Oh Freundly!!! NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!!!! This is just so WRONG! As a mother I am SO ANGRY at your mom!! I'm sure that's of no use to you right now but dammit all, that makes me so MAD!!!

I hope anyone here at the cafe who still clings to discriminatory views about homosexuality - and I mean all kinds including the "love the sinner hate the sin" crap - sees how destructive that mentality is. Here is an amazing, beautiful, INCREDIBLY INTELLIGENT young man being shunned by his own frickin family just because of who is is - because of how God made him for Christ sake! Ugh!

Freundly, do you think there's a chance that she just let her emotions get the better of her during a heated argument, and she really doesn't mean it (kicking you out)? 

Are you ok staying with that friend? Is it a good place to stay? Do you live near Winnipeg  because you can TOTALLY stay with my family!

I don't have any direct experience in terms of either being gay or having to leave home as a teen - neither happened to me. But here is where I do have some experience... letting go of your family ties. I don't know if that's where you are headed but I do know that in some cases a person's family is toxic to them. My mother was toxic to me (she had a severe and untreated mental illness) and in my late 20's I finally realized that I just had to let her go. I had to stop owning her poisonous attitudes and actions, I had to stop paying for them. I had to stop desperately wanting a "normal happy" family and let myself mourn and grieve for the one I never had. And then I moved on and made my own.

I say this because to me, for parents to react this way to the simple act of attending a movie about a gay man... well... it seems pretty extreme. It worries me that their homophobia is so intense and I worry that such an intense homophobia may be toxic for you.

I hope you know that while this is affecting you so profoundly, this is a problem with THEM and NOT you.

Oh dear Freundly, I had no idea that your parents were not supportive of you.

I agree with Cate that this is a terrible thing.

Maybe it was an overreaction and maybe things will cool down but I guess that still leaves you with a family who disapproves of you and that is heartbreaking.

I guess a thought is what school do they want to send you too.  If it is some sort of military/beat it out of you place, then you need to find a safe place to live.  But perhaps , if you can choose the school, it might be for the best.

When I was in highschool, one of our friends parents were transferred away.  It was the end of grade 12, he didn't want to start a new school for one year so he stayed for the year with my boyfriends parents.

It was both good and bad.  His parents did pay a room and board allowance to cover for him so I guess that is something to find out from your mom.  Depending on your actual age they may have financial obligations to you.

On the one hand things worked out, on the other it was alot of togetherness for the two guys.

Before you consider living with someone you need to figure out costs, duties, chores...... and you still have the issue of your parents.

I am sending you hugs and your mom a kick in the ass

I am so sorry for you. You deserve better than that. My baby is nine and I can't imagine anything making me do that. I wouldn't care less if she was a lesbian but even aside from that. Joining the Young Republicans would throw me for a loop but I wouldn't kick her out. I'm in Tennessee so I'm not sure what practical help I can offer. Of course I will be praying for you. Even if your mom does settle down and call off the eviction I strongly encourage you to keep a "plan B" handy. Save money (in your name, not a joint account with the parents) and keep your education at it's top level. Scholarships and a good job later are definitely in your best interest. Please keep us informed, you have a lot of people in your corner.

awww No No No - same as cate - FG, I hope she comes to you today and apologizes, because I bet it is breaking her heart.  Maybe she has been told this is the only way to save you, or 'tough love' is called for here, but a movie and being gay isn't exactly dangerous, life-threatening behaviour.  I can hope that one of these days, sooner rather than later, she'll be up at night sick with regret over this one.  And that she'll then be overjoyed to patch this up.

I like what the others said - save your pennies, find a friend's basement, get a decent job and take a deep breath.  My sweetheart did it too when he was 15.  Then moved back a couple of months later, then out again when he was 17 for awhile.  Then back again, then we moved out together when he was 22.  I tell you, he didn't trust them for a long time, and they seemed intent on criticizing his every move unless it fit their standards.  (standards of work, ambition, spending habits, friends, activities etc)

He found it hard to live on what he was making, but he survived, and probably could have done better but he was smoking & drinking with his friends, and basically working hard at pissing off his parents.  You wouldn't do that, would you?? This can work ok, if you're responsible, healthy, and focused.

