I wouldn't worry about the interests that much.  Over they years, as you said, your interests will change anyway.  It would be great if you had one or two things in common that you shared together for fun, but your values and compatible personalities are far more important, in my opinion.  

My parents have been happily married for 43 years and I don't think they have any interests in common.  When they started dating it was bowling that brought them together, but they haven't bowled in about 35 years.  My dad is an introvert who likes country music, Scrabble, fishing and science shows on TV.  My mom is an extravert who likes Bingo, shopping and really light comedies.  They've found some common ground with crime shows and lately they've been going to Casino Rama because she likes the slot machines and he likes the concerts.  Overall I think it's been good that they have had different interests because it's allowed both of them to have a life outside of their marriage.  

Lindsay, my husband and I have 'nothing' in common...nothing in the sense of extracurricular interests but we share our love, our home, our families.  We are both integral and equal members fo the most important team (the team of Us).  Do you love this guy?  I mean really love him, more than anyone else you've ever dated/wanted to date?  If he's 'the one', don't worry about have extra curricular interests in common; your shared life together will be more than enough 'in common' to carry you through your marriage.

I think different interests can be a good thing. I think if I spent too much time with my wife, I'd get bored of her.

When two become one as they say, they shouldn't become a new single entity like "Bennifer" or "Bradjellina".  You need different interests in order to be an individual.  You are a fuller person for it and so your relationship has more dimensions,  As long as your partner supports your interests or in the very least doesn't criticize them.

My husband and I have been married 28 years. We have lots of similar attitudes to life. We have similar musical tastes. However, our hobbies are quite different.

That was a benefit when our kids were very small - we'd go to different meetings or outings and the other would be home with the kids. Now that the kids are grown, we are still active in our different hobbies/groups but it hasn't been a problem. It gives us others to interact with and makes each of our lives full.

We still socialize together, eat together (most of the time!), share the interests we do have in common. He's proud of the art work I do and I brag about his community work. I think it enhances the relationship.

I think you need some overlap in interests or else it's hard to get a conversation going over dinner or watch TV together or whatever. However, you are still two different people so a 100% overlap ain't gonna happen.

I like s-f/fantasy/horror. My wife of 19 years likes non-fiction, esp. biographies.

I'm into physics and cosmology. My wife is into psychology and brain science.

I love RPGs. My wife doesn't even understand them.

OTOH, we both like to talk politics (even if I'm a centre-leftist and she leans right, as in Reform Party right), watch Woody Allen, and listen to classical music (though my taste in music is much, much broader than hers even within classical music).

Differences in tastes are normal as long as they aren't becoming a source of conflict and you're both respecting each other's tastes, even the ones that aren't the same as your own.

Mendalla

Hi lindsayspark,

After nine months together if the biggest concern is that you don't have compatible interests then you are losing sight of what it is that has held the two of you together for the past nine months.

Relationships are based on how people can relate to one another. 

My wife and I are interested in different things.  We both like movies, just not the same kind of movies.  Every now and then there are movies we will see together, more often than not we are seeing them with friends or our teens.  For example she just recently went and saw "The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel" while I am waiting for "Dredd." 

She saves property shows on our PVR.  I'm saving The Daily Show and The Colbert Report.

She loves cruises in the tropics.  I love snow and ice.

We've been happily married for 21 years as of last June.

While the idea of two becoming one in marriage is great I doubt the intent behind the idea is that there is a group mind and now everything either one of you is going to do must also be done by the other.

Familiarity breeds contempt.

So, having separate interests means that each of you has an area that the other will find mysterious in some way.  So long as you can each celebrate the joy that the other finds in something that doesn't turn your crank you can mature together as a couple.

My wife love's Grey's Anatomy.  I can't stand it.  I will sit and watch it with her even though both of us know she is going to fall asleep halfway through.  I can watch it without gagging at the hackneyed lines the onscreen hams deliver.  And in return she will accompany me to a movie that I am keenly interested in seeing just because she likes to see me enjoy the things I enjoy.

Again, you have nine months of relationship together and that even without compatible interests.  Worrying about not having compatible interests will be more damaging to your relationship than accepting the fact the you do not have compatible interests yet.

Frankly, that you are interested in him and he is interested in you shows that the most primary interests of your relationship are very complimentary.

Grace and peace to you.

John

Greetings lindsayspark . . . I think it is more important to have the same values than it is to have the same interests. 

It is unlikely that any couple is going to get into a very seriousdisagreement or have a deal breaker whether basketball is better than ballet LOL.  It is though, more likely that a couple could have serious disagreements or fights in a difference of values . . . how to raise the children, money issues, and other life issues.  And differences in values can very much be deal breakers.

My hubby and I have little in common as to our personal interests and hobbies - he likes to curl, play hockey, putter in his garage . . . I like walking, photography, gardening . . . our interest in music is different, as it is in books and movies.  But overall our values line up pretty well.  Not always . . . and sometimes it isn't easy trying to find middle ground.

Talk about the things that are important . . .children - whether you will have any and how you will raise them, money - how you will make it, save it, and spend it, holidays and special occasions - how will you celebrate - do you both view them in the same way, extended family - how will you spend time with them, etc. etc. etc.

