If you're pregnant, or even just trying to get pregnant - Don't drink ANY alcohol.

Today is Sept. 9 - International Fetal Alcohol Syndrome Disorders awareness day.  Research is starting to show us that complete abstinence during pregnancy is more important than thought in the past.   I started a thread over in Health & Aging section that has a few good informative links in it if you're interested in learning more.  

If you are pregnant and you are in a group of mothers they will start to one-up each other on birthing horror stories.  Put your fingers in your ears and hum or sing very loudly.  If you can't hum or sing, just keep shouting "I CAN'T HEAR YOU!!!".

Write a song for your unborn child.  Even something silly and short.  You will remember it always.

If you are a sucker for punishment you can wondermail me for my birthing horror story.

Too true somegirl!  How come we don't share the pleasures & joys just as much?

Good one lastpointe - always deliver on time

I echo the tip to enjoy them.  Enjoy your children when they are infants, when they are toddlers, when they are pre-schoolers - you will never get this time back.  They will grow up too soon.  Next thing you know your baby will be putting on his backpack and going off to kindergarden.  Boo hoo!

So don't wish their little lives away:  to have them toilet trained; to have them walking; talking; independant.   These things will happen.  But in the meantime, take time to love and enjoy.

remember that growing a baby and raising a child is the most precious job in the world at that time - take it easy, like Lastpointe said, learn lots and aim high.  There are always different chapters of our life - this one is very rewarding when done with love & presence. 

Read Barbara Coloroso "Kids are Worth It". 

oh!  and love yourself- find ways to be more than 'mom' by working on your relationship with your partner and making a good strong foundation for your wee ones.  Also looking after oneself, reorganizing  priorities so balance is better achieved - and paint your toenails sometimes!  Fun stuff, not all baby oriented is very healthy.

That plus:  No alcohol, no drugs, no smoking (seriously!!!!!) and taking responsibility for making life the best it can be. 

Meet La Leche League people before baby is born to learn about breastfeeding and find a support person who can help with feeding baby after. 

Join a group for young mothers and their children.  Let the children play together and learn social skills, while the parents enjoy each other's company and exchange parenting tips. 

Be fit.  Eat well.  Two of the most important things in pregnancy.  Think about it - labour is going to be one of the most physically demanding acts your body will ever perform, it's only right to prepare it.  So be fit before you start your pregnancy, and keep fit through it!  And get enough sleep, too.

Breastfeeding is a fantastic thing, too.  It's not easy at first - the first 4 to 6 weeks can be painful, but if you can get through that part, it is the most amazing thing ever. 

When your kids start school don't forget - they need sleep.  12 hours sleep for the little ones. 

I've had a hard time getting this across to my daughter.  If they are going to get up at 6:30 or 7:00 oclock, they need to be in bed by 7:00 at night.  Maybe a short story after going to bed, but goodnight kisses and lights out by 7:15.  Otherwise they will be sleepy the next day.  My grandson had his first full day of kindergarden an the comment from the teacher was that he almost fell asleep in class.   His bedtime is 8:00 - but that is too late.

For older children the bedtime can be moved up a little, but not too much.  My granddaughter stayed over recently.  Although her bed time is supposed to be 9:00 it was almost 11:00, and Grampy and I were getting ready for bed before she settled.  Then we had a hard time getting her up at 7:00, and she was still too sleepy to eat when she stumbled out the door to walk to school at 7:50. 

I know the theory that a tired dog is a good dog.  It doesn't work with children.  A well rested child is a good child. 

Oh, the good old days of Somekid going to bed at 7.  Before that the good old days when he had a nap and before that 2 naps.  I really loved the 2 nap days.  Seeler, you said not to wish their lives away and that is so true, the days that are spent wishing become the good old days when the wishing has come to pass.

why, oh why, does the morning sickness get worse with each pregnancy?  pregancy number three has definitely not been easy.  i'm hoping it goes away after i pass the first trimester.

i too agree with enjoying it while it lasts.  they grow up soooo fast.  i can't believe my baby is already in sk!

