when she arrived and I got home at 4ish with dinner all ready and being served. Why?  the plan with times and all items that were to go out meant they could just step in.  I had done all the prework, all the serving dishes were out...and of course they had all the cooking skills, so it wasn't like they needed detailed instructions.  I'm a fan of plan ahead so that you can have someone sub in....whether it be work or home.

I don't do a "timeline", but I do have a list of everything that will be served - at one family meal I left microwaved corn in the microwave :).

I usually have some kind of salad at most suppers (even though I'm not eating raw veggies yet).  The type of salad will depend on who the guests are.  If it is just me and hubby (when I was eating salad) it would be a garden vegetable salad or a coleslaw.

I also try and do as much prep the day before or the morning of.  Tomorrow I am having company for a meal right after church.  It will be the main meal of the day or what I would call supper . . . so I have to do all my preparation early in the morning so hubby just has to put in the oven while I am at church.  (I guess there are some benefits when hubby isn't a churchgoer LOL!)

Beloved, the reason for the list is in part because of being known for corn left in the microwave!  My mom didn't use a list and yes, things were often ate on Boxing Day that were supposed to have been eaten at Christmas

I do the same with the lists, only problem being when things take longer than planned.

Someone earlier mentioned waiting for everyone to sit before eating, that's how I was taught but my boyfriends family doesn't do it. I feel rude!

Me too Bethany.

If our house, for every dinner, not just special ones, we waited.

Everyone would be served but no one ate until my mother sat down and had a bite.

I was so surprised to realize others didn't do the same.