Well, I was bullied throughout school, esp. bad from Grade 7-12. Got better in 13, probably because some of the bullies stopped after 12.

The effects were more psychological than physical in my case. Did get roughed up occasionally, but nothing lasting. However, it left me rather paranoid and nervous. I'm a sensitive person emotionally and I'm never able to tell how much of that is natural and how much is an effect of the bullying. It also made it hard for me to develop socially so that I really didn't have much of a social life beyond 3 or 4 close friends until university, which is why I didn't have a real girlfriend until grad school (the one I married).

Obviously, it's pretty far in the past now but I'd say that there's some emotional residue there in terms of being rather sensitive and nervous socially.

Mendalla

Hi Jobam,

The extent of the effect is still being determined.  Different modes of bullying impact upon individuals differently.

I was physically bullied in grade 3 and 4.  Having been instructed not to fight back I did what I was told and that appeared to put a target on my chest for one bully in particular. One day this bully was caught be an older and bigger friend who had been instructed differently by his parents.  He told me to go wait at his place and a few minutes later he came back and very matter of factly told me that I would never have a problem with that bully again.

Thanks Vernon.  I won't forget you ever.

I was physically intimidated in grades 7 and 8.  The distinction is merely mental.  In Grades 3 and 4 it was actually physical in Grades 7 and 8 it was the threat of physical.  Grade 9 meant a new school and I was no longer in the orbit of that particular bully and by Grade 12 when we next ran into each other (literally) I had gained enough confidence in myself and my wrestling ability that the intimidating ran the other way.

Thank you Mr Foster, Mr. MacIntyre and Mr. D'Alves.  I won't forget either of you ever.

These bullys were just local toughs.  More nuisance than anything else.

I lived with an alcoholic for a number of years who could be physically violent (yet he never laid a finger on me for some reason) but was most often verbally abusive.

This bully is the one who has done the worst damage to me.  This is the bully who got under my skin and some of the solutions I thought of to deal with this bully were criminal and I continue to be ashamed of them.  I never acted upon the criminal.  In the end I did turn the tables and I gave him back all that I figured I owed him.

I wish that I had more control than that.  I am so not proud of that day.

When bullying was only external, something that others did or threatened to do to me, I was much better off.  When it became internal then it became something I was willing to engage in and that is a losing battle.

Now?

Now there is a constant awareness that I have the power to scare the crap out of people and most of the time I can keep that on a short leash, it is a tool buried in the bottom of my personal tool box and anytime I go rooting for it I will likely find a better tool sooner.

There are somedays though,when I just want to dump the toolbox over so that this tool is suddenly on the top of the pile.

Joyfully, it is too expensive a tool to use and reaching for it now will cost me everything I was able to salvage from being bullied.  I keep it around only because by knowing it is there and refusing to use it do I know that the bullies didn't win.

I guess, if you bash a gay then the term gaybasher applies.  There was a conviction and a prison sentence.  Justice enough?  Depends on who you talk to I guess.  

As mentioned above, I've lived long enough with alcoholics not to put too much stock in anything, good or ill, that comes out of their mouths.  Most of it is lies.  If you can lie about loving someone you can lie about hating them.

He's out on parole, which isn't a pardon and if he breaks the conditions of parole he'll go back to jail.  Three years of parole is probably easier than three years of prison.  It isn't like three years of freedom.

I have tremendous empathy for Dowrey and his family.  Certainly more than I have for Woodward.  I also know that no matter how tough we could have been on Woodward it wouldn't change the Dowrey's situation.

The brother seems to have a helpful perspective.  His focus is on his brother who still needs help.

The alcoholic I know so well was also a criminal, long history of assault.  Not the kind of guy you would miss having around.  His problem was that every mental battle not to bully I ever won, he lost and it cost him.  It cost him his job and eventually it cost him his life.

He's been dead for years.  No surprise that it happened and no satisfaction when it did.

Grace and peace to you.

John

Thanks folks - I realize my original post was at the extreme end....bullying goes on all the time - from teachers bullying children, clergy being bullied by congregation members, even in politics where we hear/see that party members are to vote in line with the party line.

