Okay lol - ironically I'm having a little difficulty writing my first post so I need some time to explain why I'm bringing this up.  To be continued.....

lol - i am guessing that is word-finding issues, ie, you can't figure out what the word is, but you know what you want to say.

Ha Pinga!   Yes I was laughing at the irony of this.  Thank you for naming it lol.  I decided to step away from the computer and let things sit for a bit until my head is clearer.

So I have word finding issues when I'm speaking.  And also sometimes when writing if I'm tired.  It can be hard at times to write exactly what I mean.

When talking to people it's not every sentence - but it will generally come up in a conversation in a way that I can't hide.  Moreso the longer someone is around me.  I don't mean that "tip of the tongue" phenomenon (love the fact that I just sat there for a moment and found that word) that most of us experience.  When I can't find a word it's more like looking into a foggy room and not knowing where to begin to look.

And to be clear I know that for me this issue is related to having chronic fatigue syndrome.  I have some neurological symptoms.  Balance issues etc.  Lots of tests to rule out other things.  I also work really hard at improving my word finding with some small success.  So this isn't a medical/treatment kind of thread.  I've got that covered.

I think I'm just pondering the fact that in some circumstances I feel awkward speaking.   In friendships it's not a big deal.  Friends get it.  They know that I'm not stupid.  It's fine for me to say "can't get the word.....you know that vehicle that pushes the snow off of the roads for the cars......" and they might give me the word or just get what I'm saying.  Life goes on.  Pass the remote.

But new social situations are harder.  Sometimes I worry when I get stuck.  I do know that socially with new people (no matter how I feel) it's best not to appear embarrassed or awkward.  That makes it awkward for the other person.  Better to name it simply "sometimes I have trouble finding words" and laugh it off.  So I try to do that. 

I don't know.  I guess just thinking about the fact that I'm trying to get out a little more when I can.  I'm in the process of coming out.  Taking some steps (although slowly) to meet the GLBT community in my city.  Meeting new people.  And yeah that's awkward all on it's own and I'm a shy person.  No denying that part of things.  Maybe getting stuck on words is just one more part of the package.

Although it is funny sometimes.  A couple of weeks ago I was going through a drive through.  I had my order and words clearly in my mind like I usually do before driving up, but at the last second I decided to add on a croissant.  I could see a croissant in my head and I could almost taste it - but dang if I could find that word.  That kind of stuff makes me laugh.  And btw describing a croissant into a speaker really doesn't work lol.  "Well it's kind of curved....."  lol!   Although kudos to the young employee on the other end. I was going to leave it but when I got to the window she was friendly and asked me to try again and we figured it out.

Why am I sharing this?  Not for sympathy - actually that would feel yucky.  It's not a huge issue.  Maybe just sharing some of my story.  And in writing this realizing that it's not so bad to get out there and keep talking in new situations.  Some people will get it.  Some might not.  Kinda like most things in life.

OK not sure this is 100% what I was trying to say but close enough lol.

TL

btw - just my take on what word finding issues are in case anyone wonders.  Most of us have trouble finding words at times - especially when tired.  Or trying to remember a particular name or place.  People with word finding issues have more of that, more often, more noticeable.  And may lose words that others generally wouldn't.  Can be mild to severe.

tiger lily -- i do get it, which is why i named it for you.

i have that happen, and I will sometimes ping my workmates..."what is "that thing""

yes, drive-thru's could be tough.  i think the solution you named is perfect.

(edit..i had written don't get it, instead of "do get it"...lol, this thread seems to be making word issues even more frequent)

I have been thinking about this. I have a friend (80) who is having these issues. She will say "You know,( name a person) She will say "You know him - it starts with C". Charles, Carl, Chris. It is a hard game to play with her. I notice it happens more frequently if she is tired or wraught up. I wonder if she should see a doctor.

Edit - my apologies CH.  I think I wrote at the same time.  Just replying to Pinga

Ha - I was sitting for a moment trying to understand what you first wrote lol.  Now I get it!

Neat strategy to check with workmates.  And I hear you about "that thing".

CH - personally I always think checking things out with a doc is good.  Sometimes we chalk things up to people aging and there can be another explanation.  Or just good to rule other things out.  Just my 2 cents.

