Chansen,

There are no words, not even a good quote.

Wishing you and your family peace.

LB

May loving memories bring you comfort and peace.  Wishing you strength for the days ahead.

Just read this. Words fail...

oh my .... gentle hugs my friend .... for you and your family....

Rita

Hi chansen:

It has been a long time that my children were little, but not so long ago with my grandchildren. I loved them fiercely, and would have given my life for theirs without a moment's hesitation. To lose one of them would have been the worst thing I could possibly imagine.

If feel with you and for you. My heartfelt condolences!

If you are into classical music, maybe you want to try to listen to Mahler's "Kindertotenlieder" (Songs to sing to the death of children) to console yourself.

I know, this sounds like a macabre and possibly insensitive or inappropriate suggestion. But the author of these poems, Friedrich Rückert, lost his two little daughters in one night, and consoled himself writing these poems. Mahler set them to music, retaining the spirit of the poems. The music is very sad but also, and inexplicably, uplifting.

That is such sad news. not only was Carter a great son, you were a great Dad to him.

I've Wondermailed him the nearest UU fellowship (or at least the one that I think is nearest).

Mendalla

Chansen

Here's the classical music Arminius speaks about. There are other video versions but this one has the Eng. translation. Its going to make us all cry.

Thank you, stardust, for posting it.

I just listened to it. It did make me cry, as it did every time I listened to it in the past.

Deepest, deepest sympathies to you and your entire family. Carter was a fighter. And I suspect an inspiration to everyone who knew him.

Chansen

I googled atheist funeral ,Toronto. I came up with Gretta Vosper. Perhaps if she's in town and available on Sat. she'll be able to do the service for you?

Canada’s National Post on Oct. 25 featured a Toronto minister who specializes in funerals for atheists.

Rev. Gretta Vosper has something of an advantage in this regard, in that she is herself a professed atheist.

I would contact sick kids as well and ask to speak to the chaplain about non religious services. They might have leads and usually funeral homes have contacts

Thanks all. We have an Officiant. Steven Davis is going to do it. I told him to pretend he was 20 and an atheist again, but not to bring his skateboard.

There were other options. One that was presented to us was a chaplain at Sick Kids who is an Anglican priest and is prepared to do secular funerals, but he knows nothing of Carter. Steven does, and I'm very appreciative of him agreeing. It means a lot to me.

Isn't there a friend, family member, friend of the family etc that is good at talking/public speeches/etc you could use?

You could also just leave it 'open mic' for people to share in the common human experience?  Stories, memories, tales, musings, photographs, songs, etc?

EDIT: oh, you've picked someone already; good show :3

Sorted. See above.

i knew steven davis was an awesome human being

the wc family sticks together :3

I'm honoured that you asked me. I can't say that I'm happy to do it - because I wish it didn't have to be done - but it is my privilege to help out you and your family.

How nice that someone in the WC family could officiate for you. I'm glad you were able to sort that out.

So am I. With no personal humanist connections and the Anglican priest knowing nothing of Carter, I was about to ask this Anglican priest to be our pretend atheist Officiant when it struck me, "If you're going to go for Christianity-lite anyway, at least make it someone who you can laugh with." I told him I'd call him back, and then called Steven, because I didn't know if he would, or even could, agree.

If Wondercafe had a "like" feature . . . and you could "like" phrases or words, I would "like" the following words in your post chansen -

"pretend athiest"

"Christianity-lite"

"someone you can laugh with"

"Steven
 

Thoughts continue to be with you and your family.  As I look at the smiling Carter of your avatar, I just feel like cursing (at his loss).  I don't know what you are going through, but I guess that your feelings and emotions must be all over the place.  Take care of yourself.

Thank you Steven for doing this.  I think it is on behalf of all of us here.  Carter transcended all our differences and Chansen give us a light to gather around.  His sharing was profound.  Again thank you for the support I know you will give to the family.  May I say this, you are in my prayers.

Rev Stephen, thank you

Chansen - the only funeral I ever officiated for was a young man who had drowned.  His parents choose me, rather than the minister, because I knew their family, particularly their son.   Like Steven, I felt honoured --- and humbled. 

I am glad that WonderCafe has been able to help. 

May you and your family find strength for the days to come.

Going through some photos for the funeral. I'll probably post a few here. To start:

chansen, are you going to video tape the service?