I don't want to sound shallow or vain, but are there any tips on how to avoid stretch marks?  I understand that there are lots of creams but that they contain steriods...any thing natural for suggestions?

body shop has a coconut body butter. it's not for stretch marks, but it's sooo rich in moisture.  i used it and no stretch marks.  and it smells sooo good.  it is now also organic!  yeah :)

not sure where you live, but if you have a whole foods or a planet organic or even a really good homeopathic pharmacy around run in and ask.

you could also wondermail wisewyldwomyn.  she's into that stuff.  let her know momsfruitcake suggested her advice :)

Avoid stretch marks - I would suggest having small babies.  Said with a smile.

maybe that was the reason i didn't have any *lol*  j was 5 pounds 12 ounces and m was 5 pounds 8 ounces.

any bets on how much baby number 3 will weigh in at?

My tips:

1st: don't get pregnant until there is a baby shaped hole in your life.

2: pass the baby off to someone else when stress comes on. Don't let yourself get mad in baby's presence. Blow off steam elsewhere, go for a run, have a good cry.

3. take more time off from baby care than you really need, then you will be happy to see baby and care for him/her.

4. RITUAL, RITUAL, RITUAL. Little kids need reliable, expectable routines, and that's the only way you'll be able to get baby to go to sleep, to learn to be left with someone, to do anything.

5. If you are tired of breastfeeding, or it's bringing you down, stop! Giving too much of yourself will turn you into a wet dishrag.

6. don't believe the folks who say how wonderful it is. There is just as much hell as wonderful. Be realistic, expect some of it to suck, you'll be much happier.

7. Confidence. You must display confidence and know how, to your child or they will be nervous. They need to be able to trust you and your authority. This will also inspire obiedience.

8. Anger tip: when you feel anger coming on, step back in your mind, look at the bigger picture, breathe, look at the situation from the child's point of view. Think of their future, and how what you say and do now affects their psychology.

9. Dr. Ferber. I say no more.

This may sound a little harsh, but I want people to know that baby making is serious business, not to be entered into lightly. Your life changes forever, and as much, or more, is taken away, as is added.

Somegirl: I have my own horror birth story too. So that's why they wouldn't publish it in Birth Issues eh!

Oops! That was a bit long wasn't it!

Looked good to me Elanorgold! 

Gotta watch that spelling lp.

My main tip for being pregnant is never do it.

Totaly valid point Witch! You don't have to have a baby, you can quite happily carry on just being yourself. Kids aren't for everyone, and they are not everything.

Also post partum depression isn't an illness, or it wasn't for me anyway. I was genuinely, validly and understandably miserable! The pressures placed upon me, the expectaions of accepting less in my life and being happy, self sacrifice and giving up things I loved and lived for, and all that was suposed to be just fine and dandy! CRAP! is what it was! Sorry girls...

Boy am I glad I happened upon this - and just at the right moment. I'm in the early stages of labour as I type this. Feeling pretty uncomfortable but trying to walk around, find something to do, etc. Starting to get very nervous about the whole labour delivery thing. I have heard some absolute horror stories. Momsfruitcake - baby is over 4 weeks early, so I'm hoping she'll be small like yours were. I plan on doing this drug-free.

musicalmackenzie - we are all here for you, praying for you, breathing with you.  Just think - soon you'll be a Mommy.  I hope all goes well.    Huff, huff, pant, pant  (or whatever that rhythmn is)

i had my second drug free and i'm hoping to have baby number 3 in the same way.  as long as your prepped mentally, you'll do just fine.  i felt so much better after delivery with my second.  keeping you in my prayers for the quick delivery of  a healthy and happy baby :)

Well I am so glad we heard from you Mackenzie.  4weeks early is pretty good.  I was keeping my fingers crossed for you tonight.

I had my first at 37 weeks , techinically 37 weeks is full term so I hope that makes 36 weeks sound better to you.

Ok , so i must really check my spelling.

Don't overdo things!

I soooo agree with the "enjoy every stage" thing.  I cringe when I hear moms and dads say  " I can't wait till they are....."  It is like wishing their lives away.

Each stage has it's trials and joys.  But each is unique.

Keep a diary.  Just a daily note, nothing lengthy unless you are inspired.  It is wonderful to look back in a journal book and read how you felt that day.  The days really do sort of mush together.

I agree with those who say try not to listen to too many birthing horror stories.  They do seem to overwhelm.

Get your support from anyone you can.  Hubby, girlfriend, mom, doula, midwife, doc, la leche.  But also dont' let your self be bullied by any of these folks either. 

