On my way in a few minutes too.

Safe drive, Steven.  See you in awhile.  Sorry to meet you this way, but looking forward to face to face meeting.

I have a candle of remembrance burning here representing the light and joy Carter brought into this world.  I intend to spend time in silent meditation during the time of the service.

When I posted a few days ago I thought it was friday.  Each day this week has been 3 different days of the week in my head it seems.

I've been thinking of you three and your extended family since this thread was started.  Chansen, I wish you all the best when it comes to getting through today, take all the support you need and I'm glad to hear some posters will be there.

Thinking of you all in these moments.

Thinking of you all.

Thinking of you all too- you must be getting ready about now. Sending encouraging thoughts your way.

My thoughts are with you too, Chansen.

thinking of you all.

I'm home again now.  Thanks to Steven for a service where we could laugh and cry, and really celebrate this family and in particular, Carter.  And Chansen & your wife - thank you for having us there, and for taking time to talk when so many are there around you.

We saw pictures of Carter with all his smiles, surrounded by a huge bouquet of fantastic balloons, and trucks and bears and flowers.  His little cousins were there, being cute and normal, surrounded by arms that cherish them. I saw the closeness of his sister who listened to every word, and of grandparents who we have heard about. I sang along with Tears in Heaven, by Eric Clapton  and we heard Smile, by Nat King Cole, and also Kermit's Rainbow Connection.  Much love in that room.

There was spirit there in community & love & a sense of Carter's forever presence, and we all felt it.  Certainly, Wondercafe was represented with 5 of us there (that I know of).  

Chansen & family - may you be wrapped in love & support in the days ahead.  

Thank you Birthstone.

wow, bizarre, i just had the song Tears in Heaven running in my head and then i read Birthstone's post -- neet :3

WC discipleship:  we create people who share in the common human experience

What did they call the service, if anything, Birthstone?

Thanks Birthstone for sharing with us a glimpse of the service.  It sounds like it was full of love and great remembrances.  No doubt it was very emotional, and just the mention of the chosen songs has me tearing up.  My thoughts will continue to be with Chansen and his family in the days ahead.  

InannaWhimsey - I love that song, and it felt really appropriate.  I didn't actually hold an order of service, so didn't get to read anything official.  It was referred to as a Service,  and Steven spoke of celebrating and remembering, and a time of sorrow as well. 

I like your definition.

Hi Busymom :)  yeah - the music was good, the readings were good, the time together was good - very emotional, including joy.  

Birthstone - thanks for sharing. 

I am very sorry chansen for your loss. Thinking of you and your family at this time. My sincere condolences.

Thank you for sharing with us your impressions of the service, Birthstone. It's so good to hear that things went well. The music and the trucks etc. seem very appropriate. Sounds like Rev Steven did a fine job as well.

Thank you for sharing all of that with us, Birthstone.

Thanks again to Rev. Steven Davis for leading the service.  I know I thianked him several times already.  On days like today there really isn't too much thanks that can be given.  Having stood where he stood I am well aware of how tender circumstances are.  Well done, you good and faithful servant.

Thanks also to the Hansen family and their unvarnished remembrances of a life that was too short.  Both Craig and Jennifer did an exceptional job sharing a life most of us have only touched in electronic print on computer monitors.  I admire both your strength and your dignity.

It was good to finally meet, in the flesh, with Chansen, Rev. Steven Davis and Waterfall.  I've met Aaron and Birthstone on happier occasions though it was nice to see them again.

All things considered.  I wish we could have met first under other circumstances.

Grace and peace to you.

John

Yes, as the others said, it was a beautiful memorial for Carter. I could not imagine a sadder thing than losing a child. And there was sadness as is to be expected, but what marked the time was a rejoicing in celebration of Carter's all-to-short life. Chansen, his wife, and friends, did an UNPARALLELED job at sharing Carter's character, quirks, and unique personality. He was present in their words, and it was quite apparent, as Rev. Steven Davis shared, this little kid is a true hero. 

