Chapter One
Masturbating on Self Congratulation Will Make You Go Deaf, Blind and Dumb

I survived, barely, two days of sales training or, more appropriately defined, an unrelenting, silent screaming, dissent into hell that still clings to me in a sulfurous cloud.

I can truthfully declare the above an apt description because a big part of the training was to “get in touch with my feelings” and “peel the onion of lies to get to the truth”. Well, I got in touch with my feelings. I peeled that onion, chopped it up and fried it on the hot fire of “true” rage.

The fire fueled hour after hour, actually minute by minute because each second felt like an hour and two days were miraculously, like the loaves and fishes, transformed into an eternity of damnation for sins I do not remember committing but must have. Why else did I have to endure punishment so severe that after that first infernal day I fell to my knees, weeping in the neon glow of an industrial desert, “Oh great corporate god, what did I do to incur such wrath?”

How did this happen? I love my job. I love the people I spend my day with and everyday those same people affirm that I do a good job by telling me they love me. How, then, did I become this silent raging soul contemplating disappearing forever into the wilderness?
 

By being a good student. That’s how! Over and over the high priest demanded we listen to him and others. So I listened. Over and over we were told to find the “true feeling” and therefore the “truth”. So I peeled the feeling layer by layer: What was making me feel so doomed….

It wasn’t the endless self congratulatory, ego stroking, “I” stories of the speaker that made this so interminable – although believe me it did multiply those seconds into hours. It wasn’t the fawning marketing staff and executives spewing saccharine stories of how “this “process” changed their lives; not just professionally but personally!” – although I do maintain that those tales were responsible for the pounding headache that set in. It wasn’t the sycophantic licking of the torturers’ boots by my fellow lost soul mates that kept the fire of rage burning – although I confess the sight turned my stomach and on one occasion forced me to flee from the room to breathe deeply the carbon monoxide of the wasteland’s noxious thoroughfare as if it was sweet fresh mountain air.

It wasn’t *what* was said in this pseudo therapy sales course that upset my sensibilities, my stomach and threw me into the fiery pit of despair – although the “No doesn’t mean No” line almost launched a homicidal attack and added furious lines to the intricate doodle on the paper table cloth.

No! – Wait! – Yes! It was the blatant hypocrisy! It was the vast disconnect from the reality and the sales fantasy.

It was the repeated demand that I (that is the royal “I” for the order was directed to all You’s in the suffocating, windowless room); to become empathetic to the trials and tribulations of the potential buyer. It was being repeatedly harangued to parrot “I can help you with <insert their desire>” with the fore knowledge that I am not afforded the tools to do so (the latter “I” may just be me; I have no idea whether others sail the same rudderless boat nauseous on the waves of futility).

For two days I felt completely alone in a room full of people. I was surrounded by those who, apparently, had no prior acquaintance with the word “empathy”. Indeed, proclaimed the master at the front of the room, it was *he* who discovered “the power” of empathy and was now passing on this profundity to us lucky ignoramuses.

I, the unlucky one, am not ignorant of empathy despite the proclamations of the master’s sole ownership. I have been blessed - cursed? - by the empath’s existence for as long as I can remember. I know where the Path of Em leads. I know that if I listen for the Other’s desire, I will feel their desire. I know it will end with me “feeling” responsible for the dreams I unleash.

The gaping chasm between my empathetic experience and the great sales god exists because, unlike him, I am there the day after the sale is completed. I am present the moment the person realizes the “feelings” don’t match the reality; the words do not correspond with the action. It is my eyes the person looks into, beseeching me to “do something!” And because I am empathetic, their pain becomes my pain. But, because my hands are bound by reality, the tools of release locked in the glass tower of the gods, I am helpless to relieve their suffering and, therefore, my own.

The master and his royal minions are exempt from this pain; shielded from the reality they create by a phalanx of foot soldiers and cannon fodder such as myself. They don’t have to face the mountain of marketing manure they excrete while removing shovels and slapping on handcuffs. They can extol the virtues of being empathetic because they return to their glass fortress deaf to the cries of those living the messy reality of their fantasy creations.

