So glad you've recovered and safe now.  What a horrifying ordeal, Cannondalefreak. 

Hope those donations start rolling in soon.  Is there local queer media that would tell your story too?   That could help to generate donations.  They usually have a "pink" directory of business that could be possible sources of funding.  Just thinking out loud.....

Sorry about the attack Chase. Glad you are recovering.

My fundraising is way behind yours-a $1000 sponsor would be great.

Have you checked to see if there is a Hamilton team?

Thanks.

The local queer committee say no. Words like "mandate" and "committee approval" etc...nice ways of saying NO as it isn't for them. Oh, they want me to advertise the hate crime for them but no sponsoring. I said no. Not ten dollars from a one of them. wonderful excuses. Then they donate lots to causes for them. I'm alone in this.

My church, no.

Community, no.

Yet I see people on the ride site have raised way more than they set for their goal. They have family, friends, and businesses supporting them. I'm on ODSP, family and friends ran when I went transgendered. I"m quite pissed. I'm passed hurt and am right into pissed off.

I mean, nothing. I was hoping I'd come back from an 18 km hike to train and find SOMETHING on the site. Nothing. No email, nothing.

it'll be okay. I'll just keep begging and begging.

Most are riding the K200 and i'm doing M200. I'd still have to raise the same amount. I'm finding Hamilton a constant let down. I'd be happy with a steady inflow of 20 and 10 dollar donations.

They fail to see this is for ALL cancers, not the pet on of the month, it's a tax write-off for business, etc. I'll keep at it.

Boy you are down! How about celebrating that you are half way to your goal!

People would rather support a postive effort that's almost done!

Not so much down as exhausted. You can only hear no about 987,765 times before that happens.

I'm 50 dollars up today, so at 60% of goal. It's the panic that I won't make it and i can't ride if I don't. I dislike this minimum raised of $2,500 rule, but I'm getting into it. Today I was down. I got mail and it was nothing but a photo in an envelope. Local Anglican priest..well, she separated from the church over same sex and my trans status sent her over the edge.

Picture of bible study group. I'm there, before gender change. All names but mine on photo. It's one I gave Sandra and she wrote names in and sent her copy to me. Wow, major slam. I put it in the shredder, sighed, and moved on. But, ouch for a while. Then I worked on more YouTube videos and someone on a music fan club board, the Canada thread, kicked in 50 dollars. I took that as a sign from God that it's going to be okay.

Good God, how do people fundraise all the time? It's bloody exhausting. i think, mmore tiring than the ride may be.

I worked my butt off on this video. Hiked, later got lost and stuck in a fence and trees...but I had fun putting this together. It was one long 20 km. Biking is easier. But I think it's kinda okay for an amateur with a 99 dollar camera. I lived on rice and black coffee for a week to pay for the camera,but i'm having fun.

So, i'm findingn the joy in spite of...

Hi Chase - sorry to hear about the assault - glad you're on the mend.   You do sound exhausted by the fundraising ... it's easy to become pretty negative.  

Just wondering if you've entertained the possibility of a "Plan B"?  Something like," if the money doesn't come in, I'll volunteer to help at the ride, having still raised an amazing amount of money."  Volunteering is a way of participating ... you won't have broken your promise, and you will have raised a good lot of cash for cancer research - which really was your goal, right?  So you could see it as a success, rather than a disappointing failure.

Yes Carolla-that option is available for those that don't make the required amount. They can switch to crew.

Yeah, it is. If I volunteered for crew, I'd be happy to do it. But I promised Jerry i would DO the ride. I'm up to $1,715 right now and campaigning like crazy. And my face has healed. Permanent scars, but healed.

Next year, i will book appts with business owners and groups and bring documentation, promotional material, and talk to them. I went about this all wrong. First ride, with a lot of people telling me not to bother, give up, then jerry died and I was useless for about two months.I"m feeling much more like I just might make it and the push is on.

I may volunteer to be crew on other rides. I know there's a cancer ride in town that's ridiculously short, the longest route under 20 km, in May every year. I'd ride it, but i think hitting people up for one ride a year is enough.

Thanks for the advice, encouragement and being there. Aside from a nephew, I really haven't anyone to listen without telling me "Maybe you should give up. It's not right to expect money...." So you're all appreciated very much.

and hey, if the spirit moves you, or moves you to move someone you know?

http://www.conquercancer.ca/goto/chasecameron

A pastor in Hamilton I know just announced he has cancer, lymphoma. He's started chemo. I beat it twice and email him. He doesn't email me back (he's Baptist and I pretty much had to leave when I went transgendered), but his wife does and she's great. If you could pray for Don Berry-Graham in Hamilton? That would be great.

\Thanks again.

Chase, who also had a 13 km hike with a cousin and the happy nephew yesterday. We saw nature, a deer, hawk and cardinal. God saying HI and dont' give up?

That sounds like a wonderful hike Chase!  So special to see our fellow creatures.   Sounds like the fundraising is coming along really well ... glad you're feeling more optimistic.

I thank you, carolla, for not telling me i mustn't be disabled. I am feeling better. almost, almost tore my knee getting out of a booth out for coffee with friends yesterday. Limped the rest of the day, okay today. Hot soaks work. Biking has seen me through my brothers six motnh slow death, helped me lose some lard, and made me feel free, if only for a day here and there.

Our fellow creatures are inspirational. Three weeks after being bashed for being transgendered, i see a peregrine falcon swooping through the air, the deer in the distance, and I'm restored. So I stopped for pain meds for the lower back. I got to commune with nature.

