Weird, wacky and fun seasonal stuff

Tyson

Posted on: 12/13/2009 15:24

I have a Homer Simpson Christmas decoration that my wife bought me. You push a button and he says all kinds of Christmas things.

Mmmmmmmmm.........eeeeegg nooooog.

Merry Christmas....EVERYone.

carolla

Posted on: 12/13/2009 15:48

Loved that video Mof5 - thanks! The animated version is pretty funny too.

Here's a seasonal bad blonde joke - with advance apology to all blondes!

A blonde goes to the post office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards.

She says to the clerk - "May I have 50 Christmas stamps please?"

The clerk replies - "What denomination?"

The blonde says - "Oh dear God, has it come to this? Give me 22 Catholic, 12 Presbyterian, 10 Lutheran and 6 Baptists."

kaythecurler

Posted on: 12/14/2009 13:35

Apparently we are supposed to be politically correct these days, so I'll offer this one -

A woman went to the post office to buy stamps for her Chanukah cards. She said to the clerk, "May I please have 50 Chanukah stamps?"

The clerk asked, "What denomination?"

The woman replied, "O my God, has it come to this? O.K. - give me 1 Haredi, 2 Hasidim, 8 Orthodox, 12 Conservative, 16 Reform, 7 Reconstructionist and 4 Humanistic."

ninjafaery

Posted on: 12/14/2009 13:46

This is fun. I sent it to a few people -- no swears though, as I quickly found out. Shite works.

http://santa.sympatico.ca/home/

carolla

Posted on: 12/14/2009 23:59

Caution - if you take the nativity scene VERY seriously - don't look at this link! I mean no disrespect, but personally found it pretty funny in a weird sort of 'who the heck thought this was a good idea?' way. This person has collected a Cavalcade of Bad Nativities ... and there's a sequel too!

http://www.goingjesus.com/cavalcade.shtml

I came across it after reading the other thread here on Nativity Scene with a Difference ... went looking to see if I could perhaps find a photo of PP's nativity ... there's a lot of wacky stuff out there!!

Motheroffive

Posted on: 12/15/2009 09:31

Great joke(s), carolla and kaythecurler! Love those links, carolla and ninjafaery...ha, ha!

Namaste

Posted on: 12/15/2009 09:45

LMAO! OMG Carolla that's a great link! The captions are just priceless!

ninjafaery

Posted on: 12/17/2009 01:22

Agreed -- it's one of the funniest things I've seen in ages -- I bookmarked it.

(.....destroy the last resin factory) LOL

carolla

Posted on: 12/15/2009 19:27

I'm glad to see my personal sense of humour isn't toooo warped! I was LMAO too! That person has an amazing sense of the bizarre! I loved the captioning. Even after I shut down the computer & headed to bed, I was still giggling!

kaythecurler

Posted on: 12/15/2009 22:49

I always get a laugh out of this

Motheroffive

Posted on: 12/15/2009 22:55

Carolla, the captioning was priceless...which one is your favourite?

ktc, that is a hilarious video , for sure.

carolla

Posted on: 12/15/2009 23:24

Favourite? Too many to choose! The belt buckle was particularly amazing. The one with the large hovering angel with moving feather & fibre optic wings - too amazing! The dialogue with the 'confused cookie jar' was a hoot. Speaking of cookies - the oven timer! The overdressed for the manger, with fibre optic collars - well - I'd just love to see that in real life!! I think maybe Liberace had a hand in it! And of course - Bethlehem Air Traffic Control & the hovering holy family globe ... what can I say? Extraordinary industry isn't it? But Namaste is right - the captioning makes it priceless!

Did you have a favourite yourself Mof5?

clergychickita

Posted on: 12/16/2009 18:00

thanks for an awesome laugh, carolla -- the most bizarre for me was the naked troll nativity! too funny!

kaythecurler

Posted on: 12/16/2009 23:27

Maybe someone will enjoy this seasonally related item -

Motheroffive

Posted on: 12/17/2009 00:02

ktc, that's a riot and I know just the person to send that one to...

carolla, I loved "don we now our lame apparel", especially "I'm not checking out your rack, I'm following the star."

Northwind

Posted on: 12/18/2009 10:53

I loved the Straight No Chasers song. I also LOVED the monks.......I had to wipe my eyes and pull myself together after that one!

Here's one that came by my box recently:

Quote:

CHRISTMAS CAROLS

WHILE SHEPHERDS WATCHED:
While shepherds watched their flocks by night, all seated on the ground,
The Angel of the Lord came down – and Glory shone around.

The Union of Shepherds has complained that it breaches Health & Safety Regulations to insist that Shepherds watch their flocks without appropriate seating arrangements being provided. Therefore, benches, stools and orthopaedic chairs must be made available. Shepherds have also requested that, due to inclement weather conditions they should watch their flocks via CCTV cameras from centrally heated shepherd observation huts. The Angel of the Lord is reminded that before shining his/her Glory all around, the Shepherds must be issued with glasses capable of filtering out any harmful effects of UVA, UVB and Glory lighting.

LITTLE DONKEY:
Little donkey, little donkey on the dusty road,
Got to keep on plodding onwards, with your precious load.

The RSPCA has issued strict guidelines withy regard to how heavy a load a donkey of small stature is permitted to carry. Also included in the guidelines are permitted feeding breaks, and at least one rest break in a four hour plodding period. Due to the increased risk of pollution from the dusty road, Mary & Joseph are required to wear facemasks. The ‘little’ donkey has expressed his discomfort as being labelled ‘little’ and would prefer to being simply referred to as ‘Mr. Donkey’. Comments upon his height or otherwise are considered to be a breach of equine rights.