I mentioned it to Chansen (who is pretty much the same in real life as he is here ), that I was so thankful that he shared Carter's story here with us on WonderCafe, during what must have been an extremely difficult time in his life and that of his family. It felt like a true honour personally and for the WonderCafe community as a whole, to be brought into another family's life like that. Many thanks to Chansen and his family for that.

I also thought Rev. Steven Davis did a tremendous job. It is times like these I have a deepened appreciation for ministers and spiritual leaders who step up front in the most difficult of times. I am sure there are many like me, who appreciate and need what they offer, but when push comes to shove, am glad somebody is willing and able to do what is needed. Thanks to all of you who are called.

It was great to see WonderCafers, RevJohn, Birthstone, Waterfall, RevStevenDavis present (and others who may have gone incognito). I am so thankful to everybody here on WonderCafe who have shared such supportive thoughts of love and condolence for Chansen. 

Most of all, I send continued thoughts and <cough> prayers for Chansen and his family. Peace be with you.

Thanks all who were there for sharing your experiences with us who were unable to attend - I appreciate that very much & was certainly thinking of all who love & celebrated Carter today.  

Aaron - you have written so well & I too share your appreciation - thank you RevSteven - my heart lightened just a bit when I read a few days ago that you would providing leadership. 

Thank-you all for your vignettes...thank-you for being present with the family, thank-you....

Chansen, may you & your wife be surrounded when needed, supported when needed, and also allowed the time to be rough..and raw as needed.  This loss sucks.  

Thankful that you experienced this great little guy, and i know that his memory will walk with you and your family for always.

may you find gentle sleep tonight.

Thanks to all who were present for sharing your thoughts on the Celebration of Carter's life.  I was thinking about the service today....it must have been extremely difficult and emotional, but also it seems,  there was joy for havng known such a special child.  For Chansen and Carter's mother to be able to speak of their child demonstrates a love beyond knowing.....

Thank you, Chansen, for sharing Carter's story here.  You have changed all our lives for the better.

Take care as you rest and try to heal in the coming days and weeks.

I said this to Steven today already, but he knocked that one out of the park. We could not have had a better tribute to our son. My wife was hesitant when I ordered a minister off the Internet, but everyone now agrees we made the right choice.

Together, we cobbled together a service that I don't think could have offended anyone, with the possible exception of my eulogy. More importantly, I heard some laughter. I dared not look up too much at the sad faces, but I'm glad what I had to say was so well received. If people were offended, they hid their displeasure well.

Should I call it a service? A celebration? I still don't know. I think, instead, that I'll call it a success. There were many people in that room very used to funeral services - literally funeral connoisseurs who have aging friends and very high standards for how funerals should go. In the room was Roly Watt, estate lawyer, ex-classmate of Conrad Black in UCC before Conrad was expelled for selling test answers, and friend to the late Ken Thomson, of Thomson Reuters. This man is a tremendous friend to Jennifer's family, and he helped us find the funeral home and make the arrangements. He was extremely impressed with Steven's work today, and told so many people that. I know he had to leave the reception early, but I'm surprised he didn't get a chance to tell Steven that directly.

I think my favourite part, though, Steven, was when you addressed my daughter directly. I thought she might hide behind me, but she confidently answered you, and looked right at you. We're so proud of her.

That was a world-class performance. You should minister at the olympics.

Against my earlier wishes, though I'm fine with it now, the service was recorded on video. I have a DVD (I think). If anyone is interested, I could make it a private YouTube video, but not until at least a week or so has passed. I just don't think I can deal with it right now.

Carter would have loved that party. He picked the music, after all.

Thank you. As I said before, it was an honour for me that you asked me. Speaking directly to Claire was a bit of an off the cuff, last minute decision. I was a bit hesitant but everything you had told me about her and the bit of a chat I had with her before the service made me think she'd respond well, and I thought the comment she made that you had shared with me deserved a "personal" response. I'm glad it was well received. And I even managed to slip God in at the end in what I thought was a respectful way!

