High school was the least enjoyable eternity of my life. No matter what I did, I couldn't get it right - at least with my peers.

So I did everything I could to make it as short as possible. Took two courses before high school started, took an extra class a semester (before they made a rule that you *had* to have a lunch period), took every night-school course that I could - so I could get away.

Now, to be fair, I do remember some good times. A few. But what I remember most was wanting to be anywhere but there.

That changed when I headed to my undergrad. Those years were manna - the ones I would consider both my most intense and enjoyable.

A bit of different experience than yours graeme, I'm sad to say.

Christ's peace - r

I find life pretty much gets better as I go; but it is more a case of me getting better at letting go. Letting go is liberation! And I guess I have been at that for quite a while.

 I'm in high school now and all I can say is I hope to goodness these aren't the best years!  I'm with Richardbott..... the faster I can get out of here the better!!

I loved Highschool.  Mostly because of the awesome friends I had.  And having socials as your only exam course last semester of grade 12 is like a mind-gasm!

As-salaamu alaikum, ramadan mubarak.

-Omni

I loved highschool too omni and missed the structure when I was finished.

Yes, I would agree that our High School years are our most intense. It's hardly surprising, there's a lot happening.

For a start, the hormones kick in and we suddenly find ourselves in this bewildering "new" world. We become passionate about our favourite teachers (of either sex) and develop our first relationships with the opposite sex. (Which, from memory, were very awkward. - a lot of holding sweaty hands.)

We encounter sex (or in my case foreplay) for the first time. We become intriqued by our rapidly changing bodies, and worry constantly about our appearance.

Then there are the constant arguments with  your parents ...........

Growing up is hard to do.  (My hands are sweating just thinking about it!)

Well, almost 10 years later, many of my dreams are populated with high school classmates, and when I'm going through an anxious time, I usually end up in the highschool exam hall without having studied. So even if I didn't remember it as intense, there appear to be residual traces that I am still processing.

Anyone else still have highschool dreams (besides the people who are still in/just graduated from high school)?

Very intense, though intense is not the word I might first use.

Very small rural school in the Amish country of western Pa, graduating 32 students half of whom had spent two years at a vo-tech. The people who knew I was gay, 3, at school were ok with me. The rest certainly had an inkling, but were never confrontational. It was a period of vast silence.

I came out to my mom and no ultimatum, no yelling, no nothing... she told me to grab an overnight bag. I figured a night or two to let it settle would be ok. I was dropped off on a city street corner. Her only words were "get out" and she repeated it as a mantra no matter what I said.

The entire school knew my mom had "dumped" me for being gay and that I was homeless. When my aunt found me later and convinced me to go back with her, the thought of returning to school was just plain traumatic. They all knew, students and teachers alike. They also knew that I had attempted suicide.

Some were vile about my being gay, others vile about my homelessness or how I might have survived or encountered during it, some were vile about my suicide attempt. Some were very understanding and compassionate.

It was the most heat I ever had on me, when I was stretched to my limits and beyond, it was severe... yeah, extreme may well work....

It was

/My high school years were "lost" ones.  My best friend moved away and I didn't know anyone.  I kind of haunted the place and learned nothing memorable.  I became pregnant at 17 and didn't stay (you didn't back then).  

I went back to school in the mid-eighties when my son was older.  Now that was fun.  I loved the eighties.

Puppypaws - whenever it gets really grim just keep repeating "this too shall pass".  Best years??? HA!  I'm 41 and still think on those years as my worst.  I agree they were very intense but the truth is I don't remember most of the people I went to school with and would be lost at a High School reunion.  It wasn't so much that they were terrible people or anything but a lot to do with me. 

Teenagers are dealing with hormones (which in my case led to mental health issues - first major depression at 15 which went undiagnosed and untreated).  I had little self-confidence and emotional maturity and when these things are lacking life can be very difficult.  I believe that quality of life improves as you gain life experience and learn to better cope with the many challenges you face along the way.  The things you thought were so important in youth turn out to be not so important after all and you learn failure isn't the end of the world that you thought it was at one time.  That's really liberating.

The best is yet to come I say.