It is a rocky road to travel, but not a new one.  Just difficult.  (btw - years later, we all get along ok)

Now - alternatives - depending on the school - are they talking a private school?  a Christian school?  A Christian school I know about is supportive of glbt, and broad thinking, but it isn't a boarding school.  If you are enthusiastic about what the school involves, it could be a good option.  It gives distance, it gives a good education (you hope) and some stability.

Keep talking - I bet there is a lot to happen in the next few days.

I'm very sad to hear this, Freundly. My first instinct is that you need a supportive pastoral contact in your area.  Do you know of any local affirming or GLBT friendly congregations?  There is an organization called The Doorway (http://www.thedoorway.ca/) that might be able to give you concrete advice about your local options.  Please contact me via wondermail if you would like help sorting things out in a more private forum.

Oh FG, I am so sorry to hear that. I also hope your mother comes to her senses. One side of me thinks that maybe you are lesson from God to teach your parents a new way of thinking and to provide them with an opportunity for spiritual growth. As I type that, I realize that could be a huge responsibility for you, but it doesn't have to be. Continue being you and if there is a lesson for them, so be it. I am sure your mother is heartsick about this on so many levels.

I had a friend whose faith told her that homosexuality was wrong. Well, lo and behold, her brother came out. It caused much consternation, but everyone got through it eventually. She came to terms with it somehow, and I think even realized that homosexuality might be part of God's design.

In the meantime, do take care of yourself. Maybe some time with a friend's family will be a good thing on many levels. You'll get through this.

Hi Freundly,

I am so sorry for the situation you are in.

I am not trying to defend your parents.  Nor am I trying to justify the wrong thinking they are displaying.

But you might want to remember that society's view of sexuality has taken a quantum leap over the last 40 years.  Your parents are are not reacting out of meaness or spite, but out of hundreds (thousands) of years of pre-conditioning.  Remember, it was only about 50 years ago that being glbttq2? was a crime and  considered a mental illness.

Thanks to the civil rights movement and people like Harvey Milk and all the right minded people who supported him, we have come a very long way in a very short time.  But there is still widespread resistance.

Again, please don't think I'm defending your parents. Nor am I trying to downplay the sadness and confusion you must feel regarding what is happening.  But  as a Dad, I'm just asking that you understand where they are coming from and be prepared, with God's help,  to forgive them as and when you are able.

I will be in prayer for you,

God bless,

Freundly, I'm so sorry for your situation. Do you think there's any possibility that your parents would be open to reading material from Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (or contacting a local group)? They provide support and information (as well as information about the Bible and homosexuality) for parents who have learned that their child is GBLQTT.

Here is a link to their Canadian website, which I think is quite good:

http://www.pflagcanada.ca/en/index-e.asp

Their homepage states:

"Every day, PFLAG Canada volunteers are contacted by frightened adolescents and by angry, fearful or ashamed parents. PFLAG Canada supports, educates and provides resources to anyone with questions or concerns. 24 hours a day, 7 days a week."

If your parents won't contact someone there, it might be helpful to you to contact them. They have supported many families who find themselves in your situation. I used to be part of leading a local chapter (in another community) and many young people and families contacted us. I know we were able to help in some situations. In fact, some of those who contacted us when I was involved quite a few years ago are active and helping in the chapter now.

All that to say that I'm sad to hear this and maybe someone PFLAG can be of assistance. My heart goes out to you.

Hi Freundly-Giant,

It appears that they have decided to accept the ultimatum. 

Family sucks sometimes. 

Hmmmmmm.  Not exactly generous eh?  I mean they could have turfed you right then and there so you get a reprieve of sorts.  I wonder if they would let you pick the private school or if they already have one in mind. 

Jesus came to bring a sword and not peace.  Children will rise up against parents and parents will attack their children.  Not very comforting is it? 

I suspect that it will come to that.  I don't see how either you or your parents have given yourselves room to back down on the issue. 

Okay.  Technicality here.  You are still in the house so you have not been kicked out.  Even being sent to a private boarding school isn't being kicked out.  Push has just become shove. 

You have to decide whether or not you will allow yourself to be shoved or if you will push back. 

In 1985 I was told that I was no longer welcome at home and I should get out.  At issue was the fact that I didn't get along with my mother's alcoholic boyfriend.  Mom, knowing that I wasn't going to live at home forever put her money on the horse she thought would be around longer.  He drank himself to death about six years ago. 

If your family couldn't embrace your homosexuality there would eventually be moments in your life that they wouldn't accept and would not willingly share. 