I think in most couples/relationships that each person has interests that are their s alone . . . and hopefully there are one or two that are enjoyed together.

Best wishes on the continued development of this relationship :)
 

I chuckled when I read Rev. John's post about his wife's love for Grey's Anatomy and how he hates it . . . sounds like my household and relationship . . . my hubby and I have totally different interests when it comes to watching t.v.  We have two television so sometimes we will watch our own shoes alone, sometimes we will lovingly sit alongside the other when they watch something we don't like, and sometimes there is the odd show that we both enjoy and watch together - we watch the news together :)

I'm with Mendalla, you need to have a few interests, otherwise what are you going to do together or talk about?  It can be fun to try out the other's interest as well, sometimes it becomes a shared interest and sometimes just an experience you tried.

Now, if I became as into WoW as my husband, I don't see how anything would ever get done!

as long as one spouse does not start considering themselves better than the other based on hobbies and interests, as in one person's taste is more 'high brow' than the other.  

Sharing your belief in Christ is the biggest thing. Being unequally yoked in a major relationship is pretty brutal and almost impossible to be healthy. (there are exceptions.)  As for conflicing interests: one is happily monogamous and the other likes porn and stripper bars? NOT GOOD! 

Lots of them, in fact. Enough to question if your "impossible to be healthy" claim holds water.

Well, if Lindsay likes porn and stripper bars, her future husband is just going to have to get used to it.

Also, monogamy and porn are not mutually exclusive.

I agree with all your points.

I checked out chemguy's porn collection once (just a few, he downloads a few and deletes them) and I got quite the laugh, they were quite cheesy.  I've been out to the strippers, he hasn't, except to come pick me up once.  I don't seem him during the week, he lives in a house with a 19 year old woman and we trust each other completely; we're monogamous and not polyamorous.  I think our relationship is healthy.  Oh yeah, we're 'unequally yolked' as well, although it's not a term we use, I asked him and he didn't have a clue what it meant.

Thank-you all for your encouragement and replies. It really helped me find peace of mind. I guess I need to remember that different interests are a good thing and that we must celebrate each other's uniqueness!

I also must remind myself that some of these differences that you have mentioned and that I find are between me and my guy (he likes WoW, I don't even understand it, he's into numbers and logic, I much prefer literature and psychology) are sometimes just because he is male and I am female. (I don't mean to generalize or stereotype here, just that our interests are products of how we were raised as male and female in society).

As well, I must remember that we do have common things we like, we both love music, documentaries, the outdoors, and learning; we just have different interests in those categories.

I'm going to focus on building common values, finding common hobbies and growing together through fellowship and Christ.

Thanks all!

chemgal. Im old. What does "unequally yolked" mean. Inquiring minds, you know.

Crazyheart, I don't think it's your age!  It's a term that fundamentalists tend to use.  It refers to whether a couple has similar (Christian) beliefs and if they are equally pious.  Where the term actually comes from, I'm not sure.

The differences can be helpful.

We both love Canada and travelling...we love camping, but,he is also lovs going back into the deep woods by himself and I like going to lodges.  What we found is that when the kids came along, he would take them on Dad only trips, and I would take them on Mom only....in addition to our family camping.  This meant that we each spent time.with the kids and also had time in a place that we wanted to be as well.  overall, it just worked great.

I think what is most important is valuing the others interests and not begruding their time in what they love....

It's "Unequally yoked" folks not "unequally yolked"

It's actually a biblical reference.

When using a team of oxen (or horses or mules or whatever) you want both members of the team to pull the same amount. You want balance. You try to match animals in size and willingness to work, and strength.

The implication is that a christain and a non-christian would not be well matched to do the work God calls them to do.

Thanks Tabitha!

No, but that doesn't mean the Christian can't run around and do the stuff his or her god calls them to do, while the non-Christian sits back and thinks the whole "God" thing is quaint. My wife thinks curling is a great sport, and that belief and her participation in it never broke our marriage.

FWIW, "unequally yolked" is a term used to describe a hen which lays eggs of inconsistent size.

lol That's what I used to think of whenever I heard the term.

Some of the fundamentalists I knew didn't have the greatest spelling ...

You *knew*? As in past tense?

Want me to introduce you to some here, so you can re-fill your quota of semi-literate fundamentalists?

The strength of your relationship is that you have similar values and goals, very compatible personality styles, and (most importantly of all) that you are both followers of Jesus Christ. The question of having similar interests or not is less important. You say you share some -- which is great. Enjoy those, and be accepting of those that you don't share.

lol I meant knew as in real-life, I've lost contact with them over time.

Absolutely agree that different interests are a GOOD thing - means you'll have things to pursue that don't always include spending time with each other. Independence is extremely healthy.

As a general note to everyone, I've found that onlnie dating is a good way to meet exactly the kind of people you want, whether they have similar personalities, similar interests, whatever....and you get to know that from the very start based on what they say on their profile. I used it myself to do some dating in San Diego a couple of years ago and it worked wonders for me :)

Hey calibri - nice to see you here on Wondercafe :)

One of my adult children has tried the on-line dating thing - so far some of the people he has met have become good friends . . . perhaps the right one will come along yet:)