This is not from a soap opera these are people that I see every day.  I could tell you more similaar stories not quite as dramatic.

1.  My friend and i went away for the weekend and came back early.   We went to her house for the weekend and walked in on her husband and a woman half naked on the couch.

Etc.

So my question is:  Does it ever work out?  I don't need to watch the soaps.  My exboyfriend that I was dating last year had women finding him on facebook and demanding paternity tests.

It does if you go into a relationship with your eyes wide open and everything else closed for a while LOL

It also depends on who you hook up with in the first place

Mamma sez can't make a silk purse outta a sow's ear

Serena,

Did you parents marraige work out?

Are your sisters married?

Despite my marriage lasting 13 years (at leasr 5 years too long) Yes marraige can work out.

I look around at my friends-I make a point of my teens seeing successful marriages.

Good marriages take maturity on the part of both spouses, a willingness to consider the needs of the other while still meeting your own needs-and an ability to tell wants from needs,

I think it can work out, or I wouldn't have married and had a child with my husband. But yes - relationships can't be taken on blind faith. One doesn't need to unburden oneself of all their mistakes and demons on Date #1, but before seriously talking moving in together, engagement, marriage, kids, all those things, most cards should be on the table in terms of dating history. Hubby and I learned some stuff about one another (my clinginess/insecurity, his workaholism, both of our lingering interest in old flames) as we were getting serious that we didn't like, and we had lots of figuring out to do as to what was acceptable and what was a dealbreaker. But we did, and we're going on 5 years of marriage and 9 of being together, which for a couple of teenagers/young adult college students, I don't think is too shabby (his parents, going on 40 years of marriage, would just howl about that I suspect).

And it's not perfect, and we still compromise a lot on stuff, which some might see as settling, but we see as recognizing no one's perfect, and we're both thankful we've married someone who at the end of the day puts up with our 'real' selves with a minimum of drama. And honestly, I think if more people were honest up front (that woman about already being pregnant - I'd bet the kind of guy who was thrilled by that and took care of the baby would have been OK with that, for example), relationships would both/either last longer, and/or end with less anger.

Today I watched two people leave the bowling alley after he bowled and she watched.  He opened the door for her and they held hands as they walked out to the car.  They've been married for over 60 years, have an adopted son and grandchildren.

I watched two others sitting beside each other, he with his arm draped casually around her. 

And several others, when they got a strike or spare looking to see it their spouse noticed and grinning or high-fiving each other. 

And I asked Bill how is wife is doing because she went into the hospital a few days ago, and he took my hands, looked me in the eye, and told me that while she is doing good right now it is serious. 

These people are all seniors.  Many of them have been married for over 50 years, and each knows who the most important person in their lives is.

Yes, I can work.

Upon further reflection the first woman was a skank and the second woman was an idiot .... so the outcome was predictable ....  anybody who thinks getting engaged in 9 weeks is gonna be a good thing has got to get their heads checked
 

I think using our parents and grandparents as an example for marriage is adorable but inaccuate you don't know why they really stayed together .. love might have been the last reason ... finances may have been the first ....
 

relationships have changed a lot in the last two generations

back then divorce was taboo . women were not as prevalent in the workforce so it was either stay married or hit the curb , men carried the burden of being the breadwinner .... today things are far different people break up....... women can make their own money and men no longer feel the need to live up to the previous demands of their fathers generation ....

I think we need to be more realistic today than yesterday

These people are all seniors.  Many of them have been married for over 50 years, and each knows who the most important person in their lives is.

Yeah and 50 years ago there were not as many swinging singles as there are now

Jes, I agree that back then divorce was harder and many couples stayed together because it was expected of them, or for economic reasons, or for the sake of the kids.  However the couples I'm talking about exhibit real affection for one another.  They have probably had rough spots in their marriages, but they've stuck it out and now they are reaping the benefits of a mutually affectionat relationship in their old age. 

 Does it ever work out?  I think it largely depends on an ability to identify what obstacles we place in front of it.  

Of all the stories you related, I think the overwhelming common denominator is emotional immaturity on the part of one or all of those  involved.

And what is the root of emotional immaturity?  I think its selfishness, a root which has many, many branches.

Stable relationships don't just happen, we have to learn how to do it.  It takes a lot of work, continuous learning, and introspective personal growth.

Lasting love seems to have the ability to be able to fall in love over and over again---- with each other. 

You are hanging out with the wrong people.  Yes, relationships fail, but rarely as spectacularly as the examples you've provided.

I think we pretty much decided that under toxic friendships.

I was over at a friends' place today.

She shared with me the history of her three marriages.

1,  The first guy gambled so bad that he maxxed their credit cards and line of credit out.  He committed suicide leaving her with three children under the age of five and all his debts.

2.  The second guy had a life insurance policy.  This marriage lasted less than a year before he moved out and shacked up with a 16 year old.  He died in a car accident while they were still married and had a hefty life insurance policy so she got it all.

3.  The third husband was so sweet and charming.  They had a child together.  He would not work because she had money.   They had a big acerage.   She caught him in the barn with his mistress one day.  They got divorced.  He spent her insurance money from the second husband.

LOL your friend obviously has bad choices in guys ..... if she was smart she would have hidden her finances away .....

 Some people are idiot magnets.

Also, a girl in my grad class (class of '86) has been through 3 husbands.  Not on her third husband but done with him too. I have to wonder if she picks all the wrong guys or, knowing something about this girl, there isn't enough room in the marriage for the three of them. (Husband, wife, and wife's ego.)

There's always room for the wife's ego otherwise what is zee point ?

Gals need to invest in a choke chain

set to low voltage and always keep dry .... you don't want to stun the little darling hubbies too much now do you ?

Or light them up like a Christmas tree.

This thread is starting to sound like the "relationship" section of FML.com lol

As-salaamu alaikum

-Omni

 haha Omni I was just starting to think the exact same thing!

I was about to say great minds think alike...but then realized that is a lie and then started thinking...who came up with that saying anyways?

As-salaamu alaikum

-Omni

 Haha I'm not really sure Omni... although I am sure between google and wikepedia you could probably figure it out 

My mom always continues on that saying "Great minds think alike, fools seldom differ" personally I think the second part is truer then the first.....