I'm afraid there is no cure for skepticism.  Once you start to question things that you once blindly accepted, there is no hope of turning back, unless you manage to compartmentalize and wall off this skepticism and inquiry from your beliefs about gods and religion.

In all seriousness, good for her.  By your description, she is "not the sharing type".  First of all, she shared her feelings on the matter, so that's a positive right there.  Second of all, she gave her reasons.

I'm not exactly sure what you mean by "How do I proceed?"  Do you want your mother to believe exactly the way you want her to believe...the way you though she believed?  Do you want an exorcism performed?

I don't think there is anything to "proceed" with.  She believes what she told you, she apparently gave you lucid reasons, and that appears to be that.

Hi findingmyway:

Faith doesn't have to be an unquestioning belief in a doctrine or in the validity of politicised authoritarian religion.

Faith can be a feeling. Appearantly, your mother has that kind of faith.

I would start by celebrating her journey with her.  Her views have been shaped by her experiences just as yours are shaped by your experiences.  I would also celebrate that she was comfortable sharing her worldview with you.  Sounds as though it could be a good relationship...cms

I like the word journey Cjms.

If I were in your position findingmyway, I would walk respectfully with my mother on that faith journey. I'm sure I would have lots of questions - and I would ask them. I would want my mother to answer my questions honestly. You can't  force her to believe as you do (as I'm sure you already know), but you can try to understand why she believes what she does.

Hello findingmyway and welcome to WonderCafe.ca,

I don't know that there is anything to make of this.  Your mother has told you what she believes.  That, apparently, is what she believes.

Well, that depends.  You can accept where your mom is coming from (even if you disagree with it) and you can continue to love her like you always have or, you can reject your mom and build a relationship of enmity and strife between the two of you.

I'd choose the former.

Skeptical is not on par with ignorant.  You can still gain knowledge from your mother.  It might not be the kind of knowledge that you were hoping for.  That doesn't make it worthless.  Your mother has been thinking about this for quite some time apparently and this is where she now is.

I think that she is speaking in very broad generalities about religion and obviously disagree with her position.

And yet, it is her position and you can either accept and work with it or you can reject it and settle in for conflict.

Grace and peace to you.

John

I think we all pass through "seasons" with our faith. You call it skepticism, others might call it a healthy progression to finding answers towards a deeper and more personal understanding.

Her search may lean her towards atheism or it may lead her back into a faith that is more meaningful. You say she still believes in a great power that has no control over us and I would say that because of this statement she hasn't bought the atheist ticket yet.

These two hit it on the head, IMHO. This isn't something terrible, but a chance to share in your mother's explorations and learn from them yourself. It sounds like she has sound reasons for going down the path she is taking. A non-theistic, skeptical point-of-view still has wisdom to impart, so continue to talk to her and I think you likely will gain knowledge and insight from her. Just not the same as if she was actively believing in and practicing a faith.

Mendalla
 

I think the "no control over" is a very important observation.  Realizing that no deity has any control over you is quite liberating to a lot of people, and quite scary for others.  In this case, it appears to be the former.

Where to categorize her mother is difficult, but I also don't care to try all that hard, because it doesn't matter.  From my perspective, it's encouraging to see someone reject faith, with reasons, even though they may have been held for a long time, and are still held by other members of the family.  In some circles, it's a downright courageous thing to do.

I guess the part of the conversation I don't get quite understand is that the adult and child beliefs/faith journeys would have to 'match' in some way.

My beliefs sound not dissimilar to your mother's, although I don't let that stop me from being a full member of a faith community committed to social justice. My beliefs about Godde strike me as largely irrelevant, particularly to Godde. However, my beliefs about part of the nature of Godde render me Godde's hands and feet, ears and mouth, so the divine imperative within gets and keeps me busy.

What does a parent do when his/her child chooses a different faith path?

Same question.  But one that has been discussed in more places (or lamented as the cas may be).

Thanks for the replies, I guess it hard for me to accept that she has given up on the faith that she has tough me to have. I my self am not without questions. It was kind of.... Shattering to learn.

I think i should have said that it felt like the road I had been following,(taking the directions from my parents was a little bumpy, and quite foggy at times ) suddenly comes to several forks, and I wanted her "direction" on which path was the way as I had qyestions as to the best route and to destination. Here I thought I was right behind them and I come to learn that they had gotten off many miles ago.  Mom can no longer give me the directions on this road....... and that scared me. 

Our parents are seen as a great source of knowledge and understanding, a place to turn to ask those questions and find those answers. I guess my knee jerk reaction was to be a little......angry. I know that it sounds aweful, but I wanted her to help me understand why I should stay a part of HER religion when I disagreed with some things.

Now thinking on it a bit more, she did answer my questions in the only way that she could. I might have been a little too judgmental, an admitted fault of mine.

I think the dynamics are slightly different.  In the case of the child apostate, the child is walking away from the religious path of the parent, who may still hold some authority over the child, either real or perceived.  That must be more scary for the apostate than this situation, where the apostate is the parent.