Sometimes family really, really sucks. This would be one of those times. 

My advice.  When the writing is on the wall and deadlines have been set by others that takes control away from you.  It is designed to make you weak.  It is designed to get you to fold.  It is designed to get you to compromise or change what you believe. 

So, you can play the game that way or, you can take control yourself.  Talk to your friend about leaving sooner.  Clear out your stuff and go.  There doesn't need to be a lot of drama, there doesn't need to be any bitterness or recrimination.  Your family has shown that there is no place in that house for you to be truly you.  That nest has become to small. 

By all means, be honest with them about why you are doing the things the way you are doing them. 

I suspect that your parents are gambling heavily on you folding.  I suspect that they are probably nervous that you may not fold.  I suspect refusing to play the game is going to up the animosity levels in the relationship somewhat.  

It won't be comfortable.  It can still be ridden out. You've got friends who will stand by you and sadly, you are not the first young man to be thrown out of his home and family.  Neither will you be the last. 

It hurts like hell.  Even that passes. 

I grieve for your loss. 

Grace and peace to you.

John

Hey FG.  I'm really sorry for what you are going through.  You have plenty of great advice upthread.  I'll just keep you in my thoughts...cms

Greetings!

I find sadness in your situation, Freundly-Giant, that there is a rift in the relationship with you and your parents.  It must be heart-breaking for you to not find acceptance of who you are within your own family.

As I've learned (and my experience here on Wondercafe has taught me a lot), that there is a wide range of understanding, belief, religious interpretation, and emotion regarding sexual orientation, or rather, the difference in individual's sexual orientation.  It stands to reason that with all the differences in thought, that within many family units there will be a difference in member's understanding and belief within the family unit.

Obviously, there is a wide difference between yours and your parents.  Change can occur, but it can take time (and sometimes change does not happen).  My hope for you is that you and your family can come to a means of living and loving despite your differences in belief.

My mother's heart is aching for you and your mom . . . may you find a way to restore your relationship and retain your relationship, and yet live your life being true to who you are.

Hope, peace, joy, love . . .

I asked you to post here and then I have been dragging my heels posting myself.

First, in saskatchewan, if you are in school, and can no longer live in the family home, there are resources through Social services to find you a place to stay and support you - at least this is the way it was a couple of years ago.

If every conversation with your parents leads to a shouting match, could I suggest that you ask to meet with them and an advocate ( chosen by you). This person could look at both sides of the issue and keep the conversation going. So this person should be someone who keeps their cool and who is thinking of your best interests but also addressing the turmoil that is affecting your parents.

If your parents are suggesting a private school, I presume that they okay financially. This might be something to think about but only if you don't have to deny your sexuality to go to it. This , I don't think, would help you lead a more peaceful life.

And, I might be way off the mark. But try to remember that you are your mom's baby boy and always will be. But going from baby boy to grown man may not be how she pictured it but that is her problem and she will have to deal with it.

My thoughts and prayers are with you in this trying time and remember that God is walking beside you. 

 I'm sorry and I pray for you.

My prayers and support are also with you. Perhaps family counselling could shed some light on the situation it sounds as if your family could afford it. I am not saying that that will fix the problem I am saying that it could open some doors to understanding.

I am sorry to hear about this Freundly and if you were in Alberta I would let you stay at my place.

If this situation happened in Alberta all you would need to do is pack your bags and go wtih a friend to the nearest child welfare office.  You are over 16 so they can't make you go back to your parents and your parents can't make you come back either.  The Child welfare officer would direct you to the appropriate place or even go with you so you can get financial assistance because you are still a child and even if you are 18 and taking grade 12 you are still entitled to financial support.  In Alberta Children's Services would actually charge your parents with paying this financial support if you were going to school.  The procedure in your province will be similaar.

Your parents are playing the power card "while you live in my house you need to live by rules".   I am truly sorry for you.

It is possible that the social worker will try to convince you to go home and you are not actually gay.  Very unprofessional of him/her but totally possible.   Ask to speak to a different social worker.  You are not responsible to convince the social worker that you have a legal right to be gay or that your parents are mistreating you in anyway.  The situation at home is not working out and you need to move out.

Freundly, I think you should take this oportunity to take on the responsibility and excitement of stepping out on your own and making a start in life. Your parents don't cut the mustard. That is unfortunate, but you can be grown up about it. You can do it on your own. I think what you said to your mom about not wanting to be part of a family that thinks that way was well said, brave, confident, and mature.