I correspond with a teaching colleague from university, both of us now retired. I always knew he was gay, but never thought much about it one way or the other. However, now we correspond, he has been telling me about growing up and living gay - and it does sound unbelievably hard. In one case, a university he was teaching in discovered he was gay, and fired him on the spot. Then the president contacted the police who had him ordered out of town. Even in the far more tolerant atmosphere of our university, he kept the lowest profile possible.

High school was intense but not necessarily in a good way. I was bullied and definitely something of an outsider socially. I didn't have any relationships with girls, so was assumed to be gay and treated accordingly. Probably why, although I'm straight, I'm very sympathetic to the GLBT community and their causes. The friends I had were mostly ones who dated back to elementary school or were marginalized themselves.

University, by contrast, was the wonder years for me. Learning about the world, meeting people I could actually relate to and who were more tolerant than the high school crowd. Studying things I actually could engage with. Still intense, but now in a good way. It ended with me in a relationship with the woman I'm still with today, so whether I actually learned anything useful or not, I got at least one very good thing out of university.

Mendalla

I generally disliked high school - for much the same reasons. But it was also an inspirational period that did more to shape me that university did. For the first time, I met people very different from those I had grown up with, kids who read, had some contact with a cultural world, saw university as not only possible but a normal stage of education, children who thought not just of getting through life, but actually doing something in it.

 Hmm, interesting thing to revisit over a morning coffee. I look back at my highschool days in a sorta love hate way.  I remember certain events as being intense but overall it just sorta was, what it was.  In terms of social stuff  the group I ran in wasn't really in, nor was it really out and none of us seemed to get to caught up in a lot of the crazy social stuff that went on. I think I was lucky for that as this social group pretty much just supported each other with whatever we were doing.   Most of my social life though happened outside of highschool through several other activities I was involved in. Highschool was just the place that I had to get through in order to get on with the things I wanted to do with my life.  I didn't hate it but I didn't love it either.   I guess maybe I was a bit of geek because most of what I remember from highschool are the actual classes and things that I learned.

   In terms of 'intensity' that really started after I graduated and left home to pursue some of the things I had been dreaming about doing for years.  I stayed in touch with a few people from highschool for a couple of years but those soon petered off.  I just went in a very different direction then everyone else did.

simple answer is-- you were still new to earth and all it;s wonders going from young boy to manhood

education worps  thought

Interestingly, you could be describing the first few years of my university experience.

We lived out in the north end 'burbs, a vey working-class subdivision, and the kids I went to school with were doing more or less what their parents had done.  Those of us university-bound were few and far between.  I do remember high school as the first time I really understood the class system that we Canadians are so loath to admit we have - my guidance counselor tried to gently dissuade me from having hopes for university (despite high marks and an obvious academic aptitude) because my father was a tradesman and my mother was a housewife who hadn't finished school.  I still remember the amused disdain on his face when I told him I had to go to university, that had been the plan my whole life.  I had to cut a deal with him - take a typing class instead of French in exchange for the rest of my required entrance classes.  I suppose it was a valuable lesson.

Other than that, I was mostly unchallenged, bullied, didn't fit in, didn't date, and, given my mother's ongoing chronic depression and the blossoming of my sister's bipolar disorder, felt I had little control over my life in that period.  Oh, and the family business went through a bad patch where we almost lost everything (including my father, who had a life-threatening illness) and I had to pitch in by waiting tables and cleaning houses. 

Intense?  I suppose so.  It certainly taught me how to survive.  I wouldn't revisit that period of my life by choice, though.  If it inspired me at all, it was to fight for what I wanted. 

 My high school years were NOT my favorite.  I had a few good friends and my horse(Very grateful to ole Blue. I still miss that horse) But mostly it was ridicule (I was  a geek) and unrequited crushes.

* * *

As I think back all those years, I still remember dozen of kids I knew, and I remember just about all the teachers. And I can still burn with hatred for those I hated, love for those I loved, fear of those I feared

* * *

I can relate to that feeling perfectly Graeme.  However some of the students that treated me rather rotten are really pleased and pleasant when I speak to them now.  Others, I could pass in a narrow hallway and be content to not even agknowledge their existence. The 20-year reunion was way better than the 10-year. Time, aging and parenthood make great equalizers.   My life didn't really begin until I left home and moved to Vernon, a bigger town 14 miles up the road. My life is the best it has ever been right now. I have the husband that God intended me to have, three gorgeous children and, of course, my Jesus and my God.

high school is a highly artificial world of artificial values. I came as a great shock to me about a dozen years after high school to meet the school football hero. He had been so popular, I would never even have dreamed of talking to him in our school days. These were the big guys, who hung out together with the best looking girls. We all knew them, even to their personalities. But they didn't even see us.