But does it mean the remaining believer - the (adult) son or daughter - feel pressuered somehow to follow their parent into apostacy?  I don't know, I'm just hypothesizing.

The most common of these situations is the child who rejects the religion of their parents, and it's only getting more common.  I've followed some stories from these kids, and their stories can be positive, or negative.  Some parents effectively disown their children over a rejected common faith.  I trust the inverse is not about to happen here.

No matter what the individual beliefs, I'd like to think the parent-child bond takes precedence over any religious belief.  A difference of religious beliefs should never break a family.

I think it's important to keep in mind that she is most likely the same basic person now that she was all along.  If she was a source of wisdom for you in the past, then it is unlikely that she has lost that wisdom later in her life.  If she loved you before, she loves you no less now.  If she was a person worthy of respect before, then she most likely deserves the same respect now.

It sounds like the event that triggered your opening post was not her loss of faith, but rather you finding out about her loss of faith.  That's important - it means that nothing much has changed.  The only thing that has definitely changed is how well you know your mother.

It's always dangerous to ask a loved one what they believe about a subject that youy care about. You may not get an answer that you like, and you cannot unanswer a question asked.

How should you proceed? You should love your Mother as you always have, and respect her right to believe what she believes, or doesn't. Any other option is doomed to failure, and will damage your relationship.

You can just accept your mother the way she is and wait until your Mom faces death and the emptiness of a life without meaning beyond  lvoing relationships.   Or you can be proactive and pray daily that your mother might be blessed with a meaningful fuith.  I would try to find out if your Mom is still open to exploring the big questions.    It would be instructive to learn how she wuld respond to what if questions.   What if she could find a church in which she could experience an intimate connection with God and get to know people who have experienced speactular healing and other miracles?  What if she could find intellectaully satisfying answers to some of her most vexing questions?  Perosnal testimonies can make all the difference, but the seeker needs direct contact with the witnesses to sense their spirituality in person and to cross-examine t hem on their claims of divine intervention. 

I suspect that your mother would be blown away by some of the CDs for the Alpha Course, especially the constant flow of miracles in Nicky Gumbel's Anglican Church.  I'm sure that some church in your carea has the CDs a nd wuold let you and your Mom see them.  The Holy Spirit has used these CDs to melt hearts and open people up to a vibrant faith based on experience.  If your Mom is open toviewing them and if a church in your area is willing to let your borrow CDs, you can send me a private message and I can describe the CDs that are most liekly to make the decisive difference.  In our recent  Alpha porgam with tCatholics, Lutherans, and United Methodists), the impact on most of the participants was amazing to behold. 

In ant case, if your mother is still open to some sort of spiritual quest and she identifies an area of possible impact or interest, send me a PM, and I'll do my best to respond in a  helpful way. 

Or you could assume your mom is an adult and capable of making her own choices.  ANd then be open to allow her to share why she makes the choices she did--just as you would want her to be open to you doing the same.

In the end, faith is not for everyone.  And no one faith is for everyone who has faith.  We all make our own choices.  And those choices sometimes change as we pass through life.

Aww come on, that's just not Christian, Gord! 

Translation:  Bait her back to Christianity!  It's what Jesus would have done!

I would guess, based on findingmyway's description of her mother, that she would see you and your bs CDs coming from a mile away.  I'd love to hear a conversation between the two of you, though.   The only thing "near death" in that situation would be your chances of converting her.

THAT was one of the most encouraging sentences I've ever read from a minister.

Are you sure you're feeling well?  ;)

findingmyway, Maybe you're angry with her because you were struggling and she didn't tell you sooner, thus preventing your struggle? That may be because she respects your right to think what you will, religion being personal and all. I think it shows respect that she answered your question so well and fully. Now you can have the support you wanted earlier, it's ok that it came late. That conversation shows that you and your mom are now closer than before.

C'mon Chansen, you know very wel that no healthy skeptic can resist conversion after being confronnted by unsubstantiated claims of miracles. All it takes is a personal testimony from a dubious source and poof, instant Christianity!

I think that your mother is on the same faith journey that many of us have walked.  She has outgrown the religion of her childhood.  She is questioning many of the things she was taught.  She is thinking things through and developing her own set of values and beliefs to live by.   You say that she believes in a Power beyond herself.   So do I.   I call that power "God" or "The Holy", or the "Breath of Life", the "Light in the darkness", "Love".    But whatever name I give it, is not enough. 

It sounds like your mother is developing her own idea of 'the Power" and her own relationship with what is 'Holy" rather than clinging to the one she was taught.  To me that is a good thing.    She says that she doesn't believe that the Power has control over us.  Neither do I.   I think that life, love and relationship matter in knowing the Holy (or the Power) - I don't think that control is an issue.  The Spirit that surrounds me and dwells within me doesn't intervene.  