Where else do you see bullying?

On WonderCafe?

It seems easy to bully in cyberspace.

I went to school in a one-room village school in Bavaria: Thirty pupils, grade one to eight, in one room, with the older grades sometimes teaching the younger ones. In my grade we were five pupils—the largest grade in the school—and we all were close friends. Actually, all of the school were friends, up and down the ages. The school simply was too small and too intimate for bullying, and the social closeness of the village also prevented bullying.

Such a closeness seems ideal and idyllic, but it also prevented privacy. Everyone knew what everyone else was up too.

I was never bullied in school. i was ignored by everyone in high school, thought of by all as not worth the time of day. it hurt my self image for a long time.

I was a victim of bullying in high school. I was a socially awkward kid who was always polite and respectful - and I think that's why the teachers turned a blind eye when I finally decided to fight back. I had finally had enough of the physical and verbal taunts - and one very well placed elbow ended it all. After that day, I became more like Jae - basically ignored by everyone. That was far better than being bullied. I was fortunate, however, to have friends outside of school.

I am a school counselor, so I see bullying from time to time.  However it is usually from parent to student rather than from student to student, although that happens here too.  It is mostly verbal, but that makes the effects no less real.  It certainly affects self esteem, and to a certain point, academics.  It happens in the actual school, but another thing to remember is that cyber bullying also occurs.  It seems pretty easy to bully behind a computer..........

I assume some of you have seen this? It's awesome. And he's local (Penticton, BC). One bad word.

I was bullied once at school in grade 4.  Being near sighted I wore glasses and that made me a target for one bully at my school.  After school one day on my way home this bully and three of his brothers walked by and he started to bully me.  I fought back and beat him up while his three brothers watched.  After it was over the other three brothers told the bully that he desrved to get that thrashing for being a bully.  After that I was never bullied again by anyone except for Chansen on Wondercafe.

I did bully a good friend of mine, Eric, once, also in grade 4.  I don't know why I did it.  It was a perverse thing to do.  That act cost me that friendship and I have felt rotten about it ever since.  I would love to find him and apologize and tell him how profoundly that one act affected me.  I truly regret having done it. 

I find it intersting that all of us are referring to bullying in our youth.....what about now?

How sad.

I think I understand you a little better now, Jae.

Thanks Pilgrims Progress. Thanks. 

Good question, Jobam. Yes, bullying goes on at all stages of our lives. I have seen it happen in the business world - by bosses and by coworkers; in the neighbourhood, when one family will be ostracized by others; in organizations, and in churches.

I was bullied by a colleague at work - when the department head was transferred, her replacement joined this woman in the bullying and I eventually lost my job. Ironically they then turned their bullying on another girl. When she left they turned on each other until one was gone. Only in hind-sight can I see that a lot of pressures were coming from head-office and these two people looked for a scapegoat where they could vent their frustrations.

Once at a UCW work party I watched when one of the regulars was being completely ostracized until finally one woman said "I can't take this any longer." and went and sat with her - shaming us all.

I ran into a bullying situation while doing contract work for the provincial government a few years ago.  My boss was a bully.  I documented all the instances of bullying and reported them to my boss's boss and my boss's boss's boss as well.  My contract was not renewed.  Is there a lesson in there? 

I was bullied in the church in a team situation.

As a child/youth/teen/young adult...I was bullied by peers and adults.  I would only be guessing, but I think the bullying by peers I might have fared better with had the adults not been part of it.

I know for certain that the spiritual bullying was the worst, for me.

I felt in my heart that my peers were just being mean. "Kids will be kids" resonated.
I felt the adults were on to "something" and it spoke to my sense of worth. "Adults are wise and know things".
I felt those who spoke for God, really spoke FOR God and I was unredeemable. "They (those in elevated positions) are never wrong".

It all stemmed, for me, from being "different".They could take their pick... My dad was deceased. I was a Jew. I wore glasses. I was slow to speak. I stuttered, etc.... It culminated, I guess, in my mom being biploar and my being gay.

