My principal at the school I used to teach at was a workplace bully.  I reported her.  The superintendant did not do anything.  Well I got a fake apology from the principal but she kept up her bullying and then she laid me off.  I got rehired in September because there was a new principal because the principal who was such a bully got very ill during the summer. 

So my advice for your friend is to look for another job and suck it up.  Bullies have protectors and it is better just to try to avoid them.  For the longest time when the principal went into one of her rants I used the excuse of having to go to the washroom and then forgot to come back to her office.   Have your friend try not to ever be alone with the bully.

Nobody can make you feel small unless you allow them to.

yes, depends on the type of bullying & position.

The bully behaviour that I have experienced is generally when the person is overwhelmed....and is reacting out of a place of total loss of control or fear.

Best bet has been to address the issues.  Second option was to look for an alternate location to work in the same facility.  

In the one situation, i was able to speak calmly to them when they weren't out of control, name the situation, advise that it was not acceptable, and discuss what we could do about it.  We came up with a code word.

If you are in Ontario, or four other provinces, bullying in the workplace is now a crime (Bill 168 covers workplaces with 5 or more people).  Document, document, document!

Find out how to complain; ask HR (they have to have a policy in place).

If it is in the church workplace, whoever has the power can bully but it is hard to stand up to this. it can affect one spiritually, physically and emotionally. Don't expect too much help from the church. MHO

I was 'let go' from a position many years ago.  I sued for wrong-full dismissal and got a reasonable settlement.  A few years later I got a call from a woman who I had worked with in the same department.  Her 'boss' would fly into a fit of temper when something when wrong and he would throw papers and files all over the floor and under his desk.  When he got over his little hissy-fit (at a telephone call, or something in the mail, or an account that won't balance) he would call this woman, his secretary, in to his office and order her to pick it all up and put it back in order.  This meant that she had to crawl around on her hands and knees under his feet, gathering up the mess he had made himself, and knowing that the next time he got upset she would have to do it again. 

The branch manager worked in another part of the building and he thought 'Mr. Boulet' (pronounced Bully), was perfect.  The area managers working in another city praised him because his work was neat, accurate, and he was polite and well spoken on the phone and face to face on the rare occasions they visited the branch. He had back-up from the higher-ups. 

But she documented everything.  When she was fired for 'insubordination' she had records.  Plus my wrongful dismissal.  She got her settlement without going to legal action.  The threat was enough. 

The church and church related agencies can be a breeding ground for bullies.  When I worked for a particular (church sponsored) social service organization as a department head, the assistant to the administrator and the administrator himself were classic bullies (one wannabe and one guru).  The receptionist (a closet drug abuser) was spying on the staff and writing defamatory reports to the other two involved.  I got wind that this person was reporting me and my staff with some very derogatory and false accusations.  The two head bullies were absent the day this came to light, and I almost ripped this receptionist a whole new 'digestive tract'.  I confronted the two head bullies when they returned and let them know that any negative actions towards me and my staff would result in a million dollar law suit.  (A friend of mine, a lawyer in the city, just happened to come by one day to see it I wanted to go for coffee.  When word of that got around, there was a lof of straightening up to do. That receptionist almost wet herself.)  If you are  being bullied, document everything, seek witnesses and their written testimonies, discuss your strategy with a lawyer friend and be prepared for anything.  Especially document any form of verbal or physical abuse.  I've seen churches bully ministers, ministers bully churches, Presbyteries bully ministers and/or congregations, spouses bully each other, etc.  Remember, those who can, DO.  Those who can't, BULLY.

I have a family member experiencing workplace bullying and I'm very very concerned.  If anyone has any information to share I'd appreciate it.  It's so bad it's affecting the family member's health.

In my experience, I've found the Workplace Bullying Insititute to be quite a good starting place for information and help.  Unfortunately, it's all American information and it tends to be business-focussed (which isn't always helpful if you're in a non-business setting), but it's still quite helpful.

Link.