A dozen years later, I was astonished that he knew who I was, and remembered me. And our whole relationship had changed. He was nobody. (I wasn't much - but still above nobody.)

high school is a very artificial world.

 So true graeme. A similiar thing happened to me.  I had just moved to smaller town, about 6 years after highschool  and was walking down main street past all of the stores. All of sudden this woman comes running out of store I just passed calling my name and sounding so durn excited to see me. In highschool she was in the 'popular' crowd that never ever associated with the one I hung out with. I doubt that in highschool we ever even had a real conversation. I didn't even remember her name until a couple of minutes in, yet she remembered. It was weird. We ended up going out for lunch together and had a good time. Really the only thing we had in common was highschool and we did some good remembering and laughing about it.  She wasn't someone that I'd likely ever be friends with but it was pretty evident that all of social order and highschool things were so artificial and just didn't matter anymore.  She was just happy to see a familar face.

I find it amusing that when I run into the jocks who tormented me back when I was a 92 lb weakling, I am much more physically fit.  They all look a lot older than I do, too.

now, that feels good.

By the way, Tbandit, I tried to send you a wondermail thanking you for advice you gave me. But it wouldn't work.

So I thank you now. (I always make it a point to thank people who are no longer 92 pound weaklings.)

Oh my god StevieG. That is so horrible! What a bitch your mom was! What a horrible thing to have to go through. My heart goes out to teenage you.

I loved the last three years of high school. It was exciting. Got to see all the hot guys every day, hang out with my friends, do art, photography and writting in groups, and had a couple of boyfriends. I was totaly ignorant to the fact that our school had jocks. And my bullies had been in elementary school, and I didn't notice them anymore by grade 10. They were doing other stuff. I was really at a loss when school ended.

Kappa: I still dream about my classmates. They represent variably: inadequacy, failure, comradery, youth, trust, young love... And when I'm anxious I dream I'm late for class and can't find my classroom, or I'm at the wrong school, or can't get into my locker. Sometimes I fly down the hallways. For many years in September I dreamt that I had forgotten to go to school! I still miss my friends. I'm only still in touch with one, and that has been an uphill battle to maintain.

I wouldn't say it was the best time of my life though. I'd say my 20's was the best, out of school, independant for the first time and traveling and met my husband.

Well, I'm still in High School (last year woot!) and it's been better than any other time in my life.

I feel for those of you who had it rough, friends can make high school hell or heaven. Lucky for me I'm making new friends nearly every week it seems, and my old friends are fantastic! I actually get a little depressed everytime I think about school ending this summer, but from the sounds of it (and the glowing praise from y'all) university is going to be even better.

Elanor, I can relate to what you said about jocks and the like "doing their own stuff". By Grade 12 it seems that everyone is too wrapped up in their own issues to pay attention to people not in their "group". Thankfully, I've never been bullied before (I've got big friends?).

I remember Grade 9 - first dance in highschool and there I was in bright blue socks ( I still shudder) Then a Grade 12 jock asked me to dance ( his mother must have told him to dance with " the least of these" LOL.

But the next year, I remembered this and triesd to dance with as many newbies as I could. from then till the end of highschool, I was friends with jocks, nerds and everyone in between. Thanks for the nostalgia.

Yes, now I'm a 125 lb strongwoman...  ;)  Actually, I discovered running after high school and then kung fu about 5 years ago, so I've been able to keep quite fit.  They're both activities I'm grateful for having started. 

I hope my advice was of some help!

I wouldn't say it was the best time of my life though. I'd say my 20's was the best, out of school, independant for the first time and traveling and met my husband.

My thirties were the turning point, the start of when I really began to blossom into my potential.  I would gladly leave my twenties behind, much like high school - not quite as bad, but bad enough. 

 amen, Timebandit, on the part about the 30's. I finally found myself.

Alex, Well that's quite a story. Way to go getting the young female psychologist! That turned out rather well! I didn't know they did that with the aversion therapy, how Clockwork Orange! How completely awful!