Again - I wish this hadn't been necessary, but thank you for the honour of asking me to help out. I truly hope that the end of Wonder Cafe in a few months will not be the end of our contact. It was a delight to meet you, Jenn and Claire. I only wish it could have been in better circumstances.

I'm glad the service went as well as can be expected. It's great that Rev Steven was able to do it, and that so many from here were able to make it. Take good care of yourselves and each other during this time, chansen and family. Warm thoughts.

We only just realized that we had this funeral DURING the Canada-US semifinal. We set it up on Monday, without that in mind at all.

Whoops.

Well, at least they won.

I didn't know that you could order a minister off the net - now that's internet shopping LOL!

Thanks everyone for sharing their afternoon, the service, and their emotions.  Thanks for sharing Carter with us.

Thoughts will continue to be with chansen family in the days (weeks, months, years) ahead . . . I don't think any Wondercafers will ever be able to forget this lad :(

I'm so glad to hear that the service was such a success. It sounds like you had a wonderful combination of beautiful music, great leadership and wonderful storytellers (especially you and Jenn) who came together to tell the story of an unforgettable little boy. May you continue to feel the love of those around you in throughout the coming days, weeks, months and even years. 

I'm also glad that you had a DVD made - I hope it will be a helpful tool as you move through your grief journey.

anyone make book?

Hi chansen,

I was happy blaming that on Steven.

Well . . . .okay this time.  Don't let it happen again.

Grace and peace to you.

John

It's good to see the humour here. :)

Birthstone, Aaron, Revjohn and Rev. Steven Davis pretty well summed it up for me too. It was a wonderful and beautiful tribute to Carters short and powerful life. Chansen you and Jenn were amazing. I'm not sure I could have done what you both did. Carter would have been so proud of his Mom and Dad I'm sure.

Steven, the service was wonderful, and like Chansen, I thought it was excellent the way that you addressed Claire personally. Well done!

The funny thing though, when I left the service, I didn't feel overwhelmed with sadness, rather I came away thinking that what I just witnessed was a celebration of a life that mattered so much. It was beautiful.

I PVRed the game so I didn't need to lay blame, although chansen would have been my choice if blame was necessary. I was just the lowly minister. I just show up when I'm told to. And there was the guy at the reception after the service who told me it was 1-0 for Canada in the 2nd period, which -as it turned out - kind of ruined the whole thing for me. Good game, though.

Hi Rev Steven Davis,

I knew I would hear the score long before I could get to my pvr so I didn't bother.

Took some time in the parking lot to work up the courage to turn on the radio.  Even then I held my breath while doing so.  Breathed so much easier when I heard the words "And Canada moves on to the gold medal match"

Watched the Bronze medal game this morning.  It would have been much more entertaining if the Americans had bothered to show up.  Beat worse than if they had simply forfeited.

Anyway, livestreaming tomorrow's game on the big screens in the sanctuary before the service.

Grace and peace to you.

John

Waterfall - it was so good to see you there, and MEET you in person :)  

Chansen - I hope today has been gentle on you all.  I'm so very glad I was there yesterday.

Are you serious?   What a great way to get people in!   Are you serving breakfast as well?   

I wish my church was doing the same.

It was very nice meeting you too Birthstone. Wish we had more time to talk but I had to be at work by 5 and I think you were heading out somewhere too.  Maybe we'll meet again for a summer picnic with others, under better circumstances. :)

Ditto. Enjoyed chatting with you, Birthstone, revjohn, Aaron and of course chansen. Getting together under better circumstances would be enjoyable.

Hi seeler,

Yup.

That would have required serious confidence in Canada getting to the Gold medal match.  No.  We aren't.

Not that we weren't hopeful, we just weren't thinking that far ahead.  I'm making notes for next time around.