A friend of mine worked in a telemarketing office for a company famous for bullying employees.  One young manager was transferred from his office to an office near Toronto where he tried to bully employees as he had done before.  He fired one young woman who went home and returned with a large knife threatening to turn him into a soprano - not organized crime type soprano, she wanted to 'pick his grapes'.  The police were called, he quit his job (and, I'm sure, changed his pants forthwith) and she was arrested.  The company went out of business mainly because of their bullying tactics not only to employees but also to customers. 

You really gotta wonder when there is bullying tactics played out in a CHURCH!

absolutely unbelievable! but then churches are businesses at the end of the day, and I hear rumors from a church we use to go to by someone else. Not nasty, just that the pastoral staff use a revolving door and many have come and gone. Usually were asked to because the congregation either didn't accept them or politics that go on behind closed doors would make you rethink getting involved in it.

I knew of a church that had to have police intervention on the staff one time! an evangelical church!

In the workplace its symptomatic of other issues! I work in places where its less educated men usually because of the type of work. Their classic neanderthal types who drink too much and stare at women. Guys like the power tripping, the intimidation they can put on somebody. They think they are beyond discipline action that several deserve! I worked in a municipality where a worker threatened to kill the supervisor and foreman because they were hounding him too much. He was a hunter and had guns. That put a few of us on edge. He was suspended for a while and had to go for psyche testing.

I hear women in the office are worse sometimes with jealous comments, talking behind the back etc. 

Think these people just need to grow up! 

The Manual section that deals with 'conflict resolution' is 065.

The Standards of Practice and Ethical Standards is a guideline of 'behaviors'  ministry personnel are expected to follow:

http://www.united-church.ca/files/handbooks/pastoral_ethical.pdf

As mentioned above: document everything. Unless you do, it's 'they said/ I said". Don't worry about 'how' you document the situations you feel are bullying, just get it down in a place where you can get it, and where it is private: not on your work computer.

Depending on the severity, it might be worth investing in consulting a labour lawyer or paralegal for advice.  Most bullies are incompetent p****s who melt when threatened with legal action.  Bullies don't like being challenged or laughed at.  If they threaten to fire him or her, say something like well, either fire me, or don't bring it up again.  I'm getting sick and tired of your harrassment.  And, by the way, I've consulted a labour lawyer. (Whether you have or not, play this ace.) 

Independent churches can be worse for bullying the pastor or staff, but it can happen anywhere.  I was familiar with one Presbytery in the UCC who were so gutless, they merely rubber stamped the wishes of the local congregation.  One minister was told to apologize to the JW's in the community for disagreeing with them because they had relatives in his United CHurch.  He, of course, refused.  One minister in the 70's needed a police escort to go to one of his preaching points for not giving in to bullies.  The power drive is stronger in some people than the sex drive.  They don't care who it affects adversely, as long as they get their way.  My younger son wanted all his life to be a pastor until he saw how churches can treat staff, even his mother and I years ago. After all, how can you question the actions of people 'who God has put in charge'?  I read an account a year or two ago of a United Methodist minister who had a member call her a liar on the phone and say she was coming to the church with a gun to shoot the minister.  I'm glad to see the UCC apparently attempting to answer these concerns.  I wish them well with it. 

Jonboy?

1.  is a chronic situation, where bullying has been ongoing -- or is it situational

2.  is it built into the structure of the org or one individual

3.  is it bullying, or a perception of bullying...ie a performance issue

4.  is there victim mentality occuring or is this person generally in control

I have heard lots of great examples of bullying above, but I wonder if you could give us more information about the situation without breaking confidentiality.

could we have a bit more detail for the sake of context Jonboy?

I would very much love to help....

context is very important.......

Hugs

Rita

1. Yes, it's been chronic, going on for the last 4 years

2. One individual is doing this and it doesn't just happen to my friend

3. No, it's a situation where my friend's co-worker begins to angrily grill my friend when something doesn't go the way the co-worker thinks it should

4. This person is generally in control, is a gentle person, and finds it excruciating when these outbursts happen. She has spent the last 4 years trying to get things right and has recently come to the conclusion that this is not her fault.