Finish school, find a job, kip with a friend when you need to, but look for an appartment or suite. Look for someone to split the rent with, maybe three people, good, nice people you can trust.

You can also wwoof if you run out of options. Do not spend any nights on the street. Wwoof is short for willing workers on organic farms. You work a few hours a day in exchange for food and shelter and meet lots of interesting and nice people. Some woofers stay long term if the situations work out. www.wwoof.org/canada Some hosts will also pick you up at the bus stop if you don't have a car.

You need to save as much money as you can now. Get any job you can asap. My friend worked with a young gay guy at McDonalds and they and the other staff are still friends 15 years later, so don't feel bad about where you get work. They call each other "McFriends" ; ) Tim Hortons may be a good one.

You can do it! : ) Think of the freedom! The independance!

Freundly...

Can we ask for an update on how you are?  What's running through your mind?  Has your conflict with your parents settled down at all?  As you can see by the comments on your blog and on this thread, we're all very worried about you...

YW

FG, as YW has asked, how are you doing?  I agree with RevJohn's advice - move out  quietly and asap.  As he, and others have said, and I am paraphrasing a bit, sometimes "families suck".   I am certain that if you live in Ontario, there is assistance available if you are  minor in school full-time and living on your own.  There are many legal aid hotlines, websites and places in RL to get help.  Yes, lots of forms and work, but you will get the financial help you will need. 

Please do not stop attending high school;  education is your passport to a good and stable future as an adult.  You will get all the support you need from really great people here and in RL - it seems like your friend is one.

FG, you cannot choose your family, but you can choose your friends.  And even though this is a virtual cafe, you do have  friends here and you can drop in, hang out and get sound advice as well as a tonne of support, comfort and care.

Be as strong as you can.  Be as calm as you can.  Be well.   Be yourslf, always.

You will be in my thoughts.

Freundly... I don't know what to say.

I'll be paying close attention & sending my for what it's worth.

Thanks, everyone. I really appreciate all the love and advice here. Hmm... how do I feel...

My parents are acting... overly mooshy. I think they realize what kind of options they've opened up to me, and just what measures I'm willing to take. I know they don't want me to leave, but what they want is a son who believes what they are is wrong and I just can't do that.

I have some pretty down moments, but I have such support from my friends and others around me, I'm not too worried. I do think it's probably time for me to get away from the roost, it's not really my place anymore. I'm thinking I'll start saving up now, and pack up by the end of the summer if things don't change.

I might be willing to go to a boarding school, as long as it wasn't just moving to the same situation I'm in now. But I really love the school I go to now and as much as possible I'd like to stay with the people who I put my foundation in.

Again, thanks for all the caring thoughts, I really appreciate it.

Wait, hold up there. What's wrong with watching milk? I mean, it's not my thing, but, hey, what you want to do at the grocery store is your business.

Are you sure they want to kick you out for being gay? I mean, it seems you've lived with them for some time during which they've known about your orientation. Maybe they want to kick you out for breaking their rules and for yelling at them?

Freundly I am not surprised that you sound so calm and collected. You have always struck me as a remarkable - and I do mean that - young man. I just want to echo Redhead and I think it was Jon71 as well - your education is paramount. You are incredibly bright and the worst case scenario I can imagine is that this situation results in you losing focus on your education and your incredibly bright future. Stay strong and stay true to yourself.

FG... I am sooo sorry that you have to go through this.

What Cate has just said is very important. You seem like a very bright young man and your future is your education. You are in my thoughts. Take care.  pm

FG, how horrible.  I knew a woman once who could not accept her son's homosexuality.  He went to a place here called Phoenix House.  It is an incredible place for homeless youth.  The last time I saw him, he had a job that he loved and was living on his own.  Maybe there is a place like that near you.  The youth I have known who couch surfed tended to have a harder time because of difficulty with school enrollment.  They were not emancipated minors and could not go to school without parental consent.  If there is a place like Phoenix house, give them a call.  There might be options that you aren't even aware of.

I'm praying for you.

Freundly, as revjohn said, "Family sucks sometimes."  That said, I'm hopeful you can find peace with your parents, and that we're soon reading of a solution.  If one can't be reached, you seem to have more going for you than most.  I'm still shocked you're a high school student.  You express yourself better than many college grads.

