Very thought provoking questions and scenarios, especially at this time of year when good will, love, giving are what we express we should be doing.

Will need to give it more thought before posting more.

I recently had occasion to think of that. A boy in grade seven stole my son's bike. I found out who it was, and learned he had trashed it. I spoke, quite calmly, to his mother. She suggested, quite seriously, I should charge him with the police, telling me she had nothing but trouble with him and he was just born bad.  Hearing that, I knew this was a kid who didn't need the added abuse and  neglect of being reported to anybody. I had no illusions that social workers would be any help. (They had already advised me to report it to the police.)  So I wrote a note to the kid, telling him I knew all about it. Told him to forget the bike - and that he could call on me if he ever needed help. I haven't heard from  him. I guess I never will.

So - what does one do? I really would like to help that kid. It's probably too late.  I'd l\ike to try. But I can't think of any way to do it.

I think that maybe it starts with getting to know your neighbours - both individually and as institutions. As an individual, it means getting to know that new family in the neighbourhood - making a point of chatting with them when you see them, starting with offering advice about little things like where to get the best fruits and vegetables, or how to get their kids signed up for clubs or teams and then, eventually, moving up to the bigger things. On the congregational level, it's having events that actively invite outsiders in without any expectations from them (for example community dinners, or movie nights). I think it's also getting to know what other churches and institutions in the community are doing and working together (for example, is there a school in the area that could use some helpers for their lunch program).

In other words, it's about getting to know each other - and building a relationship based on trust.

If you want to help- become a big brother or sister. Spend time with a kid once a week and model alternative behaviour.

I had my son on the waitlist for five years, now he is 15- they just don't have enough volunteers. Not that he was at risk of family violence- but he was and is in need of positive male behaviour and help to deal with emotions. And just for getting away from Mom. And I was in need of another adult to support my values. Kids have to hear stuff from more than one adult in order to "sink in".

Here Is a video about the Kottage:

http://www.kidskottage.org/video/kotasf512.html

A few years ago a member of my former church became quite ill - bad enough that she felt the need to go immediately to the emergency room at the local hospital.  She took her pre-schooler with her (I believe the child was 2 or 3) and that child waited with her in the ER for several hours until her husband could be contacted at work and was able to come for her. 

When I heard about it several weeks later I told her that I wished she had called me.  I was home at the time with my granddaughter and could easily have taken in another child for a few hours or a few days - but she didn't feel that she knew me well enough to call.  She was fairly new in the city. 

How could this situation be avoided?  Perhaps if the church had a volunteer coordinator who would receive calls for emergency short term help, and a list of volunteers who were willing and able to respond.   

Maybe if this woman knew (from the bulletin announcements) that she could call Mrs. So-and-so at this number, or the church office, then they could have put us in touch and I could have been at her house to pick up her child in 10 minutes, or met her at the hospital.  

seeler,

I think, that would be a great idea.  I am not sure how your congregation handles confidentiality, but when I asked mine to publish all the Elders with phone # and email (as those are the ones that do visitations), they didn't want to do that "because of confidentiallity".  I know, our Elders do a lot with visiting the ones that are "assigned" to them, but I wonder if there is a fear of having someone in need just standing in front of your door...

I would also love to see transportation coordinated that way. Having had my hand operated not too long ago, I wasn't able to drive and it took an unusual amount of effort to get the phone number of someone who lived in my area and then did not have a problem to pick me up.

Confidentiality is an interesting concept I think.  Maybe churches could be a bit lenient on this - they are supposed to be friends anyway - right?

I see no real problem in everyone having the name and phone # for a few basic contact people.  Then if someone knows there is a possible problem they can call the contact person - who in turn has a list of volunteers with various skills, availability etc.  that can be asked to help.

These contact people would be the ones to call if someone in the congregation has family illness, accident or a death to deal with.  This should remove the 'gossip' element from sharing news - the contact people would share it according to the need.

What you are suggesting Kay sounds like a Pastoral Care team. We have one at our church and they are fantastic. They have done so much for me when I have needed it - they even found me a place to stay when I needed it. Their work is a real blessing to our community.

graeme,

i think you did help him already, such an act of mercy and forgiveness goes along with Jesus's teaching not to ask for things taken from you back, he stole, and you took that sin and made into something positve. he will remember that act forever i would imagine, which is a good seed.