You are not alone in your thinking. I too find it strange. I find a lot of what people do strange. That said, I don't believe love was 'meant ' for anything. Love is one of those over-used and underdefined words. I think you find it so hard to envision a 3-way love because you do not define love is such a way as could encompass 3 people at the same time.

I do not wish to sound like I am saying I'm-OK-you're-OK, though I think I am OK and you do seem OK. There are 'love's that destroy and harm. These are not OK loves. But if three people are made happy in love, the I am grateful they are in my world.

BTW, I assume we are talking romantic love.

Peace and Thanks,

Emmet (ZenRN)

There are a couple of lengthly threads on relationships about this.

I also find threesomes rather strange. I'm pretty much on the same page as ZenRN with that....I find a lot of what people do strange. If you find happiness and fulfillment in a threesome and everyone involved is okay with it, it's hard for me to comment on what the problem might be, other than my own prejudice.

I agree that this isn't the same as being gay. If you see "gay" as being unusual (it is, statistically), threesomes are also rather unusual and they can be grouped together that way. Also, I guess in a threesome, at least one of the individuals involved has to be bisexual, if not gay (wait, maybe everyone has to be somewhat bisexual...). I DON'T believe it follows that if you self-identify as gay, you want a threesome, or anything else necessarily...the predisposition for most people of all sexual orientations seems to be for "serial monogamy," if only because it is highly culturally-ingrained.

I wonder if your friend really understands what it means to be "gay". A lot of people mistakenly equate "gay" with "promiscuous," particularly if they don't know very many people who ARE gay. It's a common (hopefully becoming less) stereotype, unfortunately.

For threesomes and plenty of other things, you either understand or don't,  it will be more about what you are willing to accept or what you believe about love, relationships, monogamy and all that (including religion sometimes) rather than whether you are gay or straight.

Our thinking is not solely formed based on what gender the person is who we are attracted to or are sleeping with. Heterosexuals can be into S&M or revolted by it. They can be into porn or disgusted by it. They can be pro-choice or anti-abortion, etc.... By the same token, they can be into threesomes or not. How they feel is not a given. The same applies if you are gay.

A threesome can have many dynamics. All people can be single, all married, a mix... They can all three be the same gender, there can be one of a gender and two of another.... They can all id heterosexual, all homosexual or a mix....  Everyone can be active with everyone, or not. There can be same-sex contact or not, opposite sex contact or not... it is what the three people consenting to it make of it.

Your friend may have thought you should get it or should approve because of the guy-guy thing. Some people have a certain image of gay and it includes things that have nothing to do with gay.

Yet, there is also the judging thing. When one is on the recieving end of other's judgement, sometimes it either makes one less judgemental of others, with or without understanding or supporting it. You can judge something wrong for yourself without being willing to judge anyone else.  It can also make you more intolerant. You have to decide who you want to be.

If its between consenting adults - no matter how many are involved - do we care? Does it effect us? 

You are not strange, I agree that a relationship should be between only two people.  As the saying goes "three is a crowd"

Love is built on loyalty and trust in a relationship, if you are seeking outside of your relationship to fill a void one must look at their relationship and either attempt to work on it or get out.

In response to Goodskeptic: I think you would care if you were involved or had someone effected by it..but than that is my opinion.

Do we differentiate betweeen love relationships and sexual ones?

The situation being discussed involves three adults involved in a "three way" relationship. It is a not a case of infidelity in any way. What exactly are you referring to? 

ok, here we go, me and my honesty....

For me, I acknowledge that there are love relationships and they come in many types from comittied to not and from monagomous to not....  Then there are many other types of relationships and they too come in many types. Some are friendships, some are dating, some are purely sexual, etc... the relationship being determined by those in it.

You can love a person and not have sex, you can not love someone and have sex... you can be friends with benefits... you can be dating with or without love or sex or you can date for company....  I do not choose to place value judgements on them. I try not to.