This is what I have been advising her daughter to do - have her checked out by a doctor.

 I have the same problem, but it is worse. i think we are born with distinct and different brains with certain abilities, and certain challenges.  Most challenges we can compensate for, or work around, however as we get older, or tired, or sick, those work arounds becomes more difficult.   That's when we notice we have challenges, but in reality we always did, we had just learned to compensate automatically, but now we no longer always have that abiliility/energy for the work around, our brains do.

Normal: Not being able to think of a specific descriptive word.
Not Normal: Forgetting simple nouns, like " toothbrush" or "hammer""
 

Temporal Lobe: Tongue-Tied
The temporal lobe plays a key role in memory, language and high-level sensory processing, like understanding speech. Early in the disease, problems in the temporal lobe start to cause aphasia, the inability to remember or recall words. Naming things becomes particularly difficult, to the point where, eventually, the speech of someone with Alzheimer's becomes devoid of specific nouns. In the middle and later stages, problems in the temporal lobe might also cause some patients to experience auditory and visual hallucinations.
  

**************************

The above is from a site for alzheimers

This made me think of the many people I know who have English as a second or third of fourth language.  Because they sometimes stumble through a conversation, use the wrong words, or need help finding the right ones, I find many people judge them as being some how less intellectual.

I have known some very intelligent foreigners who are treated like children even though they have doctorates from back home.

Unfortunately I can't emphathize too much with you.  I get the occasional tongue-tied, but not to the level you describe.  I guess I am adding my two cents to let you know that some of us out there are willing to look at it for what it is, and not judge you on it.

This happens to me quite a lot...and with names of people who I know very well...like on one occasion, with my best friend of over 20 years. I worry about it and it's definitely become worse since taking medication for a chronic pain issue. I usually try to joke about it...I call it a brain gap...and apologize for forgetting...I don't know what else to do. Also, if I worry, then the anxiety will add to the issue so I try not to...worry, that is.

 Hey Tiger Lily,

It's interesting that you mentioned you have this problem with your chronic fatigue syndrome.  When I first got sick I put down a lot of things to just being exhausted, but as I started to get better I noticed I had some memory issues and also some word recollection problems.  I especially noticed this when playing a game similar to Taboo (I don't think I know the games name, but frequently play it with some friends).  It was one of those things were you give clues so that people guess the word, and I just felt so slow at it!  I would know the answer, but the word wouldn't come to me and someone else would get the point.

 Luckily for me, everything has been improving, so as long as I stay with that trend I won't worry about it too much.

Try not to let it bother you in social situations.  Like you said, most people have the 'tip of the tongue' phenomenon so if you don't let it bother you most other people will barely even notice.

The other day was talking to Mr. Seeler and  I couldn't think of the word "rhubarb'.  It was like playing the game Pictionairy but using words.    I'm standing in the backyard, saying 'You know.  You know.  The stuff you cook with strawberries to make jam.  That plant with the big green leaves and red stems.  You know . . . you know. . .    Finally I just waved my hand at the rhubarb patch.  God, how could I forget a word that I've used for over 60 years.  A stranger would wonder what planet I'm from. 

My family knows when I'm searching for a word.  They just stick it in and the conversation goes on.  But strangers - and casual acquaintances - they must wonder at times. 

Heh, Tiger Lily, I can so empathize.

I know some of you may think I am as verbally witty as I am in written form - sad to say this is not the case and while I have wonderful conversations in my head they always seem to lose something in the translation.

Stress caused either by emotion or time constraints worsens the situation.  If I am stressed when writing the thesaurus becomes my best friend - one can only write the word "stupid" so many times before one looks, well, stupid.

Grabbing for a thesaurus in the middle of a verbal conversation is not nearly as effective and, frankly, more disruptive than staring off into space with a blank look on one's face.  At least the latter may elicit sympathy and concern.

Charles T wrote about multilingual individuals and how they are perceived.  A French Canadian friend, a very intelligent man btw, told me how, when he spoke, he first thought what he wanted to say in French and translated it before speaking in English.  His thoughts were fluent, his speech was not.

