Heh CircusPerformer. I am sorry that your opening to your parents didn't have the response many of us wish it did; but, I am glad that you have made it through that time.  Welcome to the cafe.

Welcome, circus performer. There are all kinds of coming out stories. Some of them make us smile and others not.

I was a few days past 16. I was forced out, my brother was going to tell if I did not. My step-dad, a a sexist, racist, bigot and a total square, was who I expected to freak out. I told him first, so he could start yelling and my mom could rescue me. She had a gay sister and had been to gay bars... Dad said, "tell me something I didn't know." When I told mom, she barely said anything. Her face had a deep look of "hmmmm" all over it. She told me to go get some clothes. I asked why. She said I was leaving....

Our relationship was non-existent for years. Then, one day she called and said she had been thinking... I listened. Now, we speak almost every day.

My friends, well I went to high school in Amish country in rural western Pennsylvania. I came out to them during a Jr prom meeting. They were debating songs and Lady in Red or You Look Wonderful Tonight and asked my vote. I simply said it didn't matter because I was a "homo" and not going to prom with a guy. They chimed, "then ask a girl". I did.

I'm sorry that you were forced out, that isn't a pleasant thing. 

But I am happy that you were able to rebuild your relationship with your mother. 

I am happy that you went to your prom! Someone's sexality shouldn't stop them from that experience. I didn't go to mine, but was able to go with my boyfriend to his prom the year after I graduated! :) 

Good for you. Did your parents ever come around any?

Oh dear, I have half an hour til I want to go to sleep, and at the apeed I type, I might be up a little late...

Ok. So I went through the whole stereotypical "Christian Gay Coming Out To Themselves" expiriences. No fun at all. As soon as I realized what I was, I completely cut off my relationship with my parents, knowing how they would react. I was... about 13. I went to camp this past summer and got to do a lot of discovering of myself and God. I came home with my new perspective on the situation thinking, if I could manage, it would be best to tell my parents about being gay after moving out. Didn't happen that way.

I'm a little bit of an artist. I got into drawing people, when my lesbo friend (she hates that word) approached me and asked me to draw her a gay couple. First of all, being not at all attracted to lesbian couples, and being completely unable to draw female anatomy, I drew two guys. She really loved it, and asked me to post it online for her. Through the grapevine my parents found the picture, and were not impressed.

They came up to me one morning and said

"Justin, we saw you're drawing online, and wanted to ask you if anything was going on."

With a little bit of arguing I convinced them to wait until that evening to talk.

I'm surprised how well I remember it. We were eating spaghetti with lots of meat in it, I liked it. Didn't really have the mindset to enjoy it that night, though. My mom went first.

"Is there anything you want to tell us, Justin?"

"... ... ... ... ...I'm gay."

Because they had some time to think about it, the whole awkward, surprised phase passed quickly. My mom was pretty colective about it. She said stuff like

"We love you, but your not gay."

Or,

"We'll always be there to support you, no matter how long this takes to go away."

My dad on the other hand pulled the

"This is the worst news I could ever receive from you."

And,

"Who have you talked about this? FRIENDS?! I've heard PASTORS and they says it's WRONG!!!"

I told them if they wanted to have a relationship with me, they'll have to change their morals. It may be a little irrational, but I don't want to go through that. Then they brought up the therapist thing. That didn't make me too happy.

So now, we'll make idle conversation, the odd violent outbreak of screaming and throwing things will come up, but I figure two more years, if they're still treating me like this, I just won't have to deal with it.

And btw, welcome to wondercafe, it's pretty shiz here.

Good luck! I hope your parents come around...and remember, you are your own best friend! Treat yourself well, pamper yourself, dress well, chin up, chest out! Be proud, not vain, and look after your friend(s) that treat you with respect. They are worth more than gold!

I'm jealous of you guys that have came out of the closet.

I'm 20 years old and nobody knows that I feel like this, I'm still waiting for my Edward Cullen. I really should give myself a deadline on this convo with my family.

Btw CIRCUSperformer, I noticed we have the SAME jacket.

Tragic, it may seem like a really impossible thing to do, but you'll be much better off when you do it. You know the corny "weight off my chest" saying? That's totally it. And hey, it's not like they could LEGALLY kill you!

Hello TragicFalls.

hahaha. I LOVE that jacket but this winter the zipper broke and half of the buttons fell off. My mom was like “oh I’ll buy you a new one.” But instead I got her to get it a new zipper and buy me some new buttons. I just can’t let go. 

Is your family religious? Is that what is keeping you in the closet? 