Everyone it seems knows of friends or acquaintances who could not live at home until the end of school, for one reason or another.  The ones I knew, and who did well, kept up with school, kept their grades or improved them because they weren't fighting with their parents every night, and went on to college or university.

I know it's hard, but my best advice is not to scream at your parents, even when they are saying terrible things.  That will never lead to anything good.  If it comes to you moving out this summer, I hope you can look back and remember being the "adult" in the disagreement.

Frundly - you are very young to be living on your own in today's world.  (I know, I was on my own from the age of 17, but that was 50 years ago.)   But I don't see that you have a lot of choice.  I think that the situation you are living in at home is toxic to you.  You are gay.  Your parents apparently can't accept that.  They think that by making rules they can force you to become strait, or at least act strait.  It isn't going to work.  And you can't keep living in that atmosphere.

So, my advice.  Start now making your plans for the fall.  Get the best summer job that you can.  Save as much money as you can.  Find a way to continue your education.  I don't know much about the law - whether your parents can be forced to support you, or whether some type of social assistance is possible.  Actually it seems to me that children between the ages of 16 and the age of majority (18 or 19) are somewhat in a vacumn:  too old to become wards of children's aid; too young to borrow money, sign a lease, get social welfare.  You will have to find out what help is available in your province.  But with a part time job, you just might be able to swing a single room and enough for meals - or you may find a family willing to board you for your final year at school.  (Be careful not to become too dependant upon friends.)  But get out of this toxic environment.  That is unless your parents appologize to you and make a real effort to accept and respect you for who you are.

My prayers are with you.

I'm coming into this rather late but just want to add my support to you Freundly.  In this forum you have excelled in displaying a maturity far beyond your chronological years.

I don't know if this will work for you and your parents, but perhaps you could put in writing how you feel, your thoughts, hopes and dreams and give them to your parents.  Sometimes the written word, without the visual distractions of fleeting emotions, can communicate the heartfelt feelings more effectively.

Without knowing your parents personally I will go out on a limb and say they love you, they want the best for you and they are afraid for you.  If you write to them like you write to us it will give them breathing space to absorb what you are saying and respond.

It can't hurt and it may help.  No matter what, know that there are people who will help you and, as others have said, focus on your future, your education and your well being.

May peace follow you in your journey.

LB

It does not take much strength to do things, but it requires great strength to decide on what to do.     Elbert Hubbard

Heh FG....

Just a hug......to you & to your Mom.

I am hoping she is regretting her words.  She is in fear, as she doesn't know much..and has heard nothing but terrible scare stories from those she associates with (or I am guessing she has).

it is not your job to educate her, but maybe, you can see a bit of where she is speaking from.

How long has it been horrendous at home?  Is it just this weekend that things blew up?  If so, there is hope....gosh, we all have bad weekends.  This may be the storm that allows you to move through.

Is she willing to go to a counsellor with you that you pick? 

Could you live with a friend for a bit, while you work on the counselling?  Maybe some of the negative images can be shifted from her mind.

I just think of how much movement people can do when they get an opportunity to talk...and hoping that your Mom will come to remember you are still the little boy she loved at 2, at 6 and at 10....

I'm with Serena on this one. You really need to get hold of family services, if for no other reason than for your own peace of mind and to remove the sword of Damocles over your head.

Once your parents realize that you have options, and are not dependant on their approval, I'm willing to bet they will have a change of heart about the threats, even if they don't change their beliefs.

Family services can also get you and your family counselling. Your parents and you are going to be family for the rest of your lives, beliefs aside, it's better to be able to work issues through than let them fester.

Good luck, and many blessings

I'm sorry you are going through this FG.  It makes me very sad. 

I'm not gay, but I kept a lot of myself "in the closet" until I left for university.  I chose to respect my parents rules/views quietly and knew that I would be free to live my life as I chose once I left.  It's not the same thing- however it might be an option to consider.  I'm not saying lie about who you are.  Depending on what you're willing to sacrifice in the short term it could work for long term goals etc.

I really admire, really admire that you have had the courage to tell your parents who you are and are able to hold strong to your relationship with God.  God will give you the wisdom and strength to get through this difficult time.

Hopefully your parents love for you will supercede their bigotry.  It blows, I mean BLOWS my mind away that a Christian mother and father would send a child away for this reason.  I'm sorry and send you hugs.  Keep seeking support!!!