By the way, this is not happening in a church setting.

Thanks for your thoughts and for the discussion.

RitaTG, I'm not sure what you mean by context other than what's already been answered to pinga. Do you have other questions?

In any dispute - documentation is essential.  If the problem can not be resolved and goes to some kind of arbitration board the one with the best documentation will win - may not be just but it is that simple.

Documentation can begin now.  A brief history of what has occurred for the last four years.  Then document in detail recent incidents.  If the incidents occur with more than one person present, ask those present to sign as witnesses.  If the incidents occur to another person, ask them to document those incidents.  Include in the documentation any attempts made to reconcile the situation as well as descriptions of the offending behaviour - this will show an intent to resolve the problem and that it was rejected by the offending party.

Whether people like it or not, there is a chain of command within any organization and tribunals get snippy if this chain is not followed. 

Take the documentation to the immediate supervisor.  If that supervisor does not nothing - yes, document that.  Take it to the next level - usually Human Resources in larger organizations.  If still no response, send the whole package to the head of the organization.  Still no luck - send it to the Labour Board or any other governing body - with cc's to the organizational head and HR.

One easy way to facilitate documentation is to not have face to face conversations with supervisors or HR.  Use email if available and attach the incident reports.  This allows for concrete proof of attempts at reconciliation plus date documentation and any response or lack of from the chain of command.

All of this, unfortunately, requires patience if the immediate supervisor is unwilling to intervene.

Best of luck.

LB

Let us not be weary in well doing; for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.
     Galatians 6:10

I would consider it harassment and would handle it the same whether it took place within the workplace or not.

Report it, document it, videotape it and tell the bully you are doing it and most of all stand my ground and refuse to be controlled by the bully's tactics.

Hi Jonboy,

Begin documenting events as they happen.  Do not attempt to document events that are not recent.  For example, do not document event x from 4 years ago.  Your memory of that, while vivid for yourself, may not be shared by others.

Every documented event should include, as best as possible, a verbatim report of the conversation.  Get it as close to word for word as you possibly can.  Also, include your impressions of tone and any body language that you pick up.  Note if the individual moved closer to you and your personal space.

Have your friend pass on to his/her colleagues this information.  Particularly the need to document.

This is a boundary issue.  The boundary is being crossed by a combination of the individual's attempt to control and your friend's unwillingness to stop that control.  Clearly marked boundaries control what is going on.  

With respect to the angry grilling.  If your friend and the individual are functional equals in the workspace then your friend simply needs to make it known that your friend does things the way that they are most comfortable doing them.  If the individual is not satisfied with that then that is the individual's problem to deal with and not your friend's.

That conclusion is a good one.  It needs to be followed up on.

Grace and peace to you.

John

in this statement, can you describe: "angrily" - . No, it's a situation where my friend's co-worker begins to angrily grill my friend when something doesn't go the way the co-worker thinks it should

In systems area, when we are in a production outage, we often go into analysis mode.  Basically, get to the facts as fast as possible.  To those on the outside looking in, it can seem rude & abrupt.  To those who are participating, it is a mode -shift.  

Do you happen to know if the individual has named this as bothering her.....to the person, at the time that it is occurring.  

I have one fellow who starts to almost cry when we go into that mode...we have spoken about it..he names it as his own..and that it is something he has to work through -- (it is an internal frustration that he can't go into the mode of removing the emotions and who did/what, and just dealing with the facts of where we are, and what are options are to get out.....he wants people to name blame as other than him.....as the primary action....and it is hard for him to know that "who" did it, is less important than "how do we get out of here"

   LB and waterfall, thanks. Documentation is happening. revjohn, I've talked about the boundary issue with my friend as well and she assures me that she's working on it. Pinga, I used the expression "angrily", she didn't. She has described this person moving in close proximity, raising the voice, repeatedly asking the same question over and over, and making statements that indicate she thinks everything that is a problem for this co-worker is a sign that my friend is out to get her personally.