revjohn
Moderates of this site Unite!
Posted on: 02/13/2009 23:23
Flame wars gotcha feeling down?
Wondering how open-minded became open hostility?
Tired of chin-waggin, character-slaggin, hangashores disturbing the conversational peace with their hemorrhoidal rage rants and their lazy generalizations?
Then you need the Knob-O-matic!
The knob-O-matic comes in an assortment of shapes and sizes and is so easy to operate that even a squirrel can use it.
Simply aim the knob-O-matic at the scroll bar on the right of your screen and press the button. In no time at all you will zip right by the post of that knob and all the other knob-goblins who return the love and light in that post measure for measure.
The knob-O-matic doesn't discriminate between creed or colour it recognizes buffoonery in all its glorious variations.
The knob-O-matic is made of the very finest plastics grown in the hydro dam flooded valleys of China and harvested, at great personal risk by hungry and impoverished Chinese children.
The knob-O-matic is ergonomically designed to help you identify posters ranging in knobishness from mild to extra-strong.
Don't be fooled by imitations!
Order now and we'll include, at no extra charge, fat-head blinders. How often have you known fat-heads to get side-tracked from their conversational killing work on a single thread to go on to wreak havoc in multiple threads?
With the fat-head blinders that kind of multi-tasking will be come a thing of the past! Fat-head blinders allow those determined to be fat-heads to stay in a single solitary thread, shooting their mouths of and demonstrating their ability to be jerks to others at unprecedented levels of effectiveness while nearby threads remain virtually untouched.
That is the knob-O-matic and the Fat-head Blinders for the same incredibly low-low price.
To order contact olbi with your credit card information. The first 100 orders recieve a bonus gift which can be chosen from such incredible products as: the Pocket Fisherman, the Bedazzler, a Bamboo steamer or a Ginsu Steak knife.
Olbi is standing by now.
Grace and peace to you.
John
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musicsooths
Posted on: 02/14/2009 00:52
LOL put me down for both of them.
Witch
Posted on: 02/14/2009 01:01
Let me have a closer look at that knob-o-....
Hey waiddaminit....
killer_rabbit79
Posted on: 02/14/2009 01:17
I'd buy them both as long as I get a bamboo streamer. Golly gee I've always wanted one of those!
trishcuit
Posted on: 02/14/2009 01:43
Hmmmm the Ginsu. Can you guarantee it is the very same one Lorena Bobbit used?
Beloved
Posted on: 02/14/2009 10:26
Greetings!
Personally, I'd like the Bedazzler.
Hope, peace, joy, love . . .
crazyheart
Posted on: 02/14/2009 10:32
knobs - my specialiaty - I'll take two - in case I wear one out.
Mendalla
Posted on: 02/14/2009 10:39
LOL, and I'll take a bamboo steamer as my bonus. Wife's Chinese, so it might actually be useful.
Pinga
Posted on: 02/14/2009 12:53
oh, yeah...the knob-o-matic is definitely needed.
cheque is in the mail...hope that is ok?
Beloved
Posted on: 02/14/2009 13:35
Greetings!
I think they want your credit card number, Pinga, you know . . . put it out there on the internet . . . don't worry . . . they guarantee it's a safe site . . . Olbi wouldn't try and stiff you.
(hearts for valentine's wishes)
Serena
Posted on: 02/14/2009 13:39
I think we should all get into the flame wars and have fun.
***Serena looks around and darts out thread***
I posted in the wrong thread. I am not a moderate!!!! What will people ever think? I will never live this down!!!!
Motheroffive
Posted on: 02/14/2009 14:19
revjohn, I was thinking that you might find a Knob-o-matic at Womyn's Ware in Vancouver but then I realized that your product is made from cheap plastic so it wouldn't be found on their premises.
From the Womyn's Ware website:
Womyns'Ware Inc., located in Vancouver, BC, offers products, services, and an environment for the celebration and empowerment of women's sexuality.
