I guess it depends on the information and how important it was.

Examples are so hard to find but lets take an innocent one.

Suppose a guy at work flirted with you.  You didn't like it, told him to stop.  He did.  End of story.

Woudlenot telling your husband, be a lie.  Would it be a big deal.  Maybe you do alot of comapny events and didn't want an awkward situation between hubby and guy.

If it was a done deal, I had handled it and it was over, I might skip the retelling of it. I might not if I was pissed at the situation, then I might complain and tell him, but either way i feel it would be up to me.

And of course to me there are lots of lies of ommission and "white" lies that i might do.

"love the new dress"

"great speach"

"nice talking to you"

Ot as an omission, if everyone else is oohing and ahhing over an outfit I think looks terrible i would keep still.  Thats a lie if I hate it.,

personally, if you are lying to stay out of trouble, that is a bad lie.

if you are lying for a surprise or something, thats a pretty grey area... for example, if the lie is about a surprise birthday party, that is different than a lie about hiring a hitman.

yes lying about a hitman is a bad lie

 Sometimes I wish my husband would lie to me about my new dress.  He's too honest, or he just gives me that "look" and says nothing.  You know the look, the one that says "I'm going to keep my mouth shut, and not say a thing, then I can't get into trouble, but you know I don't like it, and if you ask again I'll lie".  Normally includes raised eyebrows in my house.

my new haircut too.  He said  "looks great." in that voice that says "hmmmm"

I had to laugh about this. I have a very splashy vest with pearls etc.CrazyDad hates it and doesn't mind telling me. But if I want to wear it for a special occasion, I do and when he says "I hate that". I say " tough"

You should say

"I know, I think you told me that before"

No.  The only good lie is to conceal a surprise party or some present but those aren't lies told to deceive and keep a dirty thing going or under the rug.

If omitting to tell something is considered a lie, we all lie.  Or else we'd be talking all the time.  I come home from bowling.  What do I tell?  I bowled terrible today - three strings below my average.  So and so showed up - he hasn't been bowling for several months - his wife has been ill.  An old friend bought me a coffee and I hugged him for it.  Somebody else didn't speak to me - she's in a huff about something.  I just found out that X and Y have been seeing each other.  I bumped another car in the parking lot - we both looked at our bumpers and couldn't see any damage.  By the way, the gas is showing almost empty.

Am I lying if, when he asks "how was bowling?"  I just say "Fine."   Or is there something there that I should have disclosed?

Am I lying if I neglect to tell him that he doesn't look as young as he thinks he does?    Or if I tell him that he's looking good, even though I think he's looking tired?

And am I lying when I'm worried about my health and I choose not to mention it to him?

for me, it has to do with WHY you are lying, whether it be by omission or straight up.  if you are doing it because you don't want to get into trouble, that should give you pause for thought... thats a 'bad' lie, imho.  thats pretty black and white.

if, however, you are lying for another reason, like you don't want someone to worry needlessly (as you stated with the health thing), or you are wanting to surprise someone, that gets into very grey area... sometimes it can be good, sometimes not.  its a more 'case by case' thing, imho.

 The lies of omission are hard to define.  Cause normally it's only you that knows if it's intentional or not.  Like I sometimes go and get lunch with my co-workers.  It's a normal event, normally spur of the moment (hum, do I want re-heat my soup again, or do I want to go out).  So even though these co-workers are men, I don't even think of mentioning it to my husband.  And I don't mean that he would be upset, it's just so normal that the idea doesn't cross my mind.  What does he care.

However, if I specifically set up a lunch with a male friend.  And thought about whether I should tell my husband or not.  Then I have a problem and I think I'd be lying by omission if I didn't tell him.

Exactly.  My point about the strip club was not that her fiance or even your hubby sighs was lying to not get in trouble but they were perhaps lying because they "don't want someone worrying needlessly"  the needless is an important point.

If he goes to a strip club and it means nothing then a wife worrying about it is needless.

maybe ???

For me it's the concious decision.  If he doesn't tell me something, "cause he doesn't want me to worry" I think that would be lying.  If he doesn't tell me something cause he just didn't think it was important (seeler's bowling example).  Then it's not.  If he went to the strip club, and didn't think it was important enough to tell me.  Then he's just stupid.

It all depends on who i'm lying to. If i'm lying to lets say my parents to protect my friends, then thats fine with me. But if i'm lying to a friend, thats BAD BAD BAD. Honesty is the best policy with friends. I am brutaly honest with them, but thats what they like about me. I've been told over and over that they can trust me to tell them if they look good or bad or if they're right or wrong in a fight.

Shadow you puzzle me.  Are you saying that its alright to lie to your parents but not to lie to your friends?  I don't know either your parents or your friends, but it seems to me that you've got your priorities mixed up.

shadow, I really do worry about how you think.

Are there lies that are really really good?

Absolutely. Of course there are, lots and lots and lots of lovely lies… they're what made the world the way we know and love it.

i'd say that this is one of the 'grey areas' of this type of lie... for me, if a guy knows that his wife would be upset if he went into a strip club, THEN HE SHOULDN'T GO TO THE FRIGGIN' STRIP CLUB.  and if he chooses to go anyways, knowing full well that this decision will upset his wife, then he needs to tell her. 

honestly, if a guy knows his wife will be upset about him being in a strip club, why go in??  in that situation i described earlier, where my husband had gone to this private event where there was a stripper, the most popular husband in the place was the one who, when he showed up and found out that there were strippers, said 'hey, i'll take a pass, i'd rather see my wife naked.  bye.' 

i still cheer when i think of that guy!!!

