I have occasionally observed cases like this, mainly with stay-at-home wives who guard their turf - but I've witnessed the opposite more often when both parents worked long hours outside the home and still the wife/mother did 90% of the housework and often the yard word too and no amount of encouragement would get the husband off the couch and away from the game.

 I fear for the time when I am in Vancouver for a while with my baby and my hubby is up here because he has to work. What kind of house will I come home to? Will there BE a house? (actually knowing my church someone will take pity and send a band of women over to clean up.)

Just tell him he is only allowed in one room. 

And it can't be the kitchen, bedroom, living room or bathroom.

Everything will be fine.

 OH but he LOVES the bedroom. Napping is his default setting.

Hi efficient_cause - interesting article - thanks for posting it.   I do think this happens.  I find some women have very sexist attitudes regarding men's abilities - or perhaps more to the point - their lack of abilities in things such as parenting & household tasks.    Personally, I'm of the belief that most people are teachable, if we're so inclined to spend the time & energy to do so, and to release control as others do things in different ways than we might.

It bothers me a lot when sometimes I go out with women friends who arrive for dinner out of breath - saying they've raced around, made sure kids did homework, had baths etc., made dinner for the family & left it in the oven, so Dad could BABYSIT.   What's up with Dads being labelled as "babysitters" rather than responsible adult parents?   That tells me a lot about the woman. 

I do this, but only with cooking.  We're pretty good about sharing all the other chores, and he actually does more of them.  But if you've tasted his cooking, then you'd know why.  His default is cheap hamburger patties or frozen chicken nuggets. 

lol at Trish- default setting!  No kidding -bedroom or the couch :)

I totally agree with this.  I have watched myself set standards that only I can meet and then harp on my sweetie if things aren't right.  I've watched countless wives complain about the way a diaper is fastened, clothes are buttoned, dishes are put in the d/w or drainer, whether dusting happened at all, about socks on the floor...

What I see in my house is that i get on autopilot - its ok if I leave something somewhere or don't wipe a counter, because in my head, I know when I'll do it later, or what else I'm planning to do in the meantime, so no problem!  But if I walk in after a meeting and the dishes aren't done or wahtever, I can't see any good reason why it wasn't finished already... 

I've learned to take a breath and give it up most times, because he's good at making yummy dinners AND also learned to clean up after most times (he is messier at cooking than me).  He fixes stuff I know nothing about and he's kinda funny too. 

May I say a big problem is that our culture makes it fun to pick on poor men and some women internalize it as truth - then respect goes down the tubes & patience & shared responsibiltiy with it.  Look at tv ads or all the pms jokes and all that.  I have a sense of humour, but I also know when it wears thin on  my sweetie and I let it go.

Let's not forget someone has to pay the BILLS ? not everyone can be pillow fluffers ...

If the kids are old enough they can help out around the house can't they ?

Why do people even have kids if there is so much work involved ?

 You just thrive on conflict, don't you.  

First, the article seems to apply to families with dual incomes, as well as those with a stay at home partner.  In my opinion, if the work outside of the home is equivalant, then so should the work be in the home.  

Secondly, even when the father is the primary wage earner, the bonding that can occur with children when he takes on more or the parenting roles is wonderful.

Lastly, is the primary care giver or stay at home parent just a "pillow fluffer"

ugh _ I wish!  

why do we have kids if they are so much work??  I've been wondering that for 13 years now - lol

kids or no - should be decided with a kind, discerning heart, not based on laziness or apathy. 

When I took a sociology class on the family there was an interesting study done about the break down of time for couples with children.  The work (time wise) was split in half (on average) to within ten minutes a week.  They counted hours worked for employment, chores split into outdoor and indoor as well as child care, personal care time, entertainment time and sleeping.  The biggest difference was the women spent about an extra ten minutes using the bathroom and men spent 10 more minutes on entertainment per day.  It was interesting...the study also noted that they found more evidence of the so called second shift by women in older couples from previous generations.

Peace

Joel

(You just thrive on conflict, don't you) Well I don't shrink from it either

You seem to thrive on fantasy

Money must grow on trees in your universe

Dual incomes ? LOL lets break that down shall we ?

Lots of women make way less money ( less skills not sexism) and work way less hours to even consider calling it in "income" unless both parties are making comparable dollars it's hard to call it a dual income. if that were the case then there would be more time to do the dishes as it is one person has to work so that you still have a place to clean next month you can't bribe banks and mortage lenders with a fresh batch of mom's cookies tweets.

Folding shirts is just not a priority that to people have to share .

you hit the nail on the head. Dual incomes is a sad fact of reality these days.

Less skills not sexism????  Sweeping overgeneralization I'd say, Jes, and not really based in fact.  Women still frequently get paid less for equivalent work - yup right here in North America!   But I digress, won't continue that argument for fear of derailing the thread.

ditto.  

But I did want to pick up on something from preecy's post.  I think I saw a similar study.  I guess, and this is only from my experience, that the problem with the breakdown of work is that what was considered a chore was pretty broad.  And when you looked at the breakdown, the guy's chores were all the interesting stuff.  What would I rather do auto or home maintenance or washing the floor?  I'd take the maintenance any day.

Some people find spending time with their kids - perhaps driving one to dance or hockey - is a chore; others find it a pleasant way to relax and spend time with their kid.  Give me a chance to take a kid to a game, sit and talk with other parents, stop for ice cream on the way home.  I'd choose it over cleaning the basement anytime.

Of course it's based on reality there has been a steady decline of women attaining marketable degrees and getting into marketable fields like healthcare where there is a looming shortage of professionals instead everyone wants to be an artist or a singer sorry but if you have the same skills you do get the same money I know this because I work in a male dominated field and have been for years and havent been screwed out of a penny that I was worth !!!

But you are right let's not derail the thread

depends on if your kids are scrapping in the back seat and poking each other's eyes out.