In case you're not familiar with "Holy Manners" - here is the version from Hamilton Conference website - 

We have a list of holy manners posted on bulletin boards throughout our church building. 

Holy Manners is read at our board meetings.

We had it read aloud at the begining of each day of our women's retreat in the fall - it was well received.

A good idea I think to read it at the beginning of board meetings. 

seeler - do you know if many people read the bulletin boards?  I wonder about that at our church - they look nice, but I rarely see anyone reading items.  Has anyone asked about or referred to, or reminded others about respecting the Holy Manners? 

hmm - lots of 'views' online, but few comment - are people unfamiliar with Holy Manners, never heard of it, is it not used, do you think it's unnecessary?  I know a good many of you DO participate in churches, and I'm interested in your thoughts & experiences with this. 

We read it aloud from power point at every congregatioanl meeting-and we used to have those monthly. It's also posted on our website.

Our congregation takes it seriously.

Ours are a bit different but very similar in intent to those you posted Carolla.

I had never heard of holy manners until I was at Conference for the first time in 2012, and then at General Council that summer. People did not always abide by them, but they were reminders that helped bring people back on track. As far as I know, my congregation doesn't use these specifically.

I haven't heard of holy manners for a long long time.

it was a good model.

I have also been a part of defining standards of conducts which looked similair to this one

this sounds fascinating -- intentional creation & modification & mixing of social norms :3

(i would guess that in a particular congregation, as time goes on, those who don't 'fit in' go away so that, over time, the congregation becomes more and more 'like minded')

There is only one Holy attitude that I have somewhat of an issue with, and it is humility.

My stance of "we are God" is frequently judged as utter conceit, blatant lack of humility and even sacrilege by those who believe in a separate, supernatural God. The good people who judge me thus are seemingly unaware that, in order to be one with God, one has for forego egocentricity. In my belief system, the egocentric individual is not God; God is the inseparable totality of being! Being at-one with God, and subordinating ones' egocentric self to the all-inclusive godly self, actually is the deepest possible humility as well as the highest possible conceit. Conceit and humility, then, are well balanced.

Northwind - I really like the "Whole People's Covenant" from GC 2012 - speaks to me on many levels.   

Tabitha - sounds like a 'living document' used by your congregation - seems to be valued.   

I think it is very helpful to have  agreed-upon standards/guidelines for how we will conduct ourselves - so that when things go off the rails (that never happens in churches does it?  ) there's a reference point to measure this, and hopefully a way to guide ourselves back to being in better relationship with one another. 

Innana - I don't share your sense that the intent is to create likemindedness - rather to be respectful of differences encountered - or perhaps I have misunderstood your comment? 

Arminius - I value your comment re balancing conceit and humility. 

that bit was just an unconnected musing by your Holy Spirit visiting me.  sometimes, sie needs some vaycay in a heathen ;3

Ina, I have also seen that the middle folks or "there is always another way" folks go away, tired of walking through potential bombs, and you end up with polarization, with neither group willing to budge. 

Fascinating, Pinga

In your life experience, what typically happens with congregations as time goes on?

In conflict situations that drag on in work situations, I have seen many of the best leave, and even the middle group, leaving those who need to stay for other reasons, and those who are not desirable by others to stay....and those who are just too stubborn to give in.   Results in a dysfunctional and low level team.

I have also seen in churches conflicts that stay on and on driving people away as the conflict and history of conflict becomes the norm....old patterns are unable to ignore, or touch sore points.

i sometimes think wondercafe is at risk of this behaviour, where the conflicts and old crap result in the awesome leaving as the noise is too great, driving a lower level of overall conersation.

true enough pinga.  

Richard Bott  (remember Richard - a now absent voice from this place) - has a really interesting behavioural covenant on this United Resources website - originally designed to help a church which was in conflict, according to his post - http://ucc-resources.ca/node/45

I recall long ago, being at a meeting (I was kinda new at the whole meeting thing then! so you know it was REALLY long ago!!) and I was surprised to hear the chair take time at the very start of our meeting to help the group work out how we would make decisions together - this occuring WAY before any decisions needed to be made.  It really stuck in my mind as a great thing to do - avoids people operating on many assumptions and unspoken thoughts.