ETA:  MILK is one rad film.  It would be so wonderful if your parents would watch it.  They need to watch it big time.

FG,  - I had posted on your blog, I was toppled and have been watching for a response from you, you've posted and I think your handling this better than most of us in our initial reaction. 

Just through your affiliation here on WC - you probably have a place to stay in every province.  I know that if we see it, than your parents see it. and from your response it appears that RevJohn was correct.  I also agree with him, don't wait till the end of summer to make arrangements, do your research now,  follow Serena's advise, find out about the boarding school your mom mentioned.  Once you have a list of options set your goal and start living as if it were so.  As RevJohn said it is a power struggle, it doesn't have to be if you take ownership of your life now.  You'll feel stronger for it, it'll keep your mind busy, and it will be your parents that go to you with change.  

I like what CH said don't fight with your parents, just do your thing.   I know they love you and and you love them, so that isn't for debate, but arguments sometimes can cause unintended harm, don't go there.  Better to follow LB's advise and put your thoughts and feeling to words and your an excellent writer, so that won't be hard.

FG - your not alone, that is for sure.  Wishing you all the best and I'll keep praying that it all works out for the best.

hey.  I just read through this thing and was sort of blown away at first, but then given some hope when I read your update.  It appears as though your parents truly do love you, but they are having a very difficult time with this.  Growing up in an evanglical type church, (an assumption based upon previous stuff you have written) I assume you have already done a lot of personal wrestling with the whole homosexual / God / Christian / Bible thing.  How much have parents?  How ready were they for your coming out to them?

Don't get me wrong - what they said was wrong and they are accountable for it.  No matter what they think on the issue they should not just be willing to throw out their teenage son because they don't like the potential relationship he may have, as I understand it you are single? (another assumption).

Personally I am still looking through the issue of homosexuality and Christianity and stuff and one site I have come across is The Gay Christian Network.  I think it is a good one, because it was started by a guy who sees himself as a gay evangelical, so your parents may be able to appreciate his view of Scripture more, not a "liberal" or anything, but a guy truly trying to understand what the Bible says about the topic.  Even better though is that the site allows, not for debate, but for stories to be told by people who do and who don't agree that God designed homosexuality, but how they have still managed to fit ground that they could live on.    http://www.gaychristian.net/familyfriends.php is a link for just such a story.

I don't know how tensions are for you and your parents right now, but if you could some how get them to check out some stuff like this and other sources people have suggested it might help.  You can tell them that Tony Campolo and his wife are both on opposite sides of the issue.  I am sure they have heard of him.  GCN has an audio recording of the couple talking about the issue and how they can still live together and support each other even though their view of ministry to homosexuals differs.

Check out these things, and start small with them.  I was amazed that they freaked about Milk.  Personally I have thought about watching it just from a history interest.  I have just been concerned about if there are overly done sex scenes or anything, haven't checked the rating on it yet.  It does show though that this has become a very touchy issue for them.

I know this is long, but I wanted to tell you about another couple I know.  My ex-pastor and his wife do not believe that homosexuality was in God's design and yet their daughter is openly gay, and has been for a number of years.  She even came to church with her partner for a year, leaving due to other personal issues totally unrelated.  To me they are a great example of how a family can function even if they don't agree on the issue.  The partner would even phone my pastor and his wife to talk, even after they broke up because she truly felt loved by them.  Everyone knew that they didn't think homosexuality was part of God's design, but the love was there and real between all people involved.  This required maturity from all and undoubtedly took time to get to that point - I was not there in the beginning, so I don't know what their initial reaction was.

I really pray that you and your parents can move beyond defining your relationship by this - Father I ask that you can remind FG's parents of who he is, who you created him to be and that none of that changes - show them that your plans are still in effect that they have a son that they can be proud of and enjoy even if they don't agree.

FG - I really hope this leads to something awesome for you and your parents, but I understand how much it must suck and how painful it must be in the present - praying the best for you .

Love Charles

FG- Run your race the best you can, always keeping your eyes on the prize

Praying for you and your family

FG... thinking of you and hoping you an your family are sorting things out - please give us an upate when you have time.  Hugs...pm

FG - just letting you know that we're still thinking of you and your situation and praying for the best.  Hope all is going somewhat okay, I saw that responded to some of the threads here today. Fingers crossed.

