I have to just let all this flow. if it doesn't make sense then its fine, I may be the only to truly understand it and like I said before wondercafe is the only place I can go to blog that no one knows me or can pass judgement on what I have to say. its just who I am and who I am is disappearing. I know my relationship isn't all that healthy, but it could be. its not physically abusive or anything like that but I am starting to feel like I am being somewhat controlled and somewhat lead in directions I don't know if I want to be in.

So I sit here and wonder to myself all the time. not about anything majorly important but about things that I care about and things that don't really matter to anyone but me. its crazy cuz a lot times I just go into an endless rat thought about nothing but it makes you feel good at the same time.

Why is trust such a huge issue. As we know, I am in a long distance relationship with someone and he lives in North Carolina. I have spent time with him twice and will admit that I do really love him. He got me through a lot of tough stuff and I can't ever thank him enough for that. He is my hero no matter what happens between us. I don't usually base my life around a man. I like having one, I like relationships and most of the things that go with it, but i also don't like the drama and the nonsense that can come along with it either.

I am new to this site and I am here because I have to vent somewhere that some people aren't. I can't blog on my myspace because my boyfriend is on there and really I don't need to add more feul to the fire.