Most of us feel pressed – surviving holidays, keeping up with jobs, managing ever-expanding family obligations, and trying to find time for friends and community. It’s little wonder we’re asking: how can we create space in our lives for what we want?

It’s a question I wrestled with this fall as I recovered from surgery. The prognosis was good, but when I was off work longer than expected, I discovered I like having time to read, write, and walk– so I started considering how to create space for those in my life.

I grew up in a generation that believed we could “have it all,” but I grew weary of juggling it all. Still I, like most people, resisted family suggestions that I cut some commitments because I’d bought into the idea that serving others was good, while taking time for my dreams wasn’t. As I contemplated returning to work, I started asking: how do we unplug – from cell phone and Blackberry, but especially from expectations and guilt?

Stephen Covey, author of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, says we start by setting priorities to identify what’s key to our lives. Otherwise, others’ priorities fill the vacuum so we end up fulfilling our boss’s or family’s dreams rather than our own.

Many people find that figuring out their dreams and priorities is a challenge. Covey suggests we identify no more than seven priorities – such as spouse, family, work, money, friends, church, and community. But, we may need to find time to meditate, journal, walk, think as we commute, or just be mindful of what brings us meaning or pleasure – or what we’d like to try – in order to create our short list of dreams.

When I started thinking about my life this fall, my dreams and priorities seemed scattered until I remembered taking a long walk years ago. I was trying to survive an ill-fitting job when I asked God what I was supposed to do with my life, and suddenly “heard”: “write, learn, teach, and heal.” When I started lining up what I enjoy, and the dreams I still wanted to fulfill, I was surprised that most fit nicely into those categories.

Once you’ve identified your priorities, you can weigh people’s expectations – yours’ and others’ – against them and say “no” to what doesn’t fit. That’s hard because we don’t want to be considered selfish, but it’s the only way to create space for what we want. It’s like cleaning your closet: you have to let something old go to make room for something new. Here, you let go of priorities that aren’t important to you so you have time to create, reflect, and pursue dreams that are. For me, that meant giving up a community job, so I had time to regularly read, work on my novel, and take long walks.

The next time you feel burdened by a task, ask: whose priority is this? If it’s not yours, give it away and spend time on your dream. As Robin Sharma, author of The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari, recently wrote, “we need to make space in our lives in order to achieve our greatness.” Sometimes our first step to greatness is learning to be true to ourselves, for if we don’t pursue our dreams and priorities, they will die out of our lives.