In our family, my husband was a school teacher ... so what happened in our home had greater potential consequences than if he'd been in some other profession.  So our rule was no smoking up in the house or in our yard, same for drinking under age.    I wouldn't make too huge a deal out of it, but our kids needed to know their dad's job could be seriously affected ... mostly they were respectful of that.  

Was the 'other child' who suicided a sibling or friend lastpointe?   Such a troubling and worrisome situation for sure.

Hi child who died was a friend of the family of my SIL.  Now she is struggling with her own child.

She really wants to take a very hard line( including kicking her out) and I am suggesting that there has to be a median line somewhere.

It's a hard one to find though.  Kids think of pot as pretty harmless stuff.  Some adults do too and some think of it as a big issue.

Greetings!

I've never had the experience of my children wanting to smoke pot in my home (or any other drugs for that matter).  So my response is just a "think so".  I think if I would have been in that situation, or even today were, I believe my response would be based on the fact that it is illegal and therefore not allowed in my home/property, just as they were not allowed to drink underage in my home (they were also not allowed to drink underage anywhere else and would have suffered the consequences had they done so and I found out).  If pot were legal I still might not necessarily like it (guess I'm an old fogey) but it would not be an issue but any pot smokers would have to smoke outside as do all the regular smokers as we have a smoke free home - no inside puffing!

I am very sorry to hear, lastpointe, about the loss of your SIL's friend's child - how tragic.  I cannot imagine what it is like to lose a child, but my heart goes out to this family, and all those that know and love them, in their loss.

Hope, peace, joy, love . . .

I think probably you & I are in a similar line of thinking on this lastpointe - perhaps from other threads.  In my experience, kids do smoke & drink.  Helping them figure out how to do so responsibly and not get themselves into trouble (legal or otherwise) over it seems more useful than kicking them out.  

Grounding seemed unworkable mostly in our house - besides, would I really want them home and making my life even more miserable?  Not sure it really teaches.

I'd be more talking about respect, values, loss of trust ... that sort of stuff.  Tough situation & I can certainly imagine SIL's reaction is a bit more extreme because of her friend's child's death.   Does she think the pot smoking is increasing - perhaps in reaction to the other kid's death?  Teens sometimes have mysterious ways of displaying their grief - any chance that's a factor?

I would get them in trouble. Pot should not be smoked in the parents' home. They should know that they will get into big trouble. I would considder grounding them, if grounding is effective and the teen doesn't just ignore it. If they do, take away some other priviledge, but definately not kick them out, that is bad news. Personally I think it is a normal part of being a rebellious, experimental teen, and kids need to learn about things like this, but I also think it's important that parents aren't seen to accept it. Hypocrye? Maybe, maybe not.

I'm not sure about the values/ loss of trust talk. The teen might roll their eyes and think "Yeah, whatever", and not really care, but then that was me, maybe this teen is different. You have to be close first before that would work. I think it's important the teen thinks they can trust and rely on the parents, that fosters trustworthiness in the teen, a reason to be trustworthy, because they respect the parents.

I feel bad for your friend. She must be very scared. I hope this teen is not depressed. Maybe she could get close to the teen somehow and find out. Suicide should draw the affected people together right?  Let her be firm in her guidance, but also supportive and understanding. Don't chase the teen away.