These products wouldn't work well as a defense against flame wars like your product does, revjohn.
revjohn
Posted on: 02/14/2009 14:26
Hi Motheroffive,
These products wouldn't work well as a defense against flame wars like your product does, revjohn.
No they would not work well as a defense.
They may very well be the cause.
I note that most combatants tend to be the males of the species and perhaps they are using WonderCafe as compensation.
Its cheaper than buying a muscle car or a big truck.
Grace and peace to you.
John
redhead
Posted on: 02/14/2009 14:37
Please, I would like to have both! If I buy both, could you throw in one of those reading light thingamajingies that clamps to a book? :)
revjohn
Posted on: 02/14/2009 14:40
Hi Redhead,
Please, I would like to have both! If I buy both, could you throw in one of those reading light thingamajingies that clamps to a book? :)
Sadly Olbi informs me that we have no thingamajingies left in the warehouse.
We may or may not get a new shipment next week.
In the meantime we do have quite a few Shamwows and some Ronco up your nose air filters.
Grace and peace to you.
John
trishcuit
Posted on: 02/14/2009 14:41
revjohn, I was thinking that you might find a Knob-o-matic at Womyn's Ware in Vancouver but then I realized that your product is made from cheap plastic so it wouldn't be found on their premises.
From the Womyn's Ware website:
Womyns'Ware Inc., located in Vancouver, BC, offers products, services, and an environment for the celebration and empowerment of women's sexuality.
These products wouldn't work well as a defense against flame wars like your product does, revjohn.
Is it made in China and is there lead in the paint?
Motheroffive
Posted on: 02/14/2009 14:45
They may very well be the cause.
LOL! It took me a moment to connect the dots. You're pretty quick, and witty, I might add, revjohn.
Beloved
Posted on: 02/14/2009 14:46
Greetings!
I like a Shamwow or two, or three, please . . .
EZed
Posted on: 02/14/2009 14:52
redhead wrote: "Please, I would like to have both!"
*The Squirrel gives redhead a knob-o-matic.
crazyheart
Posted on: 02/14/2009 17:18
Who do we contact if the knobs don't work. Is there a money back guarantee? Oh yeah, are the knobs attached to anything?
Twinkle_Toes
Posted on: 02/14/2009 17:52
Does it come in different colours?
crazyheart
Posted on: 02/14/2009 18:54
TT, what do you know about this thing?
SLJudds
Posted on: 02/14/2009 19:07
If everybody just agreed with me, there would be no flame wars. Let's all get together like good Christians and do it my way.
sighsnootles
Posted on: 02/15/2009 12:50
well, being a huge knob myself, i'll have to say that i like flame wars way to much to order this.
i'm sure others would be glad to see the back of my posts, though!!!
abpenny
Posted on: 02/15/2009 16:54
**peeks behind Sighs posts** wowsa mamma!!
You made me laugh out loud revjohn...do the knobomatics work in real life too? No matter...I want a shamwow to see if it sells itself...
sighsnootles
Posted on: 02/15/2009 17:50
don't fall for those cheap immitations, penny... the shamawesome, the shamwhoooweee and the shamhubbahubba. apparently, they don't work as well.
crazyheart
Posted on: 02/15/2009 18:25
And, penny and sigh - don't get the Knob-a-Matic mixed up with the vegematic when ordering - owie, owie.
cjms
Posted on: 02/16/2009 18:01
don't fall for those cheap immitations, penny... the shamawesome, the shamwhoooweee and the shamhubbahubba. apparently, they don't work as well.
Wow - left with a bad image there...cms
redhead
Posted on: 02/17/2009 20:08
EZed: thank you for the Knobomaticathingamajingie. I appreciate it.
RevJohn:; sorry to hear about the warehouse supply issues.