One thing I wish I someone had told me is that you can’t wait for the “perfect time” to tell people you are gay.....there never is a perfect time, especially to tell your parents. For me, I know that my parents were always watching a movie or reading in their room on Sunday nights, so I just went in their room and I told them. I really encourage you to start with the person you are most comfortable with, every person you tell it gets easier. My parents were the hardest people to tell so they were the last to know. 

Don’t let your parents (or anyone else) let YOU coming out be about them. My parents only talked about how it embarrassed THEM and how it affected THEM forever. If people start debating “right”, “wrong,” “immoral” or any of that rot with you. Just say, “I didn’t come here to debate, I came here to be honest with you.”

I hope that helps. 

Stay in touch! :) I feel like I knew you in person, we would be great friends!

Peter

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Good for you. Did your parents ever come around any?

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Jon 71

No my parents never came around and it has been 9 months since I told them. I feel as if I’m back in the closet when I go home. I think they are just pretending that me coming out never happened. 

I am not allowed to talk about being gay, I am not allowed to mention my boyfriend, and I am not allowed to have anyone over to the house that is not of the heterosexual orientation (I do anyways because its not exactly like you turn a different colour once you come out of the closet. Actually some of my parents friends are gay and they don’t even know.) 

Hi and welcome,

I am sad for you that your parents have not been able to deal with this but glad that you are dealing with them.

Good for you for visiting anyways and taking over friends.

Perhaps time.  Perhaps not.  Perhaps when you meet the right guy and setlle down they will understand your happiness.

  My family is not really religious, we don't go to church or go to confession. Though I won't mind, just to check it out.

  You said something about opening up to someone whos the most closest to me, but that isn't possible for me. I'm what you call an introvert or a solitary person or you can just say a loner. I tried making friends but it didn't turn out so well, I was used then threw away like so many times before that.

   I suppose I can tell my pet dog my super top secret, tho she does smell horrible; should really give her a bath. ( writes it down on to-do list)

   You aslo said something that caught my big googlely eye. "The Perfect Time" I must agree with you on that one, there really isn't a perfect time.  As a son,  I want my parents to have the things they need first before I tell them, what if they ingnore me for the rest of eternity. I gotta make sure their taken care of. 

Hey circus & tragicfalls. Welcome to wondercafe .

I still have to tell my mom. She's Catholic but totally chill. One time for no reason she said 'If you start smoking pot, it's not a good thing to get into, but y'know whatevverrrr...'. I was like, 'Mom, it's cool I don't smoke .' I think telling her I'm gay will be fine. I'm just laaaazy...

Hiya Kinst * wave *

  Your mom sounds likes shes an amazing and wonderful woman. Something most people like us want and need.

  So, how are you gonna tell her? Secret note? Email? Letter? ...Section in the daily newspaper?  or are you gonna sit her down at the kitchen table and do the unthinkable? lol 

Hi, sorry about what happened but glad you made it through. I'm a teenager who is abisexual and I just know I am... I have been attracted to girls but am curnetly dating aboy I adore. He knows and so do a few others, but not my parents. I'm scared, even though my auntie is homosexual. I just don't know how to say it and am scared of being asked a hundred questions on why and how. My dad is a little skeptical and well yeah... hopefully one day I can poste my coming out story one day.

ps, think ur cute :)

Good for you. Did your parents ever come around any?

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Jon 71

No my parents never came around and it has been 9 months since I told them. I feel as if I’m back in the closet when I go home. I think they are just pretending that me coming out never happened. 

I am not allowed to talk about being gay, I am not allowed to mention my boyfriend, and I am not allowed to have anyone over to the house that is not of the heterosexual orientation (I do anyways because its not exactly like you turn a different colour once you come out of the closet. Actually some of my parents friends are gay and they don’t even know.) 

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I'm sorry. I hope you have good friends in your life and maybe a gay friendly church. I wish you the best.

I want to say that many Christians and Christian churches are accepting. Certainly it's not unanimous. United Church of Canada, the Episcopal Church, the Lutheran Church, and Unitarian Universalists and a few good ones off the top of my head. GOD loves even if certain pastors don't. Know that HE made you in HIS image and HE did so inerantly. I hope you find HIS love (if you don't already know it) and find loving brothers and sisters in CHRIST as well.

I want to say that many Christians and Christian churches are accepting. Certainly it's not unanimous. United Church of Canada, the Episcopal Church, the Lutheran Church, and Unitarian Universalists and a few good ones off the top of my head. GOD loves even if certain pastors don't. Know that HE made you in HIS image and HE did so inerantly. I hope you find HIS love (if you don't already know it) and find loving brothers and sisters in CHRIST as well.

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That is good to hear.

My sister attends a united church and I have gone with her a couple times. They are very welcoming! :)

Thanks for the compliment trisdihdzere!