Seeler,

your name confuses me. I wrote shadow about five times before I finally managed to get seeler down! lol

alright, so No, I said it's ok to lie to my parents if i'm protecting my friends. Otherwise i'm just as brutaly honest with them as with my friends.

Crazyheart,

Why's that?

Shadow

I guess I wonder why you would pick friends over family. Friends are around for a short time but family is with you all your life.

Crazyheart,

K, i'm gonna try to explain how this works for me. My mind is a dark, scared, and twisted place. Keep that in mind.

My family will always be around. I can talk to them any time anywhere. Even if they're dead they're still with me. I can feel them. I'll always be with them.

BUT!!

The people outside my family are FACINATING!!! They're all so different... and amazing, and intreaguing. I want to... shall I say, Experience them while I can? Because I know they won't be there forever, and thats the beauty of them. It's like in the movie Troy, when Achillies sais "The Gods envie US. We are mortal. Any breath we take might be our last. It makes everything more beautiful."

The fact that they won't be there forever makes them all the more precious to me. I want to be there for them for as long as I can. So when they're gone, i'll have a little part of them, and they'll have a part of me, if only in their memories.

I bet this really doesn't make sence. It doesn't to many people, but if you read this with your heart, and not your head, maybe you'll understand. :)

Shadow

Yes, I have thought about this and I understand what you are saying  BUT -could you not get from your family what you think you are getting from friends and could you not have both? Could you not lie to either - friends or family?

Sighs pretty much sums it up the way I see it. 

If you are lying to cover your own butt, or for your own gain, or to cover up something you did wrong, those are not good lies.  Lies intended to prevent needless worry, or to surprise someone, etc., as Sighs says, is a 'gray' area and is going to depend on the situation and the people involved.  However, if you are lying out of tact, or to prevent being needlessly cruel or thoughtless, then those kind of lies are more often than not ok. 

For example, if I hate the haircut my friend just got, if she asks me if I like it or not, I'll say something like "it's different" rather than "I think that's a hideous haircut".  Now, my friend will still probably figure out from my answer that I really don't like it, but her feelings won't be hurt or she won't be insulted or made to feel ridiculous for having it done.

I only lie to my family when i'm covering for a friend (Either you missed that several times or you still consider that a bad thing I'm not sure which).

Glad to hear that you understand what i'm trying to say. ^-^

Shadow

Shadow - the concern that other people are expressing is that your parents have your best interests at heart (whether you believe that or not and your parents can see the world from a far great perspective than a 16 year old can) and your friends don't.  As you age and experience what your parents have, you will understand what we are saying. 

Here was a wonderful lie I was caught in...

I get my pedicure done at a certain salon by a certain person.  She is a touch possessive and freaks me out a little - however she does a great job.  A few months ago, I wanted a manicure at the last second and didn't want to have to deal with her and the length of time that she likes to spend with me.  So on the recommendation of a friend, I tried a guy at another salon who is supposed to be "the best".  All well and good...until I went back for my pedicure.  She's doing my pedi when the guy beside her asks about my manicure.  I lied and said that my girlfriends and I had gone to the spa and had a day of pampering.  Well doesn't it turn out that this guy is the same one who had done my nails and had just changed salons!!!!!  I felt really stupid then...cms

oooh.... SCORCH!!!

Is it a lie?   A friend always had a big pre-Christmas party.  This past year, she decided that with her husband's failing health the party was too much work.  Her daughter persuaded her to have a party but to cut the guest list way, way down.  Only certain people were invited, and they were asked not to talk about it in front of mutual friends.  A bit later, another friend asks me if I've heard anything about the X's Christmas party.

I'm not quick about thinking on my feet but I murmured something about 'Well, maybe if they have one it will be just for family.'   I'm not family but they have assured me that I'm 'like family'.

cjms, maybe it's a lie if you are caught.

I would rather tell a lie about someone's hair or clothes or weight than hurt their feelings intentionally.

LOL! - nope it was a lie either way.  I lie of convenience!  But still not right...cms

My husband not only lide to me but made my two daughters lie to me.  He was having an affair and took my daughters to see his girlfriend and then told them not to tell me.   Needless to say we are getting a divorce.  The affair didn't upset me as much as he had my kids lie to me.  I now have trust issues with him and he doesn't understand why.   

Oh, northstar.  I'm so sorry to hear that this happened.  And he doesn't get why you have trust issues with him?  What a self-centred, manipulative jerk (to put it politely). 

good lord, northstar... what a prick.

glad to hear you are kicking him to the curb.

Northstar, that is the biggest abuse of parental trust I have seen in a long time.

Your poor kids. 
Put in a place like that and meeting a girlfriend.

the man needs some serious counselling if he thinks that is appropriate.

Glad you are getting rid of him.  hopefully you have had some good discussions with the kids so they understand how they were caught in the middle.

When you say "good" lies... do you mean morally acceptable, or well done?

'Cause as a Seanachie, I know some doozies... it's my job.

On the other hand, there are times when the wife asks me a question for which there simply is no correct answer, truth or lie.

"Do you think she's pretty?" is one of those. In cases like that I usually go for the "BIC" maneouvre