I wish your mother well on her faith journey.  You ask 'how should I proceed'?   It depends on what you want to proceed towards.   If it is a deeper, richer, and more meaningful relationship with your mother - I would say 'listen to her'.  Let her share her beliefs, experiences and insights with you.  Learn from her.   And share your questions, your doubts, your beliefs with her.  You may find a common ground that you can both benefit from.   Remember that God is bigger than any idea, any definition, any creed, any understanding of God that we might have.  Each of us are fortunate if we are blessed with glimpses.  Please try to be open to other ideas than yur own - to grow in wisdom and understanding - to put away the faith that you were taught and develop a new, richer, deeper understanding.  That is the process your mother is going through.  Walk the journey, or parts of it, with her and you will both be better for it.

I think it is relevant that findingmyway's mother merely explained her beliefs, rather than trying to convince findingmyway that they are true.  I.e., she did not evangelize what she believes.  I wonder what her motives might have been for that?

(I have my own ideas of what the answer to that question might be, but since I don't know her, it would be inappropriate to speculate)

[quote=GordW]

Or you could assume your mom is an adult and capable of making her own choices.  ANd then be open to allow her to share why she makes the choices she did--just as you would want her to be open to you doing the same.

In the end, faith is not for everyone.  And no one faith is for everyone who has faith.  We all make our own choices.  And those choices sometimes change as we pass through life.

[/quote

So Findingmyway, you must decide whether the Gospel is unnecessary as Pastor Gord implies, or whether your Mom needs ia life-changing relationship with Jesus Christ.  From a Christian persepctive,  "in the end faith is for everyone," whether they acknowledge it or not.  That is the implcation of Jesus' Great Commisison and His call for us to be witnesses.  So ask yourself, "Am I OK with my Mom hiaving  no relationship with God?  Or do I need to pray for her and try to get her to consider facing her bvarriers to faith?"  Are you confident that she will be at peace with her own death with no need for comforting faith?  Your own beliefs will of course shape your your answer to these questions and your own experience of the power of hope will help you determine whether Pastor Gord or I am correct. when your Mom's health fails. 

Well, I'm certainly a Christian, now.  How could I not be?  Berserk and his amazing copy-and-paste anecdote after anecdote convinced me.  You just can't make up stories about people who returned from near death experiences like that.  It almost makes me want to get into a car accident so I can experience the Holy Spirit myself.  At the very least, I'm driving with my lights off tonight.

It's hard for me to imagine a parent not being patronized and insulted by the actions Berserk has advocated.  Those actions carry the premise that her position is one of ignorance and inadequate consideration, as opposed to her child's position (one with which she is apparently already very familiar, having taught it in the past).

Umm...Berserk...her "barriers to faith" are her common sense, her ability to reason, and her education.

Yep, when all else fails, bring out the fearmongering.

Findingmyway, I hope you do find your way, whether it is Christianity, atheism, or Scientology (they have Tom Cruise).  But mostly, I hope you find your way, and don't allow yourself to be scared into choosing a path or an action.

GordW said upthread - "In the end, faith is not for everyone."

I find this a rather puzzling statement.  I didn't understand the initial post to be saying the mother has NO faith, just a faith different from the daughter's, and different from the way she expressed her faith twenty or so years ago.  I suspect more people have been driven away from congregations by declarations like "Unless you believe exactly the way the minister says you should you are faithless, destined for a hot place"  etc.

My suggestion to findingmyway is - be grateful for your mom's honesty, her willingness to share 'where she is at on her journey' without demanding that you be at the same stage of spiritual growth.  Continue thinking, listening, observing and praying.  It will likely feed you both to keep sharing thoughts on this topic.

I hope the minister of the church your mom used to attend has kept in touch and that some congregation members are still talking with her.  My understanding of the role of churches is to nourish the flock - not force feed it.  It is to gather in not to cast out.  Many people move away from attendance at some point in there journey - this doesn't necessarily mean they are 'faithless'.

Gord said,"In the end, faith is not for everyone.  And no one faith is for everyone who has faith.  We all make our own choices.  And those choices sometimes change as we pass through life."

I think it's misleading when the rest of the quote is left out. I took this to mean that to have faith is a choice we are given.

Love and supoport her disbelief: it can be the place where one best grasps the mystery and hears the word of god... I have experienced and long seen alienation as a gift of god, a call to re-examine my self and my need for a right relationship with god.

I know what your mother is saying and where she is coming from: you'd do well to listen.

Had I been pestered in that place, it's possible that I would never have looked deeper, and so never found a faith. I would certainly have distanced myself as much as possible from the pesterer. Each of us has to find our own way... faith isn't a bus tour of the "holy land"... it's life.

Life requires that we put "faith" in something... getting up in the morning takes faith. You mother clearly has plenty of faith... but not, perhaps, in your sources of information. The more demands you put on any source of faith, the closer it brings you to experiences of god's presence.

I would consider this conversation with your mother the first of many.

She says she beieves in a higher power-but not organized religon.

Sounds as if her faith journey is different than yours.

You could have discussions aboout what gives her strenth, what  she sees as a higher power, what gives you strength etc.

It could be the start of some very meaningful conversations IF you both talk with out attempting to change each other.

(Ignore the Alpha suggestions)