Grace and peace to you.

John

Chansen (and family), just a little note to say that you are on my mind this evening.  Life will start to move on, probably similarly to after Carter's catastrophic event...and the world will move on.  It is wierd to see the world moving forward,at the grocery store, the gas station or shovelling snow, when life has just shifted so much for you once again.  i don't presume to know how it will be, or presume that each member will respond in the same way on the same day.

May you find the way to honour each other's journey, may you find the way to own your own journey, and may your family be together in love...

peace to you this night.

Thinking of your family tonight also Chansen.

Here is a memorial  poem for Carter's Mom Jenn.

The Cord

We are connected,
My child and I, by
An invisible cord
Not seen by the eye.

It's not like the cord 
That connects us 'til birth
This cord can't been seen
By any on Earth.

This cord does it's work 
Right from the start.
It binds us together
Attached to my heart.

I know that it's there 
Though no one can see
The invisible cord
From my child to me.

The strength of this cord 
Is hard to describe.
It can't be destroyed
It can't be denied.

It's stronger than any cord 
Man could create
It withstands the test
Can hold any weight.

And though you are gone, 
Though you're not here with me,
The cord is still there
But no one can see.

It pulls at my heart 
I am bruised...I am sore,
But this cord is my lifeline
As never before.

I am thankful that the universe 
Connects us this way
A mother and child
Death can't take it away!
~Unknown~ 

What a beautiful poem.

Our main issue going forward is that when Claire visits friends, she doesn't want to go home. At home, there is no Carter to play with. This is, right now, our primary concern. We're talking to her. We're working on it. Tonight, she said this must be a dream.

That was a beautiful poem, I hope Jenn sees it. I am going to send that to my daughter who miscarried a child recently....Thankyou.

aaah, chansen, that is not an easy challenge.  Claire is a child ..who is missing her brother..and who has had her life turn upside down in hthe last almost 2 years..I'm thankful she has clever parents and grandparents and friends around her..and for her own gifts.

no wisdom, just support and thoughts.

(i must admit, that when I lost the twins, I was thankful for our almost 2 year old son, that loved hugs and giggles....it was partially what kept me sane, was what he needed and what he offered...)

Ah yes chansen ... a dream that will hopefully prove not to be true - wishing that was so ... it's a long journey.  I would guess there's a loneliness, an emptiness in the house that is acutely felt by all.   Being away must be a great distraction for Claire, and I think if I was her, I'd be reluctant too.   Hugs to all of you as you manoeuver the best you can through these early days.  

Chansen

Claire has no doubt been feeling like a little mother to Carter. She was very needed and wanted. He  gave her a purpose and made her feel appreciated as did the family. Now she is naturally at loose ends....what to do?  The house feels so empty .  She probably doesn't know how to amuse herself because she's been so busy with Carter.

I can only suggest that if its all right with the parents of her friends that you let her stay and play with them to her heart's content. She needs her friends right now. She may also wish to have friends in to play or sleep over at your house or theirs. 

She's an only child now. My daughter was also an only child who was very seldom alone at home  without playmates. She had lots of sleep overs, birthday parties etc. always on the go.

Personally right now I guess I would spoil little Claire  right silly meaning I'd take her everywhere and buy her the moon. She can bring a friend along.

She's been through a long traumatic experience for such a young child. She may have fears that something bad may happen to her too or her parents . ( I read that somewhere.)  We don't always know what little kids are thinking because they can't express themselves properly  or they may fear talking about death. Its very hard.

Sometimes children can express their grief better through drawings and artwork.

Thinking that it feels like a dream is classic grief. The denial portion of it. She'll come to terms with it. Just keep talking to her about it. Some parents faced with the situation just avoid the topic as if they think by not talking about it they'll help things move along. You and Jenn don't strike me as the type to do that. Just keep talking. Claire will come through this. She's a strong little girl. You guys have not been far from my thoughts.