I think I am the same - although I only have one language.  There is a thesaurus in my brain and I'm always searching for just the right word.

As far as relationships go, this word finding disability, has, I think, proven very beneficial.  I have been told I'm a great listener.

Little do they know I just can't find the words to interrupt.

LB

I like the word "indolence." It makes my laziness seem classy.

     Bern Williams

Greetings!

Like a lot of posters above have mentioned, I too find there are times when I cannot come up with a certain name or word.  And it is frustrating!  And I will sit there and ponder it until I do.

With names I have to "run through the alphabet" and I usually get it very quickly.  With nouns or other words, sometimes it can take a few minutes.

I know it happens to men too, but I've spoken to a lot of post-menopausal women who noticed this at this stage in their life - whether that in particular has anything to do with it, or whether it is just the age in life, I'm not sure.

I often think of it as brain overload.  My brain can only hold so many facts at the forefront and these names and words I can't remember show up eventually.

If I start to forget what my toothbrush is, I'll get some  help!

Hope, peace, joy, love ...

I think in pictures and have to translate into English of French. I have trouble with individual worlds, but if they are associated with other words I do think  this makes me a kind of mimic, as I can only say certain worlds in the context with words that other people use them with. 

I can remember words in whole sentences and paragraphs, but not individually. When I am constructing new sentences and can not rely on repeating a sentence or paragraph, it tends to make me use many more words than necessary to say something short and simple.

Tiger Lily, I appreciate you posting this thread. Not only for those for whom this topic holds meaning, but also because I admire your courage in posting this piece of your daily life. In fact, for both the word finding challenges you experience and the coming out journey for you. It must be so hard to worry about communicating with new people when you sometimes have difficulty coming up with words to carry on a conversation. I can’t imagine the frustration of that experience. I like what you said about being upfront with a new person and naming what’s going on for you and laughing about it (although I bet that’s easier said than done at times).

My experience of word finding difficulties is mild compared to what you and others experience. I definitely have moments of just what others describe above – I can tell you all about the rhubarb – or whatever – but darn if I can come up with the word to name it. I consider my mild annoyance quite common at this age and stage of my life (although not yet 50 I wonder what it might be like as I get older and think of how frustrating it could become) - and I now feel I get what my mother has been experiencing all these years. That being said, I do know that this type of word finding difficulty is different from the extent to what you have experienced these past years at your younger age Tiger Lily. I really admire your ability to take it in stride.

This is an interesting read – thanks to all who are sharing their stories. And again, Tiger Lily – kudos to you for starting this thread.

I'm going to come back and write some more later.  At the moment I'm having a little trouble finding words.  But wanted to say right now that I've been reading each person's posts yesterday and today.  Really appreciating what people are sharing about their own experiences and also the positive and supportive thoughts - they are good for all of us.

I wanted to be able to write a post to draw things together.  Admittedly I struggle with that too language-wise so my thoughts are random. 

I think it's good to acknowledge the things that each person has shared.  Each of us struggling in ways that are unique to us and at the same time ways that we share very much in common.  That frustration of wanting to communicate something and struggling with it.  The feelings that go with that.  I'm also pondering what it would be like to think in pictures and then try to put sequences of words together.  Or what it would be like to be learning a new language.

And thinking of positives that people have mentioned.  That worrying or getting stressed about it doesn't help - good point.  That friends and family who are accepting and can cue you sometimes are great.  That having a good sense of humour helps - I think from now on I'll think of myself as a good listener lol!  That getting out and talking is good.  And thinking of the people who may not have the same issue but who really get what this is about which is neat to hear.

Those are my thoughts.  Kinda random.  Feel free to chime in with anything that you'd like to share or comment on.   Not wanting to close the thread by any means - just really wanting to acknowledge what people have shared.

TL

I'm also at the stage where I sometimes struggle to find a common word, but I know that's not what you mean. 

I have a friend who runs a drumming circle around here who deals with the same thing.  It's funny, because I don't notice her word-finding challenge at all.   It's one of those traits that make her "her".   She's remarkable in that she's facilitated large groups and has quite a following despite her "challenges".

I've known her for ages and  I'm so used to it.