My sense of self was coloured by it. I felt dumb. I felt ugly. I felt wrong. I felt like a bad seed and worthless. I felt unloved by God.

It was a long process and hard work to get from there to here.
 

Have I been bullied as an adult? Yes, some have tried.

My work in domestic violence helped me recognize bullying as verbal, physical, emotional abuse. Bullying has the same intention as domestic abuse, it is about power and control. It increasingly gets worse, in its aggression and its manipluation ... The causes for bullyling- like self-esteem problems (too high or too low), personality problems, anger management issues, past abuse.... all seem to be shared with other abusers.
There is a destructive, relational cycle and one has the power to stop it and not be a victim. It requires learning respect for oneself enough to not tolerate it.

Oh ffs. Are you talking about this thread, the one where you tell parents of sick children that their kids have "immortal spirits" that "cannot be harmed in any fashion", and that's supposed to make parents feel better?

That was a stupid thing to write. I stand by my posts, as do others who objected to you in that thread as well, I suspect. You arrogantly "forgave" us, when we offered no apology.

You wrote something quite awful and you were called on it, and not just by me. That's not being bullied.

This is much the same way I recall a UCCanada event (not a work party). Three or four of us there, including myself, were being ostracized for almost an entire day until someone there was kind and included us into the activity.

I taught for 29 years in a semi-rural high school. When I started it was almost exclusively white and rather red-necked. The few oriental students were largely ignored but whenever a black or east indian showed up the racism and bullying were blatant and the school seemed to be almost helpless to stop it. Then around 1970 a young black student was enrolled. He was bullied and beat up but he never ever backed down and he gave as good as he got. After five years he was the quarter back of the football team and very widely respected as a person. Almost single handedly Robbie broke the back of racism and bullying in that school.

Bullying?

Can you search out the subversive metaphors of this in aour language:

• Taurus
• Ur
• Water buffalo
• Water boarding
• Supported by the crowd that fears you
• In recessive dimensions like Cyber form it is easier

Look at the effect on kids by kids that believe there are no repercussions as that dimension seems untouchable.

Then you learn when everything is stripped down it reflects upon your character. Some never see it.

Then there is this rumour about when all the physical is stripped away ... thoughts are all obvious. Imagine when the physical body dies and the soul is left rye as out of the husk. Do all things then come back as phantasae ... to ghost you along in profound thought that you shouldn't a dunne that?

I don't know ... but it makes for a grand obtuse thought that some would call a balled up way of think'n ... obfuscation in a myth as mortals are not allowed to process knowledge (it's a religious thing) for the benefit of the higher caste. Thus a myth is absolutely necessary to bully thought into a recessive dimension ... allows for the ole man in the mountain ... chi being 'Ur according to the code of myth ... a volcano about to go off if we don't soon learn the meaning of allal ... fear, reverence, or respect ... what is Utilitarian Philosophy or best for the entire creation ... G~D aL mité; did you see that come to pass, there it goest as a fey word! Research "fey" as a relative of "phi" ... gotta luvit ... like a dark judai'n (power) Oz'n out of a stone ... very Greece'n ... like Olive a difficult character to put popeye in 'is place ... Inniskillen ... the sole deire is collapsed in place ... as Aries that can be inflated as desired for later placement by provocative exposure of the heated psyche ... like V'Nous at Don ... alien hole in dark space?

Eventually everyone gets punched out so they learn the play ... heiros gammos? Tis a sacred actian they say ... when woman puts man in his place ... a cunning operation of the Shadow Personae ... some call this a following or hermuenetic to the exegete that's just a thorn to the bubble we're in ... some caution required ...

You think breast of God or Bust is  mire word? You could be splattered with much of the cos ...

Gather some understanding of A'M'n ... anominous advocate?

But, WaterBouy, old Boy, I was born under the sign of Taurus. I am Taurus! Are you suggesting that I am cyberbullying you and the WonderCafe community?

Well, you are right. But I am not cyberbullying you, I am cyberbullshitting you.

Or, to use your language, I am zauberbullshitting you.

