I am writing this because I am trying to capture a feeling I had while in hospital.  I’m talking about something quite fleeting … a sense that took only a few minutes to coalesce.  Nevertheless it is a moment I will keep with me long after the pain of the operation has been forgotten.  The executive summary is that I felt optimistic.  But it was more than that.  We’ll see whether I succeed in conveying it or not. 

 Well it did snow on Sunday night … and the roads (in town and out of town) were really, really icy … and the hill on highway 6 coming down off the escarpment was blocked by a crashed truck and the traffic was stopped in about every direction.  Luckily, I started about an hour earlier than normal and I knew a little used country road which snakes down to Burlington off the Niagara escarpment, so I was able to get to the hospital on time.  And, yes, the operation was, apparently, a success.  Here are some things I remem

 Well I'm ready I guess.  Lost the weight.  Kept the nerves down.  Everybody is calm as far as I can tell.  I am hoping we don't have a snowstorm tonight so the drive down to Hamilton is tough.  I got all my work done for all my clients so there are no loose ends.  (Actually I have one more e-mail to send before I go to bed.)  Went the whole day drinking clear liquids only.  I can only hope that everything goes according to plan tomorrow.  

 I sat down tonight and wrote some notes to a couple of friends and my favourite uncle.  The uncle is getting old and he's still relatively fit (for his age).  He skied right up until his late seventies and then he had a stroke.  He's okay now but the skiing is over.  Too bad .... he loved to ski and was a champion in his youth.  His wife died last year.  They were high school sweethearts and married for almost sixty years.  He lives alone now.  I hadn't written to him for about 6 months.  That's too long.

 Well tonight its just going to be sit down at the keyboard and see where it takes me.  I have a couple of deaths to write about.  Nobody in my family or anything.  As of this moment I hardly know what I want to say about them.  I guess the most bothersome thing ... the scariest thing ... is that these were both people who were right about my age.  One who I did not know well was almost exactly my age.  The other, a person who I knew better was younger than me.  The younger one was someone my wife had known quite well in high school.

 Well I've lost the thirty pounds.  I can hardly believe that I did it, not becaude it was so hard to do but because it was so easy.  Nothing like the prospect of major surgery to get you of f your duff I guess.  I think I'll just keep right on going.  Another 30 pounds and I'll weigh what I'm supposed to weigh.  But I have that operation on December 13th coming up.   

So in a little over a month, I've managed to lose 25 pounds.  I don't know what that is in kilograms and I don't care (but I'm pretty sure it is just about exactly the same amount of weight).  It wasn't that hard to do ... which has got me wondering why I waited so long to do it.  Certainly, in the last year or so I was starting to feel like crap.  Already I feel much much better.  I feel too good to be a person who needs to have an operation.  In fact, that is what is causing me the most anxiety.

 So here's the thing ... Just after that fishing trip ... I went to the doctor's and he told me I have prostate cancer.  Its not early stage but on the other hand it is not late stage either.  Its right in the middle.  Just a little more than you'd want if you had your druthers.  So its all set.  I go into the hospital in the middle of December and have it taken out.

 By next Saturday the trout fishing season will have ended.  Often I will meet a couple of friends to go fly fishing on the last weekend of the season.  It has become a bit of a tradition.  We expect  that the fishing will be difficult or even grim.  Cold gray skies.  Big fronts moving in.  Few insects hatching and few fish rising.  We go anyway.  We justify it by saying that the big ones are feeding heavily as they get ready