That is really great that you are looking out for your parents.

You seem like a great guy. I know that people can hurt you, but don't let your negative experiences hold you back from opening up in the future. Plus I think you've made some friends here!

Have a great day!

P.S. This is a friendly reminder to bath your dog. :p

My coming out story was unplanned. I knew my mom was brought up ultra conservative and was utterly embarassed even by the word gay, and my dad had a "live and let live...but not in my house" mentality.  The plan was to let them live in denial and just do as i was going to do.

So there i was, seeing this girl for a little bit, my first girlfriend (only gf to this day), and she dumped me, under embarassing circumstances, and my mom saw me bawling my eyes out. She kept probing at me to find out what was wrong and i had to tell her that my girlfriend had dumped me, which led to me telling her i was bi. She didn't outright say she was disappointed or mad, she even said that she was happy i had told her. But we just agreed to not talk about it again, and i know she had a huge sigh of relief when i started dating a boy afterwards, even though i slept with a few girls the first year we were together. I'm still dating that boy, I'm still bisexual, and my mom and dad are still assuming it was just a phase.

I hadn't even heard the word gay until I was seven (I know most of you will think 'Wow, that's early' but it wasn't for me.) At the age seven my life changed for my little sister, my parents and me.

My dad admitted he thought he might be gay. Scary sh*t for a seven year old I tell ya.

My dad still loved my mother dearly, but he couldn't begin to process what was happening to him. Suddenly men were attractive to him? What was going on?! None of us knew.

My parents had been married around ten years by that time, and my little sister had been born four years earlier when my dad left. He found an apartment in the city and lived away from us until he had himself sorted out, only seeing Emma (my little sister) and I every second weekend.

My dad found his partner (Ian) a year after he divorced my mother and they have been together since.

I can't say the story turned out that happy for my mother. My mom was devistated and remarried shortly after that to a terrible man who abused each and everyone of the women in the house in one way or another. He was kicked out when I was twelve, (much too late if you ask me!). Only a little while after kicking that jerk out my mom developed colon cancer. She lost the battle to cancer five years later, finding solice in God.

Growing up in a home with homosexuals and hetrosexuals alike it's sort of ironic that I've turned out bisexual. In addition I've never had to come out to any of my parents, I've never had to, my parents pressed the fact they loved me for everything and anything that I was, (although my sister isn't so accepting!).

All I can offer to you is my prayers, advice and love.

Heather

 this was well done. not going to lie. i still havnt told my parents and im leaving on a trip very soon, for a very long time, and i need to tell them. my mom, well i think she already knows, but my father is a homophobic man, and it is not going to be pretty. i want to tell them so bad, but every time i have the slightest urge to, my courage is dashed. the bad part is the time i want to tell the most is when we are fighting, and to through it in their face- to hurt them. i don't want to do that though. 

well done for having the courage to do what you did. i still have to muster it up. 

yours truly

I admire the courage of everyone in this post.  It takes a great amount of courage to even chat online about something you're coming to terms with. 

I had the coming out story everyone wants to have. 

I was on the phone with my best friend when she said "You're really quiet.  Is everything okay?"  I said "I have to tell you something... you know that show - Will & Grace?"  "Yeah." She said.  "I'm kinda like Will..."  To which she said "...what, you're a snappy dresser?"  I said "No... I'm gay."  Her response was "Great.  What are you doing Friday."  "It doesn't bug you?"  "...nope!  What are you doing Friday?"  I had to laugh.

When I told my mom it was very much the same thing.  "Mom I want to tell you soemthing."  "Sure, what is it?"  "I think I'm gay." (pause for dramatic event build-up)  This was the part where my heart started pounding out of my chest.  Her response:  "Well, I can't say I'm shocked and if I as your mother could choose the path of least resistance for your life it would not include this.  You have a tough haul ahead of you but I've got your back." I was blown away.

Now for a "coming home" story.  I was raised in the United Church of Canada and was "born again" to the Evangelical Church of Canada when I was 20.  I fought internally back and forth about spirituality and sexuality and eventually decided they didn't mix and left the church entirely.  I still stuggled to have God in my life in any facet I could but kept hearing people like the "godhatesfags.com" group piping up over every social advance in the favour of Queer People.  God has a funny way of presenting you with options when you least expect them - I was at Pride Toronto of all places and a float went by for the Metropolitan Community Church of Toronto.  They were carrying signs that said "God loves ALL God's people."  I cried, looked up the church and have been going ever since.  If you're in the Toronto area MCCT is a fantastically welcoming church to people of all faith backgrounds.  We have many members who are not even OF faith backgrounds but come to MCCT for the community.  