It's really started hitting home what's really happening; there hasn't been much change, but it's actually struck me now: I'm leaving home. I really appreciate all the thoughts and prayers, you guys are all so amazing.

Chin-up FG - your really just passing through to another chapter of your life, and it can be whatever you want it to be.  You can do it, You can do it, yes you can. LOL. Alright corny I know.  Glad to hear from you though.

wow Freundly i'm so sorry that this has happend to you! I am glad that your friend will take you in tho, if i lived near ya i'd gladly take you in has it been like that at yer home for a while now? (if ya don't mind me askin') also, like  it's been said look for some child services places you could stay. You'll be in my thoughts, best of luck!

peace

Thank you for keeping us updated. Don't be shy about asking us for any help we might be able to give.

Freundly, as Dogorius said this is yet another chapter in your life and one that can be a pivotal moment.  It will be both frightening and liberating.

If I may give you a little advice to take on your journey: 

Never burn bridges. 

People do change - even old people who you'd think would be stuck in their ways.  Maybe not today, or even next year, but at some point both you and your parents may see this situation in a different light.  Hold that in your heart so that if the day comes and your parents want to cross the bridge back into your life they can.

And if that doesn't happen you will still be better for it because bitterness is a heavy burden to carry on the journey.  The lighter you are the farther you will travel.

LB

He that cannot forgive others, breaks the bridge over which he himself must pass if he would ever reach heaven; for everyone has need to be forgiven.          George Herbert

Hm. Sebb, home life has been different for the past few years, even. It's not me and my parents constanty fighting, more like an ever present lack of understanding and the odd explosion. It's preobably been a year or two like this, so not very good.

And LB, I'll definitely remember that. Thanks.

FG -- I hope that your parents come around to seeing you and accepting you.. and being able to remember how much they love you.

I do hope that things eventually work out for you - one step at a time

I really really really like LB's reminder to 'never burn bridges'- keep your integrity, your openness, and your willingness up in front, and keep your head up. 
Hard to do, and the grown-ups should be the ones who know these things, but heck - one part of growing up is realizing that the grown-ups haven't got all the answers.  

agreed....keep hoping your mom will come around...it may not be until you are 50...but, if you keep the door open...it can happen

There is an alternate scientific explanation for the above.  It's called "The Teenage Years".

Your teenage years happen to come with another twist, but don't discount the possibility that the main source of the divide is something other than what you think it is.

You may start liking the idea of your own independence, but it really is too soon.  It is much easier to get a good education and become a rounded person with the support of your parents through this stage of your life, and I remain ever hopeful that this may yet happen.

Hmm, FG, if it's been like that for a few years then that's not too good >_< i guess the odd explosion is better than a constant one but it's still not good.

I just came across this thread - FG, I'm feeling so sad. Please know that I'm thinking about you and sending lots of care and support. I truly wish you weren't experiencing this lack of support and understanding from your family. You are such a mature, strong person - I know that you will continue to walk with your head held high - I just wish you were able travel on your journey at this time with your family at your side.

I do have friends who have experienced a similar story to yours - some parents aren't able to ever open their hearts to having a queer child, but some gradually, eventually over time have come around to being more supportive. Some just need time to get beyond the shock and their own confusion and disappointment.

I'm thinking about you FG and sending lots of hugs your way.

Okay, so I've got some low down.

Sunday after work I was hanging out with some friends, and one asked if I wanted to spend the night at her house. I said Okay, knowing my parents would say no. I went home to talk to them about it, they said I couldn't, I said I would anyways. My mom got a little upset at me, but as I was leaving my dad came into the room and things kind of exploded. There was a lot of fighting, swearing, some physical threats, and in the end I left pretty dissapointed. My dad's last words were "Don't bother coming back in any hurry."

I spent that night at my friend's, then the next at another's house. (The one who offered me the place to stay.) My mom expected that I was going to stay here for a while. I went home to get some clothes and we talked and she got really upset, but I basically told her that I loved her, and we could still spend time together, but I justed couldn't live there right now. She was pretty upset at the start, but calmed down towards the end of the conversation. I told her I'd call her with my hours and we could have lunch some time, so we're still spending some time together. Which is good.

And right now I'm staying with a friend, I guess time will tell how long I'm here.

I hope that what you've done is the best thing, FG.  It's a tight spot that you've been in at your parents house... so maybe some space is just what the doctor ordered.

Good luck.