I can only speak of my own experience. In lesbians, often a first homogenital experience will take place around someone thinking about, arranging or during a threesome. It may be something a woman has fantasied about, felt was their primary orientation, struggled with... It can be suggested by the man they are involved with or it can be something they suggested. I have seen both. It can also be the only contact someone who is a lesbian sees on the horizon. The threesome can allow a place of security and comfort to explore feelings. If you don't like it, you can say it was for the other person. It was a one time thing....  you do not have to do it again or feel you led someone on.... she still has her relationship and did not end it to find out.

In my youth, the only way I could have been intimate with anyone was by engaging in a threesome with another girl and a guy.  I had invites to that and had no knowledge of other people like me around me. I did not, but that was my sexuality and nothing else. If I had been promised a man would not touch me, I most likely would have. I was no longer in my teens, was lonely and had never even shared a kiss. I would not have done so because I was dirty or kinky or not willing to commit....  if I would have it would have been because I was alone, with no person on the hoizon and what I sought so desperately could be found there, in some shape....

Fast forward a few years, I had a friend who felt attracted to me and never acknowledged it to herself or me. We were friends. Her boyfriend found out she knew someone who was a lesbian. He thought that always meant a woman who had not met the right guy or that it meant bi and he pressured her to ask me about a threesome. She asked and I declined. Not because the idea of being intimate with her was not appealing, but because I knew his intent was to sleep with two girls and I was a lesbian.  

Though the threesome idea left her head, she did examine her feelings, her sexuality and her attraction to me. She broke up with her boyfriend and later told me of her feelings. We lived together for 5 years and are still very close. Would she ever have dealt with her feelings without her boyfriend bringing a threesome up? Maybe, maybe not.

My partner of  7 1/2 years also began dealing with her sexuality within an opposite sex marriage, long before she met me. Her discussion with him about her attraction to women  led her to suggest a threesome. For her, it was a way for her to try to figure things out, without breaking up a family (they had two children) and without getting a divorce. She felt she needed to be sure. They had threesomes. In that, she began dealing with who she felt she was. Then, with it worked through,  they ended the marriage.

For some, it is a stop along a journey of self-awareness. For others, it is just a good time. The way I see it, it is ultimately theirs. If they invite me, it is my place to judge... without the invite, it ain't.

I don't see love as "supposed to be".  Society determines the norm.  In our current culture, monogamy in theory (if not in practice) has developed to be the norm.  However I would never say that love is only monogamous.  Although I might prefer having sex with one person at a time, I wouldn't say that threesomes are "weird"...cms

Okay, I totally see hwo my perspective would be different. I do see love as a one on one thing, and I don't think I'll fully understand three ways until I get to talk to someone in one.

The other point, FG is that sex does not require love. It is probably better with love but is not a requirement...cms

FG - a cheating partner once said it's just sex.  I think if your single and you have sex with one, two, three etc! so be it.  Sex in this sense is not about emotion, it's really about just having fun. Of course it will depend how comfortable you are with yourself and the nature of the beast before you (I'm mean the situation, like is it three separate individuals, or are you the third for a couple, how comfortable are you with these people, and of course how buzzed are you.).  If it means nothing to you than it is an activity. What's a one night stand, just that. I should say this is from the point of view of a guy, I wouldn't dream speaking from a female perspective.

I will say that if you by any chance have any sort of emotional feelings for one of the parties don't engage, stay clear of a situation like that. 'Cause then your into emotions, and how would you seperate those from the activity.

Your friend with the death look may have had her own mixed emotions about that and how she relates to you in this subject matter.  But I don't think it is judging to question. 

One last thing, your young and you seem to be pretty well grounded, so I'm sure you'd do what was right for you if the situation occured.

i think love can be shared between anyone and anything and what is weird to you might be totally normal to other people so i dont think there should be a limit on love (as in people or...anything!!)

I gotta agree, love means different things to different people. What might be right for you; might not be right for some; cause it takes; different strokes, it takes, different strokes, to rule the world, lol, Damn I'm old school : (