WE THREE KINGS:
We three Kings of Orient are. Bearing gifts we traverse afar;
Field and Fountain – Moor and Mountain – following yonder star.

Whilst the gift of Gold is still considered acceptable – as it may be redeemed at a later date through such organisations as ‘Cash for Gold’ etc. – gifts of Frankincense and Myrrh are not appropriate due to the risk of oils and fragrances causing allergic reactions. An acceptable alternative might be a gift voucher. It is not recommended that traversing Kings should rely on a star for navigation, and would advise the use of AA Routefinder or Sat Nav. Both can provide the quickest route and advise on fuel consumption. As in the case of Mr. Donkey, the three Camels require regular rest and food breaks, and facemasks for the three Kings are obligatory due to the likelihood of desert dust disturbed by the camel hooves.

THE ROCKING CAROL:
Little Jesus sweetly sleep, do not stir, we will lend a coat of fur;
We will rock you, rock you, rock you: We will rock you, rock you, rock you.

Fur is no longer appropriate wear for small infants due to the risk of allergy and for ethical reasons. Therefore, false fur, a cellular blanket or perhaps micro-fleece material should be considered as alternatives. Please note that, only persons who have been subject to a Criminal Records Bureau check, and have enhanced clearance will be permitted to rock Baby Jesus. Persons must carry their CRB disclosure at all times, and be prepared to provide three forms of identification before any rocking commences.

JINGLE BELLS:
Dashing through the snow on a one horse open sleigh,
O’er the fields we go – laughing all the way.

A Risk Assessment must be submitted before an open sleigh is considered safe for members of the public to ride. The Risk Assessment should also consider whether the use of only one horse is appropriate – particularly if passengers are of larger proportions. Permission from Landowners must be gained before entering any ‘open fields’. To avoid offending those not participating in the venture, it is required that only ‘moderate laughter’ is used, and not at a noise level likely to be a nuisance to others.

RUDOLPH THE RED-NOSED REINDEER:
Rudolph, the red-nosed reindeer – had a very shiny nose,
And if you ever saw it – you would even say it glows;
All of the other reindeer used to laugh and call him names,
They never let poor Rudolph join in any reindeer games.

You are advised that, under the Equal Opportunities Policy, it is inappropriate for persons to make comment upon the ruddiness of Mr. R. Reindeer. Name-calling contravenes our Anti-Bullying Policy, and further to this, the exclusion of Mr. R. Reindeer from any reindeer games will be considered discriminatory, and disciplinary action will be taken against anyone found guilty of this offence. A full investigation will be implemented, leading to imposing sanctions such as a ban from hanging up a stocking or enjoying a Christmas Dinner.

AWAY IN MANGER:
Away in a manger – no crib for a bed . . .

Refer to Social Services immediately.

Alex

Posted on: 12/18/2009 11:17

To embed videos so that they appear in your message, you need to first write your message then click on the "Switch to plain text editor" that is just below the box where you write your text message.

Then you copy the embed link for the video, which is different then the url link, and paste it into your message. Making sure you paste it where you want the video to appear.

If you or any one else needs help wondermail me. After you have learned how, I can show you how to vary the size and border of the video.

Alex

Posted on: 12/18/2009 11:30

Here is another one. Oh Happy Day!

It is not wacky nor theologicaly correct, or seasonal , (although it works for Christmas Day) but it is a beautiful and uplifting, sung by the San Francisco Gay Men's Choir when they were in Montreal.

Motheroffive

Posted on: 12/18/2009 12:55

Alex wrote:

If you or any one else needs help wondermail me. After you have learned how, I can show you how to vary the size and border of the video.

Hi Alex and thank you for the instructions and the wonderful video. I have posted it on Facebook so it'll make the rounds of my friends...(and relatives).

Take care, MO5

Motheroffive

Posted on: 12/18/2009 13:02

"O Happy Day" absolutely and sincerely gave me goosebumps, Alex, when one weighs in the irony of the lyrics and the history of Christianity with LGBTTQ folks. And, the lead singer's voice is spot on for that song! Thanks for this.

Alex

Posted on: 12/19/2009 03:18

If you want Goosebumps again and experience more irony listen to this. It is remake of John Lennon's Merry Christmas, War is Over by Boy George and Anthony Heggerty . It is weird and haunting. However the message is so beautiful. They recorded it a couple of years ago I believe. Well before George did what has put him in prison today.

Pilgrims Progress

Posted on: 12/19/2009 03:33

carolla wrote:

I came across it after reading the other thread here on Nativity Scene with a Difference ... went looking to see if I could perhaps find a photo of PP's nativity ... there's a lot of wacky stuff out there!!

Hi Carolla,

A true story. A friend rang me saying "there's something about a progressive Christian church causing controversy, it's not your church, is it? It'll be on the news"

My heart sank. WTF I thought, I'm in big trouble now.

Luckily for me, it was that Auckland mob.

Pilgrim wipes away nervous perspiration. Whew!!!

Tabitha

Posted on: 12/19/2009 12:13

Pigrim-Could you take a photo of your nativity and post it?

Pilgrims Progress

Posted on: 12/19/2009 16:47

Sorry, Tabitha, I know very little about computers - I don't even know how to do avatars.

Also, when I was gobsmacked by the controversy that my nativity thread generated, I confided in a member of my congregation, who advised against a photo anyway. It wouldn't be fair to the artist (look what happened in Auckland!)

northstar

Posted on: 12/22/2009 23:50

Tired of Christmas Carols from the mall, try listening to Bob Rivers Twisted Christmas. My favourite about putting the angel on the tree Who put the stump up my rump.

carolla

Posted on: 12/23/2009 00:18

Oh - we're so provincial here PP - what happened in Aukland?

.....................

Okay - now I figured it out - that billboard ... I'm just a little slow tonight I guess!