But, my good little drone, don’t raise these objections, these realities, to the great sales god because “that is in the future”. We (this is the collective because *we* have now been assimilated into the hive) don’t look at the “future” or the “past” just the “present” and remember “today is a gift, that is why we call it the present!”

Choke me on reality! I ponder whether that is what the Toyota marketing priests said “Early brake failure. Don’t bring that to the altar. That is the future. Today they stop!” Hmm, I further wonder, “How many Lexus owners want to exchange their “present” gift for a Ford “past” or a Chevy “future”?” At which point I silently pray “Oh, my profit making stars, free me from these foolish realistic questions and teach me to accept the *core* of the fantastical onion!”

So, the onion is peeled and I get *their* core truth which is: They don’t want anyone, despite what they preach, to discuss honestly the reality they create. What they desire is robotic repetitions of what they say. Bobble heads of agreement. Assume the brainwashed awe that they invented a principle of sales that existed from the time the first human exchanged a useless shell for something necessary like a piece of mastodon. Believe these men are gods. Accept their fantasy. Ignore the reality. Help them reach their climatic delusion of grandeur.

I listened and acquiesce to the epiphany that if I interject reality these gods of sales will be deprived of their masturbatory aide of self congratulation. Reality prevents them from pleasuring themselves. Reality forces them to see that massive pile of crap in the middle of the room and then, oh my fat consulting fee, they might have to assume some responsibility for cleaning it up.
 

There is no wet dream in that! There is no possibility of orgasmic delight in recognizing one’s responsibilities. Responsibility and reality are cold showers to the self inflating hard on. And woe be to the one who opens the flood gate of cold reality on the gods’ self pleasure for she will incur their wrath and be banned from the kingdom.

Thus, my journey to hell is at a cross road…

Continue to be a handcuffed empath living on a mountain of excrement without a shovel and face banishment when the mouth inevitably opens,
or;
Embrace masturbating on self congratulation and become deaf, blind and dumb to the reality of others for this is the “true” path to the self pleasure of success.

Which, of course, leads to the question: Have I failed the training that was supposed to teach me how to “listen” by listening to the “teacher” and become deaf, blind and dumb?

Perhaps that will be addressed in the next session – yes there is more! – and the marketing god will teach me how to become deaf to my own conscience and silence forever these inner screeching questions.

And may the gods of commerce have mercy on my soul for I have been forsaken.
 

LOL! Love it! You and I are of the same mind girl! Don't sell out! Don't go deaf dumb and blind! Stay true to yourself! Even if that means finding another job! Jobs come, jobs go. Don't believe the hogwash! They are self deluded jerks. You are not one of them! Rebel! Take the road less traveled! The corporate shrine shall not dominate over us all!

I was once in a instruction class for a maid job at a holliday center in England, where they used the onion model, except they taught us not to peel that onion. "The guests only see the onion skin." That was only a scratch on what you're going through. But I felt rather like you do when I worked for the computer factory, back when I hated computers, before I went on my nearly 3 year long backpacking trip. Yup. I quit that job and got on a plane, but not before I had saved up a goodly schwack of savings.

Man, that sucks. You have my sympathy sister! Cling to what's real! Spend time in nature! : )

LB,

I can see a positive from this negative experience. Your anger is seething through your writing - there isn't any evidence of detachment. Which means (big drum roll) you're on your way to finding your voice in your writing. Anger is often the easiest emotion to uncover - peel away those onion layers and you'll discover more.(Sorry, I know that sounds patronising - but it's not meant to be.)

I happen to agree with you wholeheartedly when it comes to pseudo commercial psychology. It's both phoney and superficial - yuck!

But it doesn't make me more than irritated these days. Here's why.

I vividly recall when I was in my twenties and hospitalised for clinical depression, when we patients had some spare time we would often watch t.v. in the lounge.

The schizophrenics present would come to life whenever an advertisement appeared. They would simply repeat what was being said out aloud - and end in gales of laughter.

Then it occurred to me. The ads were ludicrous - the schizophrenics had picked up on their absurdity whilst the rest of us just accepted them.

