He sure was a looker. I imagine he took advantage of his looks.

My deepest sympathies to you. No parent should ever have to bury their child.

Thanks, David.

Yes, Alex, he looked good, and knew it. Biggest womanizer I've ever known. Loved the ladies, but mostly older women, in their 20s and 30s. Girls his own age were too immature. He had stunningly gorgeous girlfriends all over the GTA. Don't think for a minute that I'm joking. He got to first base and tried to steal second with so many women, it was embarrassing. They laughed at him, but few even tried to brush him away. They would have broken my arm.

And, in case anyone is wondering, because some people are, there are no restrictions on attending the visitation or the funeral. Come if you wish. Note that I'm not going to be wearing a suit. Carter never once saw me in a suit.

I wouldn't be surprised if some WC members showed up.  I would myself if the distance wasn't daunting. 

Cabbage Patch- no Strawberry Patch kid! Cute.

Chansen, i am in california but will be thinking of you. The pictures are good. I remember gathering them for my mom's funeral. A much different situation but remembering her at all phases of her life helped

Corolla gave me an expression back then, "may you lean into love".

I hope you are able to go so during this time of stupid comments from others, exhaustion and strain

I completely agree about Steven.

I don't think it's possible to pick a bad pic of Carter!

I wish I could be there today, I'll be thinking of you, Jenn and Claire.

People don't know what to say. I get that.

My daughter was at school yesterday, and word of her brother's passing got around. Some boy in her class came up to her. According to Claire, he started saying how this was the work of "Jovan". Jovan is the name of a boy on our street, one year younger than Claire. We assume he said "Jesus" or "Jehovah".

Claire told the boy that she didn't think Jovan had anything to do with it. When we told her at home that the boy probably meant one of the words for "God", she started to understand what the boy was talking about, but simply said that she doesn't believe in God.

That's one of the problems with visitations. People come to the funeral home, they want to show their support, they really don't know what to say - meaning you end up having to carry most of what turn out to be sincere but often repetitive and even inane conversations, and that gets very draining. Just be prepared for it, since this is a particularly difficult situation.

As for Claire - can I answer questions about God if she asks? Be careful - I can be quite convincing you know!

I've learned (I think) that its best just to say "I'm sorry."  when I don't know what else to say.  Nothing I say is going to ease your pain.  But I am so very, very sorry. 

I agree seeler.

You can say anything you want to Claire. You may find her rather convincing as well. She's a bright, inquisitive child who loves to explore ideas. Like I've said, I'm not threatened by Christianity. I'd like it left out of the service, but if she asks you what you believe, please be truthful.

Mostly, religion comes up in the context of stuff she hears at school, or on TV, or some songs. She asks about it, we tell her, and when she asks what we think, we simply tell her we don't believe. She's young, so she immediately sides with us. One day, she'll have to come up with her own reasons. She's so in sync with the scientific method already, that I just don't see her flipping on this, but it's not out of the realm of possibility.

I screwed up the photo hosting account and broke the links to the images.

Busy now. Will get the back up as time permits.

Many people I know simply say "God is love".  Using this description your entire family know God.  

There is your obvious love of life

The love of two adults for each other

The love for the children in your lives

The love the children have shown you since their births

I looked back at tht first thread about Carter and was surprised to see it started in May 2012. Such a long time ago and I think we all felt quite honoured to have walked the road with your family.

Losing a child is terrible. Losing a little brother for Claire , is impossible.

I was impressed with his recovery and his obvious intelligence and drive. And the drive that all of you had for his recovery, even knowing that his heart condition loomed over you.

On another thread you mentioned your wife was raised Anglican , I think you said. I hope that the serivice you plan will suit you all and that Carter will be well remembered by everyone.

It takes a ton out of you. Be strong, remember him well.

Chansen - It was heart wrenching to read of dear little Carter's passing.  I'm so very sorry

People also say "Love is blind." So, that means God is blind.

"We are a way for the Cosmos to know itself."

--Carl Sagan

So much incandescent curiosity in Carter :3

I have been thinking of you and Carter today.sometimes with all the others who are grieving the loss of Carter it can be overwhelming and difficult to care for yourself. Having been in the pit after going through a great loss, i want to assure you it does get easier to deal with pain.

Caring thoughts continue to be with you and your family, chansen.  Thinking of you as you prepare for tonight and tomorrow.

I too will be thinking about you and your family as you greet everyone tonight. I hope you hear many uplifting stories about your son and take comfort in the difference he made in everyone's life.

Chansen, I just found out about this last night. I don't regularly check the Health forum. One of the regular wondercafers told me about this thread via wondermail - thank you to them.

Like all here I am sorry for your loss. I know Carter was very special to you, as he always will be.

Thanks, Jae, and everyone.

I'm sitting here, writing a eulogy I shouldn't have to write. I take the occasional break here, but it's going well. I hope I can do it justice and not break down tomorrow. I expect I'll have more content after tonight's visitation, which might make it too long.

I'll have to be a brutal editor to make it work.

Visitation is in two hours.

.......thinking of you and your family chansen.....

Gentle Hugs

Rita

Hi chansen,

Writing the eulogy and deliverying the eulogy do not have to be done by the same person.