(What a Zauberer does is bezaubern and verzaubern.) 

Any greater taurus than that who taurs the skies? A real RIP-Ur ...

Hi Chansen Old Buddy,

I see you haven't changed much. You are still a bully.

The problem with being a bully is that, as you try to make other people feel bad about themselves, you end up feeling bad about yourself for having done so. It is an odd form of behavior which may take you several lifetimes to sort out. Fortunately, reality is such that you will be afforded as many lifetimes as it takes you to figure that out. I am confident you will eventually understand.  I have great faith in you.

Your Buddy on the Path

Poguru

Once again, you're a poster child for religious arrogance dressed up as deep knowledge and humility. Your gentle language doesn't fool as many people as it used to.

In that thread you referenced, the majority of WC members were highly critical of you. I mean, you made Christians take the side of an anti-theist. That's not easy to do. For those who don't recall, here is the thread again:

http://www.wondercafe.ca/discussion/religion-and-faith/suffering-0

So, go ahead and call me names, and then try to claim victim status. It didn't work before, and it won't work now.

Hi Chansen, Old Buddy, You may wish to stir up old trouble as much as you like. For my part I have let it go. There is no point being upset with someone because all it does is make yourself feel miserable. This is something you do not appear to have learned. Accept yourself for what you truly are and then move on. The more you deny your bully status, the more of a bully you become. This is the valuable lesson hidden in bullying. It teaches you moral behavior. You must first regret that you did the bullying, second you must obtain forgiveness for your bullying and finally you must atone for your bullying. Once you have moved through these three steps you will be free of your "sin" of bullying and go forth and bully no more.  Youe buddy on the Parth - Poguru

Dude. You're the one who brought it into this thread!

I think it's perfectly acceptable to call people out for saying terrible things. Like you did. And others agreed. The general consensus was that you need to learn more before you try to teach, you need to listen before you type, and you need to pick your spots better than what you've exhibited. Until you figure out how to communicate in a forum environment, things are going to go badly for you.

Polity ... extremes are bad when they accept no medium ... the psyche IHC  thing ... sort of enlightening to the anonymous passions ...

What a come around to straight liners ...

Is compromise contemptable to hard liners on both sides of the coin ?

Such things come between close friends that can deal with their passions without thought! Os hit is that biblical as what becomes between families; husbands and wifes, etc ... like a ewe's ful foreskin ... Fore-X? McPherson get off my sheep ... it's a thin line of separation that avoids conception ... thus thought will never accompany wilis ... an emotional screw up of the primal evil sort! Conception wins out in the end and the emotional sphere collapses ... the way of the earth moving on ...

IT'sin the bag ... saac ...? the corrupting materialistic sense in Infer noes ... Dantean collapse ...

I've seen bullying happen in the workplace. Snickering and sneering in the lunch room or around the water cooler by grown adults towards socially awkward folks- one that I remember clearly was years ago at an office I worked in for a short time- a mail room worker with what I assume was autism or aspergers. He wore shabby clothes sometimes but he was just fine. He never caused a problem.He worked hard but was laughed at. I told a coworker who was gossiping about him that I thought he was being mean. I always made sure to say hello and thank this person for my mail. I should have stood up for him more though- filed a proper complaint. It was pretty awful the way this man was treated. It happens lots in office jobs in my experience- where people have worked for years- petty cliquiness in office culture when someone doesn't quite fit the mould (could be why "the Office" was made- exaggerated truth to it). It's happened in hard to define ways in just about every corporate office job I've worked in (like, even if there's no overt signs like name calling to complain about, it's pretty clear who's accepted and who isn't).The more 'top down' it is, and the bigger the company, the worse it tends to be. I am not fond of that culture.

Poguru doesn't seem to understand the difference between being opposed (even vigorously), and being bullied.

A supervisor who treats conscienscious, professional employees as though they were naughty children up to no good is a bully. This one particularily likes to discipline people while in a group vs one on one. Shaming.

Bullying. 

She's my boss. Lucky me. In our workplace, anyone who complains would find life very difficult...