Since then, I place all this phoniness in an absurd box and just dismiss it and it's "message".

It's time to take a walk around your swamp with it's autumn leaves and take in some fresh air, m'dear. 

Smiles at Pilgrim - there are no leaves yet in the swamp, its spring, but they are budding and the heron has returned.  And one wonders, is one really insane when one recognizes the insanity around them

Besh - I have to go to the training or I will lose my job.  You and Eleangord are right I could quit and I may end up doing that after the next session.

But my personal feelings are irrelevant.  From a business aspect I know that the corporate fantasy impacts their bottom line.  Their customers are equally able to quit and they are quitting because their concerns are falling on deaf ears.  For this little capitalist such a policy is corporate suicide.

Despite what marketing gurus say there are not an infinite number of customers born every minute.  If the company fails to make those who buy the product happy not only will they stop buying they will tell their friends, family and strangers on the street not to buy.  When that happens no amount of marketing hype is going to save the company and the predicted future will become the present reality - there will be nothing left.

I could walk away but I would be walking away from people I have developed more than a working relationship, people I genuinely care about.  Damn that empathy.  Once it gets a hold of you its not easy to turn your back and leave behind those you allowed into your heart while selling them a bill of goods.

Men who drive sharp bargains with their customers, acting as if they never expected to see them again, will not be mistaken. They will never see them again as customers. People don't like to pay and get kicked also.
     P.T. Barnum

No point in damning empathy, m'dear. Once you have it - you're stuck with it for life.

Oops, sorry I got the seasons wrong - Autumn here is Spring over there.

Spring is about renewal - I hope it happens for you. 

It's a hard one for me to deal with too because I sell stuff to people. Stuff I create. I have to encourage them to feel they want it, so I am in essance the enemy, but I like to think of it as that I am independant, spreading art and beauty, providing people with quality locally made goods that enrich their lives, and doing what I love. I hope that people will love it too without me telling them to, smart people do, smart people know what they like. It's depressing and dissapointing how many people don't. How many people want to be told what to like. I hate the advertizing/marketing world. I don't watch commercials, tv reception's crappy, heck even our radio doesn't have commercials (cbc). I sucessfully avoid it, for the most part, but now and then I see stuff that yanks my chain and I wanna scream! That damn Olympics/Coca Cola campaign!!!

I must confess to being lured in to the "be true to yourself" mantra however, the grim reality is that, if most people did leave their jobs to do so, the whole system would collapse. There are just not enough custodians, fast food employees, salespersons, factory workers, etc, who are being true to themselves through their work. There are even clergy, teachers, lawyers, doctors, etc, who aren't working in the field of their heart. What Colour is Your Parachute works for a few people, to be sure, and it is the success stories we hear. How many have made the break to find that they haven't be able to make it work and then must return to work that pays the cheque but doesn't feed the spirit?

The reality is that most of us have to work at things that we don't necessarily love (hopefully not that we hate but that's probably true, too) in order to support ourselves and our families. Sometimes it's very hard to keep ourselves healthy when we've spent years doing so and that's what I would really like to see explored in an honest way. It takes its toll, for sure...what can we do to replenish our spirits when that's our experience? This, to me, is the question.

Sorry you're going through that, LB...it sounds as though we are travelling similar paths.

It's a fine line for sure, between bringing in the bucks and being true to yourself. It's a hard happy medium to find. But surely most people can find someting that isn't too unbearable. It's really quite important to have some fulfillment trhrough your work, whether it be assembling a part in a factory well, or managing a work crew well. If we are completely unfulfilled, we tend to get depressed, and feel enslaved. Job satisfaction.

I agree with Elanorgold it is a balancing act but as Motheroffive points out not everyone is going to have the opportunity to do what they think they would love to do.  

I have had the opportunity to work as a self employed individual, in a family business, for non profit corporations and for profit corporations.  In all one has to balance one's own needs with others.  In all one is selling something, even if it is just yourself, in return for a pay cheque of some kind.

Money is not evil it is essential for each of us to survive.  We need money to eat and put a roof over our heads.  We also need it to find the things in life that we enjoy - whether that be a Ferrari or something like paints for the canvas of an artist.