I am often asked to read what the family has written if the family feels that they cannot read it without falling apart.  I am certain that Steven could give voice to whatever thoughts you commit to paper.  Or maybe another family member.

Writing it and listening to it will be painful enough.  Delivering it would be herculean and while very impressive not necessarily as healing.

So, if that helps it is another avenue to take.

Grace and peace to you.

John

I agree with John, Chansen, but whatever feels best for you.

A eulogy for a family member is one thing I never want to give. Doing a reading in my grandfather's and mother's funerals was bad enough (I read the same poem, one of Grandad's, at both). That said, chansen, if you feel up to the task I would go for it. I know it will be that much more powerful coming from you personally.

Mendalla

I would say first that it's all right if you break down. There's no shame or embarrassment in that given the circumstances. If you feel you can't read it, then as John said have someone else read the words you've put on paper - whether me or a family friend or whoever. But as I often say to people, you just do your best and speak from your heart and everyone understands that it's hard.

It's a very courageous thing to do the eulogy for a member of your immediate family - particularly a child.

I know you want to - so I think you should.

Tears will be expected, so there's no problem there...

But, when the moment comes, if you find you just can't do it, give it to a close friend or family member to read.

(My grandson was unable, when the time came, to speak about his grandfather - so my son-in-law read it instead.)

Perhaps if you have a close family member or friend stand near you - they might be able to finish it, if you break down?

That said, I think you'll do it well, and everyone present will know how much Craig loved his son Carter.   

As I think of Carter's family, friends and others preparing for tomorrow's gathering, words from Pink Floyd's "Granchester Meadows" come to mind. They invoke natural wonder as the source of encouragement in a time of sorrow.

Hear the lark and harken
To the barking of the dog fox
Gone to ground
See the splashing
Of the kingfisher flashing to the water
And a river of green is sliding
Unseen beneath the trees
Laughing as it passes
Through the endless summer
Making for the sea

In the lazy water meadow
I lay me down
All around me golden sunflakes
Covering the ground
Basking in the sunshine
Of a bygone afternoon
Bringing sounds of yesterday
Into my city room.
 

May the sunshine of Carter's memory illuminate and warm the city room where tomorrow those who love him will gather.

George

George, that was beautiful...thank-you.

chansen, no wisdom to offer you here.  Everyone knows how much you love Carter and how much you did for him. May you allow yourself to also do what is right for you tomorrow...take care friend.  

Chansen, I am planning to be there tomorrow, carrying many messages of support.  I will likely be along with someone else who may have told you he is coming as well.  

As tonight happens, despite the weather, you will be surrounded by caring people.  Your family is close to my thoughts all evening. 

Yes, I'm planning on attending with Birthstone. It's true, folks all around are sending you and your family strength and best wishes tonight. It's a very sad time, but it makes me happy to see so much love and support being shared by our WonderCafe community. Thank you everyone. Much love to you and your family especially Chansen.

I'm glad to see WCafe members attending. I'll be thinking of you from Gibsons, BC.

Chansen, I have been thinking of you, Jen and Claire a lot over these past few days. I will be with you in spirit tomorrow.  I am so glad that Rev. Steven Davis has agreed to officiate the service - I have no doubt that he will do a beautiful job. I thank Aaron and Beloved for representing this community at the service. 

Carter was such a lovely little boy. Thank you for sharing his story and his life with us.

Chansen, I'm sure that whether you choose to speak tomorrow or not, that you will do a fine job sharing with others the love that you have for your son. I hope and trust that the visitation went well tonight, and that you have a good night's sleep. Tomorrow will come, and pass, as all days do, but it will of course be unique. There will be heaviness and sorrow, but I hope that even in the midst of that you may feel wonder and joy as you think upon your son Carter's life.

Due to work, I'm unable to attend even though I live here in Toronto. Please pass my support along with that of everyone else on to chansen and his family.

Sending you warm thoughts and support for tomorrow.

I am sorry for your loss.

Somegal, birthstone, not Beloved. But like all others, I am supporting in spirit.

Just logged on and saw the news- Chansen, I am so sorry.
(My first reaction was !!x&/!?xzx!!)
Thinking of you today and if you were any closer, I would be there.

That was good, George.

I met Mists last night, and look forward to meeting any who can make it today.

And my wife and I will both be reading what we wrote. I have some adds and edits to make this morning.

Thanks again, all.

Birthstone - please give my love and support to the family, along with that of others in the WonderCafe family.

Hope, peace, strength, love . . .

I do hope, chansen, that your family feels enveloped in the love that you've generated in this place, as that is our intent. Kindest thoughts as you navigate through the shoals of the next few hours, days, weeks, months.

I cannot be there, but my good wishes and prayer certainly are. In keeping with UU tradition, I am lighting a candle of joy for Carter's life and of concern for those who are mourning by changing my avatar for today (and I will light one for real if I am in my fellowship on Sunday).

Mendalla

PS. As always, you may need to refresh to see the new avatar.

Leaving now for Woodbridge. Not quite 2 hours from where I am in Niagara. Wanted to thank those of you who have offered support to me, both on this thread and by private wondermails. It's much appreciated. Just remember - it's the family that needs all our support. Think of us all at 1:00 today.