Hey Mindy,

Trust takes a long time to develop, while, ironically, it takes very little time to crush the trust that has been carefully and lovingly built.  Developing trust involves shared vulnerability, and when trust is breached, it leaves us feeling emotionally naked.  So, how you're feeling is normal.

You are rightfully skeptical, considering the occurences that have lessened your trust of this man.  The skeptism is a good thing, because it is self-protective; it's a way of re-clothing your emotions, until a later time when it is safe to disrobe.  It will take a long time to rebuild trust, if you are wanting to continue the relationship; that's natural AND healthy.  Don't beat yourself up over feeling this way.  Jacob needs to accept that you won't immediately award him the same level of trust as before the E-mails.  You also need to accept that your trust of him is lowered, and that's OK.  Trust can be rebuilt; it takes time to build a more solid foundation upon which to open your heart to Jacob.

Please do all you can to verify that you aren't being 'two-timed'; I say this because it happened once to me.  Evaluate the risks carefully.  Sharing a life together is like a business contract; make sure you don't put yourself at risk of emotional bankruptcy.  A good place to start is to have Jacob CLEARLY spell out the measures he will take to avoid any emotional affairs.  This needs to include a measurable means for you to evaluate his online actions.  Is it possible for him (and you, for that matter) to block all dating-related websites from your PC's?  I'm not technologically advanced enough to know if and how this could be done, or how it could be verified, but it might be worth a chat with an IT professional.  Find a way to be accountable to each other.  This involves using your shared social networks.  You both need to have sympathetic advocates in the other's community to alert you to any unusual behaviour.

As well, I'm a bit concerned about Jacob's diagnosis of bi-polar disorder.  In my 5 years as a nurse in pyschiatry, I noticed that hyper-sexuality & grandiosity of affection were not uncommon in individuals who were experiencing a manic/hypomanic phase of bi-polar disorder.  Do you know what sorts of care that Jacob is receiving for this?  In my experience, it seemed the general consensus for successful management of bi-polar disorder included medications.  What sorts of medications have been prescribed to Jacob?  Is he compliant with the dosing and schedule?  When is the last time he saw a doctor? When is the last time he had a full evaluation by a psychiatrist or pyschologist?  These might seem like invasive questions, but if you might be spending your life with this man, you have the right to know.  That said, many people with bi-polar disorder acheive excellent control of the symptoms and lead lovely, fulfilling, healthy lives -- make sure that Jacob is among this category.  I'd suggest researching and learning more about bi-polar disorder.  Would Jacob be open to you attending an appointment with his psychiatrist?  I know that, when I had a new sexual partner, we jointly attended my doctor's office for testing around sexuality & health.  We both sat through each other's questioning about sexual history; and we both physically looked at the written results of one another's tests.  We need to be as open about ALL our health issues in order to have an honest and successful relationship.

These are some things to think about.  My best suggestion, however, is to find the answers to these questions and book an appointment with a competent, sympathetic, objective personal counsellor.  This is the best way to evaluate a very big decision in your life with far-reaching circumstances.

Blessings to you and to Jacob.  May the Holy One be gracious to you both.

Thank you so much D1VA,  for your advice on everything. I read what your wrote me a few times and will definately put into effect a lot of what you told me. I appreciate your caring way in this matter! Take care and God bless you.