What a smile!!!!

I always liked the video of him enjoying the ball pit!

Glad Rev. Steven can help out. It feels good to know a wc person is there.

and chansen thank you for sharing this part of your (and your famililies) life with us.

His laughter was infectious even over the internet. Made me smile looking at that picture.

Sour frozen snack:

What a great series of photos for the sour frozen treat!

Chansen

I don't know if its proper to ask but will there be a viewing at the parlor?

I just read this now. Chansen like so many have tears running down my face. I am so sorry for your loss, there are not words that can properly express what I am feeling right now.  I will morn the loss of your sweet boy along side you and so many others here.

Christ, no. That's awful. No small casket, either. Just an urn, and pictures.

I would assume it's been a long day, and chansen might not be around. It's publicly posted, so I don't think there's a problem with saying that the visitation is on Thursday from 5pm to 8pm at the Ward Funeral Home Woodbridge Chapel, 4671 Highway 7, Vaughan. Service is at the chapel on Friday at 1 pm.

He is around. Most people I know would be decompressing right about now in these circumstances.

I've been drinking. Does that count?

Besides, what am I going to do? My parents are here and have monopolized the TV, complaining that they have to watch CNN instead of MSNBC because we don't subscribe to Rogers' "Partisan Pack" of channels.

Drinking always counts, chansen. I could always suggest prayer as well - but I promised not to. Looking forward to meeting your wife. She'll probably have stories. One piece of pastoral advice as the sort of/quasi pastor - visitations can be very tiring. Be rested and ready for it. Three hours is a long time. I would try to be at the visitation to meet your family and stay over at a motel, but have a meeting here that I have to attend on Thursday night. But we'll talk tomorrow.

So many posts I would like to flag as {liked}.


Chansen, what a great choice for an Officiant, very fitting as I'm sure that Steven Davis will do an excellent job. (looking forward to those "stories" Steven)


Carter wasn't with you long Chansen, but he definitely left a mark on your heart. The photos of the sour snack are priceless, especially with the last photo where there's a slight hint on his face that he's about to ask for more.


Try to find some alone time this week, it'll do you good.


My condolences.


- Rick

Chansen, I'm glad you found someone you could trust to do the service.  

I keep thinking about what I can say here, not that anything could possibly make this better for you, but the desire to make it better some how is so strong even though it's impossible.  The only thing I can think of is to let you know that even though I never met him, Carter touched my life.  I watched the videos you posted to see his infectious smile and to cheer him on as he tried so hard and made progress.  I also saw how your updates about him brought out the best in everyone here and bridged the gaps between us.  He was a very special little boy and you're a very special dad.  

Thx. again Chansen ...and again I guess we're a bit intimidated to ask...but did he pass away in his sleep during the night?

Carter taught me hope

Sunday he had a great day. He ate a lot, he played a lot, and he was happy. He threw up in the car on the way home from the cottage, but close to home, so we cleaned him up there. He was fine during the early evening. He got his meds, and I put him to bed and read with him. I fell asleep in his bed, which isn't abnormal. I woke up at 2:30am and noticed he had thrown up a little, but not too much, and decided to wipe his mouth and let him sleep. I told Jenn, and she got up and checked on him to confirm his airway and breathing. We fell asleep. Well, I'm not sure I slept any more. I tried. We got up at 7:30, and Jenn checked on him and called for me. He wasn't responding, and he was cool to the touch. We both knew. He turned colder still in the next hour. He couldn't have been gone long when we found him.

*hugs* Chansen I just saw this thread now - deepest condolences and sympathy to you and your wife!  As others have said, words fail, so I will leave it at that...

Thx again.

So sad Chansen....just so sad....I don't think anyone of us  expected this news. He was looking so good and making great strides, great progress.

Really, really pleased to hear Rev Steven Davis is officiating.....

It's important to have someone you know. For the day, and for afterwards.....

I'm sure any photos you choose of Carter will be the right ones. (sour frozen snack does say something how the humour that both you and Carter shared)

When is this photo taken, chansen?  Looks like he was ready to go snowmobiling.  

Winter 2012. And he's going ski racing - that's my helmet and goggles.

I've been trying to upload a great video to Youtube, but it's not uploading. We thought we lost it to a bad memory card, but I found the hard drive with the backup.

That's a great photo!