Crazyheart, The bright blue socks. I had a pair of those! And the neon socks of the 80's too! Anybody remember them? Reminded me of our first high school dance, grade 8. We had to wear all black and white. I had this thin white cotton skirt that got dirty so easily and I had to wear a horrid polyester slip under. Ick! I was way too self concious to dance. Me and my friends decided to take off and roam the halls instead! Boy, did I love folk dancing in gym class though!

There's a big change in the high schools, especially 9 and 10. When I was in school, we all looked forward to becoming adults, and we often adopted adult clothing - as much as we could. That was particularly true of the really rough gang in one of my schools, the kids who became professional thugs. They took pride in wearing fedoras and suits very early.

What I see now are people at the same grade level who work hard not to look adult, and appear to be quite terrified of growing up. It seem to fade by 11, but it's strong at the earlier levels.

My 30th birthday was so depressing. I felt so old, a has been, one foot in the grave. I need a better mental image! I was exuberantly told on my most recent birthday how young I am! Yay! Thanks! That made me feel really good!

I hear the 40's are good!

Graeme, that's an important point. When I was in high school we weren't trying to be grown up for the most part, I mean, some kids were looking forward to it, but for the most part I remember us being scared of growing up. Society has molded us that way. Perhaps we should blame the movie/musical Grease? Or was it Elvis's fault?

 I started to write my highschool years ...and then reflected on some others..., my sense is that many of us have stories that caused us to be insecure, or to lose something...

most of us here are people who are attracted to faith, to questioning, to challenge, to writing.  It is probable that many of the posters here would have intense high school times.

The musical that always impressed me as being nothing more than a rejection of growing up was Hair. Much of the so-called rebellion of the 60s was nothing more than a rejection of becoming adullt. Gease was even shallower.

I particularly want to thank Alex & SG for sharing their stories...as they help to explain why affirm is so important all through life..including in schools. 

 Hey Graeme, now I have "The Age of Aquarius" going through my head. Thanks a lot for the Brain Cootie.

oh, lord. You have reminded me. One of my high school students later played in Hair on broadway. He was the cop. I believe his name was Dave Nichols.

I've never seen Hair! But I could sing you almost all the Grease songs. I shall have to see it, just for the sociological implications.

High school was okay.  I was bullied in jr high, but by high school everyone left me alone.  I found out later that everyone thought that I was a lesbian but no one ever said anything about it to me.  I did flunk out though.  I took a year off and when I went back I was of drinking age.  If you want to have a real blast in high school go back when you can drink.  Clubbing on the weekends and then back to school on Monday, what a hoot.

ElanorGold,

Mom was/is easily labelled a bitch and she made an easy target to be disliked. I learned that labels go on cans. She was human and beyond desperate. She was an undiagnosed bipolar I. She had psychotic symptoms, delusions and hallucinations. She also was a religious zealot and she made Jesus Camp look like camp.

When I first came out (I did more than once) Ishe believed I was going to hell and that scared her. She needed to save me. I was sent to be cured. I pretended I was in order to get out and because they had succeeded in making me disgusted with myself. I would act "that way again" so off I went again. She got the best of the nutcases to try to cure me. When I came out  for the last time to never go back in at 16 and in 10th grade, she felt she had no choice. By then she knew the places to cure me were not working and also knew she could not parent me.

I loved her in spite of all that and more. At 18, I was the only one willing to name her illness and commit her. She began medication and she finally became my mom, the mom she might have been. She wrestled her religious beliefs and does not believe I was created to be anything but what I am. She has lived up to all her shortcomings, watched her children fall and knew she had pushed in some ways. She once sat in a doctors office with me and when I was asked "How was your childhood?" This woman, this mother, gave me permission, by saying "it was physical, emotional, mental and spiritual child abuse". When I needed someone to explain my gender issues to my wife, we were not married at the time, it was my mother who sat beside me and explained most of it.

I learned forgiveness and I learned that in the end, she did what she could with what she had.

I just felt I had to say that.

She is my hero. She has faced all her stuff and done so validating everyone around her and still holding her head high. If not for her, teaching me that we are not our pasts, I would not be here.

Thanks Mom

Wow Stevie. Thanks for explaining. Sorry I said that about her being a bitch. It just upset me so much, but of cource I didn't have the whole story. I'm reallly glad to hear she got all sorted out and that you have a good relationship now.