TigerLily - I also don't want you to think that I am understating your circumstances.

I have a friend who had a stroke at a relatively young age.  It frustrates her to no end, when she cannot find a word.

Question for you:

Is it better for someone to suggest words when you are struggling but not asking, or just sit & wait for you to either ask or find it.

Pinga, this is a little off topic, but I was just over on the "What made you laugh today" thread and saw the Hoops and Yoyo button.  Pressed play lol!  Came here and read your post (above) and thought it would be hilarious if someone just pulled that button out and pressed it when I got stuck.  But that's my twisted sense of humour  

Seriously, going to think about your question.  It's a good one.

Ninja it's neat to hear about your friend and your friendship 

TL

Post deleted - had waffled back and forth on sharing what I did for a living and decided to take it out.

I work with several people who have had strokes, and my mother as well.  A couple of observations: fatigue greatly exacerbates the problem of finding the right word as does emotion.

There are appropriate and inappropriate times to help someone speak.  If time is of the essence, if it is important to get the right information - such as talking to doctors - then aiding the speaker is beneficial.

If it is just a "normal" conversation, let the person find their own words.  Don't rush them along or put words in their mouth - it will only add to their stress.  Be relaxed so they can relax and be themselves.  This is good on many levels - one you'll have a better conversation but more importantly it is therapeutic to the stroke survivor in that it allows them to exercise their brain and language skills.

The other thing I have learned - people with cognitive disorders, like memory loss or language processing difficulties, often have a hard time grasping metaphorical conversations particularly when used in the form of a joke.  One needs to be careful using such language and not assume that the other person is humourless because they either don't get the joke or react negatively.

Good conversation should be mutual and never one sided.

LB

Ideal conversation must be an exchange of thought, and not, as many of those who worry most about their shortcomings believe, an eloquent exhibition of wit or oratory.

     Emily Post

Well said LB.  And really important about patiently giving people time to try to find a word.

I've also been thinking about Pinga's question. 

I'd just add my own personal thoughts that being prompted occasionally might feel OK.  If I've tried for a while and the word is nowhere to be found then hearing it can be helpful.  I want the time to try but am not offended if someone throws out a word when I'm stuck.  It's also helpful to hear a word when out and about and dealing with salespeople or people who are providing various kinds of services if I get stuck.

As I mentioned before with new people I will most likely say something simple like "I have trouble finding words sometimes" and laugh it off and move on.  Having said that if someone who doesn't know me tries to help out of kindness then I take whatever they are doing in the spirit that it was meant.  I know that other people can't be expected to know what I need.

Something else to consider.  My issues are mild to moderate depending on how tired I am etc.  I can live with the level of frustration that I have.  Sometimes people have much more severe issues.  Even difficulty to the level where getting a single sentence or phrase out is challenging.  Communication can become very frustrating and exhausting for people with severe issues, and it doesn't help that person if communication totally shuts down.  The issue can also become very isolating.  So I think in that circumstance (and likely others) that what is needed and helpful can be quite different. 

TL

Very good question.

And thank you Tigerlily for your response to it.

Also, thank you LB, for all that you shared too.

Both responses have given me better insight as to what to do in situations as described.

Somehow my "challenge" in this regard doesn't bother me much.  I know that my friends see me as articulaste but as an itsy bit excitable,  When one of my brilliant ideas or theories hits me, I talk fast and sometimes can't come up with names or words.  I usually just use synonyms or nicknames or  something. If I am totally blank or if the synonym is a strech for most listeners, my housemate just fills in sort of like a psychologist saying "I see" throughout a conversation. 

This isn't a totally new phenomenon with me.  I remember--note the remember--years ago when I took exams in literature classes.  Difficulty recalling authors' names and the names of books could have made things worrisome, but it didn't.  The titles were usually in the questions, and I learned to concentrate especially hard on  authors' names.   Characters' names could have been more troublesome, but I usually got away with a descriptor as a substitute for the name ("Moll Flanders' first brother-in-law").  Once or twice I did confuse profs a bit by re-naming a character I clearly knew quite well.

It's good to hear how well you have done snaps.  And very nice to meet you.

TL