Thanks for your kind words. I AM an optimist. it may not alwys seem so. i grew up belittled and disbelieved about my disabled-ness, even when the odsp letter of 'acceptance' stated upon reading medical reports they were sorry it had taken so long to grant me the small pension, and they hoped I could one day overcome my many physical disabilities and crippling depression, they didn't believe me.

I choose to brush aside the negative. I may wallow a day or three, but I always bounce back.

Chase.

Defensive much ?

It's not fair to label all disabled people the same way .....

I don't label all disabled people the same since many of them hold full time jobs and don't live in poverty in the ghetto .....

I'm thinking a desk job is no where near as demanding as running marathons ...

Life is a choice right ?

Anybody can will power themselves out of poverty if they wanted to ....

Sigh. I'm not really that defensive. I just ...okay, my brother had a short arm. He got mad because people constantly called him disabled, yet he rode a motorcycle, held jobs, etc.

He said to me "And you look fine and have the bones of an old person, have all that pain. I'm lucky."

Till his cancer killed him.

If I work, rent goes up, cheque down. Homeless ensues. I'm not exaggerating. FOr personal reasons, I can't fully explain, but if you knew my entire situation, you'd get it.

Trust me, I've looking into this in the 5-6 years I've been on disability. I may eventually move to a warmer climate and see if I can work then. I'm seriously considering eventually returning to the USA and starting over at nearly 50. Save Canada some money, perhaps find I'm in less pain out of the cold/dampness etc, and work on some limited schedule to exist. And find cancer rides there.

And between the arthritis part of the disability and the fibromyalgia? I'm not able to say I can commit to certain hours and I never know ahead if I will have a good day or a languish in bed day. The fibro is brutal. Many are in a wheelchair with that. alone. Biking is, relatively speaking, easier. my left shoulder is blown, tendons don't lock in where they should, cartilege thinning. The flipping dampness here is torture. If I start peddling with my left leg I can't. The knee isn't strong enough.

So, whe I have a good day or days? I am like Ironman. But I can't count on them. I ride 40 km sometimes and am always suffering for days. I committed to this ride for Jerry. And I'll take my pain meds. The two days part is going to be hell, but i'll do it. WIth determination, meds, inhaler, and the image of what my brother looked like the day before he died in my head.

I take many breaks when I ride. Find a bench along the trail, put down the helmet as a pillow, and lie there, swallowing pain meds with gatorade, waiting for them to take the excruciating part of the pain in lower back and neck/shoulders away. Then I go on, and 95% of the riders out there pass me. I just toddle. It's therapy for me, got me through Jerry's last 8 months. I rode on my birthday, on the 4th of July, on his birthday, slow. I take longer than others, but I soldier on. It's helped with depression.

I may somewhat owe you an apology for defensiveness, but it was like you said I was faking and people do NOT understand invisible disabilities. I look fine.I hurt horribly. I grew up constantly demeaned and emotionally battered. So someone insinuates I'm lying or abusing the system? I get my back up.

I explain about the disabilities in several of the you tube videos.

I say I'm on disability and stop. "Okay, I know what you're thinking and you need to know that...."

All I know is my doctor said I'm off all antidepressants, this with mom going in a nursing home, Jerry dying and his pal denying his wishes I was left some money or belongings as his only brother, wasn't allowed to speak at the funeral, or welcome in a fundie church where it was held.

Had you have said, "Isn't it hard to do this, on disability?" I'd have taken no umbrage and would have answered accordingly. You caught me on a day where the pain was horrible. Which seems to be 4 days out of 7 this week, 2 before, 6 the one before.

Do people lie to get on disability? Yeah. I know one woman and one guy who faked and got on it.I don't know HOW because the process to get on it is harder than getting into Yale. Repeated applying, doctor notes. I finally had scanned and added all reports for the preceding five years. Got it right away  and when I went to enact it? The woman read my file and asked how it had taken so long to get it. My reply, by the way? "I get it. It's a long process to weed out the genuinely disabled from the fakers."

She nodded. "TRue, but good God, look at the list of painful-how do you get out of bed in the morning?"

I told her like i tell you now. Some days I don't.

This ride will be hard, to put it simply. But I'll do it. My doctor and I are working on pain med combinations that are safe and effective for training and the ride, then change to lesser for two weeks after.

Do you understand now? (That's not facetious. It's sincere,) I hope so. The headaches can cripple me alone. Last summer, all that rain here and weather constantly changing? I rode less than I wanted to. I pack gatorade, energy bars, meds, food, cell in case I can't make it and need ride back, camera for nice scenery. I beat cancer twice. I can't bitch it hurts to ride and not do this. Every day I draw breath I thank God.

Although Canada is way behind on this the US has many work from home opportunities .... of course you would have to invest in a computer ..... phone line and such but there are lots of possiblities for people with the right skills .... it would take lots of research but there are legit opps out there .... not get rich quick schemes but jobs that pay hourly and you apply as you would for a regular job . resumes , references , skill evaluation .... if you get a chance to go to the US I would take it ..... this economy at home is a sad sad state of affairs .....

I'll tell ya something else most of the world does not feel well LOL I have my days too but we gotta try right .... even if it kills us in the end you get to control your life and your finances .... i hate the idea of the govt giving help but dictating how that help is dispersed .... hope you find some kind of balance so that you can one day tell them to keep their moolah

Oh, i'm moving, fall 2011.

http://www.soulscode.com/souls-code-presents-a-new-column-ask-a-guru/com...

I'm their first article.

and for those who wonder about my disabled status. Watch it all.

Hey Chase

How is it going?

I only have $2000 more to raise. sigh-Actually $1900.

We have started team fundraising. A barbeque last sunday and one this Sunday at Save-on Foods.

Then a compost sale and 2 bar nights.

My team has 13 members-most new to each other. I'm about in the middle for fundraising.