If you're not from the GTA, check out www.mccchurch.org and look up one in your area.  We are a hugely expanding denomination with churches all over the world.

All Are Welcome.

CdnRxby

Welcome, Rxby.

and thank you for sharing your success stories.

Hey, thats rough enough to do.  I was one of the few lucky ones that had parents that were very open minded and accepting. We were raised as JWs but never really stayed with the church followings or anything.  My immediate family didn't anyway, but my extended family are all Jehovah's WItnesses, and who btw apparently know of my homosexuality and seem totally fine.

My story doesn't really have much to it.  I was 15 years old and ready to come out, my dad ended up asking, and to my surprise I answered him accurately with a "yes."

He was totally cool with it, I have only told a few friends at this point but it went well the whole way through, I told my sister probably the next day in which she replied with "I've always wanted a sister," haha my sister always being the humourous one. My mom said she already knew and didn't care less.

I think the biggest thing was that the last 'girlfriend' I had, turned out to be a lesbian and we came out to each other. It's not really relevant but I find it hilarious.

But all the courage out there to those 'closeted' of the GLBTC (I prefer C for Curious rather than Q as people often assume it stands for Queer which I don't like) community, and from my experience, things have never been better!

 Thanks Hilary for the welcome.

Hello guys and gals -- I loved reading your stories, your all so smart and full of courage, and passionate about what it is you do.  I applaud you all. I'm sorry, for those family's that have a hard time accepting, I guess the LGBT community still has a long way to go.  The best thing is that you live TRUE to yourself. God be with you.

What a wonderful thread.    To me, this is the forum at it's best....

(((hugs))) to all.

Just dropped by to sprinkle a little shimmery faery dust. 

Thanks for these stories.  I wish everyone would meet with expressions of love and encouragement from their families. 

Wouldn't it be amazing if someone were to actually be told, "I always hoped you might be, but I knew I'd love you even if you weren't."

Ninja that is music to my ears, "I always hoped you might be...." what a concept.

I have a nine year old girl and if she told me that she only liked girls part of my mind would be thinking "yeah, she's not going to get knocked up in high school" but part of me would be worried about the discrimination and prejudice she would face, especially in the small town south. Anyway on one maybe odd level I'd be relieved but worried on a different level.

I don't think you "need to" or "have to" tell them. I think typically coming out is a good thing but everybody has different lives and different circumstances and has to do what's right for them. Let me give you a "for instance"

I dated a girl back in college a little. It was long distance is why I say a little. Anyway she's bi and came out to her mom, but not her dad because her dad was prejudiced. Trish did beauty pagents and watched them on tv. a lot and her dad would make little "jokes" whenever a black girl was there. Obviously he wouldn't deal well with a bi daughter. Her mom was a bit better. In essense she said that as long as Trish married a guy and gave her grandkids (only child) she wouldn't sweat it too much if she dated a few girls first. Not the model of acceptance but many people face worse. I always thought Trish was right in coming out to her mom and not her dad. Perhaps you could take a similar path. It's food for thought anyway. Regardless of what you do, best wishes and good luck.

jon71 wrote:

I don't think you "need to" or "have to" tell them. I think typically coming out is a good thing but everybody has different lives and different circumstances and has to do what's right for them.

Can I get an AMEN on that one! 

@ tenxreality:  It's by no means a necesity.  You could feel like a weight has been lifted off of you, but you could also feel intense pressure from your parents.  If you are feeling like you are trapped, feeling like your insides are being eaten up or you're just generally uncomfortable with the fact that you're not out, then by all means come out.  You will feel better for it.  I never encourage queer people to stay hidden unless they have to fear for their safety.  Do you have a good support group already who does know?

 yeah i know what you guys mean about not having to come out. i don't feel like when i introduce myself to people its like hi im so & so an dim gay :) no lol all my close friends know- and i am myself even around people who don't know, i just refrain from making certain comments.  i feel like i need to tell my mom, because she approached me and was crying and said i know your not happy, and im here for you and we can talk, and we don't need to talk to your dad for now etc etc. it was awesome, but it was just as i was going to work!   any wase, i want to tell her so i can actually talk to her- i just have these hesitations

I think my mom feels the same way, but... opposite. It's great because she completely trusts me alone with girls and whenever she gets iffy about me being alone with a guy I can pull the "gay life as a teenager is hard enough without stress from my mom" card on her. XD

ps tenxreality, whatever you do, only good will come of it; follow your heart.

FG - your to much, but you gotta do what you gotta do.

tenreality - keep in mind that you should'nt have to refrain from saying or doing anything in front of anyone. Hope you are able to just be yourself infront of everybody one day. But FG is right, follow your heart, do what's right for you.

Welcome to the cafe, circusperformer. :-)