And yes, the sham-wowsieswhatevers... will they not soon be on display in certain stores? ;)
Punkins
Posted on: 02/17/2009 20:52
OK, my order is placed. I would like the Bedazzler as my bonus gift, please. I will be the most stylish person at church on Sunday.
RevJamesMurray
Posted on: 02/18/2009 18:03
But I like being able to turn it up to eleven. When this site was launched, the flame wars were between the fundamentalist Christians and the progressive Christians. Now it is the arrival of the atheists which have made this site the most alive it's been in over a year. So who is it harder to convert to progressive Christianity- an atheist or a fundamentalist Christian? Funny that we moderates & progressives have more in common with our more conservative cousins than our more secular liberal humanist neighbours!
crazyheart
Posted on: 02/18/2009 18:17
RevJM : So who is it harder to convert to progressive Christianity- an atheist or a fundamentalist Christian ?
I didn't think that we were in Wondercafe to convert anyone? Have I missed something?
cjms
Posted on: 02/18/2009 18:18
Funny that we moderates & progressives have more in common with our more conservative cousins than our more secular liberal humanist neighbours!
Seriously?!?!
And my only question to the manufacturer is if the items come fully assembled or do I need an Allen key???!!!!
RevJamesMurray
Posted on: 02/18/2009 19:54
See what turning it up to 11 can do ? Now you try!
ShamanWolf
Posted on: 02/18/2009 19:59
I'm a moderate atheist - does that count?
Pinga
Posted on: 02/18/2009 20:02
rjm, i almost missed that one...thanks for the laugh.
has anyone tried the top value yet?
crazyheart
Posted on: 02/18/2009 20:21
cjms: do I need an Allen key
If RevJohn has anything to do with it ,it will need an Allen key. He is the King of Tools.
cjms
Posted on: 02/18/2009 22:40
would that be a "power" allen key or the manual kind?...cms
crazyheart
Posted on: 02/18/2009 23:14
Power. of course.
Pinga
Posted on: 02/18/2009 23:16
are joe or fred keys?
Namaste
Posted on: 02/19/2009 01:40
No Pinga. But they should be. It's rather exclusive that only Allen can be a key.
John - can I still place an order for the Knob-o-matic?
RevMatt
Posted on: 02/19/2009 09:37
CH - that's not very nice, calling John the King Tool.
Oh! King of Tools. My bad.
:)
revjohn
Posted on: 02/19/2009 10:13
Hi Crazyheart,
If RevJohn has anything to do with it ,it will need an Allen key. He is the King of Tools.
I don't produce the merchandise I just shlep it.
As far as I know allan keys will not be required. Nothing is made from Scandanavian Spruce, not even the bamboo steamer.
Rest assured that all products reflect the highest quality workmanship that cannot be purchased in stores.
Operators are still standing by.
For a limited time only we are offering a limited run of George W choking on a peanut comemorative coins. These striking wooden nickels are lovingly hand tooled and come with dynamic portraits of Dubya choking on the face and George Washington Carver giving a thumbs up on the reverse face. The Franklyn Mint is providing these collectibles at a very reasonable cost.
Don't delay calling. Hesitation on your part could deny your loved ones in generations to come a priceless heirloom.
Grace and peace to you.
John
revjohn
Posted on: 02/19/2009 10:18
Hi RevMatt
CH - that's not very nice, calling John the King Tool.
You are so lucky that being King of the Tools isn't like being Aquaman otherwise I use my telepathic abilities to recall all of your slot headed screw-drivers.
In the mean-time if my loyal subjects cause havoc in your next home renovation project be advised it was entirely warranted.
Grace and peace to you.
John
Faerenach
Posted on: 02/19/2009 10:57
I only believe in moderation in moderation. I don't think I'd use the knob-o-matic enough for it to be worthwhile. Alas.
:)
crazyheart
Posted on: 02/19/2009 11:39
John, why am I not surprised that you are not only RevJohn but also ShlepJohn.I saw you posting or was it shleping on a few of the threads.