Tell them your husband knows this info about his parents and you thought it might be handy to know? Ask if they know this info for their parents?

Thanks Tabitha!  I don't think the conversation will be too horrible once it happens, but bringing it up is the hard part.

My husband said he would ask.  He got a related conversation going and then nothing, because he decided it was inappropriate to ask his new parent in laws, fair enough.

I'm going to procrastinate on it for a good reason, I want to do it in person rather than on the phone so there's lots of time to get advice from all of you!

I don't know who the executor for my parents' will is either.  I know they HAVE a will, and where they keep it. (They told us a few years back before heading overseas for a bit, 'just in case'.)

This is an essential conversation. When my aunt named me as her estate executor, i used the opportunity to ask my parents about their will and who is executor. Now I know and have full disclosure about what is to be done.

I agree that it might be a good idea for a person to find out if her parents have 'their affairs in order', as long as her parents are competent they may not want to discuss the details.  

Perhaps a good way to bring it up would be to mention someone she knows whos parents died suddenly and she had no idea who to contact, if there was a Will or anything else that required immediate attention.   And then say "Mom, Dad, would you feel comfortable discussing this with my brother and me?"

I wouldn't advise a sil to get involved, especially at the early stages of bring this up - although you might mention that he has told you that he is his parents executor and that he has a copy of the Will, and knows where the original is located.

No one has the right to know the contents of a Will until after the person is deceased.

I think I might use the fact of my own will arrangements and those of the in-laws to start 'wondering' to them about about theirs.

  "Hubby and I have been making arrangements for our wills.  We are trying to find ways to keep them simple and straightforward hoping that this will make it easier for the executor.  We haven't picked an executor yet and aren't sure if it would be better to use a family member or a friend.   I'd really appreciate some of your thoughts about it.". 

Maybe once the topic ison the table they would be able to tell you where there wills are stored (or not!).  A friend died without a will and it wasn't a problem as the estate went to the spouse.  More difficult when the remaining spouse dies I think.  Nevertheless we should all have wills so there isn't any extra confusion at a difficult time.  Any thoughts about the actual funeral service should be available to the rest of the family too. 

Seeler, I agree about the contents of the will, it would just be good to know what to do if something does happen.  Hopefully it's something I won't have to worry about for a long, long time.

I don't think you need to know who the executor is.  If they want you they will ask you. 

I think you can mention that your hubby's parents asked him to be executor and you were wondering if they had done wills too.  Perhaps ask them to recommend their lawyer.....

I would ask them if there is a particular spot where they keep important info although I expect if you think about it you will know where it is.  My dad had a box in his cupboard that we all knew was where he kept stuff that was important, a drawer where old taxes sat......

Lastpointe, I'm quite clueless here as I've never have to deal with any of the details of someone's death.  If I don't know who the executor is and my parents did die, would the executor contact me?  How are they even informed of the death if it's not a family member?  Finding all the important info would be difficult.  My mom hides certain things like crazy, and then she doesn't remember where they are!  There are some papers of mine in my parents house that I should have, but they are hidden too well.

Right now, I don't have a will.  I don't really see the need for one, if I die everything goes to my husband (and I would trust him to give certain things to my family).  If something happened to both of us, our families wouldn't fight over anything.  A living will is the only thing I could see being useful (currently) and it's hard to even know what I would want should anything major like that happen.  If I have children I would make a will.

I have often wondered about things like 'how does the executor know that someone has died if no one tells them?"   If the rest of the family don't know where the will can be found or who the executor is - how do the arrangements progress?  When wills are made the person chosen as executor could die first - or move away and lose touch too.  Lots to think about.

My spouse and I both have wills, our children know where they are and what they say.  Earlier wills that covered the years when we had dependant children were far more difficult and complex.  There weren't any close family members capable of taking on the raising of our kids. Fortunately that situation didn't materialise.  One of the kids asked one day as we were driving down the highway "What would happen to us if you both died?"   We told them what arrangements we had made and they thought they were the best we could do and were happy with them. 

I worked in the trust department of a large financial institution.  The head of my department was a lawyer.  We often prepared Wills for our clients and they would name the company Executor or co-executor.   Generally we held the original Will in our vault, and gave a copy to the testator (the person making the Will).  Each morning part of my job entailed checking the obituaries in the local papers against a list of Wills we were holding.   Usually sometimes during the day we would be contacted by a member of the family.   If not, we checked the Will and contacted the immediate family, if there was one, and the co-executor, again if there was one.   Then we began the work of administering the estate - assisting with funeral arrangements; locating, listing and securing assets; etc.   Early on in our administration we would contact the beneficiaries by letter.  If they were to receive a specific bequest, we would quote the clause or paragraph that set out that gift  (ie - to my nephew, Bill Smith of Oromocto, I leave my automobile and accessories and the sum of five thousand dollars ($5,000.00)).   We sent a copy of the entire Will to all residuary beneficiaries along with an inventory of assets.    Sometimes they were surprised.  They had no idea Uncle Charles had that much money or that he would leave any to them.  Sometimes the surprise was the other way; like when a faithful, long term friend and caregiver who wasn't mentioned in the Will that gave everything to a charity.   

At that time, in this province, after a Will has been probated, both the Will and the inventory is filed with the Probate Court.  Anybody who thinks that they might have an interest (or is just snoopy) has a right to access these documents.  

I hope that this clarifies things somewhat.    I suppose that if an individual was named executor but did not remain in close touch with the family and no one knew to inform him, he might not know about a death, and the next of kin might carry on trying to look after affairs not knowing there was a Will.   

I know that the executor of my parents wills is my elder sister. Makes sense as she's in the same town (and province too ) for that matter.

I was the gurdian for my younger sister's children but they are adults now.

My exector is my dear friend who is married to a lawyer. At the time we were in the same city. Probably time to redo my will sometime this year.

Our church put on a 2 part workshop on planning your funeral. You could them leave your service outline in the minister's private file. Made sense as many are elderly, but I would have attended if I was more settled. We are all going to die, it's the timeing we don't know.