What I find to be the real problem - particularly in large corporations but I also witnessed it in a small one - is the top loses sight of what is going on at the bottom.  They make decisions that impact the end user that are not good and refuse to listen when the front lines set off the warning alarms.  I have also discovered it is never about saving money - nine times out of ten what is needed to save the business has no financial cost just a willingness to acknowledge the customer's concerns.

This is what kills a company and the bigger the company the harder it falls.  When it fails it is not just the top brass that are affected.  It is the shareholders/investors, it is the employees and their families, the vendors who do business and the customers who need the service/product.   That is a lot of people and somewhere along the line some one needs to take some responsibility for that.

I happen to believe that what I am selling is good and I know it is valuable to the people who buy it.  So I'll hang around and fight for them.  I am very lucky that my immediate boss agrees.  We will fight together even if it means we may both end up being on the dole  - at least we will be able to car pool to the EI office.

I've been back with the people who really matter in all this and it has washed away the stench of the city and those corporate buffoons.  If I can't make the top see their responsibility, I accept mine to do the best I can for the people whose lives I touch.

Ah, Pilgrim it is an upside down world we live in - enjoy your autumn there is rebirth in it as well.

LB

Whatever satisfies the soul is truth.

     Walt Whitman

You are funny

Are we lifting heavy objects or something ?

It's a sales job .......... cmon

People who work in sales tend to be able to sell anything ...... including themselves

You're never selling a product you're selling a dream or a lifestyle ...........

Oh what a tough life you must have LOL 

Sure go ahead and quit.................... hey who cares about money right , you don't need it ..... you can grow some grub and make crafts and sell them from home .... everyone is doing it and they are getting richer by the second ....  and no one is going to mind if you do heck everyone just loves having a family member who can't pull their own weight and becomes a burden to the family expenses ... but then again you're not going to be eating or drinking or using anything that would cost money so it won't be so bad ......

It's a fine line for sure, between bringing in the bucks and being true to yourself. It's a hard happy medium to find. But surely most people can find someting that isn't too unbearable. It's really quite important to have some fulfillment trhrough your work, whether it be assembling a part in a factory well, or managing a work crew well. If we are completely unfulfilled, we tend to get depressed, and feel enslaved. Job satisfaction.

And this is based on you're recent experiences in the job market ?

Companies don't have to care about you you know why ? because people are addicted to the things they hate the most .... you're going to buy buy buy because it fills some empty space in your life that a new car or house or dvd will fill up ............. people are never going to stop buying and corporations know that.

Ah Jes, your posts are always entertaining. They are like a shell filled with grit - but inside is often a  pearl of wisdom.

Perhaps society as a whole has lost all notion of what value actually is?

The best we can do now is to try and fill up the vacuum that was once occupied by values with consumer products.

As there is ultimately no real value in these products we seemed doomed to be on a consumer treadmill.

And don't the corporations just love it!

Sounds like you have a plan LB. That's good. Glad you feel good about what you do on the customer level, and that your boss is behind you. The truth is hard to take. The bulldozer will always squash the ant, but you know, I saw a mouse stand up to my cat once, and escape with it's life. So it is possible. Good luck battling the corporate monster.

Smiles at Elanorgold.

Yesterday was a good day in my little corner of the world.  Sometimes it is not about achieving change, just a willingness to show that you will try.

No matter what happens down the road - and remember we "don't look to the future!" - right now my "present" is that I am surrounded by happy people again and it is a gift I'm not going to give up without a fight.

LB

Action may not always bring happiness, but there is no happiness without action.

     Benjamin Disraeli

LB,

You can keep your red shoes, but I intend to live out your motto.

          Live Well

          Laugh often

           Love Much

And you know what? I think I might just be able to do it!

I think Dante's Sales Inferno is an excellent piece of writting. : )

Ya know, I used to wear striped knee high socks under my lab coat at the computer factory. It was my little way of showing my rebellion, erm!, individuality. ; ) That and sitting on the grass drawing and writting poetry every break!