I met a woman with a 7 year old and a 4 month old.  He was a charmer but she was exhausted.  She was juggling school and soceer for the older one, breastfeeding that wasn't going well.  They had convinced her to do a baby massage class too that she hated.  She was surround by these wonderful, calm earth mother types and felt so un prepared and so ill equiped and inadequate.  My heart broke for her.

Once she realised she didn't need to do what she didn't want to she felt so much better.

Start a box for each child.  Put one or two favourite baby items once they are outgrown.  Keep a sample of different ages of art work, keep the report cards and letters they write.   Keep awards they get, ribbons from track or whatever.  They will love it when they get older.

For all you grandmothers to be

The best gift my mom ever gave me was two weeks.

She stayed with us for two weeks after my first was born.  She cooked, cleaned, did laundry, shopped ( well i think my dad picked up the groceries).  She supported me through breastfeeding.  She got up with me each feed and gave me a glass of milk and a couple of crackers.  She visited and talked to me at 3 a.m as I was feeding the baby.  She sometimes rocked him to sleep and let me get back to bed.

My dad rocked him each meal so i could eat.

It was the absolute best thing they have ever done for me and three years later they did it again with number two.

lastpointe - two weeks with your parents looking after you after giving birth!  Wow!!!!  That must have been heaven.

My husband and I, neither with any experience at all with babies, bought home our son - a small 6 pounder, with no one to help us.  Fortunately he breast fed well.  I propped up a book about baby care in front of me as I gave him his first sponge bath.  We managed.  Fortunately in six weeks he had gained quite a bit of weight and was sleeping through the night.  This was before the time of maternity leave, so I went back to work part time supply teaching.

Less than 13 months later we brought home our daughter (5 1/2 pounds), and my husband hurried over to the neighbours to bring home our son to see the baby.   Now I had two.  My husband went to work the next day and I was on my own - but with a bit more experience this time.  I often fed my little baby holding her in one arm while holding my big baby in the other - but more often, unfortunately, I pushed him to be a big boy. 

It was a difficult time.  Two weeks help - two hours help - it would have been a god-send.

Lastpointe, wow yeah, that was a nice two weeks your folks gave you. My mom was not so considderate. SHe did the dishes and cleaning, but she also critisized me and gave me the silent treatment, arms folded. It was a boon when she left.

Mackenzie: It's good your baby is early. It should make it easier. You can do it drug free, don't be ashamed of being scared, we all are ok? Once you get to the pushing stage you're home bound, it's waiting for full dialation that's hardest. Remember that time allways goes on, and it will carry you through this, all you have to do is trust that, and be patient, and do your best.

My mom paid for two months of a diaper service -- that was an awesome gift!  A friend lent me a stack of old movies (happy stuff, cheesy musicals, 80s stuff..) that I only watched while breastfeeding -- so when I was up at 2 am, then 5 am, I watched 15-20 minute segments -- it gave me something to look forward to!  :)

My stretch marks were (are?) so intense that my doctor was horrified!  How's that to make you feel good?!  lol  Babies were only 8 1/2 lbs and 7 1/2 lbs...  Unfortunately it's genetic, that skin resiliency thang.  Watch the movie "Shirley Valentine" -- she's ashamed to reveal herself during lovemaking because of her stretch marks, and her lover extols them -- loving all the scars, marks and wrinkles that are evidence of a life well lived!  :)

shalom

Thanks for all these tips. Just thought I'd check in and let you know that baby and I are both doing great. She was born yesterday at 4:43am, weighing 6 lbs 2 oz. Momsfruitcake - I did manage to do it drug-free and wouldn't change that for the world. It was a wonderful experience.

Oh, Musicalmackenzie - she is so so sweet.  I'm jealous.  I'll never have a little one like that again.

Or maybe - I'm not 70 yet, and my granddaughter is 12.  Maybe I'll be lucky enough to see another generation. 

Oh, but she is wonderful.  You must be so happy.  I'll bet that she is going to be an easy baby too.

She's adorable mommusicalmac!  Congrats!

Congratulations on your new daughter.  What a joy for you.

Rest, rest rest.  whenever she sleeps, you rest ( or shower, one of those things hard to fit into the day)

Thanks everyone. She is a great baby so far. Laspointe, that's exactly what I've been doing - I sleep when she sleeps. She's really good. She feeds every three hours and apart from that she sleeps. There's very little fussing.